The Cruel Tactics of Manipulative Narcissists

CChris Williamson
정신 건강결혼/가정생활다이어트/영양

Transcript

00:00:00Tell me what it's like.
00:00:01Tell me what it's like to sit down opposite somebody
00:00:05who has 99th percentile cluster B personality disorder.
00:00:10Just describe that experience.
00:00:14- When we're talking about in a therapeutic context,
00:00:20something that's really important to mention
00:00:21is transference and counter-transference.
00:00:26So do you want me to go into that for your audience?
00:00:29- Give us a brief overview.
00:00:30I learned that, you know, interestingly,
00:00:32and I'm grinning because it's one of the few things
00:00:35that I've learned from reading chick novels.
00:00:36I read "The Silent Patient" by Alex Michaelades,
00:00:40or Andrew Michaelades, and in it,
00:00:42one of the main protagonists is a therapist
00:00:44who's trying to get this patient to speak.
00:00:46And he goes to his head therapist
00:00:49who's trying to help him get through
00:00:52this very difficult patient.
00:00:54And there's this line,
00:00:55"Tell me about the transference and counter-transference."
00:00:58And this was as I was starting to do therapy
00:01:00about two years ago.
00:01:01And I went in all impressed with myself
00:01:05to tell my therapist that I learned
00:01:06what transference and counter-transference was.
00:01:08But I didn't learn about it from proper research.
00:01:10I learned about it from reading like an absolute,
00:01:12like "USA Today" best-selling chick thriller.
00:01:16But anyway, transference, counter-transference,
00:01:18you're sitting down with somebody with cluster B, et cetera.
00:01:21- Yeah, well, I mean, just in general,
00:01:24we all transfer and counter-transfer in life
00:01:27and human relationships.
00:01:28It's not just exclusive to therapy.
00:01:30But it's important to notice that it's happening in therapy
00:01:33because it gives you a lot of information
00:01:35as far as what's happening in the interaction.
00:01:38So I mean, transference in the simplest terms
00:01:41is the feelings that are transferred
00:01:43onto the therapist by the patient.
00:01:45Counter-transference are some of the feelings
00:01:47or emotional reactions that take place
00:01:49inside of the therapist
00:01:51while they are interacting with the patient.
00:01:54So the reason why that's relevant
00:01:56is because we get to ask cool questions
00:01:58like would I have been feeling this
00:02:00if I were sitting with anyone else right now?
00:02:02Or is this feeling that just got activated in me,
00:02:05is it directly related to the dynamic of this person
00:02:09that I'm interacting with?
00:02:10Because it starts to tell you information
00:02:12about how maybe other people are experiencing them
00:02:15outside of therapy in their personal life
00:02:17that maybe they're not super aware of.
00:02:21And they might actually, even a narcissist
00:02:23could genuinely come into a therapy office
00:02:25and not have a clue why everybody thinks
00:02:27they're so insensitive, right?
00:02:29All the while the therapist is picking up
00:02:33on their insensitivity and having a counter-transference
00:02:35reaction to this insensitivity.
00:02:37Like gosh, it feels hard to sit in a room with this person.
00:02:40I feel incompetent, I feel scared,
00:02:43I feel like different than I did before they showed up, right?
00:02:47So it's really important.
00:02:49But the typical counter-transference that results
00:02:53when you're sitting with somebody who meets the criteria
00:02:57for cluster B, or I should say typical or common
00:03:00counter-transference, so what the therapist feels
00:03:02in the room with them, is you feel,
00:03:05I said a couple of them just now,
00:03:07oftentimes you just start to overwhelmingly feel incompetent,
00:03:11like you don't know how to do your job,
00:03:12or you're not qualified to do your job.
00:03:14And remember, this is just coming
00:03:16as you're sitting with someone.
00:03:17You weren't thinking about it earlier today
00:03:20on the drive to work.
00:03:20You were thinking, oh, I can't wait to go to work,
00:03:23I do a pretty good job, you know, I have a full practice.
00:03:25Then this person comes in and all of a sudden
00:03:27you feel like you can't do your job, right?
00:03:29So that's--
00:03:30- What is it, what is it, what are they doing?
00:03:32What is it--
00:03:33- They're devaluing you and not telling you
00:03:36that they're devaluing you.
00:03:38But you're starting to feel incompetent.
00:03:41So this is something that somebody
00:03:44with pretty severe personality pathology
00:03:47can sort of just put into the environment.
00:03:49They can export this out into the environment
00:03:52without saying a word.
00:03:53- Do you think they mean to?
00:03:54Is this an outcome that they want,
00:03:57or is this a spandrel that's come along for the ride?
00:03:59- So earlier you were asking about purpose,
00:04:03evolutionary perspective.
00:04:05I would say this is an evolutionary perspective
00:04:08that would be important to look into.
00:04:10Can they put this spell into the environment,
00:04:13into the air for some sort of advantage for themselves
00:04:17that they might not even fully be aware of in the moment,
00:04:19but it's happening and it's starting to work for them.
