Transcript
00:00:00I'm going to show you how to become a confident person, even if you see yourself as being naturally
00:00:04shy. And there's one simple sentence that completely destroyed the way I thought about
00:00:09shyness in my 20s, which helped me transform from shy to someone who's now spoken on thousands of
00:00:15stages to millions of people. And once you hear this sentence, you won't be able to unhear it.
00:00:21The reason you are so good at being shy is because you've been practicing shy behaviors
00:00:27for the last 10, 20, 30 years of your life. In communication, you become what you practice.
00:00:34And because you've been practicing shyness consistently, of course you're great at it.
00:00:39Now, here's what this means. Shyness is not a personality. It's not who you are. It's just
00:00:46a set of behaviors that you've practiced so consistently for so long that they now feel
00:00:51like they're a part of your identity. But they're not. Confident people, on the other hand,
00:00:55they're doing the exact same thing. They're just doing it in reverse. They're practicing confident
00:01:01behaviors consistently. And they've become what they've been practicing. Which means if you want
00:01:07to be more confident, you don't need to change your identity and who you are. You just need to change
00:01:13what you practice. And think about this. Have you ever met someone who's, look, I'm going to be a bit
00:01:18honest here. Someone who's a bit of a dickhead. Yeah, you know, the type, the selfish, self-centered,
00:01:24always interrupting people, always making the conversation about themselves, never lets anybody
00:01:29finish a sentence. Yeah, that person. That person became that way because they've been practicing
00:01:35those behaviors their entire life without ever realizing it. And they don't have any friends
00:01:39who care about them or love them enough to tell them the truth that they're being a dickhead.
00:01:45And also because they've never stopped to examine themselves. They've got zero self-awareness.
00:01:50And trust me, I'd much rather be shy than be a dickhead. Back to my point. This video isn't
00:01:56for dickheads. It's for those of you who are shy. So let me ask you this question right now.
00:02:02Who are you practicing being every single day? That's the question I want you to just take a
00:02:09moment and think about. If you're not happy with how you come across and you're not happy with how
00:02:16people perceive you and you're not happy with the way you perceive yourself even, then change the
00:02:21things you're practicing and it will change the person that you become. You are not stuck. You're
00:02:28not stuck being shy. And yes, even the dickheads aren't stuck being dickheads. If they practice more
00:02:34compassionate, more kind, more loving behaviors, they could become a wonderful person. You too could
00:02:39become a more confident person, a more charismatic person, a more authoritative person if you practice
00:02:45those behaviors. Now, before I get into the confident behaviors, let's first become more aware of the
00:02:50shy behaviors that are no longer serving you. You probably can't tell right now from the way that
00:02:55I'm speaking. But when I was younger, I was really, really shy. And I'll be honest, I was a bit of a
00:03:00dickhead as well. But luckily, I practiced that part out of me.
00:03:04You're still a dickhead, Vin.
00:03:06So's your face, Peter.
00:03:07What? That doesn't make sense.
00:03:09So's your face. So's your face. Always makes sense.
00:03:12This video that I'm about to share with you is footage of me from about 16 years ago.
00:03:17I was trying to just turn on the camera and speak. And as you watch it, I want you to look
00:03:21for the shy behaviors. See if you can spot them.
00:03:24Hey, everyone. Welcome to my garage, office slash home, where I sleep, everything.
00:03:34I just have to make this video. I think I said my voice video already. I'm not sure.
00:03:38But I press record and I just want to see what comes out.
00:03:41That's enough of that. Did you catch the shy behaviors? Because once you can name the shy
00:03:47behaviors, you can actually start to change and transform them. But if you didn't catch them,
00:03:51and if you didn't know what to look for, let me break down specifically what shy behaviors are.
00:03:57Shy behaviors fall into three categories. You've got visual, vocal, and verbal. Let's start with
00:04:03visual. That's what you do with your body. And the first thing is poor eye contact.
00:04:10When you speak, your eyes are either looking down, they're darting around really quickly,
00:04:16or they're avoiding the other person completely, and you're not even looking at them. In the world
00:04:21of communication, eye contact signals trust. When you avoid it, people unconsciously read it as
00:04:26nervousness, a lack of belief in what you're saying, and low levels of confidence. Now, the next one is
00:04:32bad posture. Here's where your shoulders are rolled forward.
