00:00:00There's two things, there's two tests.
00:00:03You don't need to pass either of them,
00:00:04but it's valuable information.
00:00:05It's not just people that watch The Simpsons,
00:00:06it's people that chose to.
00:00:08They like this type of humor.
00:00:09People that think farting is funny,
00:00:11and people who watch The Simpsons,
00:00:13I think are genuinely nice, innocent people.
00:00:16When people don't think farting is funny,
00:00:21there maybe is some trauma.
00:00:23I know that there are.
00:00:24I have some female friends that have issues
00:00:28with the way that their mom receives them
00:00:31and they need to be beautiful.
00:00:33They need to be a certain thing
00:00:34that the mother believes is what makes a woman.
00:00:37Bummer, pun not intended.
00:00:40However, when you think it's just gross or whatever,
00:00:43and yeah, of course it's gross.
00:00:45I'm not saying, do you think farting is something
00:00:47that you want me to be doing on your face all the time?
00:00:49I'm asking you if you think it's funny.
00:00:52And if you don't think it's funny,
00:00:54I know that we're not compatible.
00:00:58I know it.
00:00:59I know it.
00:01:00- You're saying that the tip of the spear
00:01:01of your social Venn diagram crossing over
00:01:05is Simpsons and funny farting.
00:01:07- You know what, to be a little bit more fair,
00:01:09you don't have to think farting is funny.
00:01:11I've never been in, and this wasn't a conscious choice.
00:01:13I've never been in a relationship
00:01:14with somebody who didn't laugh at farts.
00:01:16I don't think that's a coincidence.
00:01:18But it's not that you don't think farting is funny as much
00:01:20as if you think farting is gross.
00:01:22Like if we're sitting around
00:01:23and I have to go to the bathroom to fart,
00:01:26I'll get 40,000 steps a day.
00:01:28You know, what do you want me- - Are you a big farter?
00:01:31- Who isn't?
00:01:33- Well, I guess it depends what your baseline
00:01:37for big farting is.
00:01:38- Exactly.
00:01:39And whatever your baseline is, come on over.
00:01:41Just change your clothes and sit on a blanket.
00:01:43- Okay, yeah.
00:01:43- Whatever you fart, if you fart 10 times-
00:01:46- How do you feel about farting?
00:01:48Because that's kind of turned inside clothes into outside.
00:01:51It's actually turned inside clothes
00:01:52into inner you inside clothes.
00:01:54- Yeah.
00:01:55- How's that feel on the couch?
00:01:57- Yeah.
00:01:58Farting, if you fart on my couch,
00:02:03how'd that feel?
00:02:08You know, it feels good to fart.
00:02:11- It does, but how do you and your couch fart?
00:02:14- Fine, it's farting.
00:02:16- Hang on, I do feel like we need to-
00:02:19- 'Cause farting isn't outdoor clothes.
00:02:20Those are indoor clothes.
00:02:21- Right, but they are now contaminated
00:02:24with the inside of me.
00:02:26- They're not, your pants aren't off.
00:02:28If you pulled off your pants and farted,
00:02:31I would say, would you fart on the blanket?
00:02:33- Right, okay, so there's a-
00:02:34- It's coughing in a mask.
00:02:36- Right, okay.
00:02:37Or it's coming in condoms. - I consider underpants
00:02:38and pants, and 94, yes.
00:02:39- So pants are like fart condoms?
00:02:41- I've been saying it for weeks.
00:02:43- Pants are fart condoms?
00:02:44- Yeah, it's my merch, actually.
00:02:45Imagine.
00:02:48- Pants are fart condoms.
00:02:49- Come on, that's fucking crazy.
00:02:50- Whoa!
00:02:51That fucking Oz Perlman, the mentalist.
00:02:53- Wait, I knew I was gonna go here.
00:02:55I think you need to reassess this.
00:02:58I don't want to contribute to your blanket anxiety.
00:03:01- Contribute, but go on.
00:03:02- British.
00:03:03- Just farted.
00:03:05(laughing)
00:03:07Why you laughing?
00:03:08- I think you really need to check yourself on this.
00:03:14I think that there are far more microscopic poo particles-
00:03:18- Oh, I know.
00:03:19- Getting through pants and jeans onto the blanket
00:03:24and into the couch.
00:03:25- I agree, I have thought about this.
00:03:26- It's not zero.
