Transcript
00:00:00Every time you open your mouth and you speak people unconsciously categorize you into one of these three categories
00:00:05Are you an awkward?
00:00:08Communicator you are pretty good communicator or are you a natural communicator?
00:00:12And after 15 years as a communication coach training fortune 500 companies and speaking to millions of people around the world
00:00:18I've discovered that you can tell which level someone sits at
00:00:21Based on how they use their voice how they use their body language and how they use their words
00:00:27I'm going to explain the exact behaviors at each level
00:00:31So by the end, you know
00:00:32Which category you're in and you'll know how to progress from one category to the next to make this even more fun
00:00:38We're going to put these people you see here on the table
00:00:41Into one of these categories and see if you can guess where they sit on the board
00:00:47Why is my face there Ben? Well Craig, it's so we can demonstrate to the audience. There's a level lower than rookie
00:00:57Let's start with the rookie communicator and chances are most people belong in this category without even realizing it
00:01:04Because they don't know what they're doing wrong. It's a stage called unconscious incompetence
00:01:09So let me once and for all make you aware on how to become a natural communicator
00:01:13By first becoming more aware of what makes a rookie the first thing that makes a rookie communicator sound awkward is
00:01:20Flat delivery there is no variation in the way they speak
00:01:27Every word at the same speed the same pitch the same volume and the same emotion
00:01:31From the first sentence to the last kind of like my GPS trying to point out directions to help me find cheap fuel
00:01:37Which doesn't exist anymore
00:01:40Thanks, mr. Trump. You're welcome. You're welcome. Then there's vocal fry
00:01:44You know that low creaky gravelly quality that happens to your voice when you speak at the end of your breath. Oh
00:01:53Hey Sam, how you going Sam? I got a quick question for you. What's an average day of our work life gonna look like once AI?
00:01:59Agents and AI robots take over the world. I don't really know what this is gonna feel like to live through
00:02:04I think we're in uncharted waters here. I do believe in like human adaptability and sort of thank you, sir
00:02:11I'm gonna stop you right there. You see that's a great example of vocal fry and what not to do Sam
00:02:18Unfortunately, mate you live right here
00:02:21Okay. Oh and and and Sam, please don't cancel my AI subscription. I need it. Oh, how can we forget the um
00:02:29Like you know what I'm talking about it's the filler words and the non words everybody does this it's normal
00:02:36It's okay
00:02:37If you're doing it every now and then it only becomes a problem when you use it every single sentence
00:02:43With every single breath that you take that's when it becomes a problem and it signals that you're unsure
00:02:49It makes you unclear and then you seem
00:02:52Unconfident. I hate to call this out and I don't mean to just pick on tech CEOs
00:02:57But Mark Zuckerberg Elon Musk you both also belong here. I just want to be really clear here
00:03:04These are some of the most brilliant thinkers on planet earth
00:03:07But watch how they speak in these clips and see if you can notice the behaviors. We just talked about yourself
00:03:14Oh, sorry. Sorry wrong clip wrong clip roll the next one
00:03:18That's I just want to really have a goal platform that brings together
00:03:23Like I said, like it becomes as close to sort of a collective consciousness
00:03:26And you know and one of the things that we've introduced
00:03:31You see that you hear that the content of what they're saying might be interesting
00:03:36But the delivery the way they're saying it it makes it extremely difficult for you to listen, right?
00:03:41I know what you're thinking here, but Vin these people are wildly successful. They're even more successful than you
00:03:46What are you talking about? They don't even need communication skills
00:03:49You know what? You're right
00:03:50If you are Mark Zuckerberg, if you are Elon Musk if you are Sam Altman
00:03:55You don't have to improve your communication skills. These guys are pioneers go save the world go get us to Mars
00:04:01But if you're a mere mortal like you and I and you're not as technically brilliant as them nor do you have billions of dollars?
