00:00:00- Can we discuss a list of things I have
00:00:02that are some of the most difficult to do
00:00:04whilst looking dignified?
00:00:05- Yes, and after that, I want one of us to remember
00:00:08to go back to talk about the game thing.
00:00:09- Game thing.
00:00:10Picking up a moving ping pong ball.
00:00:13Very difficult to do with dignity.
00:00:17Like if I throw a ping pong ball over there
00:00:18and I'm like, Rick, would you grab that for me, please?
00:00:20And you're like, eh, eh, eh, you just tumble after it.
00:00:22- You're not an athlete.
00:00:23- Starting a stopped bicycle.
00:00:25- I get it.
00:00:28- Turning around, ever.
00:00:31- Eating a little bag of cereal with your hands.
00:00:35- Yes, yes.
00:00:36Trying to consume soup that's too hot.
00:00:41- On the opposite end,
00:00:42eating from an ice cream cone that's melting.
00:00:45- And you gotta move real quick and get around the sides.
00:00:48Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're like Bonnie Blue.
00:00:50You're out.
00:00:56- Working out how to sleep inside of a blanket
00:01:00in a room that is too hot while you're too cold
00:01:05or that is too cold while you're too hot.
00:01:07You're like, okay, do I go arms under
00:01:08and just poke my head out like a little mummy
00:01:10or do I take my arms out and then pull it back down?
00:01:13- That's making me think of being in a bedroom,
00:01:16making love to somebody and then going into the bathroom
00:01:18while they're still in bed if you have a small ass.
00:01:21- If you have a small ass?
00:01:22- Yes, I have a small ass.
00:01:23So whenever I walk to a bathroom,
00:01:25I either have to moonwalk back
00:01:27so they see my big rock hard cock
00:01:29or I have to say, I have a little ass, don't look at me.
00:01:31- Why is it still hard?
00:01:32- Well, it was hard, but still, I guess it's not hard.
00:01:36- Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:01:37- Which is also, by the way, I used to be very embarrassed.
00:01:41Of course, it's embarrassing to be seen naked.
00:01:42I mean, it's a vulnerable thing,
00:01:44but if I'm gonna be intimate with somebody
00:01:47and they see me soft, that's fine, it's gonna happen.
00:01:50If a woman ever sees my penis soft before hard,
00:01:55I am humiliated.
00:01:57- It's okay to have gone from grower to shower,
00:02:00but not from the soft to hard.
00:02:03It's like, okay, as long as you've seen
00:02:05the Statue of Liberty as it's meant to be.
00:02:08- It's almost as if I think that she thinks
00:02:10when she sees my penis soft, she thinks,
00:02:12is that his penis when it's hard?
00:02:14- Right, okay.
00:02:15Have you ever called that out?
00:02:16Just so you know, darling, this is soft right now.
00:02:19It does get harder than this.
00:02:20- You told a, I don't remember what it was,
00:02:23but it was a love note from a husband to his wife,
00:02:26and the reveal at the end is she is no longer with us.
00:02:28Beautiful, I've watched that a couple of times,
00:02:31and it makes me cry when I do.
00:02:34He calls her darling, and to hear you say darling
00:02:36in that voice, in this context, when that way of darling
00:02:40is associated with this is really,
00:02:42is what it's like when I'm seeing my flat ass.
00:02:44- Pavlovian response, okay.
00:02:46Sidling into a booth at a sports bar
00:02:51and you have to be the one that's right at the very end.
00:02:53- That's the one that I connect,
00:02:54out of all the ones that you said,
00:02:56that's the one that I connect with the most.
00:02:58- Closing a car door whilst holding two bags of luggage.
00:03:02- No, that's the fucking coolest.
00:03:03You use your knee or something.
00:03:04- You gotta do that like, ah!
00:03:05- No, that's cool guys, no, you don't have to do that.
00:03:07And why are you putting the luggage so high up?
00:03:08Keep it down here and give it a little nudge.
00:03:10- Okay, all right, fair enough.
00:03:11- You don't have to go like this.
00:03:12- Well, you do, you're like, it's like rom-com
00:03:15and you've just got back from the date and you're like, ah!
