This Advice Could Get Me Cancelled - Mark Manson

CChris Williamson
Mental HealthAdult Education

Transcript

00:00:00nobody owes you patience just because you've had a rough upbringing or a hard day life doesn't hand
00:00:05out pity passes use your pain as fuel not a crutch you don't build psychological resilience
00:00:10by feeling good all the time you build psychological resilience by getting better at feeling bad
00:00:18that is definitely a that was definitely posted in 2025 or 2026 because that was
00:00:24that's the sort of thing that you could not post between like 2016 and 2022 uh it would have gotten
00:00:31me canceled um all sorts of proclamations about white male privilege or whatnot um i mean it's it's
00:00:48it's difficult because there are genuine victims in the world and there are people who have genuinely
00:00:57suffered lots of that is not fair and not their fault and those people deserve sympathy
00:01:08but they don't deserve they don't necessarily deserve anything more than that and
00:01:17i think we're kind of coming out of this period but we went through a very intense period
00:01:21where there was a lot of entitlement associated with like i i think in one of my books i called
00:01:28it the victimhood olympics right it's like and you see this now with like a lot of like super
00:01:33lefty groups you know it's it's like well i am a abused indigenous person of color who grew up with
00:01:40three legs and and then it's like the next person is like well as a person who grew up with one leg and is
00:01:46a abused transsexual indigenous person like my voice actually carries more weight than yours and i've
00:01:52got gluten intolerance yeah yeah and it's it's like at a certain point it's like who care like what are
00:01:59you gonna do correct right like what you can't uh you can't like just sit around measuring your pain
00:02:07every day as if it's like uh you know it it earns you merit badges i've had to pull this up this is one of
00:02:14the best takes so alex homozy got in trouble for saying this the same thing that nobody owes you
00:02:20patience just because you've had a rough day or a hard upbringing yeah and he wrote a response this
00:02:24is fucking money by him if you had disadvantages i agree with you you are right it's harder to be
00:02:31successful if x happened to you replace x with gender race birth deformity different language different
00:02:37country abuse etc the main point of the longer conversation is that despite the disadvantage
00:02:44you only have one choice what are you going to do about it number one take action anyway and become
00:02:50proof to other people like you your people also born into this abused tragedy that you too can overcome it
00:03:00and they can as well number two blame and complain and to be clear do whatever you want i support your
00:03:07choice but only one of those decisions will make you better and i wish i could say this without
00:03:12getting attacked but you know who wins by you not being successful whoever and whatever you blame
00:03:18fuck that and fuck them you can lead a rebellion of one and blame the one thing you can control which is
00:03:25you in your mind redefine the word blame as give power to and when you do that there's only one person
00:03:33you're going to want to give more power to and that's you for everyone who had shitty circumstances
00:03:38i'm on your side your long-term side the side that wants you to win so do it anyway with all the
00:03:44disadvantages and still tell them to shove it and win i want to be clear again if you had tough
00:03:52shit happen to you it sucks and that's not your fault but now what where do we go isn't it crazy how
00:03:59many caveats and like you know throat clearing land acknowledgements yeah yeah yes dude i got in i i
00:04:06continue i continue to fucking get in trouble by saying things that to some people doesn't land right
00:04:11and to other people becomes a mantra that they live by and yeah the the i understand because
00:04:21creating any goal to aim for and degree of obligation can make people who feel like that's out of reach
00:04:32for a reason that isn't their fault feel like they are being made to pay twice for something that hurt
00:04:38them and that fucking blows but it also makes communication really clunky and i hate it yeah like
00:04:46it's so yeah over and over and it's such a a shallow form of empathy as well yes to assume that the only
00:04:56way that you can be caring is if you think about the middle 90 percent minus the two fives on the end
00:05:03that are obviously unrealistic for you to have thought about that you have to include all of these people
00:05:09as opposed to hey i'm speaking to a very specific cohort of people now yeah it i would argue the
00:05:16empathy is actually completely disingenuous because it's right like if i'm empathizing with somebody
00:05:22strictly because of their the color of their skin and their gender and their sexual orientation like
00:05:29that's exactly what they don't want to be empathized for correct so it's it's it's backfiring like
00:05:36the whole strategy is backfiring in the first place we were talking before i did my show in australia and
00:05:41to the people who came to the sydney show you will remember that um james came out swinging when he did
00:05:47his warm-up set before me and he made a comment part way through which was uh i hate to say it but i'm
00:05:53racist and i'm racist against a very unique group of people and it's italians he says i know that i'm
00:05:59racist against italians because i love the food but i still don't like the people and there was a lady
00:06:05a lady halfway through the show who piped up and said that i was made to basically do the apology for
00:06:13james she piped up and said i really think that you need to be more careful about you know some of
00:06:20the sort of judgments that are being made in the show i'd i'd make a joke and james had made a joke
00:06:24and she's like you know this is sort of can make people uncomfortable and it's exclusionary and all
00:06:28the rest of it it was one of those moments where i'm like there's like 2499 other people in here
00:06:34looking at me to see if i can handle this situation and uh i i realized that true equality is when you
00:06:43have to put up with the same level of that everybody else does if you want to be properly properly
00:06:49included the most inclusive society it's to not be treated with kid gloves yeah if you told me that
00:06:57somebody was treating me differently because they thought that i couldn't handle it or something
00:07:02that is a kind of bigotry and patronizing cotton wool gentleness that would make me feel so
00:07:10fucking icky be like oh my god you are not my friend you are not my friend yet does that mean
00:07:17that you push the person who's only just started training at the same level that you push the
00:07:21person that's a professional athlete obviously not but when it comes to including people in discourse
00:07:28i think that yeah true equality is when you put up with the same level of that everybody else does
00:07:34that's funny in australia man i i'm just remembering i did a show a couple years ago in brisbane
00:07:41and uh i had this bit in the show i was talking about freud you know do they do this in your shows
00:07:48out there so australia has this thing where they have like the sign language person on stage
00:07:52no signing for everything did they have one for you yeah okay like all all of my do you have many
00:07:57death fans in australia brisbane i don't know i never hear from
00:08:06me you walked right in yeah so every show yeah i had a there was a guy on stage on the corner of the
00:08:13stage like doing all the science or everything so i i implemented a segment of the show when i had a
00:08:19whole section about freud and some of freud's like wackier theories and i had a segment where i talked
00:08:26about how freud had an obsession with dicks moms moms with dicks fucking moms with dicks and i just
00:08:33like went on and on and then like i would like make the person sign everything unbelievable what does
00:08:38what does freud's obsession with fucking moms with dicks in sign language look like i don't know but
00:08:44it was it was just so funny to like watch the signer just get so uncomfortable wonderful yeah
00:08:49it was a great crowd moment but there was one there was one time in brisbane where in the q a afterward
00:08:54a woman got up and uh basically started chastising me for transphobia and um lecturing me about how
00:09:02i had like a moral responsibility and as of the moms with dicks thing yeah okay right because i have a
00:09:09platform and all this stuff and uh yep um and it was interesting because the crowd just instantly
00:09:15started booing her and um but it was funny because like i i i tried to use it as kind of a teaching
00:09:23moment and i said something very similar to you which is like look if you you it's not a quality if we
00:09:29can't laugh about it right like if if as long as something is so like it can't even be spoken of
00:09:39because it is needs to be protected it's so fragile and it needs to be protected to like such an extreme
00:09:44extent um like that's that's not a quality that's actually kind of the opposite of equality um in a lot
00:09:51of ways i don't know if if i convinced anybody of anything but uh it was it was a fun moment well
00:09:58suddenly the deaf people got convinced yeah jim jared you ever considered that you might have
00:10:04a drinking problem i don't consider a lot chris well you drank an entire case of athletic brewing
00:10:10coal last night but they're non-alcoholic and that's not a problem sorry man i i just kept chugging
00:10:17wait for the regret to creep in never happened see most people like jared don't want to change what
00:10:24they drink they just don't want the next day to be a complete write-off and that is why i'm such a
00:10:29huge fan of athletic brewing coke they make the best na brews on the planet
00:10:37you can find athletic brewing co's best-selling lineup at grocery or liquor stores near you or best
00:10:41option get a full variety pack of four flavors shipped direct to your door right now get 15 off
00:10:46your first online order by going to the link in the description below or heading to athleticbrewing.com
00:10:50modern wisdom using the code modern wisdom at checkout that's athleticbrewing.com modern wisdom
00:10:56and modern wisdom at checkout near beer terms and conditions apply athletic brewing company
00:11:00fit for all times bottoms up
00:11:08congratulations you made it to the end of a clip and the full-length episode is available
00:11:13Right here.
00:11:15Go on.

