Transcript
00:00:00Every time you meet someone new, people unconsciously determine your level of status,
00:00:04how successful you are, how credible you are, and whether you're someone worth listening to.
00:00:09And they make that judgment in two different ways. The first is through your visual image.
00:00:14This is what you wear, this is the way you carry yourself, this is your physical appearance.
00:00:18If you look good, you've got great posture and you're smiling, people assume you're confident
00:00:23and friendly. But the moment you open your mouth and then you speak, you now reveal
00:00:28your vocal image. This is the part people rarely think about. It's the impression people form about you
00:00:34based on how you use your voice. And when they hear your voice, they start to form beliefs about
00:00:39who you really are, your credibility, your conviction, and whether or not they should
00:00:43take you seriously. But after a decade of training some of the biggest organizations around the world,
00:00:47teaching millions of people to improve their vocal image, I've learned there are five common
00:00:52communication traits of high status people. That if you start adopting, you'll sound like someone
00:00:57people trust, respect, and want to listen to. Starting with trait number five, they speak
00:01:02with conviction. High status communicators use their voice in a way that makes you believe
00:01:07in what they say. You trust their words more, they sound like someone who has a lot of credibility
00:01:13and authority. Low status communicators, they sound unsure and sometimes even apologetic
00:01:18for taking up space.
00:01:19When I was in my late 20s, I moved from Australia to America to build my career as a keynote speaker
00:01:24and as a communication skills coach. And for those of you watching who are not from Australia,
00:01:29here in the land down under, we do something called up talk, where we end every single sentence
00:01:34on a high pitch. It sounds like this. Do you notice that? Everything I say finishes on a high note?
00:01:41That's completely normal here in Australia. It's our way of checking, the listener is still with us,
00:01:46and subconsciously we're signaling to others that we are cooperative and that we're not trying to
00:01:51dominate the conversation. However, in the US, it's often misread as a lack of confidence and
00:01:57insecurity. Anyway, before I even knew that I had up talk, I would enter those important conversations
00:02:02with my clients in America, pitching my services, and I'd say things like, I've been teaching
00:02:07communication for the last 10 years, and I'm certain I can help you solve all your communication
00:02:14problems. Did I sound high status? It sounded like I was asking for permission and approval
00:02:20the entire time. It felt like I wasn't really doing myself justice at all, right? I was lucky that one
00:02:25of my clients called me out on this and she said, we would love to work with you, but for your own
00:02:29sake, say it like you mean it, damn it. And so I got another opportunity to speak to the committee
00:02:34again. And this time I said it like this. I've been teaching communication now for the last 10 years,
00:02:39and I'm certain I can help you solve all your communication problems. That tiny behavior change
00:02:46in ending my sentences on a lower pitch completely transformed the way I came across to my clients,
00:02:52and it made me feel way more confident about what I was saying. Up talk is so ingrained as a habit for
00:02:57so many people, and rarely is it because you're insecure. Often it's just because it's a habit you've
00:03:03been repeating for the last 10 years, and now you no longer even noticed it. Look at this example
00:03:08of one of my students that I was coaching, and watch how hard it was for him to change the habit.
00:03:14You also go up at the end of your sentences. So I want you to end on lower now, all right?
00:03:19The story that I would like to share with you is a story from my childhood. So I was in grade five.
00:03:24Oh, five.
00:03:25The story that I would like to share with you is a story from grade five.
00:03:29Oh, you're still going up? You're still going up? You're going grade five, and the story I'd like to share with you...
00:03:35Keep it down.
00:03:36It's a story from grade five.
00:03:37No, no, no, no. You're still doing it? You're still doing it?
00:03:40So yeah, it is. It's chronic. So here's the thing. What I'd like you to do is,
00:03:43the story I'd like to share with you is from when I was in grade five.
00:03:46The story that I'd like to share with you is a story in grade five.
00:03:49Good.
00:03:50We were tasked with this assignment where we had to write an advertisement for the radio.
00:03:55Good.
00:03:56Did you see how many times I had to call him out on his ending pitch?
00:03:59Trait number four, they don't use a hundred words when five will do.
00:04:04We all have that one person in our life who says a lot without saying much at all.
00:04:09You ask them a question and then they talk for five whole minutes straight without actually answering the question or saying anything meaningful.
