Transcript
00:00:00When you select a partner, whether you realize it or not,
00:00:03you're choosing a whole lifestyle and not just the person.
00:00:06You're choosing their sleep schedule,
00:00:07you're choosing their money habits,
00:00:08you're choosing their stress levels, their family drama,
00:00:11their levels of cleanliness, their work ethic,
00:00:12their coping mechanisms.
00:00:14All of these things will be a baseline of your daily life.
00:00:17If their normal is doom scrolling till 2 a.m.,
00:00:19avoiding all conflict, impulse spending, and never exercising,
00:00:23guess what?
00:00:24You're signing up to live in that ecosystem.
00:00:26Love does not cancel out people's flaws.
00:00:28In fact, love just makes you tolerate them for longer.
00:00:32Most people obsess over, do we have romantic chemistry?
00:00:36And they completely skip,
00:00:38can I live with this person's version of a Tuesday
00:00:40for the next 10 years?
00:00:42The hard truth is you don't fix somebody's lifestyle
00:00:45from the inside.
00:00:46You either accept the package as they are or you walk.
00:00:49I've been having this conversation
00:00:53with a lot of single friends recently of,
00:00:58what I am noticing is that people tend,
00:01:03seem to have kind of this laundry list of requirements.
00:01:06And as soon as they,
00:01:08and there's this also this false perception
00:01:11of infinite options.
00:01:13And so as soon as the person that they're seeing
00:01:16or that they're on a date with,
00:01:18like fails one of the qualifications,
00:01:21they're like, oh, next, I'm gonna move on.
00:01:23And then of course they're, you know, 45 and still single
00:01:26and wondering why they never found anybody.
00:01:29And have you ever heard that story that I think it,
00:01:32I think it was Warren Buffett where he said that he was like,
00:01:35you know, you write out a list of 20 things
00:01:39that you want in your life,
00:01:41put them in order from the thing that's most important,
00:01:43least important, and then cross out everything
00:01:45but the top three.
00:01:46I've essentially started giving that exercise
00:01:49to my single friends.
00:01:51'Cause I'm like, you're not gonna find all of these.
00:01:54And it's, you've been brainwashed.
00:01:57You have this like false perception
00:01:59that there's a lot of these people out there
00:02:01that tick every single box and there's not.
00:02:04And you're probably, even if there is,
00:02:05you're probably not gonna meet them.
00:02:07And if you do meet them, they're gonna have so many options
00:02:10that it's gonna be like very unlikely
00:02:11that you end up with them.
00:02:12So it's find your three non-negotiables
00:02:16and then negotiate on the rest.
00:02:18And that's like fucking sacrilege these days to tell people
00:02:21'cause they're like, I don't wanna settle.
00:02:22- Sounds like settling.
00:02:23- I don't wanna settle.
00:02:24It's like, dude, everybody settles on something.
00:02:27- I mean, you're settling in that you can't fly
00:02:30at the moment.
00:02:30- Yeah.
00:02:31- You know, you're settling in
00:02:32that you need to go to bed every night.
00:02:33- Yeah.
00:02:34I mean, dude, there's things that,
00:02:35I've been with my wife for 14 years.
00:02:36There's things about her that still drive me fucking crazy.
00:02:39And, but I--
00:02:41- She's like Latina, right?
00:02:42- Well, yeah.
00:02:43- Yeah, so that kind of comes, that's part of the course.
00:02:46- Yes, it's part for every course, but it's the Latina,
00:02:48the Latina versions are just much more dramatic.
00:02:51(laughing)
00:02:53- Very loud with lots of tears involved.
00:02:55- Spicy, it's a spicy version, it's a Fuego version.
00:02:58- Exactly.
00:02:59- It's Fuego dating.
00:03:00- Exactly.
00:03:00But there's things about me that like she can't stand,
00:03:03but it's like, you just accept at a certain point.
00:03:06You're like, okay, the good vastly outweighs the bad
00:03:08and you go with it.
