Transcript
00:00:00Why don't you trust me, right?
00:00:01Something that we might say to somebody
00:00:03or you might say the reverse is like, just trust me.
00:00:05And that word, people have a very hard time
00:00:08of knowing like, what the hell does that even mean?
00:00:10What does trust even mean?
00:00:12And so this is a departure from my normal business content,
00:00:13but I think you will like it, or at least I do.
00:00:15And so I was thinking about this
00:00:16because someone recently was like, hey, trust me.
00:00:18And I was like, huh, that's an odd command.
00:00:21What does that even mean?
00:00:22And so I wanna break down, number one,
00:00:25what does trust actually mean
00:00:26from a behavioral perspective?
00:00:27How can I look at someone and say,
00:00:28trust has occurred here, right?
00:00:30And then are there different types of trust?
00:00:33So that, which is what confuses this whole thing
00:00:35because there isn't just one, there's actually four.
00:00:38And this was after actually thinking about this one statement
00:00:39that a friend made to me.
00:00:41And so the four types of trust
00:00:43actually correspond with two big variables,
00:00:45which is who's at risk and who does the punishing.
00:00:49So whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.
00:00:50So you're saying trust is about punishment?
00:00:53The answer is yes.
00:00:54So if I trust someone,
00:00:55it means that I make myself punishable by them.
00:00:59So for example, if I say,
00:01:00I'm gonna share a secret with you,
00:01:02then it means I give you something
00:01:03that you can punish me with.
00:01:04And the idea is that I believe I'm making a bet
00:01:08that you're not gonna punish me.
00:01:09And that's the risk, right?
00:01:11And so the idea is we have you who are at risk,
00:01:14so you risk,
00:01:16and then we have the other person punishing, right?
00:01:20That's the first type.
00:01:22The second type of risk
00:01:23is that someone else does the risking with you
00:01:26and they say,
00:01:27I'm gonna give you a secret,
00:01:29I'm gonna give you a knife
00:01:29and I can point it at my back
00:01:31and I'm gonna bet that you're not gonna stab, all right?
00:01:33So now you're the one who can punish them.
00:01:35That means that you are being trustworthy to them.
00:01:38I'm gonna give you prescriptions
00:01:38on how to actually do this
00:01:40because this has been so helpful
00:01:41for thinking about this through like a relationship.
00:01:43Like imagine Layla and I were married
00:01:44and I want her to trust me more
00:01:46and she wants me to trust her.
00:01:48So it's like,
00:01:48how can we actually prescribe,
00:01:51do these things to gain trust?
00:01:53And this is what I wanted to talk about
00:01:54and that's what we're gonna do.
00:01:55All right,
00:01:56let me just cover the other two.
00:01:57So if you're at risk,
00:01:58who else is the possible punisher?
00:02:00Well, it's the environment.
00:02:01So that means that reality punishes you.
00:02:03So what does that actually look like?
00:02:05That would be,
00:02:07hey, can I trust you to pick my kid up tomorrow, right?
00:02:10Sure.
00:02:11How would that happen?
00:02:12Well, I'm going to give them something,
00:02:14two different things,
00:02:15that I value a lot.
00:02:16They could punish me.
00:02:17They could kidnap my kid.
00:02:19That would suck, right?
00:02:20Or they could not pick up my kid.
00:02:22Also would suck.
00:02:23Are they the one doing the punishing?
00:02:25Well, kidnapping, yes.
00:02:26But if they just didn't keep their word
00:02:28and just didn't pick the kid up,
00:02:30the environment would do the punishing, right?
00:02:32Now, to the same degree,
00:02:33someone can trust me
00:02:34and it can't just,
00:02:36doesn't always have to be about action,
00:02:37like me doing something for someone else.
00:02:39It can also be about advice.
00:02:41So if I'm like,
00:02:41man, I really trust her.
00:02:42I trust her advice.
00:02:43She has good insight, right?
00:02:45Then I might follow that advice
00:02:47and a bad thing would happen
00:02:48and then I'd be like,
00:02:48I don't trust her that much.
00:02:49She gives terrible advice, right?
00:02:51And so these are the four conditions.
00:02:52So you basically have secrets or information, right?
00:02:56That someone can give you
00:02:57or you can give someone
00:02:58that they can use and hurt you.
00:03:00Or you give someone your word
00:03:02that you're going to do something,
00:03:03either make it happen
00:03:04or that they should do it
00:03:06and in either of those scenarios,
00:03:07the environment does the punishing.
00:03:09All right?
00:03:09Here's the thinking process around,
00:03:11should I do this?
00:03:12So two questions.
00:03:14Number one,
00:03:15do they have a track record
00:03:16of protecting what they've been given?
00:03:18The things and information
00:03:19that you've given to them, right?
00:03:20Have they had a knife before,
00:03:23pointed at your back
00:03:24and not used it?
00:03:26And does burning you
00:03:28cost them more than protecting you?
00:03:31AKA, is betraying you
00:03:32a bad deal for them?
