00:00:00You're making these communication mistakes right now that you can't see. Yes, you. And it's costing
00:00:06you your career. I've made those mistakes for the last 10 years before anyone even told me. You see,
00:00:12I was building my career and as a keynote speaker, I thought I was bloody brilliant. But within many
00:00:17of my key interactions in high stake meetings, my communication skills, well, they let me down,
00:00:23which caused me to be overlooked for the bigger opportunities that existed. My name is Vin. I'm
00:00:27a communication skills expert. And after training some of the biggest companies in the world like
00:00:31Zoom, Microsoft, and teaching millions of people to improve the way they speak, I keep seeing these
00:00:36five same mistakes show up again and again. By the end, you'll know how to spot them and the exact
00:00:43behaviors to replace them with. Mistake number one, you forget the question you're being asked.
00:00:48This happens to all of us. And I know it's happened to you too, where someone on your team asks you a
00:00:54simple question about a project like, "Vin, are we still on track for Project Neo this Friday?"
00:00:59Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. Project Neo. So we kicked off a bit later than planned because
00:01:07we decided we needed a bit more time on the wireframes. And then the dev found a couple
00:01:11of issues. Then there was integration problem next week to make sure things are great. Of course.
00:01:16It was so funny you have to be there. Oh, wait. What was I asking you? No, no. Sorry. Sorry. Wait.
00:01:22I think were you asking me something? What was the question again? Oh, man. Did you notice that?
00:01:27Why does this happen to you? Why does it happen to me? Why does it happen to all of us? Well,
00:01:30there's a few things that's happening in your subconscious mind. When you first get asked a
00:01:34question about your project, you might be too focused on trying to prove that you're on top
00:01:39of everything. So you share all the details as evidence. You're anxious about leaving something
00:01:45important out. So you over-correct and you include every single detail. You haven't actually thought
00:01:50in your own head what the actual answer is. So you talk your way towards the point instead of just
00:01:56starting with the point. When you do this, you actually think you're adding value. You think,
00:02:02well, they asked me about the project, so I should tell them about the project. But most of the time,
00:02:07they're just seeking a high level status check, not inviting you to dump all the context.
00:02:12And the unfortunate thing is when this happens too often in front of your leaders and your managers,
00:02:17they don't see you as brilliant and thorough. They see you as unclear and hard to follow,
00:02:22which is why the next time a question gets thrown your way, here's a three-part communication
00:02:27framework I want you to use. It's called ACQ. The A stands for answer. The C stands for context.
00:02:34And the Q stands for question. Answer the question with just one clear sentence and add a little bit
00:02:43of context only if you need to. And then after that, ask them a clarifying question like,
00:02:48do you want more detail? So then they can pull more from you if they actually need it. And here
00:02:54is what that looks like. Hey, Vin, are we still on for Project Neo this Friday? Yes,
00:02:58we are still on track for Friday. We started a bit late because design needed a little more time,
00:03:04but the plan is aligned with next week's QA window. Did you need any more detail?
00:03:08No, that's all I needed to know. Awesome. Now, wasn't that way better? By using a
00:03:16communication framework like ACQ when answering questions, especially in a work context,
00:03:21ensures you actually do answer the question and you don't lose yourself in a rambling mess.
00:03:26That's invisible mistake number one. But invisible mistake number two is even sneakier because when
00:03:31you do it, you think you're coming across as thoughtful, but people actually perceive it
00:03:36as confusing. And mistake number two is when you externalize your thought process. This is when you
00:03:41think out loud when the situation calls for a formed thought. I was in a meeting last week
00:03:46with a highly credible individual. I had zero doubts about their knowledge and expertise.
00:03:50But when I asked them a simple question, the way they answered it suddenly made me question
00:03:55everything instead of pausing, finding a clear answer and then responding. He just spoke his
00:04:01thinking process out loud, let me down different paths and left me more confused than I was when
00:04:06I started. It sounded something like this. So Vin, what do you think our next step should be?
