Transcript
00:00:00I'm starting in OnlyFans and I'm selling merch.
00:00:02This has taken way too long and I'm very sorry,
00:00:05but it is so worth it.
00:00:06The designs are unreal.
00:00:07We've upgraded the blanks
00:00:08so they're even better quality than last time.
00:00:10And this bursting heart design
00:00:12with Japanese text in the middle is just so beautiful.
00:00:16Also, your girlfriend's new favorite hoodie.
00:00:18I apologize to anybody who buys this
00:00:20because I get the sense
00:00:21that your girlfriend's just gonna steal it.
00:00:22All of it is available right now at mwmerch.com
00:00:25and it's only available for six days.
00:00:27So get it once it's gone.
00:00:28You won't be able to buy it again.
00:00:29That's it, completely sold out,
00:00:31never to be printed in the future, mwmerch.com.
00:00:34Speaking of the sort of current world
00:00:36of lux maxing guys trying to rise to the top of the level
00:00:40as much as they can, what's the myth of the Chad?
00:00:43Well, so I wrote this piece, The Myth of the Chad,
00:00:46and I think I dropped it in the group chat,
00:00:48which is, you know, for a long time we've heard this story.
00:00:51I think you and I talked about this
00:00:53on a previous podcast, Chris,
00:00:54because it made some level of intuitive sense
00:00:57that as the dating marketplace has become more deregulated,
00:01:02people can meet each other.
00:01:03The idea of a deregulated mating marketplace.
00:01:06We live in sexual capital, late sexual capitalism.
00:01:08Yeah.
00:01:09And so now you have, you know,
00:01:12with dating apps, online dating,
00:01:13people can meet each other more easily.
00:01:15We are, you know, supposedly placing more value on looks
00:01:19as a result of social media and dating ads and so on.
00:01:22So the story was,
00:01:23and we saw some statistical trends
00:01:25that supported this notion,
00:01:27at least initially,
00:01:28that a small percentage of men
00:01:31were getting the majority of female attention
00:01:34and that men sort of on the lower end of mate value
00:01:38were getting increasingly less female interest.
00:01:42And so the story was,
00:01:43what was it,
00:01:43like 20% of men are getting 80% of the attention.
00:01:46There's some truth to that,
00:01:47at least with regard to sort of match rates
00:01:49and swipe rates on Tinder and so on.
00:01:51But if you look at the actual data,
00:01:54you dig into it,
00:01:54and, you know,
00:01:55more statistics and findings have come out
00:01:57since you and I've had those discussions a few years ago,
00:02:00suggest that actually that story isn't completely true.
00:02:03That in fact,
00:02:04this has been going on for a long time,
00:02:06that very attractive men
00:02:07have always had the opportunity
00:02:09to mate with more women.
00:02:12So when you look at the data,
00:02:13it looks like something like about
00:02:14maybe 18 to 20% of men
00:02:18report having three or more sexual partners
00:02:22within the past year.
00:02:23And that really hasn't changed
00:02:24since about the year 2000,
00:02:26which is as far back as I could find data on this.
00:02:29And so you might think,
00:02:30okay, well, that's, there you go.
00:02:31You got the chats.
00:02:32The 20% of men are getting
00:02:33three or more partners a year.
00:02:34Those are the guys, you know,
00:02:35hogging all the women.
00:02:36But then when you look at the sexual behavior of women,
00:02:39you find essentially the same pattern,
00:02:41which is that something like 12 to 18% of women
00:02:45also report three or more sexual partners a year.
00:02:49And what this means is that
00:02:50the vast majority of men
00:02:51and the vast majority of women
00:02:52have relatively unexciting sexual lives.
00:02:55The most common response to the question
00:02:57of how many partners have you had
00:02:58in the past 12 months is one followed by zero.
00:03:02So most sex is going on relationships
00:03:03followed by people not having sex at all.
00:03:05And then a small fraction of men
00:03:09and a small fraction of women
00:03:10who are high in socio-sexual orientation,
00:03:12very promiscuous and open to short-term mating.
00:03:15They're having a lot of sex with each other.
00:03:16At least partly attractive as well, presumably.
00:03:18Oh yeah, yeah, I'm sure.
00:03:19You're physically attractive.
00:03:20And what I suggest is that
00:03:22because dating apps have made this,
00:03:24you know, sort of frictionless
00:03:27and because social media has created
00:03:29this kind of panopticon
00:03:30where, you know, men in particular,
00:03:32you know, you got sort of the pickup artists
00:03:35and red pill guys
00:03:36who claim to be very successful with women
00:03:37bragging about how many women
00:03:39they've hooked up with.