00:04:08In your bank account then I encourage you don't stay a rookie
00:04:12Level up your communication skills and by the way, Sam mark Elon if you ever want coaching personally directly with me one-on-one just DM me
00:04:19I'll help you amplify your impact
00:04:21Actually, sorry, not you Sam. You're scary. Okay moving into body language
00:04:27So how do rookie communicators use their body short answer they don't and I mean that literally
00:04:33zero
00:04:35Expression in this category people just don't know what to do with their body. They don't know what to do with their hands
00:04:40They don't know what to do with also the space that they've been given. Guess what? They do
00:04:45Nothing with any of it
00:04:47They may as well not have any bloody hands and just to make it clear for you
00:04:51What rookie body language looks like an awkward body language come?
00:04:55All right
00:04:59Come with me on a wonderful adventure as we go and explore the wilderness
00:05:05We're on the hunt for a strange creature. Now if we look through the trees here
00:05:10What you can see is what we call homo erectus in his native habitat
00:05:17Which is his hands?
00:05:19terrible posture weird
00:05:21Movements and awful eye contact. Oh god. Oh, no. Well, he's realizing his body language has found him
00:05:28Oh, no, he's now resorting to his mating call Oh God
00:05:33We better get out of here. Nature is relentless. So tomorrow
00:05:38The moral of the story is don't be like homo erectus or as I like to call him homo Peter
00:05:46It's time to evolve look all jokes aside
00:05:51There was a time when I was actually like Peter as well and let's call that version of him homo Vin
00:05:57Let me bring you back to that time when I was 13 my entire year level all the guys had a crush on this one girl
00:06:04Her name was Daniela and I had a strategy on how to win her love
00:06:07I knew that her parents dropped her off really early at school because they had to work early
00:06:11So she would always be at school at 8 a.m. So I
00:06:14Strategically was also there at 8 a.m. And she was the only one at school. I was the only one at school
00:06:20Oh, how weird so I would sit on the other side of the bench to where she was sitting because I was way too scared to
00:06:26Sit any closer and every now and then just look over and admire her beauty
00:06:30But then the moment she looks at me
00:06:32I would quickly look away because I was too scared to make any eye contact and in my mind I was thinking oh my goodness
00:06:37This is like the notebook
00:06:38I'm being so romantic without realizing that I was coming across as a freaking psychopath
00:06:44Because that's all my body language was communicating needless to say she thought I was a creep because I was what I hope you realize
00:06:53As we're going through these behaviors is that they're just behaviors
00:06:57They're not permanent. You can change them. You're not a bad communicator
00:07:02You just have bad communication habits
00:07:04And once you learn the better vocal habits and the better body language habits
00:07:08You unlock a whole new version of yourself that you didn't know was possible
00:07:12Don't be so attached to who you are in the present. You don't give the future version of you a chance
00:07:18All right. Now, how does a rookie communicator use their words? Well, there is no
00:07:25Structure when they speak at all whatsoever. They often speak in circles. There's no clear point to what they're saying
00:07:32They're literally just winging it and as a result
00:07:34They ramble and they get stuck in their thoughts and this forces their listener to do all of the cognitive work as they try to
00:07:41Decode what's actually being said in my communication classes
00:07:44I often get my students to do a simple exercise which gives them a completely fresh perspective on whether or not their
00:07:50Communication is effective
00:07:52I ask them a random question on the spot and they have to give a two-minute answer that isn't scripted and when we put that
00:07:58Into an AI tool like Gemini which transcribes the video into words
00:08:02We now can break down exactly how they're structuring their sentences where they're repeating themselves and talking in circles and where they're not being
00:08:10Clear and concise the reason people never improve their communication skills or ever move away from being a rookie is because they never
00:08:18Develop self-awareness. So you on the other side of the screen right now do the same thing
00:08:24Record a video of yourself on your phone answering this question for me
00:08:28Why do you want to improve your communication skills then put it into Gemini as well and get it transcribed?
00:08:34And then you can see is it clear? Is it concise? What are your filler words? What are your non words?
00:08:40This is how you start your journey of developing self-awareness
00:08:44And if you don't do this, you'll be forever stuck in rookie land
00:08:48So here are my final picks for rookie communicators. We have
00:08:53Kamala Harris Kim Kardashian. Congratulations. You've made the board and finally we have Lex Friedman. I'm sorry Lex
00:09:02I really do like your podcast, but I have to listen to it on two times speed. Otherwise, I can't do it
00:09:07I can't just can't do it. Okay. Now we're on to the next one pretty good communicators
00:09:12I'm gonna pin a few more faces into this category and I'm gonna explain my decisions. Why later?
