Communication Is Hard Until You Structure Your Thinking First!

VVinh Giang
자격증/평생교육경영/리더십정신 건강

Transcript

00:00:00I just finished an exclusive masterclass with hundreds of people where we jammed on their
00:00:04biggest communication problems and I asked my team to cut it down to the best bits so you
00:00:08can watch it here on YouTube for free. So I'm just wondering if you have any tips to not be so
00:00:12conscious of my thoughts and overthinking how I'm speaking but just being in in the moment and
00:00:18present having that communication with that person. So there are four stages of learning we all go
00:00:22through. So you've got stage one which is unconscious incompetence and unconscious
00:00:27incompetence to put really simply is you don't know what you don't know. In a way communicating
00:00:32was easy in inverted commas because you don't know what you're doing wrong. You're just doing what
00:00:37you've always been doing repeating a series of behaviors you've always been repeating.
00:00:41So nothing really happens at that point because it's unconscious right and again I noticed you
00:00:45saying the word conscious a lot. You're no longer in stage one of learning which is fantastic right
00:00:49fantastic. A lot of people still live in that stage when they're unconscious of the things they're bad
00:00:54at with the communication. You're most likely at stage three but let me talk you through stage two.
00:00:59The second stage of learning is now conscious incompetence and you start to become aware of what
00:01:06you're not good at. So this is once you join a program and you go oh I shouldn't um and ah I
00:01:10should pause instead. Oh no I'm I've paused for 15 seconds that's too long of a pause. So now you
00:01:16start to become conscious of what you don't know. So you're in a position now where you're learning
00:01:22and this often is a place where a lot of people get stuck. They start acquiring knowledge. They
00:01:26become conscious of the things they didn't know. So now they know what they don't know but they don't
00:01:31go beyond that. They don't start applying that to themselves more. They don't push through the
00:01:35discomfort of learning. They never get to stage three and I have a feeling you're here because
00:01:39in stage three this is now when you move to a certain arena stage three which is now conscious
00:01:46competence. This is where you now know what you know. You're doing it but you still have to think
00:01:53about it. You understand you've got to use hand gestures but you catch yourself in this weird
00:01:58place where you go oh I better move my hands like this whereas before my hands were like this. Ah
00:02:02damn it move your hands like this. Oh don't pause just make sure you keep talking. Oh make sure you
00:02:07don't speak in staccato. Make sure you speak in legato. Oh eye contact and this is the point of
00:02:12learning where it's a lot of cognitive strain which is what you're describing where you have
00:02:18to think about all these different things that you're doing and it's really frustrating.
00:02:21You have to push through it. It's like the analogy I always use with our students is that like when
00:02:26you're driving. You know when you're first driving and you're in that point where you're stage two
00:02:30where you have to think about everything you go oh no I've got two hands on the steering wheel. Oh
00:02:34crap of course you've got to turn on the engine before you have your hands on the steering wheel
00:02:38and then you turn the engine on and you go okay no no not gear first I've got to put the handbrake
00:02:42down and you have to think through everything. It's really stressful when you first learn how to drive
00:02:46but as you keep pushing through that as you keep pushing through that what's happened for most of
00:02:50us that can drive? Well we reach stage four of learning and stage four of learning is what?
00:02:55Unconscious competence and this is an amazing place to get to. This is a form of mastery. It's a form
00:03:03of mastery and for many of us who can drive we've reached a level of mastery with driving because we
00:03:09now do it unconsciously. The same thing happens when you get to stage four of communication when
00:03:15you keep pushing through all those uncomfortable situations even though it's uncomfortable even
00:03:20though you paused for a long period of time as you keep pushing through that the pause will start to
00:03:24shrink you will become less self-critical of the ums and the ahs because you'll be able to slowly
00:03:30replace it because you're applying a lot of the knowledge and then instead of thinking I've got
00:03:34to go to the grocery store that means I've got to first get into the car handbrake reverse then drive
00:03:39out then take the first left no no you just think grocery store and then your skills and abilities
00:03:44take you there. Gradually with your communication skills someone will ask you a question and then you
00:03:49just think I want to do this and your skills and abilities will take you there. Once you identify
00:03:54a certain situation that makes you nervous that makes you communicate poorly it's then about you
00:03:59going how do I put myself in that situation more often because the key here the key from being able
00:04:05to get from here to here this key is reps. Often the moment people do something that creates this
00:04:13comfort they often immediately move away from it I don't want to experience that ever again that was
