Transcript
00:00:00some interesting differences between the sexes. So I've been researching sex differences. I found
00:00:06some spicy ones. Your guy friend is attracted to you and he thinks that you're attracted to him too.
00:00:12So a study of Americans finds that in platonic couples, the men are far more likely than the
00:00:17women to find their friend sexy and far more likely to think that she finds them attractive too.
00:00:24Indeed, a man's assessment of how much his female friend fancies him
00:00:28matches how much he fancies her and it is unrelated to how she really feels.
00:00:37So shock, horror, men are prone to wishful thinking. Also, there is a
00:00:45well-understood failure of cross-sex mind reading, the male overestimation and female
00:00:51underestimation of attraction. But your guy friend is attracted to you, ladies,
00:00:58and he thinks that you're attracted to him too. Nearly half of your guy friends are trying to sleep
00:01:07with you as a woman. So William Costello polled 527 heterosexual and bisexual people and asked the
00:01:14question, are opposite-sex friendships ever truly platonic? 81% of women said yes.
00:01:22Only 58% of men said yes. So women were three times more likely than men to say that their friendship was purely
00:01:32platonic. Half of guy friends in the platonic friendship are trying to sleep with you. And this is why dudes,
00:01:45when their girlfriend said no, he's just nice. I'm sorry, ladies, we understand how that works.
00:01:54We understand how men's minds work. And you understand how women's minds work, right? But not only are guys more attracted to you than you are to them, they think that you are as attracted to them as they are to you. And you don't know either of these things.
00:02:11So that's an uncomfortable one. There's double standards over infidelity. So according to recent polling,
00:02:20I think that both sexes of men say that both sexes think it's worse for a husband than a wife to have an affair, which is sort of the opposite of the traditional double standard.
00:02:28So 53% of men say it's always morally wrong for a married woman to have an affair.
00:02:34But 61% of men say it's always morally wrong for a married man to have an affair.
00:02:39So 53% of men say it's wrong for a woman.
00:02:4361% of men say it's wrong for a man.
00:02:4656% of women say it's always morally wrong for a married woman to have an affair.
00:02:52And 70% of women say it's always morally wrong for a married man to have an affair.
00:02:57So what's interesting here is both men and women judge men more harshly for infidelity.
00:03:07And women judge both men and women more harshly.
00:03:12Like what's that?
00:03:139% more.
00:03:14So 61% of men say it's wrong for a man.
00:03:1670% of women say it's wrong for a man.
00:03:1953% of men say it's wrong for a woman.
00:03:2156% of women say it's wrong for a woman.
00:03:23So, I mean, women are more sort of enforcing and judgmental on this generally.
00:03:29Might not be that surprising.
00:03:31But I don't know what that says.
00:03:35Spicy.
00:03:36Romantic relationships matter more to men than to women.
00:03:39So this is from Steve Stewart Williams, who's got a new book out.
00:03:42He's coming on the show very soon.
00:03:43Romantic relationships matter more to men than to women.
00:03:47Stereotypes say it's women who care more.
00:03:49But this time, the stereotypes are wrong.
00:03:52A new paper in behavioral and brain sciences assessed that very question.
00:03:56And research has found that, among other things,
00:03:59men strive harder to establish romantic relationships.
00:04:02They fall in love faster.
00:04:03They benefit more from relationships.
00:04:06Depend more on their relationships for social support.
00:04:09Are less likely to initiate breakups.
00:04:11Suffer more in the wake of a breakup.
00:04:13And take longer to get over their exes.
00:04:15So, I wonder how much of this is wrapped up in the fact that men don't have social support structures outside of their relationship in the same way that women do.
00:04:27So, typically, women have a broader and tighter support structure of friends.
00:04:32And a lot of the time when men get married, they get rid of their social support system and just sort of adopt the wife's support system.
00:04:41Her friends and the husbands of her friends become his friends.
00:04:45And then if they get divorced, those friends go with her, not with him.
00:04:50So, not only does he lose a wife, he also loses his social support network because he let his atrophy.
