Unlearn These Bad Speaking Habits Before They Define You
VVinh Giang
ManagementJob SearchAdult EducationMental Health
Transcript
00:00:00Most people think improving their communication is about learning how to articulate their thoughts
00:00:05more clearly and confidently. But after 15 years as a communication coach, I've learned that how
00:00:10you think you sound and how you actually sound to others are two very different things. And there
00:00:16are 10 speaking habits that are creating this gap. And I'm going to walk you through all 10
00:00:21in order of how much they cost you professionally. And I'm going to show you the exact behavior
00:00:27you should replace those bad ones with. So you can close the gap between how you think you sound
00:00:33versus how you actually sound and come across. So let's start with number 10. And it's still blurry
00:00:40because I'm not going to reveal it just yet. I want you to see if you can actually spot what number 10
00:00:45is through this example. Andy, I've got a cup of coffee. Do you want it? Did you manage to work
00:00:56it out? Number 10 is using non-words and filler words. When you see someone who talks like this,
00:01:02their speech littered with non-words and filler words, what are some words that come to your mind?
00:01:06What do you perceive about them? You're going to think they're shy. You're going to think they're
00:01:09awkward, low levels of confidence. They're not competent. Can you see how much this simple
00:01:14non-functional behavior is costing you? This is one of the first things I get our students to minimize
00:01:19immediately when they join us in our stage programs. When you speak like this, it sounds like you're all over
00:01:25the place. It seems like you're a scatterbrain and there's no clarity in your speech. To reduce the
00:01:31non-words and filler words, well, what do you replace it with? What I just did. A pause. That's it.
00:01:40That's what you replace it with. Every time you feel the urge to say, um, uh, just pause. Let me show
00:01:47you how powerful this one changes with one of my students. Have a look at this. Um, so
00:01:53throughout medical school, I've always wanted to be a physician. So, you know, I'm looking after your
00:01:58heart, lungs. Um, and you know, I, I just went to the wards. Um, and you're feeling a lot of the
00:02:04silence with the ums, ahs, and a so. No so's, ahs, or ums. And very conscious of replacing the ums and the ahs and the so's
00:02:12I went into medical school thinking that I've always wanted to just help humanity, save lives,
00:02:24do big changes. Little did I know that it's not all about saving lives and that life and death.
00:02:33It's about changing quality of life. Big round of applause. How much better did she sound? Full of
00:02:38confidence and authority. Now, next, number nine. Trailing off at the end of your sentences.
00:02:48This is when you start your sentences strong like this, but then after you continue to talk for a
00:02:53while, your voice starts to lose its energy and you become really croaky. And then by the end of it,
00:02:58you start to sound like a villain who is trying to take over the world.
00:03:04Do you hear that drop? That's called vocal fry. And it's more common than you think. Your brain
00:03:09doesn't even register you're doing it because most people don't think about how they're speaking.
00:03:14They only focus on what they're saying. So what do you replace this bad habit with, Vin? You give
00:03:20every single word in the sentence the same amount of breath and energy that you give to the very first
00:03:26word. Same fuel from start to finish. You start your sentences strong like this. And as you continue,
00:03:33make sure every single word has the same amount of breath and energy right to the very last word.
00:03:40Did you notice the difference? Did you feel the difference? Did you hear the difference?
00:03:43That's the line between a communicator who holds your attention all the way through the thought
00:03:49and the one who loses you halfway without even realizing. Now the next habit. This one is the
00:03:54equivalent of handing someone a beautifully wrapped gift and then whispering, it's probably not what you
00:04:00wanted and it's probably shit right before they open the gift. Number eight, apologizing for your own
00:04:07ideas. I see this in almost every single person who's early in their career. They devalue their own ideas
00:04:14before the other person has the chance to hear it with a phrase like, sorry, just a quick question.