00:03:09And I think the reason that posted so well
00:03:14is when you are meeting people, when you are dating people,
00:03:23there's this whole kind of like iceberg under the water
00:03:27of traits and characteristics and personality
00:03:31and connections and relationships
00:03:32that you're not really aware of that they're there,
00:03:37but that's actually going to be the majority
00:03:39of the relationship.
00:03:40- Correct.
00:03:41- And really most people are kind of just going on vibes,
00:03:46you know, when they're dating somebody.
00:03:48And so I just think it's helpful to be like
00:03:51explicitly conscious about it and understand like,
00:03:53okay, if her mother's crazy, like,
00:03:57and you want to marry her,
00:03:58like you're going to have a crazy mother-in-law for 40 years.
00:04:01- Lock in for some crazy.
00:04:02- Exactly, like it's just put it on the plate
00:04:05'cause it's part of the course.
00:04:06You can't, you can't only, it's not a buffet.
00:04:09You don't just take the items you want.
00:04:10You got to take, it's the whole prefix menu.
00:04:13- You know what the original name for this podcast
00:04:15was going to be?
00:04:16- What's that?
00:04:17- Crushing a Tuesday.
00:04:18The reason for that, glad that I didn't do it.
00:04:20Another one was mind and matter.
00:04:24And another one was brain and brawn.
00:04:26And it was, they were horrible.
00:04:28Modern wisdom was divine inspiration
00:04:30that came to me at three in the morning.
00:04:31- Yeah, much better.
00:04:32- Thank you.
00:04:33- Crushing Tuesday is not bad.
00:04:34- Crushing a Tuesday was taken from a Tim Ferriss podcast.
00:04:37And what he said was,
00:04:38most people try to optimize their lives
00:04:41around peak experiences,
00:04:43but your life is made up of average Tuesdays.
00:04:45And your goal should be to make your average Tuesday
00:04:48as enjoyable as possible.
00:04:49And that's what you're talking about here.
00:04:51That what people look at is the amazing sex
00:04:56or the fascinating conversation.
00:04:59They don't realize what is this person like normally?
00:05:03What is the middle of their bell curve
00:05:07of just how they operate?
00:05:08What do they do?
00:05:09With the most frequent interaction between them and reality,
00:05:16what do they do with their diet?
00:05:18That's pretty important.
00:05:18What do they do with their sleep pattern?
00:05:20That's pretty important.
00:05:21These are structural things.
00:05:22How do they deal with discomfort?
00:05:23How do they deal with things when they're hot?
00:05:24How do they deal when they're dysregulated?
00:05:26So they're family-like.
00:05:28What are their timelines like?
00:05:30Are your timelines moving in the same direction?
00:05:33And that is, what's the relationship with money like?
00:05:37That is what you are signing up for.
00:05:39And that line, love does not cancel out people's flaws.
00:05:43In fact, it just makes you tolerate it for longer,
00:05:47which is what's deranging to a lot of people
00:05:49that they get into a relationship with somebody
00:05:50who isn't right for them or isn't good for them.
00:05:53And the capacity of their love,
00:05:56the intensity of their love just allows them
00:05:59to stay in something which isn't right for even longer.
00:06:02And I think that people often feel guilty
00:06:06about having optimized for romantic chemistry
00:06:09when what they should have been optimizing for
00:06:11is Tuesday evening with this person enjoyable.
00:06:15- Right, and it's easy to optimize
00:06:18for that romantic chemistry,
00:06:19'cause that's what you're flooded with
00:06:20when you meet somebody you really like.
00:06:23So that's what you're gonna be biased towards.
00:06:24And I should add, so it's funny 'cause I think,
00:06:28I've posted a couple variations of this post over the years.
00:06:31And every time there's always like a couple of angry people
00:06:36in the comments who are like, this is unrealistic.
00:06:41You shouldn't expect somebody
00:06:43to satisfy all these things for you.
00:06:44And the point of this isn't that you have to go find somebody
00:06:48who has a mother that you like and who's good with money.