00:03:17And you're like, yeah, that's it.
00:03:19- Drinking from a straw during a fight.
00:03:21- Dude, drinking from a straw is so good.
00:03:23Trying to catch a straw that's like,
00:03:25you've got Cup over here watching something
00:03:26or talking to somebody and you miss it and you go.
00:03:30- See, I think that's just fun comedy acting.
00:03:32I think even just going for a straw, my instinct,
00:03:34even when I'm by myself is.
00:03:36- Like a horse, you look like a horse.
00:03:40You know when it does that thing where it goes like,
00:03:41la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
00:03:43Have you ever seen that?
00:03:45Yes, you have.
00:03:46Punk in the game again.
00:03:47- Why don't we just move on?
00:03:48- Okay, tell me about the rules of the game.
00:03:51- Nay, it's over.
00:03:52- Nay.
00:03:53- So do you have more though?
00:03:55- What else have I got that's in that?
00:03:57Yeah, you can go.
00:03:58- The idea of, and if you have any, call them out.
00:04:04But the idea of the rules to the game and setting them up,
00:04:09I think that that is literally getting on the same page
00:04:14with somebody.
00:04:16So we could get on the same page by just kind of maneuvering
00:04:18and seeing if we could figure it out.
00:04:20But what's the, in the list of pros and cons,
00:04:25what's the con of you saying, wait, hold on a second.
00:04:27I'm confused with this, or hold on a second.
00:04:29It seems like you and I are on the same page.
00:04:31We have to, you have to serve it
00:04:33to the opposite end of the court.
00:04:34Like what's the con for not wanting to do that?
00:04:37- The con for not wanting to, well,
00:04:43the con for doing it is easier to make the case of.
00:04:47Just that you have to-
00:04:49- That's what I meant, that's how I meant it, yeah.
00:04:51- Break the flow of the conversation
00:04:54in order to be able to talk about the conversation.
00:04:56And typically for some people,
00:04:57that feels a little bit uncomfortable.
00:04:59- Yeah, so you're cannibalizing the momentum.
00:05:02- Yeah, of course.
00:05:02We're back and forth, we're back and forth.
00:05:04Am I doing the thing?
00:05:04And it's like, hey, no, stop.
00:05:06And I think my point around where are the rules
00:05:08of the conversation sport written
00:05:11and the fact that they aren't,
00:05:12I think what I'm, the reason that I feel more comfortable
00:05:16and I feel like most people would feel more comfortable
00:05:18talking about the rules of pickleball
00:05:21than they would the rules of the conversation
00:05:23in whatever form you think that that exists,
00:05:25is legitimacy.
00:05:28Because someone somewhere knows
00:05:30there's a fucking ancient scroll
00:05:32that's got the pickleball rules written on it.
00:05:35- Well, there's an ancient scroll
00:05:36that says you're supposed to say good things, how are you?
00:05:38- But is there?
00:05:38No, I don't think there is, not in the same way.
00:05:41Because it's unconstrained, here's another one.
00:05:44Let me give you this one, which I love as an example.
00:05:47Your capacity at pickleball is not judged
00:05:52as being close to your sense of self.
00:05:55I'm not saying, and for a professional pickleball player
00:05:57or somebody who is a insecure overachiever,
00:06:00maybe you do feel like your performance in pickleball
00:06:02at the local pickleball league determines your self worth.
00:06:05But most people would say, if you made some error
00:06:08in the game of pickleball by stepping into the kitchen,
00:06:10that doesn't mean that you are bad or that you are lesser.
00:06:14- Yeah, and I think, what a bummer
00:06:15that if you make an error and you say,
00:06:17oh, he was an Indian guy, by the way,
00:06:18and you're like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that,
00:06:20oh, that you're a bad pickleball player.
00:06:22- Okay, he's a great pickleball player.
00:06:23He's number two in the world.
00:06:24- No, I'm being sincere.
00:06:26I'm saying that if you do something bad in pickleball,
00:06:30it's not gonna affect your self worth,
00:06:32traditionally you're saying.
00:06:33Where if you get in a booth
00:06:36and you have to go to the other end
00:06:38or a girl sees your flat little bullshit ass, I'm less than.