00:03:34And so if both of those scenarios,
00:03:36meaning they gain more
00:03:37from protecting you,
00:03:38number one,
00:03:39and number two,
00:03:39they have a track record
00:03:40of not burning you,
00:03:41then it makes sense
00:03:42to go forward with the trust.
00:03:44Now, why would you trust to begin with
00:03:45if we define trust
00:03:46as allowing yourself to be punishable?
00:03:48Because the ceiling
00:03:49of a relationship with potential
00:03:50is based on the shared context
00:03:52that both people have
00:03:53about each other.
00:03:53If I had a stranger
00:03:54as the completely opposite extreme,
00:03:56there's a limit
00:03:57to how much I can help someone
00:03:58if I don't know anything about them.
00:03:59And so every single thing
00:04:00that we volunteer about ourselves
00:04:01gives the other person context.
00:04:02Now, the more someone knows about you,
00:04:03the more they can hurt you, right?
00:04:05And so the idea is
00:04:06a perfectly trusting relationship
00:04:08would allow both people
00:04:09to best serve one another.
00:04:10The difficulty is that
00:04:11humans oftentimes
00:04:12have short-term incentives
00:04:14that are adverse
00:04:15to their long-term goals.
00:04:16I'll give you an example.
00:04:17So if I trust my wife
00:04:20and I say,
00:04:21you know,
00:04:21I don't like my mother,
00:04:23I'm making this up, all right?
00:04:25And later in a fight,
00:04:28my wife uses
00:04:29what I told her about my mother
00:04:30and it could be tomorrow
00:04:32or it could be six months from now.
00:04:34If she uses that against me,
00:04:36then I'm going to be
00:04:37way less likely
00:04:38to trust her again.
00:04:39But it means that
00:04:39the calculus that my wife
00:04:41has to make in the moment
00:04:42when I've given her
00:04:42something valuable
00:04:43is that she has to say,
00:04:45me winning this argument
00:04:47in the short term
00:04:47is not worth the cost
00:04:49of losing the relationship.
00:04:50And so what's really difficult
00:04:51about trust
00:04:52is trust
00:04:52almost more than anything else
00:04:54is based on
00:04:55zero punishment.
00:04:57So what does that mean?
00:04:58So it means that
00:04:59you give someone
00:05:00a little bit thing
00:05:00and they don't do
00:05:01anything bad with it.
00:05:02You give them a little bit more,
00:05:02don't do anything bad,
00:05:03you give them a little bit more,
00:05:04you give them a little bit more
00:05:04and they'll eventually,
00:05:06the incentive for them
00:05:07is so high
00:05:08to wrong you
00:05:09that they do.
00:05:12And that sucks.
00:05:14And so
00:05:14when they do that one time
00:05:16and people,
00:05:16I mean think about it,
00:05:17think about the relationship
00:05:17with the marriages
00:05:18where it's like,
00:05:18I trusted him for 20 years,
00:05:19you know,
00:05:20and then like,
00:05:20boom,
00:05:20he did that one thing
00:05:21and that was it,
00:05:22could never trust him again.
00:05:23Right?
00:05:23It's because
00:05:24the punishing event
00:05:25of betraying someone
00:05:27will literally undo
00:05:29all the reward
00:05:30and reinforcements
00:05:30like as you did beforehand.
00:05:31Which is why
00:05:32if you want to be trustworthy,
00:05:34you have to do
00:05:35zero punishment.
00:05:36And that means both
00:05:37at when they disclose
00:05:38the thing,
00:05:38someone says,
00:05:39hey,
00:05:39I'm coming out of the closet,
00:05:40I'm gay now,
00:05:40the moment they give you
00:05:41the thing for sure
00:05:42is a reinforcing event
00:05:43to make sure that you
00:05:44not only want to be neutral,
00:05:45but like,
00:05:45thanks for sharing that,
00:05:46your secret's safe with me,
00:05:48it's your news,
00:05:48whatever you want me to do with it,
00:05:49I'll do with it.
00:05:50All right?
00:05:51The second thing
00:05:51is that it doesn't get used
00:05:52in the future against them.
00:05:53So not like necessarily
00:05:54talking to them,
00:05:55but like,
00:05:55if you share it with somebody else
00:05:56and then that person hurts them,
00:05:57they still don't trust you
00:05:59and won't want to trust you
00:06:00and then you get a reputation
00:06:01of something
00:06:01whose loose lips,
00:06:02loose lips sink ships.
00:06:03Right?
00:06:04And so,
00:06:05if you want people to trust you
00:06:06and you want to trust them,
00:06:09then you need to make sure
00:06:10that they are trustworthy,
00:06:11which means,
00:06:12have they followed the prescription
00:06:13of becoming trustworthy
00:06:14that I just outlined?
00:06:15And this,
00:06:16the reason that I think
00:06:16you have to do it
00:06:17with every time
00:06:17you share something,
00:06:18especially if it's material,
00:06:19obviously you're not calculating
00:06:20every single decision,
00:06:21right?