00:04:20It's probably a bad idea, but I want to say I might be wrong about this, but um, and what you've done
00:04:26without realizing is you've told the listener that you don't truly fully believe in yourself. You've given
00:04:32them permission to just dismiss you before you've even shared the idea. These verbal flinches are called
00:04:37softeners and they show up most when we feel like we haven't earned the right to speak. The problem is
00:04:44the softener becomes the first thing the listener hears. So your ideas walk into the room already
00:04:49limping. The replacement, it's simple. Get rid of the apology. Remove the I think. And if the idea is worth
00:04:57saying, say it clean. Direct statements, no softeners. Have a look at the difference. Um, I might be wrong
00:05:04about this, but I think maybe we should kind of try to post more content on social media because
00:05:09you know, it will help the world become better communicators. I don't know. What do you think?
00:05:14My suggestion is we need to post more content across our social media because it will help
00:05:19the world become better communicators. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
00:05:23Vin on the left sounds weak, unsure, whereas Vin on the right sounded more assertive and firm.
00:05:30Which one do you think is more influential? Pretty obvious, right?
00:05:34Onto number seven, rushing when you get nervous. This happens to all of us. We speak in front of people,
00:05:43we get nervous, and because of this, we unconsciously talk faster because we just want to get it over and
00:05:48done with. And in this moment, you think speeding up will make everything better, but in actual reality,
00:05:53it does the opposite. It makes you sound worse. Let me play you something that will just drive this point home.
00:06:02Oh my goodness, that sounds so bad. It sounds like a car crash. What you just heard was one of the most
00:06:06beautiful piano pieces ever written by Chopin. Played at two times speed, three times speed. Every note was
00:06:12correct, but your brain registered it as a bloody car crash. Now, here's what the piece sounds like
00:06:18when it's given room to breathe.
00:06:36So much nicer. It's the same notes, but a completely different experience. And the difference is exactly
00:06:41what rushing does to your communication when you're nervous. Everything you actually wanted the listener
00:06:46to feel gets lost in the speed. You might be saying all the right things, but they are going to receive
00:06:53it in the wrong way. The fix, it's counterintuitive. When you get nervous, your body's going to naturally
00:06:58want to speed up. So in that moment, when you notice it happen, you have to go against it by slowing down.
00:07:05And when you do this, it gives your brain more time to think clearly. Take some more deep breaths
00:07:13and give your words more space. Add more pauses. And suddenly it signals to your nervous system
00:07:22that you're safe, which calms you down. The moment I just did it, don't you immediately feel more calm too?
00:07:31So the benefit of doing this is that it calms you and it calms everybody else in your environment.
00:07:36And I really want you to pay attention to how you feel when someone else is speaking fast versus when
00:07:41they slow down and get nervous. Let me show you a real example with one of my students. Check this out.
00:07:45What I should be trying to do is try to make the world a better place. I don't have to be a law intern
00:07:50at PwC or Ashurst or whichever, you know. When we're nervous, the first thing we do is we increase our
00:07:57rate of speech. And we speak quickly because we just want this to be over and done with. So then we keep
00:08:01talking and we just keep pacing through and then I'm going to move on to the next thing that I did.
00:08:04So my parents, they grew up in China and it became a real way of thinking that was fully focused on
00:08:12academic performance and exterior perceptions of success.
00:08:16Pause. Big round of applause for that. Good. Now, when you went slower, did you feel a bit more relaxed?
00:08:23A hundred percent.
00:08:24Ah, okay. So a slow rate of speech not only makes other people relaxed, it relaxes you.
00:08:30Pretty crazy difference, right? Now, if we want to zoom out and ask,
00:08:34why does your body speed up in the first place? The answer leads straight into the next one,
00:08:39which is number six. And number six is you make it all about you instead of making it all about the
00:08:45audience. This one is a psychological habit that all humans have. So don't feel bad if you do this.
00:08:50Say, for example, you're called to give a pitch as an entrepreneur, you are caught upon by your team
00:08:54to share one of your ideas, or you are asked to do a speech at a wedding, a best man, a maid of honor,
00:09:00or maybe you get invited to speak at a company conference or even the TEDx stage.