00:04:17Basically every damn politician you can think of these days.
00:04:20This is such a common occurrence in workplaces as well, even in my office.
00:04:25Every time we're in a meeting, I ask Andy, my head of marketing, a simple question.
00:04:30Can you give me a quick update on the campaign progress?
00:04:33And instead of giving me a quick update, he somehow turns it into a full 30 minute investigation,
00:04:39cross referencing three campaigns from the last quarter, interviewing witnesses and presenting evidence to me like he's trying to solve a murder.
00:04:47Okay, I know that B-roll was dramatic, but what I'm referring to here is the habit of injecting more words and context into a situation in a given moment than is necessary.
00:04:56This is called message density.
00:04:58Think of every conversation like a container that holds your message.
00:05:02The more words you pack into it, the more the other person has to do the hard work to find out what the actual point is.
00:05:08In psychology, they call it cognitive load.
00:05:10It's the mental effort required to process information.
00:05:13And the more words you use, the heavier the load becomes.
00:05:17Whereas the less words you use, the clearer your message becomes and the more weight each word will actually carry.
00:05:23High status communicators get this right.
00:05:26They know what point they want to communicate and they know the most effective path to be able to get there.
00:05:32And usually it's simple as saying less instead of more.
00:05:36And the simplest way to say less is to use a communication framework.
00:05:39And the one that I want to teach you that I use all the time when I'm put on the spot to answer a question is called PAT.
00:05:45PAT. P-A-T.
00:05:47The P stands for pause.
00:05:49Now, pause for a few moments when you start.
00:05:52Think about your answer.
00:05:54Most people don't do this.
00:05:55They answer immediately out of nervousness and then they blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
00:06:00And they have this fear that if I don't answer straight away, I might look incompetent.
00:06:04In my opinion, when you do this and answer straight away, it makes you look like you didn't put much thought into your answer at all.
00:06:09So do what most don't.
00:06:11Pause first.
00:06:13Give yourself a couple of seconds to collect your thoughts.
00:06:15Then if you need more time to think, you can buy yourself even more time with the next part of the framework, which is ask a question.
00:06:23Specifically, ask a clarifying question to get more specific.
00:06:28Imagine this little weird cloud, vague circle that I'm drawing.
00:06:32Imagine it represents their original question.
00:06:35When you ask a clarifying question, a follow-up question, what you're doing here is you're getting them to draw a smaller circle inside it.
00:06:43This makes the blast radius much smaller and it makes it easier for you to get to the answer they're actually seeking.
00:06:50Because if you answer their original question, the reason you use so many words to answer and give extra context is because you're answering all of that.
00:06:57The moment you ask the clarifying question, now you know exactly what they're after, you're using less words because there's so much more focus in your response.
00:07:04And finally, the last part of PAT, T stands for the one thing.
00:07:10Once they've clarified their question and you are more clear on what they're asking, you can start your answer with the phrase, the one thing.
00:07:18And what this does is it filters all of the thoughts you have about whatever is being asked and it forces you to choose one single point that matters the most.
00:07:26And this makes your communication more clear, more concise and more coherent.
00:07:30Now let's go back to the example with Andy and watch him use the PAT framework to answer my question.
00:07:36Andy, can you give me a quick update on the campaign progress?
00:07:40Just so I'm clear, are you most interested in overall performance or specifically how the new landing page is converting?
00:07:48Yeah, I'm actually more curious about how the landing page is converting.
00:07:51The one thing you need to know is that the new landing page without your face in it is actually outperforming the old one where you had your face in it by about 200% on conversions.
00:08:05Wait, so what you're saying is I'm ugly?
00:08:09No, no, no, no. It's not what I'm saying. It's what the data is saying. Around 2 billion people. It's basically undeniable at this point.
00:08:19Ah, if you're a fellow ugly person like myself, we're already hard to look at. So we want to make ourselves at least easy to listen to.
00:08:27So if you want to do that, you're going to learn communication frameworks. If you click the link below or scan the QR code, I've recorded a two hour free training on three of the top communication frameworks that helps you sound more clear, concise and coherent.
00:08:39I'll see you in class #UggosUnite.
