00:00:00Have you ever walked away from an important conversation thinking "Dammit, why didn't
00:00:04I say that better?"
00:00:05You froze in the moment and then you said the bloody wrong thing.
00:00:08In the wrong way.
00:00:09Which then caused people to look at you differently.
00:00:11After 15 years as a communication skills coach, I've noticed there are three specific habits
00:00:16that most people do which cause them to be overlooked in their career.
00:00:19And only once you change these habits, it then transforms the way you come across to others.
00:00:24In this video I'll share with you three moments from an exclusive communication workshop where
00:00:28these problems came up, and exactly how to fix them.
00:00:31I am asked to speak a lot in my work.
00:00:34I try so hard to not get nervous and to hold myself well and to speak clearly.
00:00:40But in high pressure situations I will ramble.
00:00:43And it will be a long soliloquy where there are no full stops, no commas.
00:00:47It just goes on and on and on.
00:00:49You're articulating yourself very well right now.
00:00:51You barely breathed while you did that.
00:00:53Felt like you did that on one breath.
00:00:56So something that helps us with that from the first point is learning something called declarative
00:01:00statements.
00:01:01So declarative statements are statements that are short, punchy, to the point.
00:01:07So when you make statements like this, it forces your brain to not be in a state of rambling.
00:01:12Because rambling is when if you want to become more authority with what you're saying, then
00:01:17what you can do is you can keep your sentences sometimes a little bit short and you can do
00:01:21that by putting a full stop at the end.
00:01:23You know what happens after you do that is it helps people feel like you have more authority
00:01:26than you think.
00:01:27That's rambling.
00:01:28Whereas declarative statements you have to practice this.
00:01:30It's a skill.
00:01:31So here's my challenge for you.
00:01:33You go to a random word generator online and then you go give me a random topic and then
00:01:39within two minutes, three minutes you have to continually make declarative statements
00:01:43about that topic.
00:01:44For example it says duck.
00:01:46Now you have to make declarative statements about a duck.
00:01:48A duck has two feet.
00:01:51Ducks when they're young are yellow.
00:01:53As they grow they can be many different colours, often white.
00:01:57And you're making these declarative statements as a new behaviour to replace rambling.
00:02:01Okay, so you have to learn how to make sentences that are shorter, punchier and have more authority.
00:02:07First thing.
00:02:08Second thing, you need frameworks.
00:02:10You need to learn frameworks.
00:02:11Because when you don't rely on frameworks, what happens is the following.
00:02:14When your brain is crazy, when you're thinking all over the place, this is what causes rambling.
00:02:20Because they ask you a question, you think about a topic, your brain just does that and
00:02:23then you start talking like that.
00:02:26Because you're speaking your thoughts.
00:02:28And when you speak your thoughts, it's not clear.
00:02:30What you need to do is you need to learn frameworks.
00:02:32And what frameworks do is it distils your thinking into a meaningful piece of communication.
00:02:36So the simplest one I teach and I use this and people go oh it's too simple, nope it's
00:02:40what I use and you'll see me do it every Q&A.
00:02:43It's just called three, two and one.
00:02:46So three steps, two types and the one thing.
00:02:52So when you're speaking and you want to be extremely precise, you can use the one thing.
00:02:58Because I can say the one thing I have to say about how you can improve, use declarative
00:03:02statements.
00:03:04That's me using the one thing to answer a question.
00:03:06Whereas most people when they speak they're doing this.
00:03:08You're being clear and concise and with frameworks it gives you a container to put your thoughts
00:03:12into that becomes more clear.
00:03:15Now if frameworks are something you want to go deeper on, I've put together a free two
00:03:18hour crash course where I share three powerful communication frameworks to help you improve
00:03:23the way you speak while you're under pressure so that you can come across more clear, concise
00:03:27and coherent in any situation.
00:03:29Just click the link in the description or you can scan the QR code that's on screen.
00:03:33Again it's completely free and thousands of people have been through it.
00:03:36So go check it out.
00:03:37But here's the thing, fixing what you say is only half the picture.
00:03:42The next two moments focus on how you actually say it.
00:03:45When I raise my volume I feel like I'm shouting at everybody but then when I lower the volume
00:03:50I get told I couldn't quite hear you.
00:03:53So that means, Geoff, you're saying that there are times when you go loud but you feel like
00:03:58you're shouting.
00:03:59Are they perceiving it like you're shouting?
00:04:02Or do you feel like you're shouting?
00:04:03No, no one's told me that I'm shouting so I feel like I'm shouting.
00:04:07Okay, this is an important point I need to make.
00:04:09There's something when it comes to communication is that it's your internal perception versus
00:04:16external reception.
00:04:19You're internally perceiving yourself to be a certain volume.