00:09:17We've got to go with Alex Alex homosie. You are going here Serena Williams. You're going right there
00:09:24Mark Manson, right? Yeah, and the final person I'm putting here is
00:09:29MKB HD
00:09:31This is where things get interesting
00:09:34Because pretty good communicators have actually done some work on the communication. Maybe they've read some books
00:09:40Maybe they've even taken a few courses like my online program the stage Academy links in the description
00:09:45But here's what separates them from the rookies. I want you to imagine this up here this up here what you see there
00:09:51This is like a scale that represents the full range of your communication ability
00:09:57Rookies only use a very small part of the scale
00:10:01For example when it comes to their voice they default in just one volume
00:10:05They default with one rate of speech. They default with one pitch their default to just one emotion very monotone
00:10:12Now when you look at pretty good communicators, what they do is they start to use more of their range
00:10:19You'll notice that with their voice. For example, they vary their volume more
00:10:23They'll start to vary their body language more and they're more strategic with how they use their words
00:10:30So let's zoom in to how pretty good communicators use their voice. You know this they've got range. They know the basics
00:10:36They are not monotone. They have melody. They know how to be dynamic with their volume
00:10:41They know how to use speed to hold people's attention and they're not drowning in ums and uhs
00:10:45But here's what keeps them stuck in pretty good
00:10:48Although they've got more range
00:10:51they play it too darn safe and
00:10:54they're afraid to play at the edges because they're afraid that if they are too playful with their voice and play at the edges people won't
00:11:01Take them seriously and this is a natural fear as you're learning a new behavior and learning something that's unfamiliar to you
00:11:08You're going to be scared of this for many of my students who come to my classes
00:11:11I force them to play outside of their comfort zone and I get them to play keys on their instrument
00:11:16They've never played before and yes, it's uncomfortable
00:11:19And yes, what I'm trying to do here is get you to unlock your entire instrument
00:11:23Not just a small part of it
00:11:25Let me show you an example now with old mate
00:11:27Homosey listen to this clip of him speaking on diary of a CEO looked at the outliers among those and we're like
00:11:32Oh, well, we also in some of the ones that did really well also had some sort of visual picture of of this plan
00:11:38All right, so it became proof promised plan picture. Look in this clip. He's pretty good. He's pretty good. He did vary his volume
00:11:44He did vary his rate of speech and pitch but notice how he didn't play at the extremes
00:11:49But I want you to watch him in this interview now where he was sitting across from Anthony Robbins
00:11:53It's just Friday night
00:11:55But Bob I was infectious, you know, and this is you right? Yeah. Okay. So who's this guy anabolic Alex?
00:12:02He started to play with his instrument more and look at the comments look at the people praising him they're saying wow
00:12:10This is a version of Alex. I've never seen before they're complimenting how authentic he is
00:12:15How natural he is how they're seeing all of Alex and that's what happens when you use the entire range
00:12:22And I just want to remind you the key thing that stops people from using more of their range is the fear of judgement
00:12:28They are scared that other people aren't going to take them seriously
00:12:31And as a result, they don't play they don't explore and they stay trapped being a pretty good communicator when they have the potential to become
00:12:39So much better. Oh and PS the fear that you have about other people judging you
00:12:44It's not real because most people aren't thinking about you. Anyway, they're thinking about themselves
00:12:50So don't let a false fear. Keep you trapped. Okay body language
00:12:54How does a pretty good communicator use their body? Well come with me. Let's see if Pete's evolved
00:13:00Okay, he's done some work on the basics he's not shrinking not fidgeting all his posture is solid
00:13:12Oh, he knows where his hands roughly should be. He's making good eye contact
00:13:17Oh, but there's a problem his gesture vocabulary is limited to only a few movements and he keeps cycling between the same ones
00:13:26Gradually Kent starts to notice and he starts losing interest Peter desperate at this point
00:13:33Attempts to re-engage by moving faster and faster at this point Kent's found a more engaging mate
00:13:40It's a disappointing day
00:13:46That skip right there was to show you what happens when you have limited gesture vocabulary now
00:13:52Let's get into a real example. Even the best communicators fall victim to last year
00:13:57I went to go see Mark Manson the author of the subtle art of not giving up now. I love this guy
00:14:03I love his books his content his wisdom. He's just awesome. However, I want to show you how
00:14:08Repetitive non-functional body language can rob you of influence and presence and how does one define?
