Transcript
00:00:00I'm starting in OnlyFans and I'm selling merch.
00:00:02This has taken way too long and I'm very sorry,
00:00:05but it is so worth it.
00:00:06The designs are unreal.
00:00:07We've upgraded the blanks
00:00:08so they're even better quality than last time.
00:00:10And this bursting heart design
00:00:12with Japanese text in the middle is just so beautiful.
00:00:16Also, your girlfriend's new favorite hoodie.
00:00:18I apologize to anybody who buys this
00:00:20because I get the sense
00:00:21that your girlfriend's just gonna steal it.
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00:00:25and it's only available for six days.
00:00:26So get it once it's gone.
00:00:28You won't be able to buy it again.
00:00:29That's it, completely sold out,
00:00:31never to be printed in the future, mwmerch.com.
00:00:34If there's this Porsche polygamy,
00:00:36like Scott Galloway calls it going on at the moment,
00:00:38at least even if it's an online dating,
00:00:40even if it's not represented in who's getting laid
00:00:43and all the rest of it,
00:00:44but if there's some degree of big bucket of attention
00:00:47going towards small number of guys,
00:00:50historically, does that mean that monogamous marriage
00:00:53was basically affirmative action for men?
00:00:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:00:58I mean, so there was a recent paper,
00:00:59about this where they suggested
00:01:01that marriage was affirmative action for-
00:01:05Sexual redistribution.
00:01:06Yeah, sexual redistribution of women.
00:01:07They also used the phrase DEI for men
00:01:10that, you know, by definition,
00:01:13most guys are not in the top 10% or top 20%.
00:01:16And so monogamous marriage was a way to,
00:01:18you know, sort of pair men up with women one-on-one.
00:01:21And it was a form of,
00:01:23I'll sometimes tongue-in-cheek call it
00:01:24sexual communism, sexual socialism.
00:01:27For the deregulation of the dating marketplace.
00:01:31And now that we've, you know,
00:01:33we've kind of lifted that norm.
00:01:34Late-said sexual capitalism.
00:01:35Now we're in, yeah.
00:01:36Yeah, we went through a phase,
00:01:37I think, you know,
00:01:37maybe arguably starting in the 1960s,
00:01:39we deregulated things,
00:01:41and now we're in this sort of the late stage.
00:01:42And I think now people on,
00:01:44well, for a while on the right,
00:01:45the kind of, I don't know,
00:01:47the manosphere right have been calling
00:01:50for some kind of a return,
00:01:52return with that V thing.
00:01:53And then on the left increasingly,
00:01:56I think women are becoming fed up
00:01:57and they're sort of, you know,
00:01:59finding ways to, you know, reinvent,
00:02:01you know, what's that phrase?
00:02:03Demisexual.
00:02:04There was this phrase demisexual.
00:02:05I'm only going to sleep with people
00:02:06that I'm emotionally connected to.
00:02:09Yeah, I'm not going to have sex
00:02:10with a stranger.
00:02:11You know, it requires its own category.
00:02:12It's a special kind of sexual.
00:02:12And then there's sapiosexual
00:02:15that's being attracted to people
00:02:16that you're intellectually stimulated by.
00:02:18And then there's solo poly.
00:02:22Solo poly is my favorite.
00:02:24It's fucking hilarious.
00:02:26Solo poly is just,
00:02:27one person sleeping around.
00:02:31Okay, just a slide.
00:02:33Yeah, or like just like a normal
00:02:35authority or dude.
00:02:36Manwhore.
00:02:37Yeah, exactly.
00:02:37Just manwhore it about.
00:02:39But yeah, I wonder whether
00:02:42part of some of the pushback
00:02:45against reintroduce sexual norms,
00:02:49regulate the sort of mating marketplace
00:02:51from women that you do sometimes see online,
00:02:54I mean, it's pushing back against
00:02:56freedom, independence.
00:02:58It kind of harkens back to pre-1960s
00:03:02type of restrictive expectations,
00:03:04gender stereotypes, etc.
00:03:06But I wonder if another part of it is that
00:03:08there is this implicit understanding
00:03:10that it maybe benefits men
00:03:12more than it benefits women
00:03:13to have marriage norms
00:03:16because it redistributes.
00:03:17It means that if it's going to be one-to-one,
00:03:20then maybe I'm going to be less able to compete.
00:03:22Whereas if there's a little bit more free-flowingness
00:03:25in the casual sex marketplace,
00:03:27I may be able to show traits
00:03:30that aren't immediately obvious to a partner
00:03:32and be able to get somebody of a higher value.