00:06:42What a bummer.
00:06:44- Well, that's true.
00:06:46My point is when we're talking about conversation.
00:06:48- Sorry, even me addressing it stops the momentum.
00:06:52- A little, but it's funny.
00:06:54- It wasn't that funny.
00:06:55- All right, well, I mean, you did it.
00:06:56- Yeah, but.
00:06:57- Which side of this debate,
00:07:00do you want to defend yourself or not?
00:07:02- Oh, I didn't even realize that's what I was doing.
00:07:04- No.
00:07:06- I'm like, I'm interested in this and like,
00:07:10I didn't realize that's what I was doing.
00:07:11I'm like, just noticing like, oh, like the momentum shift.
00:07:14Okay, this is what he was talking about.
00:07:15And I'm just trying to form an opinion on that just then.
00:07:18But now I'm feeling like I'm stepping on what you're saying.
00:07:21And you called me out in something
00:07:22that I'm a little confused with.
00:07:24- I was just trying to, 'cause you said bummer, it's funny.
00:07:27You said bummer presumably because you thought it was funny.
00:07:30And I'm like, well, you said it presumably
00:07:32'cause you thought it was.
00:07:33I said, it's funny.
00:07:34You said, no, it's not.
00:07:34Which one, you can either say it and believe it
00:07:38or say that it wasn't funny, but you don't get to do both.
00:07:41- I mean, I guess were these rules written somewhere?
00:07:43Do you want to talk about it?
00:07:45- Fuck you.
00:07:46Okay.
00:07:48- In my mind, the bummer is a throwaway.
00:07:50You familiar with this term over where you're from?
00:07:52- Tag, little tag.
00:07:54- There's a difference and we don't need to get into it.
00:07:57- Cool.
00:07:58- Throwaway is, if you hear it, enjoy it or don't.
00:08:01If you don't hear it, it doesn't, it doesn't,
00:08:04there's no exposition in it.
00:08:05It doesn't matter.
00:08:06It's just something, it's like, oh yeah, nice car.
00:08:07- So it was my fault.
00:08:09- Oh man, you are an overachiever.
00:08:11So what I'm saying is when I--
00:08:13- Don't want me to make your bummer my fault.
00:08:15Your flat ass is now--
00:08:16- It's funny that you say that.
00:08:17- Your bummer is my fault.
00:08:19In other news, I've been drinking AG1 every morning
00:08:22for years now.
00:08:23Dude, you tried to fast ball me that.
00:08:25That was down the plate and I've just Shohei Ohtani did.
00:08:27I've been drinking AG1 for as long as I can remember.
00:08:29It is the best all-in-one drink that I've ever found
00:08:32and that's why I'm such a fan of them.
00:08:34And that's why I partnered with them as well.
00:08:35I have got my mom to start taking it.
00:08:37My dad to start taking it and all of my friends as well.
00:08:39And if I found anything better, I would switch,
00:08:42but I haven't.
00:08:43Why do you keep throwing it at the mic?
00:08:44Stop throwing it at the mic.
00:08:46See, anyway, over 75 vitamins, minerals
00:08:49and whole food source ingredients.
00:08:50You've got probiotics and prebiotics.
00:08:52Also NSF certified, meaning that even Olympians can use it.
00:08:55And in the throat, in the throat, how dare you?
00:09:02I hit the side.
00:09:04(laughing)
00:09:05I hit the.
00:09:06Oh, this isn't even an ad read anymore.
00:09:11It's just a war zone.
00:09:15Oh, okay, okay.
00:09:16Anyway, if you too want something to throw at your friends
00:09:19or a tasty blend of 75 vitamins, minerals, probiotics
00:09:24and whole food source ingredients designed
00:09:26to drink first thing in the morning in one scoop it's here.
00:09:29Go to drinkag1.com/modernwisdom.
00:09:32For stuff.
00:09:33I thank you.
00:09:38Thank you very much for tuning in.
00:09:40If you enjoyed that clip, the full episode
00:09:42in all of its glory, waiting for you.
00:09:46Right here.
00:09:47Go on, press it.