00:03:26- No, it's not.
00:03:28It's inevitable.
00:03:28- Yeah.
00:03:29- They're farting.
00:03:30- You were worried about the sweat from the gym clothes.
00:03:34- Like I said, it's not that logical.
00:03:35It's not about the sweat. - I understand,
00:03:36but I want you to try and be consistent.
00:03:40- Okay, may I?
00:03:41Because you're playfully challenging me, and I'm all for it.
00:03:44Before you go into my bathroom,
00:03:46I am going to tell you before you flush,
00:03:48please close the toilet seat.
00:03:49- Ooh, because you don't want it to be atomized?
00:03:52- Correct.
00:03:53- What if it's only pee?
00:03:54- It's closed.
00:03:56Please, it's not that big of an ask.
00:03:58- You could just fix this with a Japanese toilet.
00:04:01- I try not to have, I don't have a Japanese toilet.
00:04:06- Okay, well, maybe that would be just considered for future.
00:04:11- Also, I was gonna make a joke, but I'm realizing
00:04:13I don't even know what a Japanese toilet is.
00:04:15- Is that one of those heated things to automate it?
00:04:17It's got the built-in bum spray.
00:04:19- Oh yeah, they're amazing.
00:04:20With the bidet and stuff? - Yes.
00:04:21- Yeah, I wanna get one.
00:04:23- Yeah, and that would fix this problem.
00:04:24- No, it wouldn't.
00:04:25I've pissed and shitted them.
00:04:28I've come in a few. - And they don't close?
00:04:30- Yeah, they don't close.
00:04:31They close, some of them close, but you do your thing,
00:04:34you flush, maybe it's closing as there's flushing.
00:04:36It doesn't-- - You're worried that there's,
00:04:38it's like Indiana Jones sneaking under the door
00:04:40as it comes down.
00:04:41He grabs his hat, but instead he's flicked poop particles out.
00:04:44Okay.
00:04:45- Which also is another piece--
00:04:46(laughing)
00:04:49So, I wanna control the poop particles
00:04:52and the pee particles in certain places.
00:04:54- But you're controlling it in the room
00:04:57which has the most sterile,
00:04:59lowest amount of soft furnishing.
00:05:00- Here's my logic.
00:05:02If you have to fart, you're gonna fart.
00:05:04You're just gonna try and hide it from me.
00:05:06- What if it's gratuitous?
00:05:08What if you can, you know that they're forcing them out?
00:05:10- It's probably gonna be funnier.
00:05:12- So you can offset--
00:05:14- I know that you're gonna fart.
00:05:17It's not a matter of fart, don't fart.
00:05:19It's just do it, let's see it.
00:05:21Let's see it. - See it?
00:05:23- On my podcast, yes.
00:05:25- You see it.
00:05:26- We do a lot of anime.
00:05:28Like my podcast is one that you have to, you don't have,
00:05:31I watch it.
00:05:33There's--
00:05:34- I like the Street Fighter selection thing.
00:05:35I enjoyed when you were doing that.
00:05:36- Oh, thank you.
00:05:37I didn't mean you in particular.
00:05:38I just meant like, I want it to be digested with the visuals
00:05:40because we do a lot of stuff, including animations.
00:05:43People, when people go like this even,
00:05:45I add a little fart and a little shit that comes out
00:05:47and it stays there for a second.
00:05:48Like I'm a little boy.
00:05:50I think it's really fun and funny.
00:05:52Yeah, it doesn't, you know, and it's not that logical.
00:05:55Like I have a dog.
00:05:56I got a dog for a few reasons.
00:05:58Two of that that I'll explain that are relevant is one,
00:06:01I thought it would help with my OCD
00:06:02because my ex-girlfriend, I was obsessed with her dog.
00:06:06And when she would bring it over, for whatever reason,
00:06:10the rules didn't apply to him.
00:06:12Like I was okay with it.
00:06:13- Outdoor dog, indoor dog.
00:06:14- We would wipe his paws before he comes in,
00:06:16but you wouldn't wipe his butt, his belly.
00:06:18He would lay on the ground.
00:06:19Like he's on the stuff.
00:06:21It's okay because the alternative
00:06:23is him not on the bed with us.
00:06:25- Or having to bathe him every time he's come in.
00:06:27- Which ain't gonna happen.
00:06:28- Yep. - Yeah.
