Transcript
00:00:00Have you seen, I think it's Andrew Thomas that did this study, have you seen the preferences
00:00:07that women state when it comes to sperm donors?
00:00:12Yeah.
00:00:13So this is fascinating because what's interesting is when you run a kind of a split test or
00:00:18you're able to separate out certain motivations from a behavior that people are typical with.
00:00:25So in order for you to do the, I want to have kids with this person, typically you need
00:00:31to go through courtship phase and get to know them.
00:00:34And even if it's a one night stand, be seduced by them.
00:00:37Yeah.
00:00:37But that means that you're optimizing for two different things.
00:00:39You're not just optimizing for the genes that your kid gets.
00:00:42You're also optimizing for the expression of traits that make you want to get into bed
00:00:50with somebody.
00:00:50But if you get rid of the seduction side of this, all you're optimizing for is what
00:00:55do I want my kids to have from a trait perspective?
00:00:57Yeah.
00:00:58And that difference of when you get rid of the need to actually be attracted to somebody
00:01:03and you can just optimize for what do I want my kids to be like?
00:01:06Yep.
00:01:07Kind of fascinating.
00:01:08It's really fascinating, right?
00:01:08And just the same mate preferences emerge in that context as emerge in an actual interaction,
00:01:15social interactions.
00:01:16There's that Clark Hatfield study as well, right?
00:01:19The on-street interview.
00:01:21Yeah.
00:01:22Yeah.
00:01:22That's the one where basically they got a bunch of good-looking guys, good-looking gals to
00:01:29go around campus on a nice day, walk up to random people on the campus and just say,
00:01:35hello, how are you doing?
00:01:36I've noticed you around the place lately and I find you very attractive.
00:01:39And I was just wondering whether you wanted to dot, dot, dot.
00:01:42And then they would finish that sentence with one of three options.
00:01:46Option number one was, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me tonight.
00:01:49Option number two was, I was wondering if you wanted to come up to my room.
00:01:53And option number three was, I was wondering if you wanted to go to bed with me.
00:01:56And they got men to ask women, women to ask men.
00:01:59And for the first question that go out with me, question, in the first study they did,
00:02:05there was basically no sex difference.
00:02:07So it was about 50%, 50-50 likelihood of saying yes in both cases.
00:02:11Other replication studies have found that it's not a huge difference, but that actually men
00:02:16are more likely to say yes than women are.
00:02:18But then with the other two questions, the gaps get bigger and bigger.
00:02:21With question number two, which is, would you want to come up to my room?
00:02:26What was it?
00:02:27It was basically 67, in the first study, about 67% of men said yes.
00:02:32So actually higher than the date rate.
00:02:36More likely to go up to your room than I am to go on a date with you.
00:02:38Exactly.
00:02:39Hilarious.
00:02:40With women, on the other hand, it sank down to, I believe, 6% said yes to that.
00:02:47And then the gap was even bigger for the last question, unsurprisingly.
00:02:51So would you go to bed with me?
00:02:5275% of men said yes to that offer.
00:02:56So at an even higher rate of men.
00:02:58Whereas exactly 0% of women said yes to the kind offer.
00:03:03And not only that, but actually the manner of the refusal differed between men and women.
00:03:08So of the 25% of men who said, thanks, but no thanks.
00:03:13Well, they kind of said that.
00:03:14They were polite about it.
00:03:15And some of them said, I'm really sorry, I'm meeting my fiancee or whatever.
00:03:19A bunch of them even asked for a rain check, apparently.
00:03:22They said, I can't, I'm not very busy, I'm meeting my fiancee or whatever.
00:03:25But maybe we could postpone the sex till later.
00:03:27Whereas none of the women who were refusing were polite about it at all.
00:03:32They were more, they were reacted more like, are you crazy?
00:03:36How dare you ask me that?
00:03:38None of them, um, apologized and asked for a rain check.
00:03:41Why do you think that the manner of refusal was so different?
