00:00:00- You're making mistakes with your first impression
00:00:03that you can't see.
00:00:04And when these mistakes happen,
00:00:05it doesn't make you forgettable.
00:00:07It makes you incorrectly memorable.
00:00:10And because of a bad first impression,
00:00:12you now spend every future interaction trying to correct it.
00:00:15My name's Vin, I'm an international keynote speaker
00:00:17and communication coach.
00:00:18Over the last decade, I've met a lot of people
00:00:21and this is what I've come to realise.
00:00:24It only takes your brain a 10th of a second
00:00:26to form a read on someone
00:00:28when you meet them for the first time.
00:00:29And before they've even said anything,
00:00:31your brain has already decided who they are.
00:00:34Now imagine when someone meets you.
00:00:36What first impressions are you creating
00:00:38without you even realising?
00:00:40I'm going to show you what each one
00:00:42of these five components look like in order
00:00:44and the exact behaviour to replace it with.
00:00:47This doesn't just apply to networking.
00:00:49It applies to whenever you're meeting anybody
00:00:51for the first time.
00:00:52Component number one, how you walk into a room.
00:00:55Most people walk into a room and the first thing they do
00:00:58is they find something to look at that isn't another person.
00:01:01They look at their phone, they look at the ceiling,
00:01:03anywhere but the actual person.
00:01:06Your brain often defaults to making yourself small,
00:01:08which forces you to close yourself off with closed posture.
00:01:12But what does this signal to the people in the room?
00:01:14Well, it tells them that you lack confidence in yourself.
00:01:17You don't think that you belong in that room
00:01:19and you have low status.
00:01:21And without you saying even a single word,
00:01:23people have already made those judgements,
00:01:25whether they're true or whether they're not.
00:01:27So how do you fix this?
00:01:29I call this the doorway reset.
00:01:31And it's something that I've learned
00:01:32from one of my theatre coaches back in the day.
00:01:34He said to me, "Vin, your posture introduces you
00:01:36"before your words do."
00:01:38So every single time you're about to walk
00:01:39through any doorframe, readjust your posture.
00:01:43Because when you enter a new room,
00:01:44you're creating a new impression.
00:01:46And I've just anchored this in my mind
00:01:49anytime I walk through a doorframe.
00:01:51And I want you to anchor this into your mind as well.
00:01:53Before you walk through any doorframe,
00:01:56readjust your posture.
00:01:58Stand tall, shoulders down and back.
00:02:01And the centre of your head, imagine a piece of string,
00:02:03pulling it nice and high.
00:02:04Then walk into the room.
00:02:05And just this tiny shift that makes you
00:02:07not only look more confident,
00:02:09but when you introduce yourself and you speak,
00:02:11you sound more confident as well.
00:02:13Because your body is connected to your voice
00:02:15and your voice is connected to your body.
00:02:17Now you're in.
00:02:18But the next mistake usually happens
00:02:20in the first 10 seconds of meeting someone new.
00:02:22And it can make or break relationships.
00:02:24Component number two, remembering their name.
00:02:27This happens to all of us.
00:02:28And it goes a little something like this.
00:02:31- Yo, Vin, what's up, man?
00:02:34- What's up, Vin?
00:02:35- Good to see you.
00:02:35- Oh my God, it's been amazing, Vin.
00:02:37- Champ, man, it's good to see you.
00:02:40- Oh, Andy, Andy, oh dude.
00:02:42- You're gonna have to help me out, brother.
00:02:43I forgot the guy's name.
00:02:44Help me.
00:02:45I got you, man.
00:02:46- Hey, name's Andy.
00:02:48Nice to meet you, man.
00:02:49What's your name?
00:02:51- I'm gonna let this guy introduce me.
00:02:52'Cause he used to do it to me all the time in university.
00:02:55- Ah, (beep)
00:02:58I have no idea who the (beep) you are, man.
00:03:01Oh man, I hate situations like that.
00:03:04Oh my gosh.
00:03:05Now look, the common advice
00:03:06that you would often hear people say is,
00:03:08if you wanna remember people's names,
00:03:10just repeat their names in the first minute
00:03:12of you talking to them.
00:03:13And that helps with memory.
00:03:14Now that does work,
00:03:15but you've gotta be really subtle about that
00:03:16because you don't wanna be like,
00:03:18hey Craig, nice to meet you, Craig.
00:03:19Craig, what are you doing these days?