00:03:40And then you have the incels
00:03:41on the other side of this
00:03:42who are, you know, not bragging,
00:03:44but, you know, I guess whining
00:03:46and complaining about
00:03:46how little sex they're having.
00:03:48This gives you the impression that,
00:03:49oh wow, you got one segment of guys
00:03:51who are having all of the sex
00:03:52and then you have this other section
00:03:53of guys who are having none of the sex
00:03:55and then women are just passive bystanders
00:03:57who are maybe getting, you know,
00:03:58duped by the pickup artists
00:04:00or the chads or something.
00:04:01But what this suggests actually
00:04:03is that, you know,
00:04:03there is a kind of a chad,
00:04:05but the myth of the chad is that,
00:04:07yeah, that one segment of guys
00:04:09are having all of the sex
00:04:10with all of the women.
00:04:11With all of the women.
00:04:11And it's not the case
00:04:12that there are, you know,
00:04:14there are fem cells,
00:04:15there are women in relationships,
00:04:16there are women who are just
00:04:17uninterested in dating.
00:04:19And you kind of see the mirror image
00:04:21of this for men as well.
00:04:23And weirdly, this suggests
00:04:24that men and women are more alike
00:04:25than many think,
00:04:26which is maybe a point to your book.
00:04:28It's one of the key ideas in my book, yeah.
00:04:30And I think that, you know,
00:04:31the average number of sexual partners
00:04:34that men have,
00:04:35if you exclude sex workers and the like,
00:04:36is somewhat higher.
00:04:39But I do think it's a very important point
00:04:41that, yeah,
00:04:42among the guys who are having sex
00:04:43with lots of women,
00:04:44generally having sex
00:04:45with the women who are having sex
00:04:46with lots of guys.
00:04:47And that's the sociosexual few, right?
00:04:50Yeah, the sociosexual few.
00:04:51Alexander D. Sykes.
00:04:51Yeah, the promiscuous 10%
00:04:53is the kind of meme version of it.
00:04:56But I actually,
00:04:57so I think that tons of people at home
00:04:59and in the YouTube comment section,
00:05:01I 100% think it's interesting
00:05:03and take it for granted
00:05:04that what you're saying is true.
00:05:06But where do you think
00:05:08the myth actually originates from?
00:05:09And what do you think explains the,
00:05:11because it's not just necessarily
00:05:13the myth of the chat,
00:05:14it's also the illusion of the chat,
00:05:15where it's like people have
00:05:17this profound felt sense
00:05:18that they're being excluded
00:05:20from the mating market
00:05:21where some other,
00:05:23you know,
00:05:23some gorgeous guys
00:05:24are having tons of fun?
00:05:26Yeah.
00:05:26Well, you know,
00:05:26I think a part of it
00:05:28is the trend of dating apps.
00:05:31So, you know,
00:05:32the swipe rates
00:05:32are very easy to measure.
00:05:34There's been a lot
00:05:35of research on this
00:05:36and we mistakenly
00:05:38kind of over-interpret
00:05:39the findings
00:05:39of what people see
00:05:40on Tinder or on Hinge,
00:05:42which do show,
00:05:43you know,
00:05:43on Tinder,
00:05:44it's something like
00:05:444% of the men
00:05:47get the vast majority
00:05:48of the swipes.
00:05:50And then,
00:05:51you know,
00:05:51much smaller numbers,
00:05:54or rather,
00:05:55larger numbers of women
00:05:56get liked versus men.
00:05:58Same thing on Hinge,
00:05:59that the top 10%
00:05:59of male users on Hinge
00:06:00get 60% of the likes.
00:06:03And so it's very easy
00:06:03to come away from that
00:06:04thinking like,
00:06:05oh, that's reality
00:06:05that, you know,
00:06:0610% of the guys
00:06:07are getting 60%
00:06:07of the female attention.
00:06:09There was that other finding
00:06:10about male attractiveness.
00:06:11You know,
00:06:11you guys have probably seen
00:06:12this,
00:06:12that OKCupid data.
00:06:13That's kind of,
00:06:14you know,
00:06:14it's a little outdated,
00:06:15but it also kind of
00:06:17makes sense in a way
00:06:18that people would come
00:06:19away from that
00:06:20thinking like,
00:06:20oh, most women
00:06:21are only attracted
00:06:22to that small section
00:06:23of a fragment of guys
00:06:24and, you know,
00:06:25men are much more even
00:06:26and kind of fair
00:06:27in their assessment of women.