00:09:04What happens immediately at that point? You start to immediately think, oh my God,
00:09:08what if the pitch goes bad? Oh my God, what if I forget what I'm going to say?
00:09:11What if I make a fool of myself and embarrass the bride and the groom? What if they don't like my talk?
00:09:16What if my speech doesn't get any views? What if they leave mean comments about me? It's me,
00:09:22me, me all the time. You are stuck in a psychological loop thinking about yourself nonstop. The more
00:09:30self-obsessed you are, the more self-conscious you become, and the more you put the focus on you,
00:09:36the worse speech you're going to give because you're no longer present. You are now stuck in your own
00:09:42head, which means what? Which means you're going to deliver poorly because there's no cognitive
00:09:47capacity left for delivery. I remember back in 2019, I was in Florida and I was coaching a CEO
00:09:53to deliver a speech to two and a half thousand people in his organization. And right before his
00:09:58presentation, I'm backstage with him and he's feeling really nervous. He's saying to me,
00:10:02oh Vin, I don't think I'm ready for this. I feel like my suit doesn't even look good on me today.
00:10:07I don't think I can do it. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I forget my lines? I don't think
00:10:11I'm creating the right impression with what I'm wearing. And he was freaking out. I had to stop
00:10:16him right there and then. And I said to him, mate, it's not about you. It's about the two and a half
00:10:21thousand people you are about to serve. Get out of your damn head. Otherwise, I'm going to slap you.
00:10:26It's not about you. You're here to serve the audience. And I was pretty sure he was going to
00:10:32fire me after that, but he liked that I was being a little bit spicy with him. And you know what?
00:10:37That snapped him out of it. And he went out there and he crushed it. So the next time you notice this
00:10:43pattern starting to happen, this loop, reverse it and become more audience conscious. Think to yourself,
00:10:49if this message gets through just the one person, I'm going to change the trajectory of their career,
00:10:55their life and their level of happiness. And think today's not about me. It's all
00:11:00about those beautiful souls I'm about to speak to. And the best thing is once you become audience
00:11:05conscious, there's no cognitive capacity left for you to be self-conscious, which means there's an
00:11:12automatic reduction in nervousness, anxiety and self-doubt. On to number five, unblur. Speaking your
00:11:20thoughts out loud. Most people, when they're put under the spotlight and they're asked a question that they
00:11:26don't know the answer to, they default to speaking their thinking process. And a lot of the times it's
00:11:32messy and it's all over the place. It's raw. It's confusing because the listener doesn't know if you're
00:11:37trying to make a point or you're still building one in your head. Now, I just want to flag something
00:11:41really quickly here. If you actually want people to see your thinking and hear your thinking process in
00:11:47real time, that's okay. You just need to make sure you frame it first by saying something like,
00:11:53let me just think out loud for a second. And just by saying that, it gives you permission to ramble a
00:11:58little as you're finding your point and you're finding what you want to say. But what I'm going
00:12:03to suggest is don't think out loud. Structure your thinking first with communication frameworks,
00:12:08then speak. Watch this. Peter, my head of content, is about to ask me a question about the green screen
00:12:15and watch me answer this without a communication framework. Hey Vin, I'm just wondering why did you
00:12:19get a cloth green screen instead of a paper one? Paper just feels a little bit risky, Peter. I mean,
00:12:24sorry, not risky. I mean like annoying, you know, like, like the paper, the one that we use before,
00:12:29it ends up looking kind of like trashed, you know, and like it doesn't get weirdly stuck on specific
00:12:34green, um, different types of green colors, the inconsistency in paper that exists because what
00:12:38probably is unnecessary. Yeah. Did you notice how annoyed Peter seemed? Did you feel your brain trying
00:12:45to keep up? That's what it's like being on the receiving end of unstructured thoughts.