00:03:20Craig, how are you?
00:03:21Craig, again, that's just gonna be weird if you do that.
00:03:24You need more than just this strategy.
00:03:26And here's what I like to do.
00:03:28And it's something I rarely hear people talk about.
00:03:30And I've used this technique
00:03:31to remember the names of my students at my workshops
00:03:34and even recall the names of people I've met years ago.
00:03:37It's a very powerful technique
00:03:38and it's called name association.
00:03:41When someone tells you their name,
00:03:42immediately attach something to that name
00:03:45to make it more memorable.
00:03:46It could be a unique physical feature
00:03:48or a quality about that person.
00:03:50It could be an alliteration, a rhyme, an exaggeration,
00:03:54something that your brain can grab onto.
00:03:56And the more silly or vivid
00:03:58or wild the association actually is,
00:04:00the easier it is to remember their name.
00:04:02So if I met a bloke named Michael
00:04:04and the first thing I noticed about him
00:04:05is that he's got arms the size of my head,
00:04:08then I'm immediately going to be thinking,
00:04:09that's massive Michael with VIN-shaped biceps.
00:04:13So I imagine in my head, little VIN heads around his arms.
00:04:16It's a freaky picture,
00:04:17but that's how I remember massive Michael.
00:04:19And for example, if I meet someone named Sarah
00:04:22and I notice she's always smiling,
00:04:24now in my brain, she's smiley Sarah.
00:04:26And one more example.
00:04:27If I was trying to remember Craig's name,
00:04:28who's here with me right now in the studio,
00:04:30he's always behind the camera.
00:04:32So then I would call him Craig the camera camel.
00:04:36Why camel?
00:04:37Well, because the guy doesn't drink water.
00:04:38He never drinks water and he always drinks beers.
00:04:41Actually, I'll rename him.
00:04:42He's going to be Craig the alcoholic.
00:04:44See, now I'm never going to forget Craig's name
00:04:46because I've forever associated his name with alcohol.
00:04:50Jokes aside, can you see what I'm doing here?
00:04:52The more of a stronger association you can create
00:04:55with that person, whether it's with a physical feature
00:04:57or a play on words or a combination of both,
00:05:00then it's easier for you to recall their name.
00:05:03And if you use this technique just two to three times,
00:05:05it will lock their name into your memory for good.
00:05:08Now this is what you shouldn't do.
00:05:10You should not tell big nose Barry what his alliteration is.
00:05:14Some of these descriptions are not appropriate
00:05:17for public consumption.
00:05:19This is purely an internal filing system
00:05:21that you have just in your own head.
00:05:23Because like I said earlier,
00:05:24the more vivid the exaggeration, the better the connection,
00:05:28the more you'll remember it.
00:05:29So keep this to yourself.
00:05:30So why are we going to so much effort
00:05:32to remember somebody's name?
00:05:34Well, because somebody's name,
00:05:35it's the sweetest sound that they can hear.
00:05:37It shows that you're attentive
00:05:39and it makes people feel valued
00:05:41and it deepens your connection with them
00:05:42more than you realise.
00:05:43When someone says your name 20 minutes
00:05:45after you've introduced yourself,
00:05:47even though you've only said it once,
00:05:49doesn't it make you feel seen?
00:05:50Doesn't it make you feel special?
00:05:52All right, now you've got their name.
00:05:54You're in the conversation.
00:05:55But when you actually open your mouth,
00:05:57this is where it often falls apart for a lot of people.
00:06:00Component number three, how to use your voice.
00:06:03When you think about making a good first impression,
00:06:05what's the first thing that comes to your mind?
00:06:07It's probably how you look.
00:06:09Your outfit, your hair, your glasses, your shoes, right?
00:06:12This is visual image,
00:06:13but here's what nobody teaches you, unfortunately.
00:06:16A great first impression is made up of two parts,
00:06:18your visual image and then also your vocal image.
00:06:22Most people only focus on their visual image.
00:06:24Again, that's how you look.
00:06:25That's how you use your body language,
00:06:26what you wear, et cetera.
00:06:27But rarely do they think about their vocal image,
00:06:29which is how they sound.
00:06:31Here's the crazy part.
00:06:32You can buy your visual image.
00:06:34You can buy the watch.
00:06:35You can buy the glasses, the nice shirt,
00:06:37but you can't buy your vocal image.
