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00:00:00people of the uk and ireland if you are coming to see me on tour i want to hear from you i want to
00:00:04know what problems you're dealing with your worst first date and any questions that you've got for
00:00:08me and i will be bringing some of you up on stage to talk about it so if you're coming to see me on
00:00:13tour this october go to chriswilliamson.live stories submit them and i might see you with
00:00:19a mic in front of your face very soon chriswilliamson.live stories what are the unifying
00:00:23features of how to have a great life let's just start with how to have a great life james hollis
00:00:28came on my podcast 84 years old surprised the shit out of me when he said here's how you have a great
00:00:33life it involves four things the first three are shut up that's the first one i go shut up and he
00:00:40goes yeah someone's always got it worse than you nobody wants to hear you whine have gratitude for
00:00:46what you do have if you're alive you got something to be grateful for i didn't really expect that from
00:00:51him you know he's like this 85 year old youngian analyst he talks about the unconscious mind he goes
00:00:55shut up your day should start with huberman shut up whatever's got you bothered shut up you got it
00:01:01better than somebody interesting okay i wish someone had said that to you earlier but that's okay
00:01:04thank you um second
00:01:06you can keep this in next next he said chris williamson go fuck yourself yeah that's true
00:01:16first is shut up second is suit up what is suit up suit up is you have a role to fulfill each day
00:01:26for other people and for yourself and for the world suit up is get prepared shower organize your room we've
00:01:33heard this stuff from jordan and from other people but get your act together so that you can then do
00:01:38the third thing effectively which is show up go find a role in life and fulfill it might not be the role
00:01:45you fulfill your entire life but if it's a summer camp counselor if it's a babysitter if it's a
00:01:50a nanny if it's a firefighter if it's whatever you you are doing at some point you let you in order to
00:01:56have confidence and be a healthy happy person you need to fulfill roles for society meaning for people
00:02:02in your life not just for you you have to be in service now some people might think well i want to
00:02:06make as much money in the world as possible so that's not me but a lot of people feel that way
00:02:10great to do what go fulfill that role so get dressed properly do those things it sounds so basic right
00:02:16so shut up is about gratitude suit up is about prepare and practice don't show up you know don't
00:02:21for me i delayed the publication of the book three times why because i want the book to be something
00:02:26i'm truly proud of and that people will feel that they were honored as smart people who deserve
00:02:33quality information period end of story and i was willing to tell the publisher and everyone else
00:02:37look i'm so so sorry but i'm going back in again and again and again eat the shame because
00:02:42ultimately i had a higher value which was that the book be of good to extreme value to anyone that
00:02:49that that read it or even just looked at a chapter for instance and then that last one of show up is
00:02:55actually go do the work like chop wood carry water like no one gives a shit that you don't want to do
00:03:00it today just do it great confidence comes from those but then he said the fourth thing the pitfall
00:03:05is that when we get too much into role playing these roles and doing these things we we don't
00:03:14often enough or excuse me many people end up down a road that they don't really want to be on and
00:03:22everyone fears that so he said that solution to this is very simple once a day go into your mind and get
00:03:27out of stimulus response you either meditate or just breathe you draw you listen to music you don't look at
00:03:34your phone you don't think about your role in the world and all you do is you try and listen to and
00:03:39it sounds real squishy but when it's next to shut up suit up show up i feel comfortable saying it
00:03:44which is you ask yourself like what is my deeper wish my heart's desire what do i need to be focusing
00:03:51on now maybe i have enough career enough money enough enough uh whatever you know colleague respect
00:03:58it's there maybe now it's time to uh focus more on relationships maybe it's time to focus less on
00:04:05one's role as a mother father not completely but focus more on an artistic creative side that if you
00:04:11don't satisfy you're not going to feel like you had a good life so personal development if you look at
00:04:16those bins it's not about shut up suit up show up and do this internal practice of getting out of
00:04:22stimulus response it's that's just one example you look out across the landscape of personal development
00:04:28and almost everything slots into one or two but usually just one of those entire books are about
00:04:34the first one or just the the last one or two of the two of the four and i go that's very satisfying