00:12:50Every idea leaves your mouth in the order your brain produced it, which is almost never the order
00:12:57your listener needs to hear it in. Most people communicate like this their entire lives because
00:13:01nobody ever taught them how to turn their thoughts into words with structure. It's like ordering something
00:13:07online and instead of arriving in a box, it turns up on your doorstep in a pile of loose parts,
00:13:13things all over the place with a note that says, good luck, mate, all the parts are there, but the
00:13:18listener now has to assemble it in real time with some pages missing from the manual. Now I want you
00:13:23to watch me talk to Peter now using a communication framework called Para. Hey Vin, I'm just wondering,
00:13:28why did you get a cloth green screen instead of a paper one? Well, point. I went with cloth because
00:13:35it just makes more sense for us. Action. I've done hours of research, Peter, and I've discovered that
00:13:41cloth is just way more durable. Result. And the result is what you see right in front of you here,
00:13:47Peter. I got it also in the gecko green because this is way easier to key in post. And then finally,
00:13:53ask. So Peter, do you want to take this for a test drive later?
00:13:56How much better was that? Whoa, I said we'll do the test later. Why am I floating in space? This is
00:14:03ridiculous. All right, fine. I guess we're doing this in space. At least I've got a helmet on.
00:14:07Let's round out my thoughts on this. Do you see how using frameworks makes you easier to understand?
00:14:13Para is just one of many frameworks that help you structure your thinking. And I've recorded a full
00:14:18two-hour training on the top three communication frameworks that will help you turn your thoughts
00:14:23into words faster in personal and professional settings. Scan the QR code. It's floating around
00:14:29in space with me. Or you can click the link that's in the description and you can access that training
00:14:34immediately. Okay, Peter. You can... Oh, oh, oh, look. Oh, okay, Peter. I see what's going on.
00:14:39We're starting to go down. Yeah. Well, Peter, Peter. Peter, this is going too fast. Peter, not too fast.
00:14:47Oh, wow. That was dramatic, Peter. But thank you. You made that extremely engaging for the listener.
00:14:52Peter surely deserves a like and subscribe for that one, right? Otherwise, seriously,
00:14:55one of these days I will fire him. Let's stay locked in. Number four. Yeah, I'm leaving it blurry
00:15:03because I've got a little scene here, a little example that is an example of VIN pre-2015.
00:15:10And I want you to watch this to see if you can spot what number four is and what I'm doing wrong.
00:15:16Have you finished writing the Weekly V newsletter yet? Or actually, just when can you get it to me?
00:15:20Oh, man. Yeah, no worries. I mean, like, before we get into that, I'm going to tell you why it's
00:15:25called Weekly V. I mean, do you know why it's called Weekly V? Because there's actually a backstory
00:15:29behind it. Because if you look at the V and the G, the V stands for VIN,
00:15:32which is spelt V-I-N-H. Sometimes people spell it without the H. It drives me crazy because it's not
00:15:37it's not VIN. It's VIN with a silent H. It's so obvious. And then the G is for the Jiang,
00:15:43which is, which is again, spelt G-I-A-N-G. And then Weekly V because it's a weekly email from VIN.
00:15:48Do you see what I mean? That's the backstory, which is rather critical as to the branding behind the
00:15:54whole thing. Did you spot it? Number four is all backstory and no point. I wasn't listening to
00:16:02Dan. Dan asked me a simple, specific question. And instead of answering it directly, I rambled
00:16:08a backstory about why I call my emails, Weekly V, which he's never actually asked for. The question
00:16:14was gone. And here's what I want you to notice. What's really happening beneath the surface here
00:16:19is that you're worried that the other person you're speaking to won't have enough context with a simple
00:16:24answer. So you overload them with the details, which does exactly that. It overwhelms the listener with
00:16:30everything you think they need instead of what they actually wanted in the first place. And when this
00:16:36happens too often, you become that person who everyone thinks says a lot without saying much
00:16:42at all. And trust me, you don't want to be that person. So the fix is a small physical habit that
00:16:48retrains the whole pattern. When someone speaks to you, before you answer, repeat the core question back to
00:16:55them. Ah, the ETA for the emails. Yeah, I'm finishing them right now. And I'll have them to you by 5pm
00:17:01today at the latest. Notice that one short sentence. And what it does is it tells the speaker that they've
00:17:08been heard. It gives your brain a beat to actually process what was asked, which gets you out of your
00:17:13head and into the present moment. If they want the backstory or more context, they will ask you for it.