00:06:40Your ability to communicate well,
00:06:42that's something that has to be earned.
00:06:44Most people spend 20 minutes trying to look good
00:06:46before they leave the house in the morning.
00:06:48But when was the last time you spent 20 minutes
00:06:51trying to sound good?
00:06:53Because you can have a strong visual image,
00:06:54but the moment you open your mouth
00:06:56and you reveal your vocal image,
00:06:58people are creating perceptions
00:07:00about your level of authority,
00:07:01your level of status, credibility,
00:07:03and whether or not they can trust you,
00:07:05how friendly you are.
00:07:06All of this is made in an instant
00:07:08the moment you open your mouth and reveal the vocal image.
00:07:10So what does your vocal image reveal about you
00:07:13without you even realizing?
00:07:14If you're just sitting there thinking,
00:07:16all right, but how do I actually get better at this?
00:07:18The first step isn't to start applying
00:07:20random communication tips you find
00:07:22on the internet to yourself
00:07:24and hope that it makes you a better communicator.
00:07:26No, you don't do this.
00:07:27The first step is self-awareness.
00:07:29And why is this the first step?
00:07:31Because when you identify
00:07:32what your communication blind spots are,
00:07:34then you can apply the right behavior changes
00:07:37that are specific to you,
00:07:39not just random tips,
00:07:40because random tips get random results.
00:07:42And what I'm about to recommend here,
00:07:44I know most of you are not gonna do,
00:07:46but to the top 5% who are going to apply this,
00:07:49it's going to feel uncomfortable.
00:07:50I know it's gonna feel uncomfortable.
00:07:52However, if you lean in and do it,
00:07:54it's going to change the way you communicate forever.
00:07:56Are you ready?
00:07:57It's for you to record a video of yourself speaking to camera.
00:08:01I know, it's so scary, Vin, I don't wanna do it.
00:08:04Come on, mate, just do it.
00:08:05You need to see yourself the way others see you
00:08:08when you communicate.
00:08:09Otherwise, you never get to see yourself
00:08:11from a different perspective.
00:08:12You never get to see yourself,
00:08:13'cause you're always looking at yourself
00:08:15through the lens of your own eyes.
00:08:16This is going to give you a lens outside looking at you.
00:08:20This is what helps you develop the self-awareness.
00:08:22So open up your camera app on the phone.
00:08:25Set your phone on a tripod or a table.
00:08:27Use the back camera
00:08:28so that you don't see yourself while you're doing this.
00:08:30Otherwise, you're gonna get all self-conscious.
00:08:31Hit record and then start talking.
00:08:34It has to be unscripted.
00:08:36Now, what am I gonna talk about, Vin, if it's unscripted?
00:08:38Here's a simple solution.
00:08:40I want you to just go to AI
00:08:42and ask it to prompt you between five to 10 questions
00:08:45that cause you to self-reflect,
00:08:47that force you to get to know yourself better.
00:08:49You might as well make the content of this video
00:08:51something that's gonna help you in your life.
00:08:54It's going to reveal your non-functional behaviors,
00:08:56and it's also going to help you dig deeper
00:08:58into who you are as a human being.
00:09:01A very important piece of information here.
00:09:02This video that you're recording
00:09:04needs to go for at least five to 10 minutes.
00:09:06Why?
00:09:07Because we need a large sample size
00:09:09of how you currently communicate
00:09:11so that we can tease out
00:09:12all of those non-functional behaviors.
00:09:14Once you've got this video, you must leave the video.
00:09:16Don't watch it.
00:09:17Leave it for 24 hours.
00:09:18We are way too judgmental,
00:09:20and if you watch it straight away,
00:09:21you're not gonna be able to continue the rest of the process
00:09:23as effectively as you can
00:09:24because you will think to yourself,
00:09:25"Oh, I don't like the way I look.
00:09:26"Oh, I don't like the way I sound."
00:09:28Leave it for 24 hours.
00:09:29Create some separation.
00:09:31And once you have the video, 24 hours later,
00:09:33you now have the perfect material
00:09:35to go and do a deep analysis on your visual image
00:09:38and your vocal image.
00:09:39And I don't have time to go through
00:09:41the complete process here,
00:09:42but I have created a free guide.
00:09:44It's a three-part video course
00:09:46designed to help you do exactly this.