00:06:51- The opposite of that.
00:06:52- Yeah, no, it's like you have to find somebody
00:06:54that you're willing to tolerate all of those things, right?
00:06:57So it's not, they're not trying to hit a ceiling,
00:07:01like you're just trying to find somebody
00:07:03who's like nothing falls below your floor.
00:07:06And it's also, I think a lot of it,
00:07:08there are a couple other facets of this.
00:07:10I think one is understanding that what are you
00:07:15particularly well-equipped to handle?
00:07:17So for example, my wife's Brazilian.
00:07:21She has a lot of feelings.
00:07:22And I'm just like very even-keeled pretty much all the time.
00:07:29It really takes a lot for me to get worked up about anything.
00:07:33Like I'm the guy who doesn't give a fuck.
00:07:35So it actually works extremely well.
00:07:38Like I can handle a lot of emotions.
00:07:40It doesn't really freak me out.
00:07:41I don't like get sucked into drama easily.
00:07:44So there's like a certain amount of self-knowledge
00:07:48of understanding this is the type of partner
00:07:51that I'm probably well-suited for
00:07:53because my strength kind of resonates well
00:07:57with their weakness or vice versa.
00:07:59Whereas like my, I have a very, very like strong need
00:08:04for intellectual stimulation.
00:08:09I get bored extremely easily.
00:08:12And back when I was single,
00:08:13like I dated a lot of really cool girls,
00:08:15but who just like weren't super smart or curious.
00:08:17And I was bored within minutes.
00:08:20And some of them were smoking hot.
00:08:22Some of them were awesome in bed.
00:08:24And I remember sitting there being like,
00:08:26I can't believe I'm gonna break up with this girl.
00:08:28Like she's, what am I doing?
00:08:29But I was bored.
00:08:30- I've got nothing to talk to you about.
00:08:31- Yeah, I was bored out of my mind.
00:08:32- Your first date with your now wife was,
00:08:36you met in a nightclub and within 30 minutes
00:08:38we're talking about Russian literature?
00:08:40- Russian grammar.
00:08:41- Russian grammar, that's it, you know?
00:08:43- Yes.
00:08:44- Before we continue, most people in their thirties
00:08:46are still training hard.
00:08:47Their protein is dialed in.
00:08:49They sleep better than they did in their twenties.
00:08:51Discipline is not the issue,
00:08:53but recovery feels somewhat different.
00:08:55Strength gains take a little longer.
00:08:58The margin for errors starts to shrink.
00:09:00And that is why I'm such a huge fan of timeline.
00:09:02You see, mitochondria are the energy producers
00:09:05inside of your muscle cells.
00:09:06As they weaken with age, your ability to generate power
00:09:09and recover effectively changes,
00:09:11even if your habits stay strong.
00:09:14Mitopure from timeline contains the only clinically
00:09:17validated form of erythelin-A used in human trials.
00:09:20It promotes mitophagy, which is your body's natural process
00:09:23for clearing out damaged mitochondria
00:09:24and renewing healthy ones.
00:09:25In studies, this supported mitochondrial function
00:09:29and muscle strength in older adults.
00:09:31It's not about pushing harder.
00:09:32It's about actually supporting the cellular machinery
00:09:34underneath your training.
00:09:35If you care about staying strong
00:09:37into your thirties, forties, and fifties and beyond,
00:09:40this is foundational.
00:09:41Best of all, there is a 30-day money-back guarantee
00:09:44plus free shipping in the US and they ship internationally.
00:09:47And right now, you can get up to 20% off
00:09:48by going to the link in the description below
00:09:50or heading to timeline.com/modernwisdom
00:09:53and using the code modernwisdom at checkout.
00:09:55That's timeline.com/modernwisdom
00:09:57and modernwisdom at checkout.
00:10:01Congratulations, you made it to the end of a clip
00:10:03and the full length episode is available
00:10:05Right.
00:10:06Go on.
Community Posts
No posts yet. Be the first to write about this video!
Write about this video