00:04:17the worst thing I've ever done put my hand up in the team meeting said something um denied too many
00:04:22times paused for 15 seconds and everyone thought I was having a stroke mid-sentence I'm never doing
00:04:26that again therefore they get stuck in stage two or they get stuck in stage three because reps I mean
00:04:31do you ever notice how sometimes you say something to one of your colleagues and they just don't
00:04:36listen but then somebody else comes along says the exact same thing and not only do they listen
00:04:40they thank the other person for the idea and you're left there thinking to yourself what in the actual
00:04:45I literally said the same thing last week you see this happens to you because you said the right
00:04:53thing but you said it in the wrong archetype you said it in the wrong voice there are four
00:04:59voices aka archetypes that we all have access to I've just recorded a brand new 90-minute master
00:05:05class on how to master these four different vocal archetypes and if you want access to it for free
00:05:10just click the link below in the description or scan the qr code this is something I only usually
00:05:15teach in my paid programs and you get access to it for free so go check it out hello Seraf
00:05:20either I live in the sfb area I work as a data scientist as I started going through your course
00:05:26one question that comes to my mind is high stakes situations right you are presenting to a vp
00:05:31and there are other execs in the room they pose a question a follow-up question while you're
00:05:38presenting you do not know the answer to this question you do not want to say I don't know
00:05:43the answer to this question how do you differ how do you diffuse the situation in a way that you do
00:05:48not look clueless and incompetent the beautiful thing in this situation is that I just want you
00:05:52to know this happens to all of us this happens to every single one of us it happens to me when I run
00:05:59my workshops I run three-day workshops people ask me many questions during those periods and sometimes
00:06:04you just don't know the answer now my first piece of feedback to you and it may be inappropriate in
00:06:10your situation but again I'm speaking to many people here on the call with me there is a beauty
00:06:15to acknowledging the fact that you don't know something when you truly don't know something
00:06:21now of course there is also an ugly side to that where they associate that with you being you have
00:06:28poor levels of competence you should know that and then now we have to review our entire employment
00:06:32arrangement with you right now if they already see you as an expert and you have a very strong
00:06:38reputation in you saying you're not sure and that you don't have the exact answer to that right now
00:06:45that's very beautiful I mean I've done that before on stage and people said oh wow he's so vulnerable
00:06:50oh he's so authentic he and it worked good for me but then I'm sure there are situations where if you
00:06:56did that people go oh wow that person's really incompetent they shouldn't be up there they
00:07:00shouldn't be teaching so you have to have enough emotional intelligence to go well what kind of
00:07:03reputation do I have there are times when it's actually quite powerful to say you don't know
00:07:07because it's very humane and human but then there are times when like the situation you're describing
00:07:13you need a fallback the most powerful fallback that I've used is simply by saying so if you ask me the
00:07:19question say Alex asked me a question I didn't know the answer to and I'm like oh crap I know the
00:07:22answer but can't seem like I'm incompetent at this point I'll just say Alex Alex I would love to better
00:07:27answer that for you could we just take that offline I've only got another 15 minutes for the presentation
00:07:31I want to make sure we get through the entire presentation how about we take it offline and
00:07:35it's your ability to manage that with confidence in the moment that will dictate whether they believe
00:07:41you or not and and that comes down against delivery how because if you did that they ask you a question
00:07:47and your delivery changed from how you were speaking so for example think about your vocal
00:07:51foundations think about your body language think about these things this is why the skill of improv
00:07:55is very important so they ask you a question they go Avin could you could you explain to us quantum
00:08:01mechanics yep yep look look thank you for you know what how about we take that offline and then when
00:08:09we take it offline I'll I'll be able to I'll explain to you exactly what quantum mechanic
00:08:14means yep that's great okay because I got 15 minutes left okay well then now they clearly know
00:08:17you don't know the answer all right but then again you have to think about your vocal foundations if
00:08:22you you have to be very focused now on your body language and your vocal foundations it can't shift
00:08:27it can't change so they ask you again I would really opt in for that I don't know if anybody
00:08:33asked me this I mean could you explain to me your understanding of string theory and how
00:08:38that intertwines with quantum mechanics if it even does could you could you speak to that a bit
00:08:41Alex I'd love to be able to connect with you on that I I could geek out with this with you
00:08:46over the next seven days but how about I take this offline with you we connect on string theory and