00:14:14Non-functional behaviors simple if it distracts people from the message. It's a problem. It's non-functional
00:14:21I want you to see what Mark was doing. That was distracting his audience from the message. Do you find this distracting?
00:14:28Do you think his movements are necessary?
00:14:30Do you think this adds to the message or do you think it takes away from the message?
00:14:34What about if I did this for the rest of the video and I just kept moving around like this
00:14:38I want you to apply this lesson to me right now
00:14:41Because it doesn't matter whether you are on a stage or you're creating a YouTube video or you're standing in front of two people talking
00:14:47Repetitive movements like this it actually adds no purpose and as a result it distracts people from the message you're trying to say
00:14:54So the rule here is simple only move with purpose if there's no reason for the movement don't move
00:15:02pro communicators
00:15:04Understand when to use movement and when to harness the power of being still and grounded and they apply the
00:15:12Sensitivity to all areas of body language. So do a quick analysis on yourself right now when you communicate
00:15:18Do you use your body language?
00:15:20Intentionally to support the things you say or are you leaving it up to chance?
00:15:24And do you know if you're doing anything with your body language, that's distracting others
00:15:28Do you know what I used to do that?
00:15:29I wasn't even aware of I kept touching my glasses and I would do this ten times a minute twenty times a minute
00:15:36Removing these one percent of non-functional behaviors over time they compound. Alright, stay with me here
00:15:43Once you learn how to use your voice and your body language
00:15:46Well, you now need to learn how to turn your thoughts into words
00:15:50Faster and structure your communication so that it's clear and concise
00:15:55This is where pretty good communicators really start to shine because they learn how to use
00:16:00frameworks prep star
00:16:03321 para peel these are all acronyms that represent all the different communication frameworks and there are dozens of them
00:16:11What they do is they help you structure your thoughts before you speak
00:16:14Most people have the problem of struggling to communicate on the spot when they put under pressure. This is why people freeze
00:16:21This is why people ramble. This is why people end up talking in circles is literally you
00:16:27Speaking out your thinking process which people don't need to hear but what a framework does is it acts as a filter?
00:16:33It distills your thinking into a meaningful clear concise and coherent response
00:16:38now when you do this
00:16:40The person listening doesn't have to work to follow your thinking because you've done the work for them
00:16:45The best communicators use frameworks and if you want to learn my top three frameworks that I use every single day
00:16:52And even in this very video make sure you check out the free two-hour crash course that I recorded
00:16:57I go a lot deeper on this subject when you learn these frameworks
00:17:01you'll be surprised how fast you can turn your thoughts into words and
00:17:05Communication will feel easy if you've made it this far well done because you're about to learn the exact
00:17:12Behavior that makes someone appear to be a natural communicator natural communicators. They're not afraid of
00:17:19using their entire
00:17:22Range, this is where I put the rest of the communicators here on the table Sade here
00:17:26Simon Mil Robbins and finally Neil deGrasse Tyson
00:17:31They all use their voice their body language and they use their words
00:17:35Intentionally to get their message across and they do this effortlessly and unconsciously
00:17:40Unlike the rookie and the pretty good communicators natural communicators no longer have to think about it. They do this now
00:17:47Unconsciously and the beautiful part about this is now you bring this ability into every single
00:17:53Conversation into every single room that you step into that's why I believe
00:17:58Improving this skill will change your life
00:18:01Because you use it in every single area of your life then why you even whispering at this point?