00:06:21But when it's a material thing,
00:06:23calculating it independently
00:06:24and thinking,
00:06:25wait,
00:06:25if I give this thing,
00:06:26the incentive is way too big.
00:06:28Like,
00:06:28what do I gain from this
00:06:29versus what do I risk?
00:06:30And fundamentally,
00:06:31this is,
00:06:32some people see this
00:06:33and think,
00:06:33oh,
00:06:33this is just so transactional
00:06:34and I think,
00:06:35I think you're wrong
00:06:35and I think you're dumb.
00:06:36I'm going to be
00:06:37really honest with you.
00:06:39We all make this appraisal
00:06:41of pluses and minuses
00:06:42in our minds
00:06:43on some level.
00:06:44I'm just trying
00:06:45to clearly define it
00:06:46so that I can recognize
00:06:47and I'm like,
00:06:48I don't trust this guy.
00:06:49I can actually
00:06:49ascribe a filter
00:06:50being like,
00:06:51why don't I trust him?
00:06:52Oh,
00:06:53when did I make myself
00:06:54punishable
00:06:54that he used against me?
00:06:56Oh,
00:06:57in these specific scenarios.
00:06:58And then that way,
00:06:59when the person's like,
00:06:59why don't you trust me?
00:07:00It's like,
00:07:00well,
00:07:01here's four reasons.
00:07:01I told you this
00:07:02and then he used it this way.
00:07:03I told you this
00:07:03and he used it this way.
00:07:05And so the equal opposite
00:07:06is like,
00:07:06I want to be
00:07:07a trustworthy person
00:07:08because gaining trust
00:07:10with other people
00:07:11gives you a lot of stuff.
00:07:13So number one
00:07:13is it makes you
00:07:14more influential.
00:07:15If you have trust,
00:07:16you haven't used anything
00:07:18that someone else has said
00:07:19to hurt them,
00:07:21then they will trust you
00:07:22with more things,
00:07:23which means that your ability
00:07:24to have context on them
00:07:25is higher.
00:07:26Number two,
00:07:27if they trust your advice,
00:07:28the other type of trust,
00:07:29and they follow
00:07:30your prescriptions
00:07:31and good things happen,
00:07:32the likely they follow
00:07:33the future prescriptions
00:07:34goes up.
00:07:35If you say,
00:07:36I'm going to pick up the kid
00:07:37and then you do,
00:07:38the likely that they'll trust
00:07:39you to pick up the kid
00:07:40in the future goes up,
00:07:41which also means
00:07:42that we have to
00:07:43keep our word.
00:07:44And so whenever
00:07:45you have the opportunity
00:07:47to break your word,
00:07:49that is at a short-term
00:07:50benefit to you,
00:07:52realize that you do not
00:07:53harm the relationship,
00:07:54you likely end it.
00:07:56It just doesn't die immediately.
00:07:57It's kind of like
00:07:58cutting a tree off the vine.
00:07:59The tree's still there
00:08:00for a long time.
00:08:01And sometimes there's
00:08:01a hollowed out dead tree
00:08:03on the inside.
00:08:03It's still there visibly,
00:08:04but we all know
00:08:06it's dead on the inside.
00:08:07The stream of nutrients,
00:08:09which we can see truth
00:08:10as nutrients in a relationship,
00:08:12it gets cut off
00:08:13the moment someone
00:08:13betrays somebody else.
00:08:15And so I would use this frame
00:08:17and I'm using this now
00:08:18because I'm giving a presentation
00:08:19tomorrow to my company
00:08:20sharing something
00:08:21that they could use
00:08:22to hurt me,
00:08:23but I'm trusting them
00:08:25by making myself punishable,
00:08:27which gives everyone else
00:08:28in the business
00:08:28the opportunity
00:08:29to earn more of my trust.
00:08:31Which to be fair,
00:08:31I've already given it to them.
00:08:32It's really theirs to lose.
00:08:34Real quick,
00:08:34I'm going to show you
00:08:34the exact 10 stage roadmap
00:08:36from zero to 100 million plus
00:08:38that less than 1%
00:08:40of companies finish.
00:08:41I've now done multiple times.
00:08:42And so I can say
00:08:43with a lot of confidence
00:08:43that these are the stages
00:08:44as headcount increases
00:08:46that you need to get through.
00:08:48And I broke each of these down
00:08:49by eight different functions
00:08:50of the business,
00:08:51what the constraint feels like,
00:08:53like what are the symptoms
00:08:54of it when you're going through it,
00:08:55and then what steps
00:08:56we actually took to graduate.
00:08:57And we've done this
00:08:57across software,
00:08:59physical products,
00:09:00service businesses,
00:09:01brick and mortar,
00:09:02all of this,
00:09:03and it works.
00:09:04And it's my gift to you.
00:09:05It's absolutely free.
00:09:06And so the link's
00:09:06in the description,
00:09:07but you just go
00:09:08acquisition.com forward slash roadmap.
00:09:09Just enter your info
00:09:10and it'll spit it right back
00:09:11to you all free.
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