00:08:42Remember what I said at the start. Most people don't think about their vocal image. They leave it up to chance. Traits five and four will dramatically improve your vocal image immediately, but only if you apply it.
00:08:53So, apply it this week. In your next conversation, end your sentences on a lower pitch and then use the PAT framework and watch people start to give you respect and attention that you deserve.
00:09:04Don't be like 99% of the population who gets stuck in the cycle of consumption. If you apply what you learn here on this YouTube channel, you're already ahead of most people. So go and do it.
00:09:15Now, if traits five and four upgrade your vocal image, this next one, trait #3 will help you upgrade your visual image.
00:09:22High status communicators aren't afraid of holding eye contact. Every time you watch a video of your favorite creator online, hopefully it's me, where are they looking?
00:09:31They're looking directly into the lens of the camera, which cuts through your screen into your eyes.
00:09:36And think about where you're looking the most while I'm speaking. You're looking into my eyes, aren't you?
00:09:41Eye contact doesn't just hold your attention. It builds a physical bridge between you and the other person, whether it's in person or whether it's on camera.
00:09:48And you can actually feel the connection, the energy, the emotion and the information hitting you on the other side of the screen.
00:09:54Imagine I'm talking to you the whole time as you're watching this video as I look over here.
00:09:58Or what if I was looking over there like this up high? Or what if I was doing this?
00:10:02What if I was looking at you like this while I was talking to you? How does that make you feel?
00:10:07Okay, I know nobody does that one. But even if I just look slightly off the screen and don't give you eye contact, do you notice the difference?
00:10:15Do I seem confident or do I come across a little uncertain?
00:10:19The same goes for in person interactions. Like I said before, strong eye contact communicates physical presence.
00:10:25It tells people I'm here. I'm with you and I'm not hiding from this moment.
00:10:30And when people feel that from you, they respect you more. They take your words more seriously.
00:10:34Great communicators understand this. They get it.
00:10:37And they aren't afraid to say what they need to while holding eye contact with you.
00:10:42Now, I know a lot of people find eye contact a little bit awkward where you're holding eye contact for a little too long and you suddenly zone out the conversation and your inner thoughts get louder and louder.
00:10:52And you start thinking to yourself, am I staring at this person for too long? Should I look away? Do I look weird? What do I do?
00:10:58So if this is you, here's a little hack that I use to help me get a little more comfortable with extended periods of eye contact.
00:11:04If you find yourself being uncomfortable with eye contact, let me teach you something known as the triangle technique.
00:11:11Where basically, you look at their left eye, then you look at their right eye, then you look at the bridge of their nose.
00:11:19And by doing this, you give your brain something to do so removes the discomfort.
00:11:24Thanks, Batman.
00:11:26Oh, Dan, that's why we love you. You're the first we sacrifice every time, especially your face.
00:11:33Especially your face.
00:11:34Okay, so that's how you can get more comfortable with eye contact when you're speaking to somebody new.
00:11:39Now, if you're in a group setting though, unlike that one-on-one situation, in a group setting, well, what do you do?
00:11:44This is what you shouldn't do first.
00:11:46Don't dart your eyes around the room too fast. It makes you look shifty.
00:11:49Don't scan from left to right, right to left. You end up looking robotic.
00:11:53Don't follow the same pattern where you look at person A, then B, then C, then back to person A, B, then C.
00:11:59Again, it seems weird. It seems unnatural.
00:12:02Don't look over people's heads. That's the worst advice ever given.
00:12:05Don't fixate on just one person when there are many other people in the room,
00:12:08because that goes from connecting to now you're just staring.
00:12:12Instead of this, this is what you should do.
00:12:14Singular eye contact. Hold one person's gaze for the length of a sentence or a single idea.
00:12:20Then move to somebody else so it feels like you're speaking to one person and not the entire room.
00:12:25One person, one thought, then move.
00:12:27That one habit will instantly make you look more composed, sound more believable, and feel like someone people actually want to keep listening to.
00:12:35Trait number two of high status communicators.
00:12:38They know how to activate your imagination.
00:12:40When I think about some of the most charismatic and magnetic influential people I've ever come across as a keynote speaker and a communication coach,
00:12:47they all have one thing in common that they all do.
00:12:50They don't bore you with the facts and the figures.
00:12:52They bring the information to life with analogies, metaphors and similes.