00:18:08Well, because I know your rectus is back come with me. We have to be really quiet
00:18:15Look at him now soul refined seamless integration between voice body and words
00:18:24Oh, look, he's managed to attract another potential weight. Look they're frolicking. Oh, look at the frolicking
00:18:31This is the highest praise one can achieve in the animal kingdom
00:18:35homo peter has done it
00:18:38God these skits have been amazing. Well done to my entire team. Hey, let's celebrate them by liking the video and subscribing catch Craig
00:18:49God you're very good at disappointing me and everybody in the team. So what does a natural communicator sound like they have access to
00:19:00Their full range like I said before but let's dive into it more specifically
00:19:06They have five dials available to them and they're using all five dolls
00:19:11Simultaneously full range without even thinking about it rate of speech
00:19:15They can go fast to show passion and then they can slow down
00:19:18To emphasize what's important volume
00:19:22They can go loud to show vitality and then they can soften their volume to show intimacy pitch
00:19:29They can go high pitch
00:19:31They can be really playful with their voice to show warmth and playfulness and then they can go low pitch to show authority
00:19:38Tonality, they can inject emotion into their voice to sound more authentic and less robotic the pause
00:19:45They know how to pause to create impact now
00:19:51I want you to listen to some of these clips from the people here and I want you to see if you can notice them using
00:19:56These five dials. There is so much more that led to that situation. Maybe that person was having a really bad day
00:20:02Maybe that person's relationship just broke down and you're meeting them right at that point
00:20:06Maybe they're in pain and yet we have this one second two second one minute interaction
00:20:11Our brain goes into what you see is all there is and you forget that there's so much else
00:20:16What is the let them theory so it's a simple truth about life
00:20:20Okay, if you want more peace if you want more power if you want more time and energy
00:20:25Stop trying to control and change other people and learn how to let them be who they are
00:20:30Let them have their opinions. Let them do what they're gonna do and then focus that time and energy back on yourself
00:20:37You got our sense of belief from church work was the place
00:20:40We made our living we had barbecues with our neighbors and over time those things have disappeared and now we demand of our work that you
00:20:45Be the place of purpose you be the place of community
00:20:48Yeah, you'd be the place of my social life now you be the place that matches my politics
00:20:51We're putting all this pressure on work to fulfill every desire I have and we're doing the exact same thing in our relationships
00:20:58Notice the variety across the five dials the variety in their voice is what holds attention
00:21:02Creates engagement that leads to influence. That's what makes these communicators masterful
00:21:08They use all the elements of their voice next. How do natural communicators use their body language?
00:21:14What sets them apart from everybody else is that they can express their full range with intentional expression
00:21:21They have a larger gesture vocabulary. They give more powerful eye contact
00:21:26they move with purpose and the most important is that they understand the importance of
00:21:31Facial expressions because think about this. Where are most people looking while you're talking? Where are you looking right now?
00:21:39You're looking at my face
00:21:40People are looking at your face the most while you're talking people don't realize that their face is often a part of their body language
00:21:46because of this they never engage in their face while they're talking and they end up with an RBF for most of their lives and
00:21:53They wonder why people don't find them easy to connect with and let me explain why being able to express emotion on your face is
00:22:00So critical when people see the emotion in your face, but they don't hear the emotion in your voice
00:22:05Then they don't feel it
00:22:07So in order to make people feel
00:22:09What you're saying they need to hear the emotion in your voice and see the emotion in your face
00:22:15The natural communicators understand the importance of syncing how they look to how they sound
00:22:21Which ultimately impacts the way people feel that's an entirely different plane of communication that most never access
00:22:28Just compare these two examples of me saying something without emotion and with emotion. I'm really sorry, honey
00:22:34I'll promise I'll never forget Valentine's Day again. You mean the world to me? I'm really sorry, honey. I promise
00:22:40Oh, I'll never forget Valentine's Day again
00:22:43You mean the world to me it made no difference to my wife whether I had emotion in what I said or not because she's still
00:22:49Pissed about it, but for most people it's super effective
00:22:51So whether you're a rookie or a pretty good communicator
00:22:54You can level up your communication by simply learning how to express more emotion with your face
00:22:59Because it brings you to life and it adds a layer of meaning that words alone
00:23:05can't and now to the final one and I'll reveal this right at the end because I want to demonstrate it for you first natural
00:23:12Communicators understand that there are so many other ways to communicate a message that aren't just purely with using words. They have frameworks
00:23:20Yes, they do. They use them all the time, but added to this they now use stories analogies activities props
00:23:27David Attenborough skits like the ones I've used throughout this video to keep you engaged
00:23:31So for this example
00:23:32I'll show you how I can say the same thing but deliver it using an
00:23:37Analogy a prop and with a story if I wanted to communicate to you the message that you should go and read more books
00:23:44I could simply tell you you should read more books books are good now although this is true
00:23:50It's not very influential. Is it now?
