How To Finally Stop Caring What Other People Think - Alex Hormozi
CChris Williamson
Mental HealthManagementAdult Education
Transcript
00:00:00Don't listen to other people's opinions. Friendly reminder that most people are fat,
00:00:04poor pansies and don't listen to them when they try to deter you from whatever it takes to succeed.
00:00:09The average person will always try to keep you average. It makes sense that if you want to be
00:00:14extraordinary, you will do things that an ordinary person would see as extra. This is the really hard
00:00:19part that I had to come to terms with. It's that a lot of people want to see you fail because it
00:00:25justifies the risk that they chose not to take. We always have to think about listening to the
00:00:29people who are closest to our goals, not closest to us. We yearn for the approval of many people
00:00:46who don't have lives that we want. And so if they have a specific life, then it means that that is
00:00:57what they think is valuable. And if we don't want what they have, then why would we value their weight
00:01:08on our decisions? And so it's like, you have this, they're like, we have this mold that is my life.
00:01:15Your life no longer fits my mold. And you're like, right. I don't like the pot that that mold makes.
00:01:21And so somehow when people state the obvious, which is that you are living your life against
00:01:25my preferences, we somehow feel like that needs to change because when we're younger and growing up,
00:01:33we don't leave. Yeah. You can't leave. And you do need to live your life according to your parents'
00:01:37preferences, your teacher's preferences, your classmates' preferences, your principal's preferences.
00:01:42But when you get older, you do have to break the mold and decide what mold you want. And in so doing,
00:01:48you will be against their preferences. And if the vast majority of people have a life that you don't
00:01:52want, then you're going to do things that the vast majority of people don't agree with.
00:01:56Mm-hmm. I think the average American adult is obese, likely to be divorced, and has less than 1K in the
00:02:02bank. And doing what everybody else does sounds like a great idea, but it's actually a reliable
00:02:08route to a life that you're probably not looking for.
00:02:15I feel very passionately about this particular topic because
00:02:20it means that the path to exceptionalism is lonely. And loneliness is something that we
00:02:33decry as a society, that there's something wrong with it, there's something bad, there's something
00:02:38wrong with you if many people disagree with you. But success and pursuit of large endeavors is one
00:02:48of those few domains where everyone disagreeing with you is a signal that you are actually doing
00:02:57something different. Now, sometimes you doing something different is the wrong move. I think Larry
00:03:06Ellison said this. He said, uh, if everyone thinks your idea is stupid, either they're right or you're
00:03:17right. And if you're right, then you're likely to make a lot of money. I'm loosely paraphrasing,
00:03:23but basically it's like, we have to be willing to do exceptional things in isolation and deal with
00:03:29the pain of rejection. Um, and some of rejection isn't people saying, no, I don't want to buy from you.
00:03:34Some of rejection is people just rejecting your behavior, rejecting who you're becoming,
00:03:38rejecting the choices that you're making. Um, and I think that rejection oftentimes is harder because
00:03:42it often surfaces as snide remarks, jokes that are demeaning that have a little bit too much edge to
00:03:48them, like a little bit too much truth. Or even just being excluded, a more silent version of that,
00:03:53not commission, but omission. Uh, we won't invite them out. Uh, you, you, you turned up to squash
00:03:58practice. I didn't know it was on. I just thought that, I don't know. Do you guys not tell me? Uh,
00:04:02yeah, well, all right, come on, join. Yeah. This, those moments. And I think those moments
00:04:06are very painful. Um, but you, you trade those moments for the many moments when you're at home,
00:04:16alone, looking at your life around you and saying, this is not what I want.
00:04:22I don't want to be here. Right. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be who I am.
00:04:25And I don't want to be there with them either. Right. And so it's no man's land. Um,
00:04:30and I think that that is like the beginning of the metamorphosis. It's the beginning of the
00:04:34transformation. It's the single most powerful idea that me and you have come up with the Lonely
00:04:37Chapter by far, by far. And I think the reason that it speaks to people is that the amount of doubt
00:04:43that you have to endure when doing this for the first time, when nobody around you understands what
00:04:49you're trying to do, when you're actively being discouraged from making changes and you have no promise of
00:04:53glory or success on the other side of it is one of the most perfect cocktails of pain
00:05:00and discomfort that you can go through. And this happens on every mountain.
00:05:05So it happens on your first mountain and it happens on your second mountain. Like if you are,
00:05:08you've achieved some level of success that everyone around you deems as successful enough
00:05:12by their standards, not yours. When you pursue the next summit, they then all of it begins again.