00:09:48So if you wanna learn exactly how to identify
00:09:50your non-functional behaviors
00:09:52that you need to focus on and work on,
00:09:54just click the link in the description
00:09:55and access the free training there
00:09:57to help you develop that awareness.
00:09:58Or you can scan the QR code on screen too.
00:10:00It's completely free.
00:10:01It'll take you no more than 45 minutes
00:10:03to complete the process.
00:10:04Look, I need to hammer this point home.
00:10:06You can focus on your visual image all you want,
00:10:09but that's only 50% of the puzzle.
00:10:13So really start to master your vocal image
00:10:15paired with great visual image.
00:10:17And now you're going to create
00:10:18the best first impression every time.
00:10:21Component number four, what you say.
00:10:23So you've walked in the room with presence.
00:10:24You've locked in their name.
00:10:26You've shown up with a strong vocal image.
00:10:28Now comes the part most people get wrong.
00:10:31They think making a first grade impression
00:10:33is all about being impressive.
00:10:35It's not.
00:10:35Most people walk into a conversation thinking,
00:10:37what do I say next?
00:10:38How do I sound?
00:10:39Do they like me?
00:10:40It's me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
00:10:42And the moment your attention goes there,
00:10:44you stop being present.
00:10:45Think about the people who you've met,
00:10:47who've left a mark on you,
00:10:48who've left a great impression on you.
00:10:49When you met them, were they doing something different?
00:10:53Did they listen more than they spoke?
00:10:56Think about those interactions.
00:10:57These people always look out for the small details,
00:11:00the threads that they can pull on
00:11:02to get to know you better as a person.
00:11:04In other words, they're interested in you.
00:11:06They're not always putting the focus on themselves.
00:11:10I have a friend named Fong
00:11:11and everybody loves to be around him.
00:11:14And Fong, if you're watching this,
00:11:15hey, brother, look at you.
00:11:16You've made it into one of my YouTube videos.
00:11:18What a privilege for you, brother.
00:11:20But you see, the thing about Fong is that
00:11:22people love being around him,
00:11:23not for the main reasons why you think.
00:11:26He's not that charismatic.
00:11:27He's not the loudest and he's not even that funny.
00:11:30Yeah, Fong, you're not that funny.
00:11:32But you know what he's really good at?
00:11:33He's amazing at listening.
00:11:35Because in every conversation,
00:11:36he knows how to ask the exact right questions.
00:11:39He knows how to dig deeper with you
00:11:41to go below the surface level conversations.
00:11:43And everybody loves him.
00:11:44Heck, they love him more than me.
00:11:45They tell him more secrets than they tell me.
00:11:48And I used to always look at it and be like, why?
00:11:50But he has a secret power.
00:11:51Good old Vin over here,
00:11:52trying to always be the one that's the most interesting.
00:11:55Fong has learned the importance
00:11:57of being interested in others.
00:12:00So be the person who notices others.
00:12:03Be the person who listens for what's underneath the words.
00:12:06Ask them about their world, what they care about,
00:12:08what they do, what they love, what they're building,
00:12:12what they're hoping for.
00:12:13Because the moment someone feels genuinely seen,
00:12:16the conversation changes.
00:12:18It stops being about networking
00:12:20and it starts being about connection.
00:12:22While everyone's out there trying to get attention,
00:12:25you're now the one trying to give it.
00:12:28So what am I trying to say here?
00:12:29Be a little more like Fong and a little less like Vin.
00:12:33And that brings us to the final component
00:12:35because everything you've done up to this point,
00:12:37it all fades if you can't do this last part correctly.
00:12:40Component number five, what you do in the 24 hours after.
00:12:44Here's the move that separates a good first impression
00:12:47from one that actually lasts.
00:12:49Within 24 hours of meeting somebody new,
00:12:51send them a follow-up message.
00:12:52Not a cheesy LinkedIn request with a generic note,
00:12:56not an Instagram follow-up, an actual message.
00:12:58It doesn't need to be fancy.
00:13:00It just needs to be really, really specific.
00:13:02So let's just say you met somebody at an event
00:13:04and during that conversation,
00:13:05because you're now more like Fong and you listen better,
00:13:08you pull on certain threads,
00:13:10you learn that they've been trying
00:13:11to get better at exercising.
00:13:12And you saw that their eyes lit up
00:13:14when they were talking about exercising,
00:13:15but then you also saw their eyes kinda start to dim
00:13:18when they said, "Ah, but I'm really struggling
00:13:21"with staying consistent."