00:04:11Oh, I think it should be option A. Wait, maybe not. Because if we do go with option A,
00:04:18then we'd have to actually hold on. What if we went with option B? What if we did that instead?
00:04:23No way, that doesn't make sense. We should circle back to option D. What do you think of that?
00:04:29Actually, you know what? Stuff it, okay? Stuff it. We're going to go with option G,
00:04:34which stands for what? Elephant. I used to do this all the time. I share this with you
00:04:40for the simple reason that many of us, we know internally that we are smart,
00:04:44we are knowledgeable and we're capable. But the moment we open our mouths and we speak,
00:04:48our communication skills let us down. It causes people to undermine us and overlook us. And hey,
00:04:54by watching this video, by applying the frameworks that I teach you, the ones you're learning right
00:04:59now, you're not just speaking better. You're actively reshaping the way people perceive you.
00:05:05Because when you improve your communication skills, you amplify the best parts of you to those around
00:05:11you. Now, how do you avoid externalizing your thought process? I've already given you the
00:05:16answer in mistake number one, by using communication frameworks. Communication frameworks are your best
00:05:22friend, especially when you need to answer questions on the spot or you're put in high
00:05:27pressure situations. When you're put on the spot, generally what happens is you get nervous,
00:05:31which causes your mind to go blank. And then you lose your train of thought, which causes you to
00:05:35ramble and externalize your thinking. Frameworks allow you to lean on structures when your mind
00:05:41is in chaos. And I've actually recorded a free training where I've distilled three of the most
00:05:46powerful communication frameworks I use every single day in high stakes meetings or in everyday
00:05:51conversations so that I stop rambling. I speak in a way that's more clear, in a way that's more
00:05:56concise, in a way that's more coherent. Click the link below or scan the QR code on screen if you
00:06:01want to access that free training. Speaking with frameworks is the difference between sounding
00:06:05scattered and being the person people listen to, trust and promote. So make sure you check it out.
00:06:12So what's the best framework to avoid speaking your thinking process out loud? I actually posted
00:06:16a video recently sharing the exact process I'd use to stop rambling. So go watch that if you want the
00:06:22process in detail, but I'll quickly summarize it here for you too. Don't answer immediately. Pause,
00:06:28take a deep breath and move into the thinker pose, which is this. This gives you time to actually
00:06:36think about the answer. And when you do this, you might think, oh, it's so weird to pause like that.
00:06:40But trust me, it makes you come across more thoughtful and it creates more anticipation
00:06:45for what you're about to say next. Once you've thought of the answer in your head, then go ahead
00:06:50and use ACQ, the framework we learned earlier. Again, it's answer, context, question. I'll show
00:06:55you what that looks like in action. All of it. So Vin, what do you think our next step should be?
00:07:00Look, I recommend we go with option B because if we go with option A,
00:07:07we're going to hit scaling issues in quarter three. How's that sound to you?
00:07:10That's good. See that? In the first version, I verbalized the entire decision tree.
00:07:18In the second version, I delivered the decision. That's not to say you shouldn't ever verbalize
00:07:23your thoughts out loud. There are times for this where it's useful, like when you're brainstorming
00:07:29or you're collaborating with other people where this is necessary. But when someone needs a
00:07:32decision, a position, verbalizing your thoughts in those particular moments, it costs you credibility.
00:07:38You're showing them a rough draft where what they want is actually the final version. And look,
00:07:43I get it. A lot of us were trained to show our work, especially if you've got a technical role,
00:07:49like being an engineer. You were rewarded for transparency, for showing the exact steps that
00:07:53you took. That's great for problem solving. But when it comes to communicating, especially in high
00:07:58stakes situations, it can come across overwhelming and confusing. All right, let's get into mistake
00:08:03number three. You're defaulting to agreement without a position. It took me years before
00:08:08I could recognize this mistake within my own communication. It's when you remain neutral in
00:08:14every decision or question that comes your way. Imagine someone on your team asks the following.
00:08:19What do you guys want to eat for lunch? Yeah, look, I don't really mind where we go.
00:08:24Okay. Dan? I'm easy. Whatever the team wants.
