How to Protect Your Brain When You Fall Into Habits of Lying to Spare Others' Feelings

Lying mindlessly in social situations to avoid criticism might help you get through a momentary crisis, but it keeps your mind in a constant state of busyness. According to cognitive psychologist John Sweller's Cognitive Load Theory, human working memory has clear limitations. When telling the truth, only a single pathway is used to retrieve facts from memory, but when lying, multiple calculations must run simultaneously in the brain to avoid getting caught. As research by Roy Baumeister shows, this relentless strain on the brain's executive functions depletes emotional energy and induces chronic lethargy. This is why a dishonest attitude not only ruins relationships but also exacerbates emotional fatigue.

Logging the Lies I Told Over a Week and the Cost of Psychological Exhaustion

By utilizing the Subjective Units of Distress Scale (SUDS) used in behavioral therapy, you can visually see how much energy avoidant lies consume. A score of 0 represents a completely calm state, while 100 represents extreme anxiety.

Record the context of the lie and distress score: Every evening, open a memo app and write down the defensive lies told out of concern for others' reactions, along with the distress score felt at that time. For example, if the score felt after lying that a proposal was finished out of fear of a boss's reprimand was 75, record it as such.
Calculate the time spent on cleanup: Leave a note detailing the overtime hours worked after leaving the office or the energy spent concealing your whereabouts just to maintain that lie.
Sum up the weekly scores: Add up all the scores accumulated over the week to check the total volume of your psychological fatigue, and set a target value of energy to save next week by telling the truth.

Practicing this method for just two weeks will allow you to feel your lethargy ease as unnecessary cognitive overload decreases.

Separating Facts and Emotions When Communicating with Others

Management expert Kim Scott calls the act of hiding the truth "ruinous empathy." Concealing the truth out of fear that the other person might get hurt is not consideration; it is a selfish defense mechanism to avoid the discomfort you would otherwise face. According to a study by Businessolver, organizations where truthfulness has disappeared see employee turnover rates skyrocket by up to 1.5 times.

Using the SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) model developed by the Center for Creative Leadership allows you to deliver only the facts without hurting the other person.

Specify the situation: Remove criticism and pinpoint precisely the timing in question. Start by stating that it is about the review of the project proposal requested yesterday morning.
State the behavior: Speak only objective facts without mixing in emotions. Explain that because the deadline is today, you haven't been able to check the proposal yet.
Deliver the impact and suggest an alternative: Calmly state the situation using "I-messages" and propose the next schedule. Say that since you were unable to thoroughly review it, it will be difficult to give feedback today, but you will check it by 2:00 PM tomorrow.

Rejecting Others' Expectations and Maintaining Your Boundaries

The habit of blindly agreeing to others' favors and fixing the mess with lies is referred to in psychology as a compliance response—suppressing oneself to avoid conflict. If this state persists for long, emotional exhaustion and physical fatigue ensue due to emotional labor.

Applying the S.A.F.E refusal formula allows you to protect relationships without making excuses.

Set limits: Accurately communicate your current work situation. Firmly state that you do not have the bandwidth to take on extra work because the deadline for your current project is tomorrow.
Offer an alternative: Take the initiative and request to readjust priorities. Suggest discussing which of your existing tasks should be postponed if this new task absolutely must be done.
Cut off excessive compensation: Remember that a refusal is a complete sentence in itself, and avoid adding lengthy apologies or explanations.

Enduring the Anxiety That Follows Telling the Truth

Brené Brown called the anxiety that floods in right after telling the truth "vulnerability hangover." The brain, which has protected itself with lies for a long time, perceives being honest as a threat to survival and pumps out cortisol.

To quiet this emotional backlash, a few physical routines are necessary:

Cognitive restructuring: Stop catastrophic thinking that refusing will make you look selfish, and reframe the thought that honest communication is ultimately beneficial for everyone.
Physiological sighing: Repeat five times taking a deep inhale through the nose in two distinct parts followed by a long, slow exhale through the mouth to stabilize the autonomic nervous system.
Practice graded exposure: Start small with minor truths. Instead of automatically answering that everything is fine, begin simply by honestly saying that you are tired.