00:04:22People externally are perceiving you to be a certain volume.
00:04:25And right now there's a mismatch between your internal and the external.
00:04:28What would you say your average volume is on a daily basis?
00:04:31What would you say that it is?
00:04:33Five.
00:04:34Five?
00:04:35Five out of ten?
00:04:36Okay, cool.
00:04:37So you use that number and in conversations now when you speak, I want you to do this experiment
00:04:41here at this workshop.
00:04:43Then at the end of the conversation you just ask one question.
00:04:44Hey, can I ask you, if you had to rate my volume between one and ten, one is whispering, and
00:04:49ten is being obnoxiously loud, where would you say I sit?
00:04:53And now you want to calibrate the internal perception versus the external reception because
00:04:57it's off.
00:04:59Because if you feel like you're shouting and no one's ever given you that feedback, if you
00:05:03maintain an internal perception that you're shouting, you'll never increase your volume.
00:05:07It's a psychological thing.
00:05:08So what you need is you need real life feedback.
00:05:11You need to go in conversations and you'll think you're out of five.
00:05:13You might think, and in a conversation, this workshop, I want you to go in at a nine or
00:05:17an eight and just do it.
00:05:19So when you're doing this, then at the end of that, you say, what do you think my volume
00:05:22was?
00:05:23And then what's going to happen here, Jeff, is they'll go, I think you're about a five
00:05:26or a six.
00:05:27But in your head you're like, I thought I was a 24.
00:05:31Actually I was shouting the entire time.
00:05:33And then as you do this more and more and more, you calibrate your internal perception and
00:05:36the external reception.
00:05:38And you have to go through this process.
00:05:40Because I have so many students who come to me and they're going, Finn, I feel like I'm
00:05:45screaming when I talk like this.
00:05:47Like, no, you're not, you're not screaming.
00:05:50So as you balance that out with feedback, the equilibrium occurs and you go, oh, right.
00:05:55So it's not shouting, then you train the new behaviour.
00:05:58You've got to go through that experience.
00:06:00Okay, do you see what I mean?
00:06:02Most people who are quiet, they think they're shouting when they're not.
00:06:06And most people who are loud don't know how loud they actually are.
00:06:10So calibrate your internal perception and external reception of your volume if you want to be
00:06:15heard by others in the right way.
00:06:17But here's the final problem.
00:06:19When most people try to speak louder, they end up sounding angry.
00:06:22They start sounding too direct and then they end up shouting at people.
00:06:26Here's what you do instead.
00:06:27I'm a very direct speaker.
00:06:29We sound like we're yelling, but we're not.
00:06:30We're just talking and we're using our hands a lot.
00:06:33So it sounds angry and looks angry.
00:06:36And yeah, my face is a bit more expressive.
00:06:38So how do I – The key thing is melody.
00:06:41The key thing for you is a bit more melody in your voice.
00:06:44Say exactly what you just said to me again, but just add a little bit more melody in your
00:06:47voice.
00:06:48And then smile.
00:06:49Say the same thing in three, two, more melody.
00:06:52So I find that people take my tone really poorly and I'm a bit more direct.
00:06:58And so I'm just talking with my hands and all I'm doing is expressing myself and it's
00:07:02being taken the wrong way.
00:07:04Isn't that amazing?
00:07:05Yes.
00:07:06Doesn't she sound completely different?
00:07:07You sound completely different, completely different.
00:07:10But I bet you're sitting there right now going, "Ew, that's not me."
00:07:14It is you if you want it to be you, because you are all of it.
00:07:17You are not just one dimensional.
00:07:19You are multi-dimensional.
00:07:21You are hip hop, K-pop if you want to do something.
00:07:24You are all of the genre.
00:07:26And I think a lot of us restrict ourselves to only singing one genre, using our voice
00:07:29as one genre.
00:07:31And the reason why it feels so comfortable there, because you've been repeating the behaviors
00:07:35for the last 10, 20, 30, 40 years.
00:07:37So it feels right.
00:07:39Is it right?
00:07:40No, it's just default.
00:07:42The moment you did that, everyone was like, "Whoa."
00:07:45That's why communication is one of those realms where the smallest things you do, you will
00:07:48start to see the biggest differences in the way people react to you.
00:07:51But you have to be willing to explore now the unfamiliar.
00:07:55Explore what your instrument is quite capable of.
00:07:56Thank you.
00:07:57You've got such a beautiful voice and so many wonderful qualities.
00:08:00Don't go through this life playing one key.
00:08:01Oh, thank you.
00:08:02That's very nice.
00:08:03So let this be a moment that opens your mind to the possibility.
00:08:06All of you have access to an incredible instrument.
00:08:07When you learn how to play it, people will listen.