00:04:55This is kind of typical.
00:04:56But they fall in love faster, strive harder to establish romantic relationships, benefit more from relationships.
00:05:02I think all of this is like pretty normal.
00:05:05If you were to look ancestrally, why not?
00:05:07Like, women have got more choices.
00:05:09So, men need to work harder to do it.
00:05:11Women are always going to be able to get a replacement.
00:05:14And men are going to struggle more so.
00:05:15So, they're going to take longer to get over.
00:05:17They're going to be more worried.
00:05:18They suffer more in the wake of breakups.
00:05:19They're less likely to initiate breakups because of the chance of them finding somebody else.
00:05:23They depend more on their relationship for social support.
00:05:25All of these things make complete sense, especially when you look at it ancestrally.
00:05:29But anything that denies male privilege is usually treated as kind of abhorrent or blasphemous.
00:05:38And I just think it's cool to highlight some of the ways that maybe things aren't super rosy for guys.
00:05:44Or maybe some stereotypes are turned sort of back to front.
00:05:47Just not calling women bad or men weak or men more moral or anything like that.
00:05:54It's fucking interesting.
00:05:55All right, married men and women disagree on how much sex to have.
00:05:59Women typically believe their marriages have about the right frequency of sex,
00:06:04whereas men wished for twice as much sex as they were having.
00:06:08This suggests many couples adjust their sexual frequency to the lower rate that the wife desires, right?
00:06:15Women typically believe their marriages have about the right frequency of sex.
00:06:19Men wished for twice as much more.
00:06:23That means that there is a disparity in what people want versus what they're getting for each partner.
00:06:29But look at which partner it defaulted to.
00:06:32It defaulted to the woman, not to the man.
00:06:34Now, that's not a bad thing, right?
00:06:35You might say it's much better to run the speed of the race at that of the slowest person,
00:06:44as opposed to dragging them along.
00:06:47There's definitely a difference between someone who doesn't get to have sex that they want
00:06:51and someone that has to have sex that they don't want, obviously.
00:06:55But it is interesting that there has to be a negotiation that goes on here.
00:06:59And men are sacrificing, on average, 50% of the amount of sex that they want.
00:07:05And it's sitting at around about the right amount that women do want.
00:07:10It would be interesting to see how many of these women would want even less sex,
00:07:15but aren't prepared to say it because they know that their partner wants more.
00:07:20That would be really interesting to work out.
00:07:22Also, it would be interesting to work out if women want more sex,
00:07:24but they're just scared of telling researchers what they truly believe,
00:07:28maybe because they think that there's more judgment around women being sexually open,
00:07:32or something like that.
00:07:33But, and a final one here, which is actually nothing to do with sex differences, but
00:07:40far fewer people are made for polyamory than think that they are.
00:07:45Polyamory is hilarious because the community is basically 5% genuinely ascended,
00:07:51emotionally hyper-intelligent communication masters who've got nervous systems like a
00:07:56fucking glass lake.
00:07:57And 95% insatiable, hungry ghosts who have convinced themselves that they're the former.
00:08:04And this is from Cook Fuchsius that me and George fucking love on Substack.
00:08:09He's so funny.
00:08:10Even just the name is brilliant.
00:08:12Polyamory, 5% like guys on the right with the Jedi master hood up.
00:08:19And 95% spiritually bypassed, bead wearing, fedora hat, shawl, burning man, like hungry ghosts.
00:08:31And I think in my experience, this is really true.
00:08:33And the problem is that the people who are in the 95% who can't get it right and aren't built
00:08:38for it and just keep on trying more and more and more until in the hopes that that's going to fix the
00:08:43problem, have mistaken themselves for the former and use the success of the people who've got the
00:08:49amazing nervous systems and can handle it as the justification for why they keep going.
00:08:56But they are not the same.
00:08:58Shock, horror.
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00:09:58Thank you very much for tuning in.
00:09:59If you enjoyed that clip, you will love the full-length episode in all of its glory.
00:10:04Right here.
00:10:06Come on, press it.