00:08:51quantum mechanics after I've only got 15 minutes left to finish the presentation is that all right
00:08:55with you thanks Alex and you continue this is this is hard this is really hard to do in the moment
00:09:03while you're under pressure while you recognize in your head you don't know the answer but that's
00:09:08really the only path out is that you tell them we'll connect on this after I prefer the option
00:09:14of connecting with them and saying you know what I'm glad you brought up that question I
00:09:19I I have a gap in my thinking I have a gap in my education and I'd love to learn more about that
00:09:25right what what would you have to say about the connection of quantum theory and string theory
00:09:31would you have something to add and I would love to get them to contribute to the conversation as well
00:09:37but again in a job situation if it's not right take the conversation offline instead you have
00:09:43to be able to do it confidently otherwise they know when answering questions under pressure how
00:09:46can we think more clearly and respond with structure is there a framework you rely on
00:09:50to avoid rambling and freezing yes my favorite go-to framework is three two one and it simply
00:09:57stands for three steps two types and the one thing I use this framework all the time when someone asks
00:10:06me a question to avoid my brain from rambling the reason your brain rambles and the reason you
00:10:11ramble is often you're speaking your thinking process so what we often do is our brains are
00:10:16like this our brains are all over the place someone asks you a question you don't know which part of
00:10:21your brain to access so you start telling them this thing sorry I'll do this you start telling them
00:10:26this thing then you tell them this thing then you tell them that thing then you tell them that thing
00:10:28that that's the equivalent of rambling whereas what a framework does is it funnels your thinking
00:10:35so it funnels the crazy into a distilled piece of communication so it's the distillation process
00:10:40and it takes all the wild things in your brain and it distills this beautiful clear concise
00:10:48and coherent piece of communication that's what frameworks do so when you look at the three steps
00:10:57two types and the one thing what that's doing is that's creating the funnel that's creating
00:11:04the constraints for you to think so then when someone asks you a question what is the meaning
00:11:08of life that's such a heavy question what's the meaning of success so your brain goes what is the
00:11:13meaning of life oh my goodness there's family there's contributions to the world there's you
00:11:17doing great work there's and then you start talking all over the place whereas if you use this framework
00:11:21you can just say the one thing I think of when I think of the meaning of life the one thing I think
00:11:25of it's it's about you finding your gift and then being able to share that that's what I think that's
00:11:31the first thing that I think of now you're able to respond but in a way that's clear coherent and
00:11:37concise because saying the one thing by you even saying the word the one thing it creates a beautiful
00:11:42constraint that funnel that creates more clarity more coherence and it's way more concise keep
00:11:48leaning on these frameworks and there are so many and the reality is often people leave it at that
00:11:53they go oh I understand it now but they never master it that's the crazy thing most people just
00:11:58never master it they learn for learning sake they learn to feel good they learn for the dopamine hit
00:12:04but then they don't master the things they learn and I think that's the thing that that's why we
00:12:09live in the world where I think a lot of people feel quite hopeless I think they feel quite hopeless
00:12:13because we're consuming a lot we're learning a lot but we're applying very little I'm too self-conscious
00:12:19my mind goes blank like a lot of people when I do my speeches I write very good speeches so I tend to
00:12:26speaking still from my heart I don't read like I don't speak my speech just by looking and reading
00:12:32I do eye contact my language is very rudimentary I'm from the Philippines I was not a very good
00:12:39communicator growing up so my question is how do I improve my language because I think it's sometimes
00:12:45it's very elementary not sounding professional simple language is far better than complex language
00:12:52and when we're communicating with everyday people and everybody is an everyday person we're all human
00:12:59no matter what context we're in we're still human I think a lot of the times we think oh I've got to
00:13:03go serve my clients your clients are still people they still have children and they have been a child
00:13:10at once in their lives at some point using overly complicated words to describe a simple situation
00:13:16is one of the traps we fall into when we feel a sense of imposter syndrome when we feel like oh
00:13:21no I'm not smart enough to be in the room oh no I don't deserve to be there then we try to overdo it
00:13:26by over complicating our words our vocabulary because we have this innate need and desire to feel
00:13:33smart or feel good enough whereas the best communicators in the world communicate
00:13:37very simply they don't over complicate their language they don't overdo it because
00:13:42often what that does is it creates distance from you in the audience