00:13:22You remember all of these and then you connect
00:13:24because you're on the same boat
00:13:26because you've also been trying to exercise too.
00:13:28And that's something you bonded over.
00:13:30If you're going to send a follow-up,
00:13:31you should send them something like this.
00:13:33Hey, it was so good meeting you last night.
00:13:35Listen, I know we both spoke last night
00:13:37about being more consistent at the gym.
00:13:38Here's someone who really inspires me.
00:13:40His name's Eugene.
00:13:41He's been able to help me achieve a lot of my fitness goals.
00:13:43So you should follow him too.
00:13:45I think it's gonna help you achieve your goals.
00:13:46And you know what?
00:13:47By the next time we meet, I bet you,
00:13:49we're both gonna have biceps the size of basketballs.
00:13:52Hey, it was genuinely great chatting with you last night.
00:13:54Hope to see you again soon.
00:13:56That's it.
00:13:57No pitch, no ask.
00:13:58You're not trying to get anything out of it.
00:14:00You're just trying to show that you cared
00:14:03and that you were present,
00:14:04that you enjoyed the conversation you had with them
00:14:06the night before.
00:14:07And there's one goal you have after this.
00:14:08So after you've sent that beautiful little message
00:14:10with no strings attached, then I ask you to be curious.
00:14:14Be curious about how you can help that person
00:14:16achieve one of their goals in life.
00:14:18As opposed to you immediately making an ask and going,
00:14:21"Hey, by the way, I'm an agency.
00:14:22Can I help you with this or can I help you with that?"
00:14:24Instead of doing that, before you ask people for something,
00:14:27give first.
00:14:29This is such a rare trait to have now.
00:14:32So after you send that follow-up,
00:14:34they might send you something back.
00:14:35I would suggest the next thing you send them is that,
00:14:37"Hey, by the way, if there's anything I can ever help you
00:14:40with to achieve your fitness goals,
00:14:42let me know, I'll be more than happy to do so."
00:14:44Because when you help somebody first,
00:14:47now you're applying a rule and it's rooted in psychology.
00:14:51There's a principle called the law of reciprocity.
00:14:53And it says that when someone gives you something
00:14:55with no strings attached, even something small,
00:14:58even just a thoughtful message or a thoughtful connection,
00:15:00your brain naturally now wants to give back.
00:15:02And you might be thinking,
00:15:03"But Vin, isn't this manipulation?"
00:15:05Yes, yes, it absolutely is.
00:15:08Don't you know that's my plan the entire time?
00:15:11Don't you know that's the purpose of this channel
00:15:13is to do evil things.
00:15:14No, I'm just kidding.
00:15:15I'm just kidding.
00:15:16I couldn't follow through with that because I'm not evil.
00:15:18And this isn't evil.
00:15:19It's not manipulation.
00:15:21It's just how the human brain is wired.
00:15:23We're built to return what we've been given.
00:15:26So when you send that message and you help the other person,
00:15:28there's no, "By the way,
00:15:29I would also love to pick your brain now
00:15:31because I've helped you, so you're gonna help me, right?"
00:15:33No, you don't say anything like that.
00:15:34It happens naturally.
00:15:36When the other person knows that you are being genuine,
00:15:38that you are trying to just help, they feel like you care.
00:15:41They remember you differently than the 10 other people
00:15:44they met the night before at the networking function.
00:15:46And when that happens, they want you in their network.
00:15:48They want you in their circle.
00:15:50And the only way you can have a quality connection
00:15:52with somebody is if on the night when you met them
00:15:55in the first place, you had quality listening abilities.
00:15:59It's not about being transactional.
00:16:00It's about making the other person feel seen,
00:16:02feel heard, feel understood,
00:16:03and to make the other person feel cared for.
00:16:05Start the relationship with a genuine connection
00:16:07and seriously just watch what happens.
00:16:10You can thank me later.
00:16:11Remember, if you wanna create a strong first impression,
00:16:13make sure you click the link in the description
00:16:15and learn the full self-awareness process.
00:16:17That's gonna make you aware of what you do visually.
00:16:19That's non-functional.
00:16:20The sounds you make that are non-functional.
00:16:23Even some of the things you say that are non-functional.
00:16:25So check that out in my free three-part video course
00:16:27in the description below,
00:16:29or you can scan the QR code up here.
00:16:31I'll see you in the next video.