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When sexual frequency does not match in a married relationship, men usually think their attractiveness has declined. Looking at the dual control model revealed by Erick Janssen and John Bancroft of the Kinsey Institute, human sexual response operates on a balance between the excitation system and the inhibition system. When rejected, men take it as a deficiency in the excitation system, but in reality, daily stress and heavy housework have strongly turned on the inhibition system. Bringing up this issue in the evaluative environment of the bedroom only backfires. Conversations must be started in a neutral space such as a dining table during the weekend day or a walking path.
Instead of directly venting complaints to your wife, share a simple checklist where you note each other's fatigue levels and emotional intimacy over the week. Fixing a 15-minute conversation time on weekend evenings is key. According to longitudinal research by the Gottman Institute, 69 percent of marital conflicts fall under perpetual conflicts that are impossible to compromise on, and the outcome of a conversation is decided in the first 3 minutes.
When your wife avoids conversation or remains silent, her autonomic nervous system is in a state of hyperarousal, so you must stop immediately.
Using this method lowers your wife's defense barriers and reduces arguments caused by conversation.
In a situation where sexual frequency has decreased, a light touch is mistaken as a precursor to a demand for intimacy, heightening guard. According to research by Professor Kathleen Light and Karen Grewen of the University of North Carolina, a 20-second hug increases oxytocin levels and suppresses cortisol secretion in stressful situations.
Instead of reducing the frequency of demands for intimacy, you must increase the quality of non-sexual contact.
Practicing this routine for just one week reduces the psychological pressure felt by your wife and restores relationship satisfaction.
While the daily average time spent on housework and family care by women in dual-income households in Korea is 2 hours and 51 minutes, men spend a mere 59 minutes. According to a survey by the Kang Dong-woo Sexology Research Institute, the rate of sexless married couples in South Korea reaches 36.1 percent, and the main causes are chronic fatigue and housework stress after coming home from work. Looking at Allison Daminger's research, men only participate in the decision-making stage, while anticipation and monitoring, which expend mental energy, are skewed toward women.
According to a long-term tracking analysis by Professor Daniel L. Carlson's research team, egalitarian couples who share daily life equally have higher sexual intimacy.
Applying this method reduces physical fatigue for both spouses and improves sleep quality and emotional connection within 2 weeks.