00:13:47you start to throw in jargon that people don't understand because you have this need to appear
00:13:51smart or I have this need to appear smart and then as a result of an innate need that I have
00:13:56we're not serving the audience so please I wanted to jump in there and and share my thoughts on that
00:14:02because often the desire to use more complicated language not really to describe a certain scenario
00:14:08but rather out of the need to appear more professional I think that comes from a place of
00:14:13often fear and that fear then robs us of the connection we would have felt with the audience
00:14:18but there's something I want to dig into with the question that you asked and you said you're
00:14:23reading your presentation now do you think when you're reading your presentation with the script
00:14:27and you give eye contact do you feel that has room for improvement definitely I wish I could
00:14:34speak spontaneously most people don't rehearse properly therefore they don't remember and I'll
00:14:41give you the the biggest tip here when you're rehearsing your content do you know how most
00:14:47people rehearse when most people are rehearsing they'll grab their their their speech and this is
00:14:52how they read it while they're rehearsing they do this okay they go okay good morning everyone
00:14:56it's really good to be here I just want to get into the first three toys on it
00:14:59how you rehearse is how you present this is why most people sound robotic when they
00:15:06rehearse a lot this is why most people have that illusion that oh because I've rehearsed it 50 times
00:15:10I now sound robotic no it's because you sounded robotic while you're rehearsing
00:15:15you sound the way you rehearse and you've also got to understand this key lesson here
00:15:21low levels of effort during rehearsal leads to low levels of retention so when you're rehearsing first
00:15:28tip is you want to read it as if the audience is in front of you so you want to read it with with
00:15:33lots of expression and you hey good morning oh it's so good to see your beautiful faces
00:15:39listen as we move into the day day one of our time together I want to share with you a poem
00:15:44so when you when you put that level of effort into rehearsal high levels of effort leads to high
00:15:51levels of retention and that alone if you read through your presentation five to ten times with
00:15:56high levels of effort you will be shocked how much you remember you'll be shocked and the reason I
00:16:05bring this up why rehearsal is so important is because so many people have the fear of going blank
00:16:11so many people have the fear of what if I forget what I'm going to say and then they do forget what
00:16:17they're going to say and think about this when you go to present if 80 percent of your brain is
00:16:24thinking what if I forget what I'm going to say what what wait what comes next I'm not sure what
00:16:28kind you you put no you have no cognitive capacity left for delivery for thinking about your hand
00:16:36gestures thinking about your voice and the greatest example of this that I want you to think of is
00:16:40think back to when you used to sing songs out loud when your kids think back to this okay and you you
00:16:47you know the lyrics to the Backstreet Boys Britney Spears the Spice Girls whatever tickles your fancy
00:16:52right and you think back and you used to be able to sing it with your heart and when you're singing
00:16:56Spice Girls and you're spinning bashboards you're using your hand gestures and you're singing you're
00:17:01into it you don't have to remember the lyrics you're just thinking about your delivery getting
00:17:05your voice right getting your body language right and then you have that one friend you have that one
00:17:09friend who you know doesn't know the lyrics right and they're they're trying to sing too but they're
00:17:14like oh and as long as you love me and they're all they're they're all self-conscious they don't know
00:17:23the words do you know how stressful it is being that person you've probably been that person
00:17:28yourself too where you don't know the lyrics but you want to pretend and you want to be a part of it
00:17:31but you're so self-conscious you're like I don't know the words you're halfway thinking about the
00:17:36dance moves and then you end up just you end up just doing something weird and you're like what
00:17:40am I even doing and then you end up just ruining everyone's karaoke experience but that's what
00:17:46happens to most people when they're giving a speech it's the equivalent of them not knowing the lyrics
00:17:52because they don't know what they're going to say next so if you want the freedom of being the person
00:17:56who can sing their heart out the song and and do all the beautiful boy band moves and girl band
00:18:02moves right then you have to know what you're going to talk about you have to know the lyrics of the
00:18:07songs completely because the only reason why dancers are able to dance on stage and have
00:18:12such great vocal delivery it's because they know the lyrics the only way you're going to unlock
00:18:17that version of you is if you go through the rehearsal process and you know the lyrics and
00:18:22what that means is what that means is now you've got 80% of your cognitive capacity spent on
00:18:29delivering and your delivery as opposed to you spending 80% of your cognitive capacity oh gosh
00:18:36wait I'm I've finished the first module now um wait what do I move to next oh crap I just heard myself