00:04:22- It makes people want to compete.
00:04:24Allow me to show you just how competent I am.
00:04:27No, no, no, no, I will over-deliver, I will over,
00:04:31because there is this odd sense
00:04:33of interpersonal competition of one.
00:04:35Oh, it's actually of none, right?
00:04:37It's just you, right?
00:04:38It's not a competition between you.
00:04:40It's that I need to prove myself
00:04:41because you don't seem impressed by me.
00:04:44Be impressed by me.
00:04:45Okay, I'll do a bit more.
00:04:47I'll do a bit more, I'll do a bit more.
00:04:48Beep, beep, finally, please just recognize that I'm here.
00:04:51- Yeah, or if I can get the professional
00:04:55to tell me to feel incompetent,
00:04:58then I get to direct the treatment,
00:05:02which means maybe if they feel incompetent,
00:05:05they'll agree with me more.
00:05:06So see, I take them off their high horse of expertise.
00:05:11Now I get to kind of get what I want from them a little bit.
00:05:15Maybe I can pull the wool over their eyes.
00:05:17So they're a bit more vulnerable.
00:05:19- This isn't exactly 100% conscious,
00:05:22but to me, I would still refer to that tactic
00:05:26as intentional abuse because you're not showing up
00:05:30with the intention of playing fair,
00:05:33even in the conversation, you know?
00:05:36- What else do you feel?
00:05:38- Fear and dread.
00:05:43- Okay.
00:05:46- And it's not always like 100% conscious
00:05:49of what you fear or what the dread is,
00:05:51but you can all of a sudden come up with this feeling.
00:05:53We also have a detection or a deception detection network
00:05:57in our brain, which gets hijacked by these types of tactics.
00:06:02You feel it and you stop thinking.
00:06:06If you get somebody who's good enough at manipulation,
00:06:09you could stop thinking, hmm, I'm feeling incompetent.
00:06:13I wasn't before, now I am.
00:06:15What's that about?
00:06:16You might just think maybe I'm not as good
00:06:18as I thought I was.
00:06:19And that would be a really important thing
00:06:22for a victim of a narcissist to say to themselves.
00:06:25Maybe I'm not as good.
00:06:26- Oh, of course.
00:06:27Because that's dissolved their defenses
00:06:31around I'm not in the wrong, they're in the wrong.
00:06:33- Right, yeah.
00:06:36And this happens in milliseconds, by the way.
00:06:40This is all happening unconsciously
00:06:41when you're interacting with someone.
00:06:42So someone like me, I'm a few steps ahead,
00:06:47but not by any means immune.
00:06:50And I would never tell anybody,
00:06:51because even the foremost experts of this
00:06:54would never claim that they could never be sucker punched.
00:06:58- Gazeed, finessed.
00:07:00- Yeah.
00:07:01But it's not really about becoming a human lie detector
00:07:04and knowing what everyone else is all about.
00:07:06That's not what you're trying to do.
00:07:07But you're trying to notice
00:07:10when I'm with this particular person, I feel incompetent,
00:07:12I feel dread, I feel fear, I feel insecurity.
00:07:16And in most other relationships in my life,
00:07:18I don't operate that way.
00:07:20What's happening in this particular dynamic
00:07:23that's making me feel that way?
00:07:24That's kind of some things that a therapist
00:07:26would want to certainly be aware of
00:07:28if they're interacting with someone
00:07:31who potentially has a socially maladaptive personality.
00:07:36- In other news, you've probably heard me talk
00:07:39about Element before, and that's because I am, frankly,
00:07:43dependent on it.
00:07:44And it's how I've started my day every single morning.
00:07:47This is the best tasting hydration drink on the market.
00:07:50You might think, why do I need to be more hydrated?
00:07:52Because proper hydration
00:07:53is not just about drinking enough water.
00:07:55It's having sufficient electrolytes
00:07:56to allow your body to use those fluids.
00:07:59Each Grab and Go stick pack
00:08:00is a science-backed electrolyte ratio
00:08:02of sodium, potassium, and magnesium.
00:08:04It's got no sugar, coloring, artificial ingredients,
00:08:06or any other junk.
00:08:07This plays a critical role in reducing muscle cramps
00:08:10and fatigue while optimizing brain health,
00:08:12regulating your appetite, and curbing cravings.
00:08:15This orange flavor in a cold glass of water
00:08:16is a sweet, salty, orangey nectar,
00:08:19and you will genuinely feel the difference
00:08:21when you take it versus when you don't,
00:08:23which is why I keep going on about it.
00:08:24Best of all, there's a no questions asked refund policy
00:08:26with an unlimited duration.
00:08:28Buy it, use it all, and if you don't like it for any reason,
00:08:31they give you your money back
00:08:32and you don't even have to return the box.
00:08:33That's how confident they are that you'll love it.
00:08:36Plus, they offer free shipping in the US.
00:08:38Right now, you can get a free sample pack
00:08:39of Element's most popular flavors with your first purchase
00:08:41by going to the link in the description below
00:08:43or heading to drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom.
00:08:46That's drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom.
00:08:51Congratulations for making it to the end of a clip.
00:08:53Your brain has not been fried by TikTok.
00:08:56Watch the full episode here.