00:23:52Let me show you how I can communicate the same thing with an analogy a prop and a story
00:23:57Reading is to the mind like exercise is for the body
00:24:00The more you read the healthier your mind becomes when someone creates a video on social media
00:24:06They might have just spent a few hours thinking about what they're going to say what you're consuming
00:24:13It's momentary entertainment, but when someone writes a book, this is different
00:24:18They've given years of their life to get the message, right?
00:24:22They've taken years to distill every single page and this is a result of research experience failure and learning
00:24:29So when you read this, you're not just consuming information. You're absorbing someone's life's work
00:24:34That's a very different thing as to consuming a social media video
00:24:38Books are good when I was in my mid 20s
00:24:42I lost half a million dollars because of a single mistake that I made with my online magic business
00:24:47I was sitting in a room feeling sorry for myself and then my dad walks in and my dad says to me
00:24:51Why do you think you'd a file and I shrugged I said, I don't know man
00:24:55I'm really not in the mood for a lecture and then he walked straight over to my bookshelf and he pulls one of my books
00:25:00Off it and he waves in front of my face and he goes you'll fail because you have no other soldier in the army
00:25:05And I remember thinking myself don't give me this Confucius crap. And then he says something truly brilliant my dad
00:25:12He says son every time you read a book that author stands behind you in an army ready to fight in whatever battle you call him
00:25:19Or her into you need at least 100 soldiers if you want to win the battles of entrepreneurship at that time
00:25:25I had about four books on my shelf. So that's four soldiers then he reached into his pocket grabbed his credit card and said
00:25:31Go build your damn army
00:25:33You know, the reason I'm telling you this story is because often in life when you don't achieve the things you want
00:25:37It's rarely because you're not capable. It's often because you just don't know how you don't have enough soldiers in your army
00:25:43Books are good. Do you see how many ways you could communicate the exact same message of read more books?
00:25:50This is their secret. They use their entire word toolkit the best communicators the natural communicators
00:25:58They know exactly when to use which one of those tools. So listen
00:26:03I want you to know that no matter where you are on your communication journey becoming a natural communicator is
00:26:09Possible. I mean, how can I say this with such conviction? Well, let me ask you
00:26:14Where do you think I fit on this board? Look at this handsome chap in a turtleneck trying to be like Steve Jobs
00:26:19Where do you think he goes? You're most likely thinking that I go right here
00:26:24Don't you and if you are thinking that you're correct because I'm pretty bloody good on I but you know what?
00:26:30you're also wrong because
00:26:32I've also been here and I've also been
00:26:37English is my third language
00:26:40I first learned did you which is a Chinese dialect then I learned Vietnamese and only learned English when I was about eight years old
00:26:46I struggled with communication my entire life and as a kid from a refugee family like mine
00:26:52I
00:26:52went from being someone who was completely invisible to now being one of the most visible thought leaders teaching the very skill that I used
00:26:58to suck at I mean if that's not proof that
00:27:01Being a natural communicator becoming a better communicator is possible
00:27:06Then I don't know what is what I'm saying is if I can do it you can too
00:27:11You see there's a final mystery face that's on the table here
00:27:16I mean, who is that? Well, that's actually
00:27:19you
00:27:21But not you right now. This is the future version of you
00:27:26this is the version of you that will be able to become a
00:27:29Natural a masterful communicator
00:27:33So don't be so attached to who you are in the present that you don't give this future version of you a chance
00:27:39Leave a comment below. I'd love to get a sense of where you're at on your communication journey
00:27:44And if you want to level up immediately, make sure you go check out my free crash course on communication frameworks
00:27:49That's in the description. Or once again, you can scan the QR code that's on screen. See you in the next video