00:18:41saying um oh no and then you start freaking out people often don't realize that when you go through
00:18:46the proper rehearsal process the majority of those fears then the anxiety goes away so much of your
00:18:54delivery has been stunted because you have no cognitive capacity to be able to focus on delivery
00:19:01that's why most people sound robotic that's why most people when they're speaking they sound dead
00:19:07because all of their cognitive capacity is spent on what am I saying next what am I saying next what
00:19:12am I saying next solve that and you unlock a whole new version of you you now can sing if you want to
00:19:20be my lover like you've never sung it before we need to bring back the the boy bands and the girl
00:19:25bands in life to be honest I miss that how can I build trust quickly when having one-on-one
00:19:31conversations with a new acquaintance trust and rapport can be built very quickly via you doing
00:19:39something called matching and mirroring now when it comes to matching and mirroring there are two
00:19:50things you can match and mirror you can match it you can match and mirror most people already know
00:19:54this the first thing is body language but what's relatively unknown and people don't talk about
00:20:03is vocal foundations okay and vocal foundations again as you go through the program you you learn
00:20:12it's made of rate of speech it's made of volume pitch and melody tonality which is the emotion
00:20:26underneath your voice and the way they pause and the core rule is when you want to build rapport
00:20:31and trust quickly you want to as quickly as you can show that you're similar and the fastest way in
00:20:39which you can do that is with your voice and body language whereas for them to know that you share
00:20:44common values that takes time to be able to surface it takes time for the conversation to evolve for
00:20:49you to then connect the oh wow I went to high school there too oh my god best friends or you
00:20:53find out that oh you're from the same school the same friendship group from the same whatever it is
00:20:59once you find those points you can very quickly connect and report then builds quickly from that
00:21:03but that takes time that takes time so when you think about an interaction that happens immediately
00:21:08if you want to maximize your chance of connecting with the person having rapport and connecting
00:21:12in in the first few minutes matching and mirroring their body language and showing similarity there
00:21:19allows for that connection to happen now there's a big big lesson here that you've got to recognize
00:21:25because let's say for example you go oh but but then what if they're just really small and
00:21:30and quiet and shy what do you mean do I just have to become that
00:21:34well you learn this lesson here here's the core lesson from that you meet them where they are
00:21:42and then you take them
00:21:52to where you want to go I know my handwriting I should have been a doctor I know so you meet them
00:22:01where they are and then you take them to where you want to go now in reality it looks like this okay
00:22:10so I'll give you a sense of this and this is again a lot of people hear this they they know it but
00:22:16they don't do it I see this go wrong all the time because people tend to have this idea that there's
00:22:21a one-dimensional version of them oh there's only one version of me there's only one version of me
00:22:25and that's the version of me I take to every single meeting and then sometimes what happens is if if the
00:22:29version of you that serves you 30% of the time is the most dominant version you bring to every single
00:22:35situation is too serious then people just perceive you to be too serious and then they go oh that
00:22:39person's always so serious or if you're too bubbly etc oh that person's really really fun but they're
00:22:45not competent right so people can relate negative things to wonderful traits but your goal is you
00:22:52want to be you want to be able to be all the colors of the rainbow right so what we want to do here
00:22:57is we now want to be able to okay so if this person comes to me and this happens all the time when I'm
00:23:02out in public going grocery shopping sometimes people come up to me they go oh hey then hey I
00:23:06didn't want to disturb you and your family just wanted to come say hi right and and if I came to
00:23:11that person and and I I'm I'm usually my loud server oh oh you gotta tell me have you liked
00:23:17and subscribed yet just letting you know just waiting for my 10 million subscriber plaque how's
00:23:21that going and why it's not going anywhere because how do you subscribe that freak out that freak out
00:23:26and they go oh gosh Vin's so intense in person so what you do is if they come to you with smaller
00:23:31body language and they they go oh hey Vin I just just want to come say hi I didn't want to disturb
00:23:35you and your family you recognize what they're doing with their body language and obviously
00:23:40I'm not saying don't just mimic them exactly oh that's okay no you just you subtly do it
00:23:47you just recognize smaller body language definitely lower volume slightly faster pace of rate of speech
00:23:54okay cool cool I can I can do that so again oh hey Vin I I I didn't want to disturb you and
00:23:59your family just wanted to and then you can come in and be like oh hey it's okay it's all right it's