How to Protect Your Brain When You Fall Into Habits of Lying to Spare Others' Feelings

Logging the Lies I Told Over a Week and the Cost of Psychological Exhaustion

Record the context of the lie and distress score: Every evening, open a memo app and write down the defensive lies told out of concern for others' reactions, along with the distress score felt at that time. For example, if the score felt after lying that a proposal was finished out of fear of a boss's reprimand was 75, record it as such.

Calculate the time spent on cleanup: Leave a note detailing the overtime hours worked after leaving the office or the energy spent concealing your whereabouts just to maintain that lie.

Sum up the weekly scores: Add up all the scores accumulated over the week to check the total volume of your psychological fatigue, and set a target value of energy to save next week by telling the truth.

Practicing this method for just two weeks will allow you to feel your lethargy ease as unnecessary cognitive overload decreases.

Separating Facts and Emotions When Communicating with Others

Using the SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) model developed by the Center for Creative Leadership allows you to deliver only the facts without hurting the other person.

Specify the situation: Remove criticism and pinpoint precisely the timing in question. Start by stating that it is about the review of the project proposal requested yesterday morning.

State the behavior: Speak only objective facts without mixing in emotions. Explain that because the deadline is today, you haven't been able to check the proposal yet.

Deliver the impact and suggest an alternative: Calmly state the situation using "I-messages" and propose the next schedule. Say that since you were unable to thoroughly review it, it will be difficult to give feedback today, but you will check it by 2:00 PM tomorrow.

Rejecting Others' Expectations and Maintaining Your Boundaries

Applying the S.A.F.E refusal formula allows you to protect relationships without making excuses.

Set limits: Accurately communicate your current work situation. Firmly state that you do not have the bandwidth to take on extra work because the deadline for your current project is tomorrow.

Offer an alternative: Take the initiative and request to readjust priorities. Suggest discussing which of your existing tasks should be postponed if this new task absolutely must be done.

Cut off excessive compensation: Remember that a refusal is a complete sentence in itself, and avoid adding lengthy apologies or explanations.

Enduring the Anxiety That Follows Telling the Truth

To quiet this emotional backlash, a few physical routines are necessary:

Cognitive restructuring: Stop catastrophic thinking that refusing will make you look selfish, and reframe the thought that honest communication is ultimately beneficial for everyone.

Physiological sighing: Repeat five times taking a deep inhale through the nose in two distinct parts followed by a long, slow exhale through the mouth to stabilize the autonomic nervous system.

Practice graded exposure: Start small with minor truths. Instead of automatically answering that everything is fine, begin simply by honestly saying that you are tired.

How to Protect Your Brain When You Fall Into Habits of Lying to Spare Others' Feelings

관련 영상

How Lying Sabotages Your Happiness

How to Protect Your Brain When You Fall Into Habits of Lying to Spare Others' Feelings

Logging the Lies I Told Over a Week and the Cost of Psychological Exhaustion

Separating Facts and Emotions When Communicating with Others

Rejecting Others' Expectations and Maintaining Your Boundaries

Enduring the Anxiety That Follows Telling the Truth

커뮤니티의 다른 글

영업 미팅에서 고객이 동의한다고 말할 때 진짜 속마음 읽어내는 법

재택 디자이너가 외출할 때 사람 목소리와 인파에 급격히 지치는 이유

4 Ways to Get Better at Friendship

영업 미팅에서 고객 방어벽을 뚫는 대화법

출입증 뒤의 메모 한 줄이 첫 미팅의 침묵을 깬다

휴가 때 슬랙 지우고 온콜 넘기기 위한 백엔드 인수인계 절차

댓글 (0)

How to Protect Your Brain When You Fall Into Habits of Lying to Spare Others' Feelings

Logging the Lies I Told Over a Week and the Cost of Psychological Exhaustion

Separating Facts and Emotions When Communicating with Others

Rejecting Others' Expectations and Maintaining Your Boundaries

Enduring the Anxiety That Follows Telling the Truth