00:06:28So I realized, wow, this is, you know,
00:06:32immersion therapy in a way.
00:06:33- Yep, yep, yep, yep.
00:06:35- Another reason I got a dog is because,
00:06:36especially 'cause I work so much on my podcast
00:06:38and I do a lot of editing and I would go,
00:06:40if I don't have shows,
00:06:41I would go three days without leaving my house.
00:06:43And I didn't get out of the house.
00:06:44I'm like, this is an excuse to get out of the house.
00:06:47- Yep.
00:06:48- I'm out of the house a lot more now.
00:06:50I used to, once you go outside, there are outdoor clothes,
00:06:53but then I'm like, I go, I walk, I just won't sit down.
00:06:55I've allowed myself to go outside, maybe even in the rain,
00:06:58and come back in.
00:06:59So like, I'm getting better by challenging myself
00:07:03and the dog let me do that.
00:07:07Farting is, you know, the dog could be on the blanket.
00:07:11A fart is fine if you're wearing a condom.
00:07:14- Right, okay.
00:07:15So farts are the dog of the indoor/outdoor world.
00:07:20- Also, if it's funny enough, you know what I'm saying?
00:07:22Like, I feel there's a hack to shame
00:07:26and that's finding a bit in it, right?
00:07:28Like, I'm embarrassed about this thing,
00:07:30but if I could say something funny about it, I don't know.
00:07:33Is that because now I feel valuable and I use it as a tool?
00:07:35Is it because I now am being seen in a way
00:07:37that isn't the way that I thought I would be seen?
00:07:40Is it just the connection I have
00:07:42with somebody who could relate to it?
00:07:43Whatever it is, if you can make a bit out of something,
00:07:46it's easier, right?
00:07:51And I feel this way.
00:07:52I mean, of course then there's like,
00:07:53oh, you're joking all the time.
00:07:55I'm not saying make everything a joke.
00:07:56What I'm saying is if there's an uncomfortable conversation,
00:08:00there is craft involved into either saying things
00:08:05like setting expectations properly.
00:08:07Hey, there's something that's been on my mind.
00:08:08It's not that deep, but it's something that bothers me.
00:08:11We don't have to talk about it now,
00:08:12but do you have five minutes of space
00:08:14I could let you know something
00:08:15that I've been feeling a little embarrassed about?
00:08:17It lets the other person make a choice to do that.
00:08:19Sure, and that's a great tool.
00:08:21Another one is that's not as exhausting
00:08:23in asking so much of the other person,
00:08:25especially if it doesn't really involve them,
00:08:26is hey, I have a stye in my eye and I brought sunglasses
00:08:30and I might want to do this.
00:08:31And is this, you know what?
00:08:33Could we just do glasses?
00:08:34Could we do sunglasses for a little?
00:08:35Of course.
00:08:36Cool.
00:08:36And now the bit is we're wearing sunglasses,
00:08:39but that made it easier for me to admit to you
00:08:42something that might've been hard to say.
00:08:44Now that wasn't hard to say, but like farting,
00:08:48a buddy of mine, shout out to Andy Kozel,
00:08:51once said, "Buttholes have the best comedic timing."
00:08:54And I think that's so funny and true.
00:08:56You ever hear a fart and you think like,
00:08:58"I didn't think that was a good time for that."
00:09:01And if so-
00:09:02It's the best time for that.
00:09:04No, I was going to say we're not compatible, but yes.
00:09:07I see.
00:09:08If you don't think that that fart was funny,
00:09:10you might be a redneck.
00:09:13Do you have that over there?
00:09:14No.
00:09:15Okay.
00:09:16No, we have, what do we have in the UK?
00:09:17We have chavs, don't we?
00:09:19You might be a chad.
00:09:20Chav.
00:09:21I don't know chav, I know chad.
00:09:22Chav.
00:09:23So the only equivalent we have of kind of hick.
00:09:26So imagine gypsy without the caravan.
00:09:29You're not supposed to say gypsy or hick, just so you know.
00:09:32You just did.
00:09:33I did it.
00:09:34Is hick allowed?
00:09:36I mean, you'll see the comments.
00:09:38Well, look, I'm like somebody who hasn't had
00:09:41whatever reckoning around culture and class has occurred.
00:09:45I'm fine.
00:09:46I'm insulated because of the British accent,
00:09:48hopefully until I get canceled.
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