00:17:21Or you can just add a question at the end of the response like this. Did you have any questions?
00:17:26Did you need any more context or clarity? Is there anything else that I can add to make things more clear?
00:17:31Now you're presenting the opportunity for them to ask you if they need more details, as opposed to you front loading,
00:17:39when in a lot of cases is just not needed, nor wanted. All right, these are the final three,
00:17:45the most important, the ones that cost you the most in your career if you're doing them. Habit number
00:17:51three, interrupting people before they're finished talking. Oh man, I'm so guilty of this one. I still
00:17:58do this quite often. And my wife hates it. If you're like me, and sometimes you've got a million things
00:18:04running in your head at once, and you're in a conversation with a friend and they're talking to you,
00:18:08do you sometimes finish their sentences? And you do this because you're trying to be helpful and
00:18:14you're trying to show the other person, look how well I know you, but they feel like you're just
00:18:18trying to rush them to the finish line, that you don't have the patience to listen to them. And you
00:18:22know what's even worse? Often when you try to do this, you're often wrong, which is even more annoying
00:18:28for them because they now have to go, no, no, no, no, no. That's what I'm trying. That's not what I'm
00:18:31trying to say. Let me show you what I mean. I just did this the other day with one of my team
00:18:35members and this is how it went. Hey Vin, I've been meaning to talk about- Talk about your future
00:18:38here. Here with us. Yeah, that's right. Because lately I've been a little bit concerned about team
00:18:45morale, say no more. No Vin, I'm talking about the folder on the- The folder that contains footage,
00:18:51surveillance footage of you, 2007, February 14th. The one that the police office want from us, but you
00:18:59won't release the files. Is that the one you're talking about? No. Right, right. Yeah, I didn't
00:19:05think it was that. I didn't think it was that. Look, I was talking about the folder on my computer that
00:19:09says May giveaway. It's something you wanted to talk about to the YouTube audience. Oh yeah, yeah. Sorry,
00:19:14I totally forgot. Sorry, I forgot you were here. Listen, this entire May, we're doing giveaways into
00:19:18the online course, into my virtual stage programs and into my in-person workshops that's happening this
00:19:23August. And if you want to join the giveaway, just click the link below. And if you win,
00:19:28all the expenses will be paid for. So hopefully you join. Thank you, Peter. I almost forgot about that.
00:19:34That was such a good segue, man. I don't know- And it wasn't jarring, was it? No, I was-
00:19:39Can you stop trying to finish- Sentences! Finish your sentences! No, can you stop trying to eat my-
00:19:42Sandwiches! Sandwiches! No! Oh man, how annoying is that? Oh damn it, Vin. You're an annoying bastard.
00:19:50I know, I talk to myself. It's a sign of intelligence and insanity. Now, if you've just watched that and
00:19:56thought to yourself, hang on, that might be me. Stick with me for a moment because I want to give
00:20:01you a way out. The deeper reason as to why this happens is usually because you're uncomfortable with
00:20:06silence. You've trained yourself to fill the gap in every conversation. So when someone's thinking
00:20:11about what to say next, you just jump in with what you think they're going to say and you're not
00:20:14listening anymore. Stop! Learn to be more comfortable with the silence. So here's the fix.
00:20:20And it's two behaviours working side by side. Note these down. Behaviour number one. When you feel
00:20:26that urge to jump in, don't. Wait until they've finished talking. Let them complete their thought
00:20:31on their own. They're a grown adult. They can do it. And even once they're finished, don't reply yet
00:20:36either. Hold space. Sit in the silence for a full two seconds and count it out in your head. Don't say a
00:20:44single word. It's going to feel so strange at first, especially if you're someone who butts in all the time.