00:03:34Whereas with guys,
00:03:34they're always going to struggle a little bit more
00:03:36because women are choosier.
00:03:38I'm not sure,
00:03:39because I think if that were the case,
00:03:41then women wouldn't be so keen on the idea.
00:03:43And women often are very keen on the idea
00:03:45of having just one guy to themselves
00:03:47rather than having a guy
00:03:48who's going to have other women as well.
00:03:49I think that's why it was a puzzle to me
00:03:51about why it would be pushed back against
00:03:53to encourage monogamous norms from women.
00:03:56Yeah.
00:03:56Given that the benefits,
00:03:58at least traditionally,
00:03:59I'm trying to go through late-stage everythingalism
00:04:02to work out where the culture has sort of come into line.
00:04:06Do you understand what I mean?
00:04:06I do, I do, yeah.
00:04:07I've seen a paper arguing
00:04:09that polygamy actually can be beneficial to women
00:04:13because women can choose to marry a high-status guy
00:04:16who's already got a wife
00:04:18and a high-status, rich kind of guy
00:04:20rather than having to either not be married.
00:04:22Oh, it's like Elon Musk being able to have a thousand wives.
00:04:25Totally, yeah.
00:04:26And it takes away that choice if somebody wants to.
00:04:29It means that the only choice is have no partner
00:04:31or have somebody further down the totem pole.
00:04:33Yeah, I will highlight that this discussion
00:04:36is bordering on a really controversial debate
00:04:40in the evolutionary social sciences,
00:04:42which is whether humans are more like
00:04:44maximally constrained polygynists,
00:04:47where it's like we're naturally an animal
00:04:50where males mate with multiple females
00:04:52and accumulate wives, so to say,
00:04:55but cultural practices and cultural evolution
00:04:58has restrained us.
00:04:59And then the other perspective is that,
00:05:01you know, in as much as we,
00:05:02like obviously humans have a menu of mating systems,
00:05:05as a lot of evolutionary psychologists like to say,
00:05:07but in as much as we have a default state,
00:05:10it's pretty clearly monogamy.
00:05:12And you'll hear different evo social scientists
00:05:16from different backgrounds argue for very different cases.
00:05:19I personally, and I think in reading Steve's work,
00:05:21he's actually been quite influential to me in this.
00:05:23I personally think that the monogamy case is stronger
00:05:26for a few reasons that I could speak of.
00:05:29And one of them actually is just that
00:05:31what we've said in this conversation is like,
00:05:33yeah, in theory, we've deregulated the market.
00:05:35So it's like, look, if an attractive man,
00:05:37if honestly, even if it's kind of good looking man
00:05:40wants to just have infinite sexual partners,
00:05:42essentially, that is on the table for him, right?
00:05:44He can spend a lot of time doing that.
00:05:46But in the data, we're not really seeing people do that.
00:05:48Even though you're now as sexually permitted
00:05:51to do basically whatever you want with minimal judgment,
00:05:54most of what people do is still just do the boring thing
00:05:58and make monogamously.
00:05:59They fall in love.
00:06:00I'm largely interested in one other person,
00:06:02at least for a while.
00:06:04Yeah, I agree.
00:06:05I agree with my views.
00:06:07Yeah, your views, which you gave me,
00:06:09then I repeat them, and yeah, that's what...
00:06:11Are we serial monogamists, though?
00:06:13I mean, I've seen some ethnographies,
00:06:15hunter-gatherers, where it's common
00:06:18to pair-bond with one person,
00:06:19maybe have a child, maybe two children,
00:06:21and then the kind of romantic feelings
00:06:25can dissipate and then form a new relationship
00:06:27with someone else, kind of swinging to...
00:06:29Yeah, yeah, very common.
00:06:31I've seen data as well.
00:06:33In those kind of societies, though,
00:06:35often a small number,
00:06:37a small but non-trivial number,
00:06:395% or so, of first marriages
00:06:41do last for life.
00:06:42So I think serial monogamy
00:06:44is probably more common.
00:06:45And I think we know that
00:06:46because most people fall in love
00:06:48more than once in their lifetimes.
00:06:50But it does sometimes happen,
00:06:52and we have a polygynous streak as well,
00:06:54I think.
00:06:55But, yeah, so when the guardrails are off
00:06:58and there are no strict rules,
00:07:00you tend to find that most relationships
00:07:01are pair-bonds,
00:07:03and largely exclusive pair-bonds.
00:07:06But you do also find that you have
00:07:08a small level of polygynine
00:07:09and a small level of full-life mating.
00:07:14But switching is not uncommon.
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