00:12:56They don't give you a bullet point update about their life.
00:12:59They take you into the moment and then they relive it with you through storytelling.
00:13:04They don't speak in vague concepts.
00:13:06They are highly specific, which makes what they say more memorable.
00:13:10High status communicators understand how to activate the imagination of their listeners to keep them engaged and locked in.
00:13:16They're not just delivering information.
00:13:18They're creating an experience for you to receive the information in the most memorable way possible.
00:13:23And look, I can spend all day going deep into every single technique to activate people's imagination.
00:13:28So let me distill for you the 80/20, the 20% of techniques that gives you 80% of the results.
00:13:33Number one is specificity.
00:13:37When you're describing anything to anyone, people love it when you get specific.
00:13:41For example, if I asked you, how was your day?
00:13:44And you responded, I was stressful.
00:13:47It was the worst, actually.
00:13:49To make that more specific, you could respond by saying,
00:13:52Oh, I had a really stressful meeting this afternoon with some senior leaders.
00:13:56And it was extra stressful because the CEO was there.
00:13:59And the moment I sat down and I opened up my laptop and I looked at them,
00:14:03I could tell from the lack of expression on their faces that they weren't happy with me.
00:14:08Notice in the example where I was just a little bit more specific about my day.
00:14:12My day became suddenly easier to understand and remember.
00:14:16And you felt like you were there with me, right?
00:14:18And now number two, analogies, metaphors, and similes.
00:14:28These are tools that allow you to make the complex simple by comparing it to something that is more well known and easier to understand.
00:14:36For example, I always hear Peter, my director of content, say things like,
00:14:40I feel pretty overwhelmed at the moment then.
00:14:43I have to do everything on my own, filming the content, editing projects, scheduling the videos.
00:14:48There are so many things that I have to do that I'm starting to miss all of my KPIs.
00:14:53Instead, he could use an analogy, a metaphor or a simile, something like this.
00:14:57Then I feel like I'm being sent into battle by myself with no reinforcements.
00:15:02And instead of a squad and actual weapons, I've been sent into a war with twigs.
00:15:08And as a lone wolf, I'm definitely going to die in this mission.
00:15:12Doesn't that paint a more vivid picture of the situation that he's actually in?
00:15:16And to be honest, whether or not Peter uses an analogy, a metaphor or a simile to tell me that he is stressed,
00:15:21I'm still sending Peter into the war by himself as a lone wolf with bloody twigs.
00:15:26Godspeed, Peter.
00:15:30And number three, storytelling.
00:15:35Here's the rule.
00:15:36If you want your point that you're making to be more memorable, use a story if the situation allows for it.
00:15:42For example, if I met with my team for a serious meeting and wanted to drive the point that small communication mistakes destroy your reputation,
00:15:51I could literally just say what I just said, but would that be effective?
00:15:55Instead, if I used a story like this, watch what happens.
00:15:59Guys, I want to talk about something serious that happened last week.
00:16:02I certain someone on the team made a post on Facebook and it reads, let's eat dogs.
00:16:08Obviously, they were missing a comma and they misspelled dogs.
00:16:12It should have been spelt dogs.
00:16:14And then now everybody thinks we eat dogs for lunch, which is wrong and disgusting because we eat dogs for dinner.
00:16:22But the point I'm trying to make here is, guys, these small communication errors that you make, Batman, they're going to cause damage to my reputation.
00:16:30So every time we post something publicly, spelling punctuation.
00:16:34And Dan, take off that mask.
00:16:37We know it's you.
00:16:38Yeah, we definitely push the boundaries here on this channel and I'm okay with it.
00:16:43How much more effective was it when I use the story to get the point across compared to just saying the point?
00:16:48So stop it with the boring communication.
00:16:50Give specific detail.
00:16:51Give me something visual that I can see in my mind with an analogy, a metaphor or a simile.
00:16:56Give me the sound.
00:16:57Give me something I can imagine with my senses.
00:16:59Make the complex ideas and messages simple and fun to understand.
00:17:04And if you dare, tell a story to get the point across.
00:17:07Don't just say the point.
00:17:08Trust me, storytelling is the ultimate weapon of influence in a communicator's toolkit.
00:17:13And the final trait, number one of high status communicators, is they aren't afraid of silence.