00:04:39Your head is slightly down, and your body is caved in. Most people don't realize that your body actually
00:04:46introduces you before you introduce yourself. If someone sees you from across the room with that
00:04:52posture that I had before, they've already made a judgment. They will look at you as being someone
00:04:56who's shy, low status, low levels of confidence, before you've even said a single word. You've been
00:05:02categorized without being given a chance to speak. That's how powerful posture is. It's the loudest
00:05:08form of body language. And lastly, limited gesture vocab. Here's where your hands are generally clasped.
00:05:20clasped. Is it clasped? This is where your hands are clasped. Here's where you have your hands in the
00:05:28prayer position. Your elbows are close to your sides. You are taking up as little space as possible.
00:05:35Gestures are the amplifier for your words. When you strip them out, everything you say becomes flatter,
00:05:41it becomes less convincing. Think about the most confident speakers you've ever watched. Their hands
00:05:46are alive. They're moving with purpose. They're taking up space compared to that someone who's standing
00:05:52completely still, arms pinned, prayer position. They're being as small as humanly possible. I mean,
00:05:57doesn't this look like somebody who's shy?
00:05:59The second category of shy behaviors is vocal. That's what you do with your voice. And the first
00:06:06limiting behavior here is a low default volume. What I mean by this is that if you imagine volume having
00:06:16a scale from 0 to 10, you're speaking at about a 3 and you're staying there as a default. And then as
00:06:24an example for you, if I stay at about a 3 out of 10 and I stick to this, how do you perceive my level
00:06:30of confidence? Seems pretty low, doesn't it? Next is mumbling and poor articulation. When you do this,
00:06:40people have to work really hard to understand you. Do you know who mumbles in life? Babies and mumble
00:06:46rappers. And do they deserve respect? Absolutely not. Watch what happens when I start to mumble. I'm
00:06:53going to start talking like this now. I mean, how do you perceive my level of confidence? It's so bad,
00:06:59isn't it? And the last thing is monotone delivery. That's where you speak at one level. No variation.
00:07:11A big part of confidence is aliveness. When you speak in a monotone, for example, if I spoke like
00:07:16this, how alive do I sound, I don't sound alive, do I? A core component of confidence, once again,
00:07:22is aliveness. So you've got to be careful of the monotone delivery. And the final category of shy
00:07:28behaviours, verbal. What you do with your words. This is where you are talking in circles, rambling,
00:07:38and speaking with no clear point. And more often than not, people who are really good at being shy
00:07:46tend to not speak up at all. And sometimes you think by not saying anything at all, you're able
00:07:52to avoid judgment, avoid being in the spotlight, and you think it's a good thing. But what you don't
00:07:56realise is that you're also avoiding career growth. The people who speak up during team meetings and
00:08:03at work-related events, they have more visibility. And the more visibility you have, when it comes time
00:08:10for promotion, guess who gets picked for the promotion? Those who are the most visible.
00:08:15Because if you're invisible, they don't even consider you. And then guess who gets the promotion?
00:08:20Bloody Jason, the d***head. He's always speaking up in team meetings, even when he's got nothing
00:08:25brilliant to say. But he's the only one doing it. And as a result of that, he's the only one that is
00:08:31visible. And as a result of that visibility that he has, when it comes time for promotion, he's the one
00:08:37that gets it. And you're sitting there going, damn it, it should have been me. So if you're sick and tired of Jason,
00:08:42and you want to learn how to be more visible in your workplace, and you want to learn how to turn
00:08:46your thoughts into words quickly, so that you can speak up in a team meeting, so that you can ask
00:08:50questions without feeling stupid, then join me for a free two-hour masterclass, where I take you
00:08:55through three powerful communication frameworks that are going to allow you to speak up at a moment's
00:09:00notice, while under pressure, and speak in a way that has high levels of authority, high levels of
00:09:06clarity, that's also concise. So come learn with me, click the link in the description or scan the QR code
00:09:11on screen. Go check it out. Now that you're aware of the shy behaviours, let's learn about the confident
00:09:16behaviours. And they're actually relatively simple. It's literally the opposite of what we just spoke
00:09:21about, starting with the visual behaviours. The first one is strong, deliberate eye contact.
00:09:28Next is great posture. And let me get up and show you what I mean by this specifically.
00:09:34Great posture is where your feet are shoulder width apart, shoulders down and back, head held nice and
00:09:40high, large gestures, elbows away from your body, and you move. You use the space that you've been given.