00:05:19The machine begins again. I actually think that for a lot of people, the first big lonely chapter that
00:05:26they will feel will be after their first success, because for a lot of people, the first success is
00:05:30done within the frame that they're already inside of. They get to the top of it and realize it wasn't
00:05:36what they wanted. And then some people decide to go back down. Maybe some people don't need to go up the
00:05:43first mountain to realize they're somewhere they don't want to be. But for a lot of people, especially
00:05:46people that are driven and pushed toward excellence, I think they actually have to get there within,
00:05:51this was my story, right? Getting one of the biggest events companies in the UK running
00:05:58an organization that is cool and fun. And I got to define and I was the boss and everybody knew me
00:06:03and there's some wealth and some status and some freedom and there's girls.
00:06:10Everybody's telling me that this is something that I should be happy about and satisfied with.
00:06:14And for some reason, it didn't feel right. And the only way to try and find something new is to
00:06:20let go of something that everybody else is telling you is something that you should want.
00:06:25Local maximums. And it's the furthest up they can see up the mountain. And then when you get to that
00:06:33new local maximum, you have a different perception than they do and you can see the next peak and they
00:06:36can't. Some people don't need to go up the peak, but I think a lot of people do.
00:06:40Yeah. I wonder if those are different types of lonely chapter. I wonder if there's a different type
00:06:45of a lonely chapter of letting go. I kind of hold that thought. I really wanted to talk to you about
00:06:51the difference between having fallen off and having never made it. And having fallen off a lot of the
00:06:58time is somebody going from one local maxima to another local maxima that's higher or to a global
00:07:03maxima. Like sure, some fall offs occur not through choice, but that evolution might be somebody going,
00:07:11my priorities have changed and you are judging me on the scorecard of the game that I used to play.
00:07:17I'm not bothered about that anymore. Oh, that guy fell off.
00:07:21Man, I have two completely different thoughts about this. One is short and then I'll make the longer
00:07:29one. I realized when I was writing something a while ago that when you have no evidence or no proof
00:07:40that you're going to be successful, everyone will ask why you're working so hard. And then once you win,
00:07:46everyone asks why you're working so hard. You know, that was the Mark Manson one that he said,
00:07:51we'll tell you how lucky you are. Oh, is it? And you liked the idea of,
00:07:56no, they just ask you again why you're working so hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was a
00:08:01funny remix. Yeah. And, um, and it was just a realization that people were literally always going
00:08:05to ask me why I was working so hard or why you were working so hard and why are you pursuing your goals?
00:08:09Because they're saying that your goals are not the goals that I would pursue and to which you would
00:08:13respond. Yes. The second thing was, um, I was, I was talking to an entrepreneur, at least successful,
00:08:21and they were saying, Hey, I really want, um, I want to dominate my market. I want to put everyone
00:08:25else out of business, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I, as somebody who has put people out of business,
00:08:31um, I will say that it doesn't come with parades and it doesn't come with balloons and it's not
00:08:38Goliath versus Goliath, because by the time you actually beat them into true submission, it's really
00:08:43like a giant beating a child because it's almost never a true fair fight and there are no rules and
00:08:50there is no referee and no one determines you the winner. And so what ends up happening is you get
00:08:55bigger and bigger and bigger, and then they shrink into a relevance. And then you see a Facebook post that
00:08:59says that they've changed their goals and that they actually discern that this isn't as important to
00:09:02them as it once was. And I think that one, that's okay. Um, two, it's not satisfying at all. Three,
00:09:11when you see that the jobs and the employees that actually worked at the company that were just,
00:09:16you know, living their lives and have kids and all of a sudden, like this idea of this conquest
00:09:21that you're going to beat someone feels significantly less rewarding. Um, that's glorious.
00:09:27A hundred percent. And I used to, I used to joke that when losers lose, they change their goals rather
00:09:37than say they lost. And I think it's more that they might have at some point while they began to lose,
00:09:48maybe it's the first quarter or the second quarter of the game, they're down by a few points.
00:09:52They might have some awareness of what it would take in order to win, but they determined at that
00:09:56point that the trade was no longer worth it. And I think that that's okay. And I would say that that
00:10:01has, that is a shift that I've had personally is that if someone no longer determines that the price
00:10:07is worth it, then amazing. They've made a, they've made a conscious decision. What I, what I, I would say
00:10:13I advocate against is having that decision made for you because you weren't conscious of the decision
00:10:18being made to begin with and then just basically accepting it. Most people have no idea where their
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