00:17:22This, they aren't afraid of it.
00:17:26This is one of the clearest signals of status that you can hear.
00:17:29And I want to show you three real-life examples of where three great communicators use the pause strategically.
00:17:34Watch how they aren't afraid of it.
00:17:36And how much aura they have because they simply just pause.
00:17:41Perhaps you could tell us what you personally have been doing for the last seven years.
00:17:57You know, you can please some of the people, some of the time.
00:18:04But...
00:18:05How does it feel to be here tonight? What does it mean for you?
00:18:17How does it feel for you?
00:18:19Well, I have to say you were my childhood crush.
00:18:22What's up?
00:18:23You gotta stop, man.
00:18:24Or, you know, I can't get these ads because of some of the things you tweet.
00:18:40You know, I'm reminded of...
00:18:41How powerful were those pauses?
00:18:43Most people don't do this.
00:18:45They get nervous.
00:18:46They rush and then they fill every single gap with an "um, ah, like, so, do you know what I mean?"
00:18:51Because they feel uncomfortable with silence.
00:18:53But did you see those people embrace the silence?
00:18:57Even if you are credible and you know what you're talking about,
00:19:00if you fill the silence with auditory clutter,
00:19:02to the listener, they hear you as uncertain, unprepared and scattered.
00:19:07I'm going to give you five reasons why silence is actually your best friend.
00:19:11Reason number one.
00:19:12When you pause between your sentences,
00:19:15it gives what you say next
00:19:18more weight.
00:19:20Notice how I paused before I said more weight,
00:19:23which emphasised those words even more.
00:19:26Reason number two.
00:19:27When you pause after your sentences,
00:19:30it makes it easier for the listener to follow you
00:19:32because it gives them time to process what you just said.
00:19:36Notice how you're processing the moment I paused.
00:19:39Notice how you just did it again.
00:19:41Reason number three.
00:19:42When someone asks you a question
00:19:44and you pause before answering,
00:19:47it signals respect.
00:19:48It signals that you have control
00:19:50and that you are comfortable holding space.
00:19:53And combined with that,
00:19:54reason number four,
00:19:56pausing before you answer
00:19:57gives you time to think more clearly before answering,
00:20:01which allows you to be more deliberate with your words
00:20:03and prevents you from rambling.
00:20:05And it shows you're putting a lot of thought into the answer.
00:20:08And reason number five,
00:20:10I think is the most beautiful of them all.
00:20:12Because beyond you being able to reduce the filler words,
00:20:15you also sounding more credible and more thoughtful.
00:20:18When you train this behaviour
00:20:20and you start to pause more when you're speaking to someone,
00:20:23you're actually creating space for people to share more with you.
00:20:27For example,
00:20:28sometimes when people talk and they naturally pause,
00:20:30often what do we do?
00:20:31We just immediately butt in and we start talking
00:20:33because again,
00:20:34we're uncomfortable with the silence.
00:20:36Whereas what happens when you start to become really comfortable with?
00:20:40When people are talking and you don't respond straight away,
00:20:43even after they're finished talking,
00:20:44you just pause.
00:20:46What you're doing is you're leaving space for them to be able to fill if they want to.
00:20:51And what you'll notice is as you start to do this,
00:20:54as people even seem to finish their thought,
00:20:57because there's still more space,
00:20:59they keep going.
00:21:00They share more with you,
00:21:02more depth.
00:21:03As you learn to embrace the silence over time,
00:21:07people will start reading you as being more confident,
00:21:10thoughtful and composed.
00:21:11These are the five traits of high status communicators.
00:21:15Learn how to speak with conviction.
00:21:17Vocal certainty,
00:21:18it builds trust.
00:21:19Learn how to say more with less.
00:21:21Verbal precision makes you more clear.
00:21:24Strengthen your visual presence through eye contact.
00:21:27Activate the imagination of the people you're speaking to
00:21:30and learn how to be comfortable with silence.
00:21:34If you're just starting your journey to become a better communicator,
00:21:36it can be really difficult to spot where you need to improve,
00:21:39which is why self-awareness is the first step you need to take.
00:21:43So click the video just up here and I'll teach you how to build self-awareness
00:21:47so you know exactly what you need to improve.
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