Transcript
00:00:00You're talking there about building confidence, but I'm interested in what behaviors instantly
00:00:05reveal insecurity. You mentioned micropauses as one that, maybe not insecurity, but authority
00:00:12and trustworthiness perhaps. What are the behaviors that reveal insecurity?
00:00:19So when it comes to insecurity, let's go mammalian and then human. So the mammalian
00:00:25fear response or insecurity response is a reduced arm swing, incomplete movements. So like I'm going
00:00:35to reach for this, I'm going to stop and then kind of continue doing it. And then the movements aren't
00:00:39completed. You'll see a lot of that kind of stuff and you'll see reduced eye contact in a downward
00:00:46motion. And biggest of all, you're going to see the body moving or staying in areas that protect
00:00:53to arteries. This means you'll see a lot less of this. You'll see the humerus kind of sit in a little
00:01:00bit closer to the body while they're talking. So the brachial artery is protected. You'll see the
00:01:06shoulders a little bit up in social situations. That'll stay a little higher, their head coming
00:01:10down a little bit, protecting the carotid arteries. You'll see the arms in front of their body like
00:01:16this. Sometimes this is called a fig leaf gesture named by Alan Pease.
00:01:21Because it's covering the genitals?
00:01:23Yeah.
00:01:23Oh, interesting.
00:01:25But it's also protecting the femoral arteries at the same time. And men are more likely to do that.
00:01:31Women are more likely to wrap a single arm around the abdomen like this while they're talking during,
00:01:37like if they're insecure. And this is protecting the uterus area. And there are studies on this. I have no
00:01:44idea who did the studies. But this was originally written about by a guy named Desmond Morris,
00:01:50who just, I think, died in the last month or two. He was in his 90s. But he's like the first researcher
00:01:56who wrote a book about really observing humans as if they were animals. Like how did their body move?
00:02:03So the book was called Naked Ape. They're like us, like the hairless monkey. And he studied, he was like
00:02:12this savant at human behavior. But anyway, like when you're looking at the insecure behaviors and if
00:02:21you're looking at two people, what you really want to look at, especially if there's two people,
00:02:25is which person needs something more from the other person and which person is reacting to the other
00:02:32person. The one thing, man, I'm hesitant to reveal this. The one thing that I teach a lot of these
00:02:45venture capital people, they'll get pitched a lot. I've never been to one of the pitches.
00:02:50I've been on the pitching side quite a bit over the last six months. So I know what this feels like.
00:02:56The one thing that I teach them to look for is what's called lip compression.
00:03:02And we tend to do this at times when we are withholding a little bit of information or we're
00:03:10withholding an emotion. So like you imagine like if your friend started a new job and you're like,
00:03:17hey, dude, how's the new job? And he goes, oh, it's great.
00:03:24So that lip compression is withholding. So what I teach them to do is watch for the
00:03:31compression. The moment you see it, just rewind. What were they just talking about right before you
00:03:35see it? How's the financials in the business?
00:03:37Yeah. He says, oh, all the financials are great. We've projected out a good thing for the next couple
00:03:42of quarters. And you'll see that just that little lip compression is...
00:03:47Is that lip compression... I'm always interested in why that particular expression or feature is
00:03:56associated with that particular motive or leak. What is it? Is it...
00:04:01It's our first way of withholding. It's our first way to hold in milk.
00:04:07Like a tongue jut, like after someone tells a lie, like there's something called a tongue jut that's
00:04:12very common like this. This is our first no. It's a way to force a nipple out of the mouth.
00:04:18And these are theories of Desmond Morris' as well. Like this is our first way of withholding
00:04:23and keeping milk in the mouth. And our first no is pushing our tongue out or pursing our lips a little
00:04:31bit. What? That's sick. Is that not cool? Yeah. Is that not cool? Amazing. Sorry. I'm enthralled
00:04:37in the conversation. Is this not... Are people more bored usually? Because this is brilliant.