00:06:28And then I think
00:06:29social media as well,
00:06:31that you're seeing guys
00:06:32like,
00:06:32they take these
00:06:33very anomalous interactions
00:06:36where women suddenly
00:06:38lose interest in them
00:06:39or ghost them
00:06:40or something
00:06:40and they tell this,
00:06:41you know,
00:06:41elaborate story
00:06:42and it's very
00:06:43attention grabbing
00:06:44and then those stories
00:06:44go viral.
00:06:45But the reason they go viral
00:06:46is because they're anomalous
00:06:47and atypical.
00:06:49Normal stories of,
00:06:49hey, like,
00:06:50I met this girl
00:06:51and we really liked each other
00:06:52and now we're engaged,
00:06:53we're getting married.
00:06:54You post that,
00:06:54you'll get, you know,
00:06:5517 likes.
00:06:56But if you post,
00:06:56you know,
00:06:56I had this one night stand
00:06:57with this girl,
00:06:58but then she ghosted me
00:06:59or like,
00:06:59you know,
00:07:00she was leading me on
00:07:01the app,
00:07:01but then she agreed to me,
00:07:02but then she didn't
00:07:02talk to me anymore.
00:07:03And you tell this story,
00:07:04it's like,
00:07:04oh, it's over boys
00:07:05or whatever.
00:07:06Like,
00:07:06those are the stories
00:07:07that go viral.
00:07:09And then the other,
00:07:09the other point I want
00:07:10to make about this
00:07:11is that,
00:07:11you know,
00:07:11this,
00:07:12this promiscuous 10%,
00:07:14this,
00:07:14on the side of the women,
00:07:17that is a highly sought
00:07:19after group.
00:07:21And, you know,
00:07:21there is,
00:07:22you know,
00:07:22a small fraction of women
00:07:24who are more promiscuous
00:07:25than other women.
00:07:27And the very attractive men
00:07:29have access to that group.
00:07:31And the unattractive men
00:07:34who see this,
00:07:35they get jealous
00:07:36and they want access
00:07:37to that small group
00:07:38of women as well.
00:07:39But they mistakenly think
00:07:40that that's all women.
00:07:41And I'm realizing
00:07:42that there's a huge cohort
00:07:43of women that have had
00:07:44zero or one partner
00:07:45in the last 12 months.
00:07:46It's sort of this,
00:07:46you know,
00:07:47this availability bias thing
00:07:49of like,
00:07:49well,
00:07:49I'm seeing all this stuff
00:07:50happening online,
00:07:51all the chatter about sex
00:07:52and chads and whatever,
00:07:53but you're not seeing
00:07:54this dark matter of women
00:07:55who aren't posting,
00:07:56who aren't on the apps,
00:07:57who are just like
00:07:58living their lives.
00:08:0195% of people
00:08:02don't get enough fiber,
00:08:04which is why
00:08:04Momentus built Fiber Plus,
00:08:06because hitting
00:08:07your daily fiber target
00:08:08through food alone
00:08:09is actually kind of hard.
00:08:11Even harder
00:08:12than your last toilet trip.
00:08:13Fiber isn't just
00:08:14a digestion thing.
00:08:15It's the foundation
00:08:16of your gut health,
00:08:17which drives
00:08:18how well you absorb nutrients,
00:08:19how stable your energy is
00:08:20and how quickly you recover.
00:08:21If your gut isn't dialed,
00:08:23everything else you're doing
00:08:24is working at a fraction
00:08:25of its potential.
00:08:26Fiber Plus is a three-in-one
00:08:27formula built to address
00:08:28digestion,
00:08:29gut barrier strength
00:08:30and blood sugar stability
00:08:31all at once.
00:08:33That's why I plan
00:08:34to make my next
00:08:35big dump
00:08:35Momentus.
00:08:38Best of all,
00:08:39they offer a 30-day
00:08:40money-back guarantee
00:08:41so you can buy it
00:08:41and try it for 29 days
00:08:42and if you don't love it,
00:08:44they'll give you
00:08:44your money back.
00:08:45Plus,
00:08:45they ship internationally.
00:08:46Right now,
00:08:47you can get up to 35%
00:08:48off your first subscription
00:08:49and that 30-day
00:08:51money-back guarantee
00:08:51by going to the link
00:08:52in the description below
00:08:53or heading to
00:08:54livemomentous.com
00:08:55slash modernwisdom
00:08:56and using the code
00:08:57modernwisdom
00:08:58at checkout.
00:08:58Congratulations!
00:09:07You made it to the end
00:09:07of a clip
00:09:08and the full-length
00:09:09episode is available
00:09:10right here.
00:09:13Go on.