00:24:04it's okay my wife's totally cool with it it's totally fine and hey I I would love to know how
00:24:09which which platform do we connect on which one do we connect on oh instagram you got to follow us on
00:24:15youtube do your files on youtube bring out your phone bring out your phone bring out your phone
00:24:18come on follow us on youtube too right and you notice what I did there if you didn't notice what
00:24:22I just did there what I did was I met them where they are I was quiet with them and then I gradually
00:24:28once I got into rapport with them I moved them to where I wanted to be and the wildest thing when you
00:24:34do this and you start to actually apply it and not just cerebrally understand it but you now do it as
00:24:39a default and you do it consistently is you'll notice that you'll be able to connect with people
00:24:45very quickly because immediately when you match and mirror their vocals and their body language
00:24:53they feel safe immediately and then you're able to bring them out of their comfort zone I want to talk
00:25:00about imposter syndrome and I think that's something we can end on I think that's something inspiring to
00:25:04end on this has been my antidote to it so the way I used to think of this whole teaching journey is I
00:25:11used to think think of it like this this is oh this is level 9000 these are levels okay I used to think
00:25:19when I was at level 10 of my journey as a communication teacher I used to think that
00:25:27then you don't have the right to teach because the only people who should be teaching communication
00:25:32skills are people who are level 9000 that's the only people who should teach you don't have the
00:25:38right to teach you are way too newbie to teach and for as long as I believed that I didn't teach
00:25:45communication skills and it stopped me from teaching communication skills for years because I
00:25:49felt like I wasn't qualified enough I didn't have five degrees in fact I don't even have any degree
00:25:54to my name I don't have a PhD and as a result of that then you shouldn't teach and for as long as
00:26:00I believed that I didn't but what I didn't recognize was the following what I didn't understand
00:26:06was that if I'm at level 10 who am I the best teachers for and who am I not the best teachers
00:26:12for I'm not good I'm not good for anybody here I'm not good for anybody there but who am I good for
00:26:19I'm good for all these people here I'm good for the people at level nine eight seven six five four
00:26:25three two one all those people I can serve so I want you to recognize as well if you're thinking
00:26:32to yourself there too oh then I'm not good enough to start this yet I'm not good enough to do this
00:26:36yet well you are because maybe you're a level five well great because you're if you're at level five
00:26:41do you know how many people in the world are stuck at level four three two one and even zero you are
00:26:46the perfect teacher for them why are you the perfect teacher for them because you still remember what
00:26:51it's like being at level four five three two one zero the person who's at level 9 000 has long
00:26:57forgotten the struggles of a beginner the person at level 9 000 no longer can relate to what it's
00:27:03like being a level five you ask them a level five question when they're at a level 9 000 especially
00:27:09if they've forgotten the beginner's mindset they're going to think you're stupid and I've seen teachers
00:27:14do this I've seen teachers at level 9 000 you ask a question they immediately go now you know that
00:27:18question you asked is a stupid question as a result of nobody going to answer that and then now you get
00:27:22demoralized you don't want a level 9 000 teacher you want someone who's close to you so when I
00:27:28unlock that way of thinking I thought oh my goodness that's amazing but here's the better unlock because
00:27:35what happens tell me what happens when you teach when you teach something you naturally get better
00:27:42at it because when you repeat something over and over when you teach the same thing over and over
00:27:46again you get better and better and better and better at it so what does it do naturally what
00:27:50it does naturally it moves you from a level 10 to now you arrive at a level 11 and then you keep
00:27:58teaching at a level 11 and then what happens oh now you now you move and you move to a level 12
00:28:05teaching it is the very action that actually makes you get better so the very thing that you're
00:28:12avoiding because of imposter syndrome is the very thing that's also stopping you from progressing on
00:28:17your journey of mastery isn't that crazy no longer let imposter syndrome hold you back but rather
00:28:23instead of thinking to yourself oh when I feel imposter syndrome I think to myself oh I'm on the
00:28:26right path I shouldn't be doing this instead lean into it as an indicator that you're on the right
00:28:30path teach share the content that you want to share create the content that you've been wanting to
00:28:36create make that video posted on linkedin share your knowledge even before you feel ready because
00:28:41in the process you'll become more ready you'll become better at your craft you'll become a better
00:28:45teacher and there are so many people you're going to serve on the journey so don't let the imposter
00:28:50syndrome hold you back this year allow it to become something that moves you forward and progresses you
00:28:55on the journey of mastery.