00:04:41Okay, good. Yeah. Maybe I expect you to be bored. It's boring to me because I've been looking at it for
00:04:45like 10, 15 years. I'm British. You have to remember, you have to filter it through the British,
00:04:49whatever this is. Yeah. So that's our first no. So tongue out of the mouth, that tongue jut is our
00:04:57first no. There's a difference though between a tongue sticking out really quick and then a tongue
00:05:02licking the lips. So a tongue licking the lips is called a hygienic gesture. So it's made to make
00:05:09somebody more attractive. So a hygienic gesture might be me sitting up a little straighter, like pulling my
00:05:15shirt down, like rubbing lint off, licking my lips. All those gestures that are made to look as more
00:05:21attractive. Those you want to look for before someone starts talking. So if they know a topic's
00:05:27coming up, like, all right, next we're going to get into financials. And then you see hygienic gestures
00:05:32before they start talking. So typically you'll see hygienic gestures. So they're improving their
00:05:37appearance before the delivery of something that might be questionable.
00:05:42You're trying to stack the deck in their favor.
00:05:43Yeah. There's no behavior for deception. None.
00:05:47There's no behavior for deception. What does that mean?
00:05:50There's no behavior that's like, this is deception. None. Zero. What we're measuring with behavior
00:05:56is A, stress, and B, changes. Like somebody says, oh, someone tapping their finger all the time,
00:06:05or tapping their finger means that they're stressed and that means they're lying. That's
00:06:08that's total bullshit. Absolute bullshit. So if I just tap my finger all day long, what you need to
00:06:14look for is when I stop. I was going to say, you're just a finger tapper.
00:06:17Yes. Yes. So your first thing that you need to do, like, and people study body language a lot,
00:06:23and I could save you 15 years of studying body language. The only thing that you need to get good
00:06:27out is detecting change. And then learn a few little facial things or a few little tricks, but you get
00:06:35really good at detecting a change. This is the same as doing a polygraph, right? They have to get a
00:06:41baseline first. Yeah. Yeah. And what you're doing is a visual equivalent. Is that a fair assessment?
00:06:45Yeah. Visual and verbal equivalent of all that. What's the cadence that this person speaks at?
00:06:50What's the volume that this person speaks at? Yeah. Or if they've been talking about their kid
00:06:53that's missing on the news, like, he's great, he's great, he's great. And then all of a sudden,
00:06:59they say, how do you think he's doing? And they start using past tense words all of a sudden
00:07:03to describe their childhood they think, or they're trying to say is currently alive.
00:07:08Uh, and they're using past, they shift from present tense to past tense. He is a good kid. He was a
00:07:15good kid. Like those like shifts in tense and language use are really important. And when it
00:07:22comes to behavior, there's none for deception. You got to look for change context. So like somebody
00:07:29says, oh, well, his arms went into his torso. Like, well, did it get colder? Did someone open a
00:07:34door and it's 50 degrees in the room? So context is really important.
00:07:38Was he hungry?
00:07:39Yeah. And then clusters. So like one behavior is not that much to like, if, if you're in something
00:07:47that's high stakes, you want to look for a mountain of behaviors. So like his breathing
00:07:52rate increased. We had pupil dilation. He licked his lips and he was tapping his finger that he did,
00:07:56hadn't done before. And his language shifted. And he started becoming more, he lost his verbal
00:08:02fluency. So he's more hesitant in his language and stuff. We were like, we, we typically want to see a
00:08:08topic of, of, of many different things. And in, in, in body language, I don't know why, uh, I got
00:08:14obsessed with it for a while. I'm really not. I'm kind of over it, but in body language, you deal in
00:08:19likelihood. It's like a meteorologist. It's not like, yes, it's definitely going to rain at 3.15 PM
00:08:27today. And we're looking at, here's historical stuff that's happened. There's something that's
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00:09:32episode is available right here. Go on.
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