00:03:46Uh, I think that it reveals, uh, two reasons.
00:03:50So one is there's this average difference in interest in casual sex.
00:03:53And because men are more interested in it, they are more likely to be flattered by the request.
00:03:58Uh, because men are much more likely to approach women than vice versa.
00:04:02Traditionally, uh, women are much more likely to get sick of it and, and to have to, you know, uh, push guys away.
00:04:10Whereas guys are much, it's a rarer event for them.
00:04:13So they are more likely to be flattered and, uh, and hugely grateful on the rare occasions when it happens.
00:04:20Uh, the other thing though, and the reason I think the difference is quite so big is because it's not just a reflection of sex differences and interest in casual sex.
00:04:30I think also in that situation, like, like if a woman were to go off with a guy that she doesn't know, she's at a greater physical risk than if a guy goes off with a woman that he doesn't know.
00:04:42So the fact that the, the difference was massive is partly due to that as well.
00:04:47It feels like a danger.
00:04:49Yeah, exactly.
00:04:49Some of that emotional activation of, hang on, I'm going to go with this person who I don't know, who is physically stronger than me.
00:04:56Yep.
00:04:58Explosion.
00:04:59Exactly.
00:04:59As opposed to this is just way less of a, it feels less of a physical threat to me.
00:05:03Exactly.
00:05:03Those both make, those both make complete sense.
00:05:06There's a, an interesting wrinkle in this.
00:05:10And I'm going to guess that when they did this, the Clark Hatfield study, they must have done some sort of rated assessment of the attractiveness of the man or the men versus the women to ensure that they were similarly high in terms of physical attractiveness.
00:05:24Yeah.
00:05:25Right.
00:05:25Yeah.
00:05:26So something that I learned that I think is absolutely fucking hilarious is one of the reasons why women, and I presume men would be too, if women approached men at the same rate.
00:05:37One of the reasons why women are sometimes quite rude when guys come up to them is if they feel like there's too big of a disparity in mate value between them and the person doing it.
00:05:46Right, right, right, right.
00:05:47Because they go, hang on, you think that you've got a chance with me?
00:05:52Yeah.
00:05:53Oh my God.
00:05:54It's basically an insult.
00:05:55Yeah.
00:05:56It's essentially an insult.
00:05:57Yeah.
00:05:57If you as a woman think that you're an eight, nobody thinks like this.
00:06:01It's not the whatever podcast.
00:06:03You as a woman think that you're an eight.
00:06:06Yeah.
00:06:06And a guy that you think is a three comes up to you, that is, it tests your own self-perception and you go, fuck, maybe this is how the world sees me.
00:06:18Yeah.
00:06:18Do you not think I'm an eight as well?
00:06:20Yeah.
00:06:20Yeah.
00:06:20Yeah.
00:06:21And I think that that, it feels like an insult.
00:06:24And the same thing, like, fucking no, get away from you, because rightly so, you're kind of pissed that this thing happened.
00:06:30I wonder if guys would feel the same in reverse.
00:06:34See, my hunch is that they would be less likely to take it as a huge insult if the guy felt he was an eight and approached by a three.
00:06:40Yeah.
00:06:40Well, preference for casual sex.
00:06:42Yeah.
00:06:43Uh, rarer approach in any case.
00:06:47Indeed.
00:06:47Um, and because women are less likely to approach, I think that most guys would actually see it as closer to, you know what?
00:06:56I'm so good looking that I got that girl to overcome her non-approach predisposition.
00:07:04Yeah.
00:07:05That's the power of my attractiveness.
00:07:07I think that's, I think that's how a lot of guys would take it.
00:07:10And I think that's why it is, it is flattering.
00:07:12It's like, um, somebody running for a bus fast that they really, really want.
00:07:16You know, like, well, you must really want this bus because look at how fast they're going.
00:07:19Yeah.
00:07:20Yeah.
00:07:20And guys tend to be more overconfident than women.
00:07:24Mm.
00:07:25Yeah.
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