Key Takeaway

Interacting with manipulative narcissists often triggers sudden, unexplained feelings of incompetence and dread in others, which serves as a tactical tool for the narcissist to bypass defenses and direct the dynamic.

Highlights

Definition of transference and counter-transference in therapeutic and everyday social contexts

How narcissists and individuals with Cluster B disorders 'export' feelings of incompetence into their environment

The use of devaluation as an unconscious or semi-conscious tactic to gain control over experts and professionals

The concept of a 'deception detection network' in the brain that can be hijacked by manipulative tactics

The importance of using one's own sudden emotional shifts (dread, fear, insecurity) as diagnostic data

The realization that even seasoned experts are not immune to being 'sucker punched' by high-level manipulators

The promotion of Element (LMNT) as a science-backed hydration solution for physical and cognitive optimization

Timeline

Introduction to Transference and Counter-transference

The speaker begins by explaining the psychological concepts of transference and counter-transference within a clinical setting. Transference refers to the feelings a patient projects onto a therapist, while counter-transference describes the therapist's own emotional reactions to the patient. These dynamics are not exclusive to therapy but occur in all human relationships, providing vital information about the interaction. By observing these internal shifts, a therapist can understand how the patient is perceived by others in the outside world. This section highlights how even a narcissist might be unaware of their own insensitivity while the person opposite them feels the full weight of it.

The Mechanism of Induced Incompetence

The discussion shifts to the specific feelings a therapist experiences when sitting with someone diagnosed with a Cluster B personality disorder. A common reaction is an overwhelming sense of incompetence or a feeling of being unqualified, despite having felt confident moments before the session. This shift happens because the narcissist is devaluing the professional without explicitly stating it. The speaker emphasizes that this feeling is 'exported' into the environment by the individual with severe personality pathology. It serves as a diagnostic marker that the person's defense mechanisms are actively influencing the space.

Evolutionary Tactics and Intentional Abuse

The speakers explore whether these manipulative behaviors are conscious choices or evolutionary 'spandrels' that provide a social advantage. By making a professional feel incompetent, the narcissist effectively takes them off their 'high horse' of expertise to gain control over the treatment. This tactic allows the manipulator to pull the wool over the other person's eyes and ensure the conversation goes their way. Even if the behavior isn't 100% conscious, it is categorized here as intentional abuse because the individual is not 'playing fair' in the interaction. This power struggle creates an interpersonal competition where the victim feels an urgent need to over-deliver and prove their worth.

Psychological Hijacking and Deception Detection

In this segment, the speaker describes the visceral feelings of fear and dread that often accompany interactions with highly manipulative individuals. Humans possess a 'deception detection network' in the brain, but skilled manipulators can hijack this system, causing the victim to stop thinking critically. Instead of questioning the manipulator's behavior, the victim often internalizes the negativity and wonders if they are simply 'not as good' as they thought. This breakdown of defenses happens in milliseconds and is difficult to prevent, even for experts. The key is to notice when one's feelings in a specific dynamic differ drastically from their behavior in all other life relationships.

Sponsorship and Closing Remarks

The video concludes with a promotional segment for Element (LMNT), a hydration drink containing a science-backed ratio of electrolytes. The host explains that proper hydration involves more than just water; it requires sodium, potassium, and magnesium to regulate appetite and brain health. He emphasizes the brand's 'no questions asked' refund policy and the benefits of using the product to reduce muscle cramps and fatigue. The host encourages viewers to use his specific link for a free sample pack with their first purchase. Finally, he congratulates the audience for finishing the video, jokingly noting that their attention spans remain intact despite the influence of short-form content like TikTok.

Community Posts

View all posts