00:20:49But just do it anyway. Because here's what's going to surprise you. When you hold space for someone like
00:20:53that, most of the time, they keep talking. They'll tell you more about their day or what they're
00:21:00experiencing or what they're feeling. They'll go deeper than they were planning to because the silence
00:21:06gave them permission to. Most people never get that much room in a conversation. So when they get it,
00:21:12they're going to use it. Behaviour number two. If they don't go deeper on their own and you want them
00:21:18to go deeper and you want to go deeper together, hold the same two second pause and this time ask five
00:21:25words. Tell me more about that. And then go quiet again. Don't say anything. Shut up. Don't fill the
00:21:31space. Let them fill it. Those are the two behaviours. Wait two seconds before they reply. And if you want them to
00:21:38go deeper because they didn't do it themselves, pause for a little bit longer then ask for the depth by
00:21:44asking them the five words I said before. Do those two things consistently and the interrupting habit
00:21:50dies on its own. Habit number two. Main character syndrome. For seven solid years between the ages of
00:21:5921 and 28. I tried way too hard to be interesting and to make everything about me in every conversation.
00:22:07My weekend. My latest business. My gym routine. My relationship drama. My childhood trauma. My next
00:22:15big idea. Every topic became a doorway back into my own life. And I know you've got someone like this in
00:22:23your life. We all do. It's super annoying. And if you don't know anyone, it means it's most likely you.
00:22:29Because in this day and age, main character syndrome is the most common communication disease on earth.
00:22:35But here's the tragedy. When you have main character syndrome, it feels like you're the life of the party.
00:22:41You're the storyteller. You're the funny one, right? You're the person with the big opinions and the wild
00:22:47weekends. Meanwhile, your relationships are slowly deteriorating one by one and you don't even notice.
00:22:53Because the people who love you the most, they're the ones who are likely to stay silent about it and
00:22:58not say anything. Because who wants to sit across from a friend and say, "Hey man, you talk too much
00:23:04about yourself. It's really exhausting and I actually don't like you." Nobody wants to have that conversation
00:23:10because they don't want to hurt their friends. And then slowly and surely they just start pulling away
00:23:15and they stop opening up around you because, well, you create no space for them to open up anyway.
00:23:21But what I can tell you based on experience is that in a few years, they begin to notice their
00:23:27friendships feeling hollow, their relationships feeling more cold, and they just don't understand why.
00:23:34And I want you to pause for a second, just a moment, and really ask yourself the hard question,
00:23:41could this be me? Because outside of this video, almost nobody has the courage to tell you,
00:23:47your partner doesn't want to hurt you, your closest friend is worrying it's going to damage
00:23:51the friendship, your family will just put up with it. Which means the only person who could diagnose
00:23:56main character syndrome is me and you right now. And you've got to be really honest with yourself.
00:24:02Whether this is you or it's someone you know, let me tell you what I did to cure this.
00:24:08One afternoon, I was reading a book by Dale Carnegie. It was his classic book,
00:24:12How to Win Friends and Influence People. And while I was reading the book, I did this,
00:24:15right? I did this. So I read it. I read this really powerful line. I closed it and I went.
00:24:21And to me, that's how I know I just read something epic when I actually stopped reading close the book
00:24:25and ponder on the very thing that I read. And this was the sentence that stopped me.
00:24:29The most interesting people in any room are the people most interested in everyone else.
00:24:37My entire life, I thought the path to being interesting was to be the best storyteller in the
00:24:44group to make sure my version of my weekend always sounded more wild than anybody else on the table.
00:24:51Every dinner was a competition and I had to be the winner. That one line from the book changed the way
00:24:58I thought about this completely. Think about the last person you walked away from and thought,
00:25:03wow, that person's amazing. Nine times out of 10, they barely spoke about themselves.
00:25:09They asked about your life and they listened like they had all the time in the world.
00:25:14Weeks later, they could still recall the things you were talking about.
00:25:17The cure is a ratio. For every story that you tell about yourself,
00:25:23ask three questions to the person in front of you. Three for one.