00:09:47So if you're speaking in a boardroom, use the space that you have with purpose. And by doing this,
00:09:52it communicates and radiates confidence. And the final thing just to note here is that when you're willing
00:09:58to take up more space, you will appear more confident. I want you to watch how one of my
00:10:07students immediately upgrades their perceived levels of confidence just by taking up space and using more
00:10:12hand gestures. Check this out.
00:10:13Hi, I am Bingkan from Jakarta, Indonesia. And I would like to take this challenge from Vint from day one of
00:10:24Break the Mould. Hello, everybody. My name is Bingkan. And I'm here to improve my communication skills.
00:10:30Why do I want to improve my communication skills? It's because I would like to make my world bigger than it is currently.
00:10:40How much more confident did they look? All right, on to the next category, vocal.
00:10:45The first thing is strong volume, great articulation, pronunciation, and lots of melody.
00:10:57And the thing about confident people is that they have lots of vocal variety. Now, I want you to listen to
00:11:03another student of mine here play with their volume. One simple change, but watch the transformation.
00:11:08Check this out.
00:11:09So if I did improve my communication, it will give me confidence that I can take my career to the next level.
00:11:20It will give me the confidence that I can do the things that I really want to do in life.
00:11:25The reason why I'm doing this course is so that I can take my career to the next level. I will be able
00:11:31to do what I have not yet able to do until now. People will take me seriously if I'm able to communicate
00:11:40those things. Clearly articulate my point, make them so that they learn what I'm trying to say.
00:11:48Once again, how much more confident did they sound as they started to practice these new set of behaviours?
00:11:54It's wild, right? Verbal.
00:11:56The number one thing that all confident people do when they're speaking is they use frameworks.
00:12:04They don't just wing what they say, they follow frameworks, which helps you structure your thoughts
00:12:11so you can speak more clearly, concisely and coherently. And if you want to learn the three
00:12:16most powerful frameworks, click the link in the description or scan the QR code. Now,
00:12:19I want you to watch how one of my students uses one of the simple frameworks they learned from that
00:12:23training to be able to share their thoughts in a more concise, coherent and clear way.
00:12:28That's oftentimes my problem with communication as I'm rambling, as you put it yesterday,
00:12:33is to be more direct, but also to be more empathetic, typically at work, but also I've got a wife and
00:12:40two daughters. So if there's one key takeaway for this course, it's for me to have more control over
00:12:48my message. Oh, how good is that? Now, I know what you're thinking. The biggest question at this point
00:12:53is, all right, Vin, I get it. I understand now that shy is not my identity. Shy is just a series of
00:12:58behaviours. And now that I've identified that I do a lot of these behaviours and I've also identified the
00:13:02behaviours that I should practice, the confident ones, then my question to you, Vin, now is how long
00:13:06does it take for me to change? How long does it take for me to see the transformation? Well, that's a
00:13:12very long question you just asked me, but here's what I'm going to say. The changes that you saw with my
00:13:17students in the videos that I've shared, it took them three days. Most people will wait their entire
00:13:23lives before they change the way they communicate. Some actually never do. So most of them spend their
00:13:28entire lives living inside the illusion that they are shy, that they're stuck with being shy. And then
00:13:32from that belief, they build a stack of limits around themselves. I'm shy, so I can't ask for a pay rise.
00:13:40I'm shy, so I can't get that damn promotion. Jason's probably gonna get it. I'm shy, so I can't advance in my
00:13:45career. I'm shy, so I can't step into the life that I actually want. All of these are myths. They're false
00:13:52beliefs. They're not real. They're built on a case of mistaken identity. Shy is just a series of behaviours,
00:13:59and behaviours can be changed. So here's what I want to leave you with. You are not shy. You've been
00:14:07practicing shyness. And the most important question you can ask yourself right now about your communication
00:14:15person that I'm practicing the person I want to be. If the answer is no, you know what to do.
00:14:23Start practicing confident behaviours. The ones that I shared with you in this video. Do it consistently.
00:14:30Do it with intention. And give the future version of yourself a chance. And this is just the beginning.
00:14:36As you're practicing new communication behaviours, you're going to make some common mistakes that can
00:14:40be avoided. So make sure you watch this video up here to learn what they are. These are simple
00:14:45things you can adjust to help you level up your confidence even more. See you in the next video.
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