00:04:41to me because as my colleague said putting a structure on things is is very helpful because
00:04:45it helps us navigate without feeling like there's all this information wait i'm supposed to journal
00:04:49and i'm supposed to do therapy and maybe psychedelics maybe not and i'm supposed to have social connection
00:04:54and i'm like pretty soon you're like when am i supposed to do the morning sunlight thing it's a lot so
00:04:58the idea is that you you understand the framework and then when it comes to the trauma piece
00:05:03for unlearning right like there's a tremendous amount of information in the book on how to focus
00:05:07and learn better but then also what about unlearning all of getting over bad stuff is four steps the
00:05:16process is four steps the first thing you need to acknowledge the bad thing you can't just deny it
00:05:21anymore you can't suppress it what are you suppressing you need to acknowledge this happened this sucks
00:05:27two the second step is you need to feel the feelings completely there is no working around this
00:05:32there are entire books and workshops written around breathing into psychedelic into talking into hugging
00:05:39into shaking into feeling the full suck of the horrible thing that happened or things
00:05:49but that's not where it stops people often just end there the next piece is feeling calmer even slightly and
00:05:57more peaceful around the accurate detailed memory of the thing you're now uncoupling the emotion from the
00:06:04thing you can't just live in the feel your feelings we have an entire generation of people and collection of
00:06:09people online who are only there and they wonder why they're still there at the mercy of their feelings
00:06:14they're at the mercy of their feelings but also they're not effective in the world they're not affecting
00:06:18change they think they are but they're not affecting change this is actually why i think they hate one
00:06:23of the many reasons why successful people are often hated because they're moving along they're like
00:06:29i feel like sometimes online i look and i'm like you remind me of those kids when i would go home
00:06:33because i left i went to college then came back and that scared the out of me because i was like oh my god
00:06:40you guys could write a textbook on how to become a like a world-class loser and some of them weren't
00:06:45like drugging out or anything i was just like you guys are still talking about stuff that well today
00:06:49i talked about stuff that happened in high school that was helpful for me but you guys are like stuck
00:06:55it's like these people that hang out in the parking lot of bars for years and years talking about
00:06:59this thing i mean it's the saddest thing in the world and men do it one way women do it another way
00:07:05it's this fixation on the things that happen that we feel wronged about and we all have them right and
00:07:11granted some people were genuinely wrong that's not the point here it's not whether they were wrong
00:07:15i said they're stuck there and the third piece is about the uncoupling and then the fourth piece is
00:07:21what we kind of think of as the magic of life where people take the hard thing and the experience and
00:07:27their journey of moving through it and they transmute it into something of beauty and goodness
00:07:33for the world these are the people that go and talk at bereavement workshops talk to people who've lost
00:07:41a child talk to people um who have experienced horrible things talk to maybe they even just plant
00:07:48a flower and put it in the windowsill and every morning they appreciate not the pain they went through
00:07:55but the pain they went through that they no longer experience and the beauty that they're representing a
00:07:59small detail right a small detail in their life they've transmuted the pain but you can't just go
00:08:05oh you know what you had this horrible thing happen you know plant a flower put it in the windowsill and
00:08:10think about how beautiful it is you can't take somebody who's struggling in number one or two
00:08:14or three and put them there so for me go back through those four for me what's that go back through
00:08:19this well acknowledge the thing yep straight on exactly what happened or how many things you know
00:08:25what is the thing that sucks that hurts so much two you have to in a safe environment this is why
00:08:31there's an interest in clinical trials on mdma because it's this empathogen makes people feel
00:08:36you know love and safe but you need that's not the only way i mean there's therapy there's journaling i
00:08:41talk about this and talk about all the different approaches to each of these steps that's the second
00:08:45step you have to feel the feelings completely of the horrible thing that happened the third thing is
00:08:52once you've done that enough and we talk about what enough is you need to be able to recall the
00:08:59details and specifics of the horrible thing that happened with less emotional load the emotional load
00:09:05starts to peel back and it's a hard step to get to but once you get there it's a process it's not like