Key Takeaway

Psychological resilience stems from accepting past hardship as an unchangeable event rather than a source of moral authority, and choosing to take personal responsibility for future actions despite those disadvantages.

Highlights

  • Resilience is built by increasing personal capacity to experience discomfort, rather than by avoiding negative feelings.

  • Categorizing oneself by specific identities or past traumas to claim social authority creates a 'victimhood olympics' that prevents personal growth.

  • True inclusivity involves treating individuals with the same level of candid interaction as everyone else, rather than using 'kid gloves' to avoid offense.

  • Blame becomes a tool for empowerment when re-contextualized as giving power to oneself rather than external circumstances.

  • The most effective way to overcome past hardships is to take personal action and become proof that such obstacles are surmountable for others in similar situations.

Timeline

Building Resilience Through Discomfort

  • Psychological resilience is developed by increasing one's ability to tolerate negative emotions.
  • Experiencing a difficult past does not entitle an individual to external patience or special treatment.
  • Pain should be used as fuel to drive progress rather than serving as a crutch for stagnation.

True resilience requires the ability to endure discomfort rather than constantly seeking comfort. Expecting special treatment due to past hardships hinders personal development. Using past pain as a motivating force allows for better outcomes than using it as an excuse to avoid effort.

The Pitfalls of Victimhood

  • Competing through identity-based claims creates a 'victimhood olympics' that diminishes individual agency.
  • Focusing on the perceived weight of one's suffering prevents taking necessary, actionable steps.
  • Regardless of past disadvantages, individuals retain the power to choose between complaining and taking action.

Engaging in 'victimhood olympics' involves ranking personal suffering to gain social standing. This focus on past pain is unproductive and distracts from the only real choice: taking action to overcome circumstances. Blaming external factors ultimately hands power to those external forces, whereas personal accountability restores control.

Equality and Genuine Empathy

  • True equality necessitates holding everyone to the same standard of discourse, without patronizing protection.
  • Treating individuals differently based on protected characteristics is a form of patronizing bigotry.
  • Forcing overly cautious language and land acknowledgements creates clunky, disingenuous communication.
  • Inclusivity means allowing for open, even uncomfortable, conversation rather than shielding specific groups from reality.

Authentic inclusivity treats everyone equally, which includes the risk of being offended or subject to the same standards as others. Patronizing behavior, such as 'kid gloves' treatment, denies people the respect of being seen as capable equals. Open dialogue, even when it involves challenging topics or humor, is necessary for true equality.

Community Posts

No posts yet. Be the first to write about this video!

Write about this video