Key Takeaway

Effective communication is a skill developed through a structured learning process, consistent practice, and the use of cognitive frameworks to transform scattered thoughts into clear, impactful delivery.

Highlights

The four stages of learning: Unconscious Incompetence, Conscious Incompetence, Conscious Competence, and Unconscious Competence.

The importance of 'reps' (repetition) and pushing through discomfort to achieve communication mastery.

Strategic use of the 'take it offline' technique to handle difficult questions in high-stakes presentations.

The '3-2-1' framework (3 steps, 2 types, 1 thing) for structuring thoughts and avoiding rambling under pressure.

The 'Matching and Mirroring' technique for building trust by aligning body language and vocal foundations.

Reframing imposter syndrome as a sign that you are on the right path and using teaching as a tool for personal growth.

Timeline

The Four Stages of Communication Learning

The speaker introduces the psychological stages of skill acquisition to explain why people feel self-conscious when speaking. Stage one is unconscious incompetence, where a speaker is unaware of their flaws, while stage two is conscious incompetence, where awareness of mistakes creates initial discomfort. Stage three, conscious competence, is described as the point of highest cognitive strain where the speaker must actively think about gestures, pauses, and tone. Finally, stage four is unconscious competence, which is defined as a form of mastery where skills become intuitive. This section emphasizes that feeling overwhelmed is a natural part of moving toward the final stage of mastery.

Achieving Mastery Through Repetition and Effort

The speaker uses a driving analogy to explain how communication becomes automatic over time through 'reps' or repeated practice. Many people get stuck in the middle stages of learning because they move away from discomfort rather than leaning into it. Pushing through nervous situations, like speaking up in meetings, is essential for shrinking the 'gap' between thought and execution. The speaker explains that once mastery is reached, you no longer think about the mechanics of speaking, just the intended destination. He also introduces the idea of vocal archetypes as a tool for ensuring your message is heard and respected by others.

Handling High-Stakes Questions and Avoiding Incompetence

This segment addresses a specific audience question regarding how to handle difficult questions from executives when you do not know the answer. The speaker suggests that while being vulnerable can be authentic, it requires high emotional intelligence to judge if the environment permits admitting ignorance. A powerful fallback strategy is to confidently suggest 'taking it offline' to maintain the flow of the presentation. Success with this technique relies heavily on maintaining consistent vocal foundations and body language to avoid looking clueless. The speaker demonstrates that your delivery and confidence often matter more than the literal answer in the moment of pressure.

Structuring Thoughts with the 3-2-1 Framework

To prevent rambling and mental freezing, the speaker introduces the '3-2-1' framework, which stands for three steps, two types, and one thing. This framework acts as a funnel for the brain, distilling a chaotic thinking process into a clear, concise, and coherent piece of communication. By telling yourself to focus on 'the one thing,' you create a beautiful cognitive constraint that naturally produces more clarity. The speaker notes that many people learn these concepts for a 'dopamine hit' but fail to apply them, leading to a sense of hopelessness. Mastering these frameworks is the key to moving from passive consumption to active, effective communication.

Simplicity and the Secrets of Effective Rehearsal

The speaker argues that simple language is far superior to complex jargon, which is often used as a defense mechanism for imposter syndrome. He highlights that high-effort rehearsal is the only way to avoid sounding robotic and to ensure high retention of content. By treating rehearsal as a full performance with expression and energy, speakers free up 80% of their cognitive capacity for delivery rather than just remembering words. Using a karaoke analogy, he explains that knowing your 'lyrics' allows you to focus on body language and connection with the audience. This preparation is what ultimately transforms a dead or robotic speech into a vibrant and engaging experience.

Building Trust and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

The final section covers 'matching and mirroring' body language and vocal foundations to build rapport and trust quickly. The speaker explains a strategy of meeting people where they are emotionally and then gradually leading them to a different state. He concludes by addressing imposter syndrome, suggesting that you do not need to be a 'level 9000' expert to teach others; you only need to be one step ahead of them. In fact, teaching is the very action that accelerates your own journey toward mastery and skill progression. By sharing knowledge even before feeling ready, you become more capable and serve a wider audience in the process.

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