00:09:11you go in and you go okay today i'm gonna remember everything but it's not gonna bother me at all
00:09:15little by little you start to uncoupled it's like memory exposure therapy some people do emdr
00:09:20that's one way some people do hypnosis some people do talk therapy pennebaker has people journal four
00:09:25times for 15 minutes each about the horrible thing that happened this takes them through steps two and three
00:09:3315 minutes one day 15 minutes the next day 15 minutes the next day 15 minutes the next day no more no less
00:09:37and by the fourth day tens of thousands of data points now not just individuals but many many papers
00:09:43even if you know manuscripts scientific manuscripts but even if you tear up the writing afterward even if
00:09:48you delete the file you find that people move through steps two and three to a significant degree
00:09:55and then the fourth step is not just letting it hover there as this thing that you got through but finding
00:10:04some way or ways it can be many of transmuting that entire experience the thing that happened and the
00:10:10way you moved through it into some point of beauty or contribution to your own well-being and to others
00:10:17well-being could be yeah dog and the dog represents every bit of your ability to love unconditionally
00:10:24and their ability to love unconditionally that represents the unconditional love you didn't get
00:10:28maybe it's the someone who has suffered a horrible trauma is helping people who suffered similar traumas
00:10:34or maybe it's some just symbol right i mean you know in a very jungian way it can just be a symbol of like
00:10:40maybe you have this paper weight and that symbol is the the weight of your your certainty that you made
00:10:46it through and you just you know that the human mind can assign symbols to experiences very easily
00:10:51good or bad so those are the four steps and for me and thinking about personal development it was like
00:10:58how do i look out on the entire landscape of all these books and all these podcasts and think
00:11:02and and science and think what's the best way to move through you acknowledge that process
00:11:07neuroplasticity is alert focus agitation through genuine errors to get things right reinforce through
00:11:14sleep and self-testing those are the steps there's not a fifth step or a sixth step there's not jump
00:11:21to step three and avoid steps one and two so these days a lot of my role in in my public life is to
00:11:27educate about processes and when and this all comes from my training in neuroscience you don't teach people
00:11:34neurons fire action potentials that's the first thing you teach them then you tell them how that happens
00:11:39and once they understand how that happens and you get the action potential they have embedded in their
00:11:45mind and understanding of when a neuron fires neuron fires they're not thinking about all the steps but
00:11:50it's all there that's what we call true understanding you have a nuanced multi-level understanding of
00:11:58something and i think that all too often in the optimization space we say hey this red light is
00:12:03going to give you better skin it's going to improve your mitochondria and people of course
00:12:07just want those effects but if people are feeling overwhelmed they should think well what's better
00:12:12red light or ghk copper i would say well what's the best source of of red light it's the sun
00:12:18minus uv when does that happen when the sun is low in the sky boom you got the best red light therapy
00:12:23that you could ever get minus uv for zero cost congratulations you want a red light too cool be
00:12:29my guest i own one you might want one too but just we're talking about long wavelength light minus uv
00:12:35end of story so it's not complicated and i think the same is true in resistance training andy galpin
00:12:40talks about this or exercise they're only like five or six different adaptations better speed better power
00:12:46better you know i mean you've added a seventh of like like you know forearms but for the rest of us
00:12:52there are only six and you can get that through crossfit you can get that through sets to failure
00:12:57you can get more volume with near failure like once you understand something you're in a position to
00:13:03make much better choices around it and so my i'm actually wondering when to retire right now i'm kind
00:13:08of thinking what's next and i have some ideas about where that's going but i think we in 2026 right
00:13:14heading into 2027 i think we pretty well understand the principles of great mental health physical health and
00:13:21performance i've learned from over a thousand podcast episodes the easier that you make your
00:13:25health routine the more consistent you'll be it's like golf right you want to keep it simple and not
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00:14:11drink ag1.com modern wisdom that's drink ag1.com modern wisdom thank you very much for tuning in
00:14:19if you enjoyed that clip you will love the full-length episode in all of its glory right here come on press it
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