00:08:29Vin? Oh, yeah. Well, look, I'm just going to be vague like everybody else because I don't want
00:08:36to bear the weight of the decision of where we have lunch because if I pick a place and then nobody
00:08:40likes it and then you'll blame me. So I don't know. Whatever you guys want to eat. I'm cool with that.
00:08:44Whatever. Oh, man. Can you see the problem? How annoying is that? Not only is it frustrating when
00:08:53your friends can't make a decision on where to go to eat, you end up not bloody going anywhere.
00:08:57But in a work context, it gives off the impression that you just go along with other people's
00:09:02decisions, that you don't have an opinion yourself and you're scared of making the wrong move. But by
00:09:08not actually taking a position, it makes you forgettable. And look, this one's relatable to
00:09:13so many of us because growing up, a lot of us were taught that being agreeable is the right thing. It
00:09:18helps us avoid conflict, especially early in your career. You don't want to seem difficult. You don't
00:09:23want to seem overly opinionated. So you stay neutral. But being neutral doesn't make you easier
00:09:29to work with. And it's invisible to you because you think you're being flexible. But to others,
00:09:35it signals a lack of decisiveness. And if you do this too often, you slowly exclude yourself
00:09:40from key decisions. Maybe you do have an opinion. Maybe you're just not sure yet. So you default to
00:09:45being neutral because you think it's safer. And again, maybe you're scared. If you're too direct,
00:09:51it makes you difficult to work with. But what happens as a result? People stop asking you for
00:09:56your opinion. In other words, you're making yourself irrelevant. So how do you avoid this?
00:10:02Here's exactly what you do. When someone asks you a question, actually take a moment to pause
00:10:06and think of your position, and then follow the PRO framework. The P stands for position,
00:10:13which means state your position. And then the R stands for reason, which essentially means give
00:10:22a reason for the position that you have. And then the O stands for open, which essentially is you
00:10:28opening it up for questions. And remember, if you want to learn the three most powerful communication
00:10:33frameworks that I use on a daily basis, remember to check out my free training in the description
00:10:37below. So for example, if you're in a team meeting and your manager says the following,
00:10:43we have two options. We can either post one video a week on YouTube or two videos. What do you say?
00:10:48My position is we should be posting two videos a week. We've seen a 200% increase in subscribers
00:10:53over the last month, and we need to double down on this while the channel has momentum.
00:10:56If we did move to two videos a week, what's the one thing you'd want new viewers to do when they
00:11:00land on one of our videos? Peter, the answer is simple. They should like the video they're
00:11:05watching and hit subscribe because we're not going to move on from this skit until they do.
00:11:18I love how creative we can be with getting you to subscribe. I mean, did you do it? No,
00:11:29but seriously, if you want to support us, that teeny weeny action goes a long way.
00:11:34All right, back to the point. Did you see how powerful that example was in the skit?
00:11:38Did it come across difficult? Absolutely not. So remember to use the PRO framework more often
00:11:44when you're asked about your input on something, because people who actually stand for something
00:11:49are the ones who influence decisions. Okay, this next mistake is something I can guarantee 99% of
00:11:54people do. Mistake number four is not leading the energy. When you're in a room with a group of
00:12:01people, you let the room decide how you show up. If they're quiet, you're quiet. If they're energetic,
00:12:07you're energetic. And there's nothing particularly wrong with that because this is how you build
00:12:11rapport with people fast by meeting people where they are and matching their energy. What I am
00:12:16talking about is understanding that you have the power to shift the energy in the room and setting
00:12:22the tone for the people to match you instead of just you matching others. This is one of the traits
00:12:28of great leaders. They don't just copy the energy in the room, they set the tone. For me, when I'm
00:12:33talking to my team every single day, there are moments that require high levels of passion. Then
00:12:38there are moments that require deep levels of focus. As we move from light to funny topics to more
00:12:45serious and thoughtful ones, as a leader, I deliberately shift the way I show up. I'm guiding
00:12:50the energy of the people around me. And this is what makes you magnetic and charismatic as a
00:12:56communicator. You don't just contribute a thought, you shift people's energy. So practically, how do
00:13:01you do this? How do you not only match people's energy but actually set the tone of the room so
00:13:06that others follow your lead? Well, step number one, you have to learn to read the room. Understand how
00:13:12people are currently showing up with their level of energy. Think about how people are using their
00:13:17voice. Are they loud? Are they quiet? Are they talking fast or slow? Is the topic playful or
00:13:23is it serious and heavy? Once you get a good read of the room, step two is to match and mirror them.