00:25:28Don't be the person that just keeps talking about themselves. I hope I've made that very,
00:25:31very clear. Be the person who asks the other people questions. A first question,
00:25:36then a second question, then a third question. If people leave a conversation feeling seen,
00:25:41feeling heard and feeling understood, they'll remember you as more interesting than anyone else
00:25:47they've ever met. And this now leads me to the final bad speaking habit that you need to get rid
00:25:53of before it defines you. Bad habit number one is sounding the same your whole damn life. Yep,
00:26:03sounding the same your whole damn life. Most people get stuck in a default way of communication and they
00:26:08become attached to this one way of speaking because they think, this is how I speak normally so in
00:26:12order for me to be authentic, this is how I should speak for the rest of my life. No, no, no, no.
00:26:19Do you know what the problem with this is? If this is how I normally talk in every situation in my
00:26:24life right now, how do you think people would define me? What would they think of my personality?
00:26:29Yeah, they'll think I'm pretty boring and disinterested, right? Because the truth is your voice is your
00:26:36personality. People perceive your personality through the way you use your voice. And if you use your
00:26:43voice in just one way, that version of you is the reputation people create for you. I really want you
00:26:50to understand what I'm about to say here. There isn't just one version of you. You are a multi-dimensional
00:26:57human being. There are infinite versions of you. You use your voice differently in different contexts,
00:27:04in front of different people, and in different environments. You're different in all of those
00:27:09different situations. For example, when I talk to you through a camera lens, this is how I need to
00:27:14communicate in order to effectively get my point across to engage you on the other side of the screen.
00:27:19But when I stop recording and I go to have lunch with my team, I back off a little bit. I'm a little
00:27:24more playful and I talk in a much more light-hearted way. And when I get home to play with my kids,
00:27:29you better bet your ass I get even more high-pitched and really be playful with my voice because they
00:27:34love it. When dad does this and dad gets so silly, they have a really good time. But then when I'm
00:27:39halfway through playing with my kids and I get a call from Peter all of a sudden, who's really upset now
00:27:45about how much I keep interrupting him, then I might go into a more serious tone. And then when he starts
00:27:51crying, then I might be a little more apologetic and say, "Sorry Peter, I didn't know you were so soft."
00:27:58Did you get the point that I'm trying to make here? I use my voice differently depending on the situation
00:28:03that I'm in. And so should you. And does that make us fake if we do this? No, it doesn't. I can tell
00:28:10you right now, most people never change the way they communicate because they're afraid of sounding fake
00:28:14and phony. But I'm going to share with you a metaphor now that's going to break this false belief
00:28:19and get you unstuck. Your voice is an instrument. It's like a piano with 88 keys. Imagine that, right?
00:28:25Most people spend their entire lives only playing with five keys on their piano and they don't realize
00:28:32that the goal is you've got to learn how to play with all 88 keys. Learn how to play the whole damn
00:28:37instrument. To me, this is authenticity. Inauthenticity is when you're just playing like this. To me,
00:28:43this is inauthentic. Authenticity is when you're able to express your full self. Because once you
00:28:49truly understand this, you're no longer going to feel trapped when you play those new keys. You don't
00:28:54start to think they're fake and phony. You just go, "Oh, right, right, right, right, right. I'm just really
00:28:59familiar with these five keys. These other keys I'm playing with over here and these other keys I'm
00:29:03playing with over here, they're just unfamiliar." And the moment you think they're unfamiliar as
00:29:11opposed to fake and phony, now you've freed yourself to explore your whole darn instrument,
00:29:15the one you've been carrying your entire life, which allows you then to not be so attached to
00:29:20who you are in the present so you can give the future version of you a chance. And when you can
00:29:25learn how to use your voice in the most effective way in the right situations, you become truly influential.
00:29:32So tell me, which habits do you need to change and work on? Leave me a comment below and click this
00:29:38video if you want to dive deeper down the rabbit hole of mastering your communication skills. See you
00:29:44in the next video.
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