00:13:29If they're calm and thoughtful, don't engage them with a loud volume, meet them with calmness. Again,
00:13:35why is this important? Because it creates harmony and makes people feel like you get them. And only
00:13:42once you feel you're in rapport, then you move to step three, which is to shift your voice slowly
00:13:48to guide them to the energy level you want it to be at. If you're calm and thoughtful and you want
00:13:54to shift the energy to something more light and playful, you add a bit more volume, a bit more
00:13:59warmth and melody into your voice. You're still with them, you're just inviting them to a different
00:14:03level. In a leadership context, your job is to meet people where they are and then take them to where
00:14:08the conversation needs to go. And yes, this is hard. You don't need to be a motivational speaker on
00:14:14standby 24/7, but the people who grow the fastest and create the most impact, they aren't afraid
00:14:20to set the tone of the room and not just conform. Here's the last one. This is the one that kept me
00:14:27stuck the longest. Mistake number five, not playing your instrument to its fullest potential. Imagine
00:14:34a friend gifted you a guitar, but he never actually taught you how to play it. That guitar will sit on
00:14:40the shelf, collect dust and become wasted potential. Most of you don't realize this, but your voice is
00:14:47also an instrument. And just like how my friend gave me this guitar without teaching me how to play
00:14:52it, no one actually gave you the instruction manual on how to use your voice. When was the last time
00:14:58someone sat you down and taught you how to play with your instrument, your voice? It took me over
00:15:0510 years to master my communication skills. And I can tell you right now, it's the one skill that
00:15:12has transformed my life. And I don't say that lightly. I've been lucky enough to help millions
00:15:18of people unlock their voice and play their instruments better. And when they do, they unlock
00:15:23their potential in their careers. They get promoted, they get recognized and finally get seen for the
00:15:29value that they bring, not just the work they do in the background. So what does playing your
00:15:35instrument actually look like? Well, most of us only play the same five keys on the piano,
00:15:40regardless of what we're talking about. They use the same melody, they use the same rate of speech,
00:15:45and they use the same volume kind of like I'm doing right now. The goal is to learn how to play all 88
00:15:50keys of your piano or guitar, however many keys there are on that instrument over there. The goal
00:15:57is to learn how to be dynamic as a communicator. And what's a practical way to do this? Learning
00:16:02how to control a few simple dials, your rate of speech, your volume, your melody. When you speed
00:16:07up, it makes you sound more passionate. When you slow down, it adds weight to your words and
00:16:13highlights what you're saying. When you speak loud, you're showing confidence and vitality.
00:16:19And when you speak quietly, you're forcing people to lean in. And when you add a little bit more melody
00:16:24to your voice, not only does it make you more dynamic, it makes you more engaging and memorable.
00:16:29The greatest communicators know how to control these dials when they're communicating,
00:16:34and they mix it up to keep you engaged. Sometimes they speed up, sometimes they lower their voice,
00:16:39sometimes they use lots of melody. This is what makes you more dynamic and also makes you easier
00:16:45to listen to. These are the five mistakes that most people make when they speak. And now you can't
00:16:51unsee it. Sorry. Replace these mistakes with the new behaviors I've shared with you in this video.
00:16:56And you've unlocked a whole new version of you that no longer is overlooked and ignored,
00:17:02but rather is respected and listened to. Don't be so attached to who you are in the present
00:17:07that you don't give the future version of you a chance. Make sure you check out the link in
00:17:12the description for my free training to dive deeper into communication frameworks.
00:17:16I'll see you in the next video.