How to Come Back Happy From Vacation (9 Science-Backed Rules)
DDr. Arthur Brooks
Travel LocationsMental Health
Transcript
00:00:00It's summertime. It's June, and that means that a lot of you are thinking about your vacations,
00:00:05and that's what I want to talk about today. Today's episode is about how you can have a
00:00:09happier vacation. Really, what it's about is how you can be happier as a person by taking the right
00:00:16kind of vacation and not the wrong kind of vacation, which many people do, and also how
00:00:22you can be happier while you're on vacation. In the literature, outcome nine rules for having a
00:00:30great vacation this summer or any time in your life. So that's what I want to build. Now, I want
00:00:34you to think about this in terms of your own priorities. I'm not going to tell you where you
00:00:38should go. I want you to understand yourself better, starting with rule number one, discern your motive
00:00:44for going on vacation in the first place. Different people had different motives for going on vacation,
00:00:49depending on their tastes, their memories, their history, their pocketbook, their psychological
00:00:56wiring. And there's all sorts of interesting patterns. I'll give you an example. Introverts
00:01:01like the mountains and extroverts like the beach. Like, huh, that's weird. Why is that? I'll tell
00:01:06you why. Because introverts don't like to get naked in front of other people. I mean, practically
00:01:11naked in America, like literally naked in Spain is unbelievably awkward. That's why it makes sense,
00:01:16right? Because in the mountains, you're all covered up, which introverts like to do. Okay,
00:01:20got it. By the way, some of you are very modest extroverts. So don't take offense. But that's one
00:01:24of the funny things that you find in the literature is that different strokes with different personalities
00:01:29and different motives for what they actually do. Okay. So what's your motive? Knowing what your motive
00:01:35is, is going to be really helpful for building the vacation that best suits your motives. Because one of
00:01:40the reasons people don't like their vacations, they got one motive and they wind up going on a kind of
00:01:45vacation that's incongruent with that. So for example, you have a motivation of getting away from
00:01:52it all, but you're doing something that's actually unbelievably stressful and intensive. And you're
00:01:56wondering why you don't like your vacation because there's incongruence. So let's start with your
00:02:01motives. Number one is exploration. A lot of people really want to explore, which is a learning
00:02:05motive. Number two is escape. Just not ordinary life. Some people want to get away from ordinary
00:02:11life. That's a primary motive. Number three, family and friends, aka relationship deepening.
00:02:18Very big motive for a lot of people on vacation. Number four is prestige. Their motive for going on
00:02:24vacation is kind of looking cool or looking rich. Now that's a bad motive, as you can imagine. If you
00:02:29watched any of my stuff, you know that that's all based on social comparison. I'm going to come back
00:02:34to that one later. Still, that's something that shows up a lot that people will say that that's
00:02:39their motive. Usually not in those words. They don't say my motive for vacation is prestige. But
00:02:43what it comes down to through the structured interviews is that's what they want. They want
00:02:46social comparison. They want to do something that other people envy. Number five, nature. Just the
00:02:51beauty of nature. Now I've done episodes on the importance of nature and how nature actually changes
00:02:57your brain. And some people actually know that. And they know that the more nature that they can
00:03:02actually get into. Long hikes, sleeping outside, whatever it happens to be. These are sort of
00:03:06national parks people, typically, that they really, really get a lot out of it. And if you know that's
00:03:11the case, then that's an important motive for you to be gearing your vacation plans around. And number
00:03:15six is history and heritage. That's different than exploration. It's not just seeing new things,
00:03:21but it's a learning motive as well. And people really, really love that, as it turns out. So
00:03:25how does that map onto your motives? And by the way, you don't have to choose just one.
00:03:30You might have like three and have them in order. But the more that you know what they are,
00:03:34the more likely you are to choose a vacation that's going to be satisfying to you and regenerative
00:03:40for you. I'll talk in a minute about prestige. So I'm going to leave that aside for now.
00:03:47One thing that I will note is that in almost all of the cases, no matter what your motive is,
00:03:52you'll get more from your vacation if you share it with people that you love.
00:03:56One of the things that you find is that there are very few people that have the most fun vacations
00:04:01by going away by themselves. Now, maybe you're one of those people. Okay. But that's not typically
00:04:06the case. That's not what we see. When you're enjoying something and you're enjoying it with others,
00:04:10the enjoyment tends to rise because we are social animals. That doesn't mean you're out there with
00:04:14300 people. It might mean one other person, whoever it happens to be. But consider the social
00:04:20aspect, the social magnifying aspect of the motive that you have. Okay. That's rule number one. What's
00:04:25your motive? Now, rule number two, when you do choose a vacation that's congruent with your motive,
00:04:32savoring the anticipation of the vacation is a critical component of getting the most out of it.
00:04:37One of the happiest parts of vacation is looking forward to it. There's some good studies on Dutch
00:04:42and Chinese vacationers. And they see that they have way greater happiness over non-vacationers in the
00:04:51weeks leading up to their holiday. It's not just that people go on vacation and they're happier than
00:04:57people who stay home. It's people who are going to go on vacation are happier than people who are going
00:05:01to stay home. I mean, a really significant thing, as it turns out, I'll put a couple of links to the
00:05:06research in that. One from the Applied Research in Quality of Life, great journal, and the Annals of
00:05:11Tourism Research, Empirical Insights. The data say that one of the greatest sources of happiness from
00:05:16any pleasurable activity actually is the anticipation of it. And there's a reason for that. There's a
00:05:22neurochemical reason for that. I've talked a lot about the neuromodulator dopamine, which is really,
00:05:27it's not, people think of it as a kind of a pleasure chemical. It's not. It leads to anticipation
00:05:31of reward. Dopamine is implicated in the wanting and learning and liking cycle, where you learn about
00:05:38something that actually is good for you. And so the result of it is that you want it more and that
00:05:43you crave it and you anticipate the reward from getting it the next time. All of those feelings that
00:05:48you get, that's all, it all has to do with, with dopamine. It's being sprayed from a little thing
00:05:53in your brain called the locus coeruleus, largely onto the nucleus accumbens in your brain. I want
00:05:59that. I want that roast beef sandwich. You know, I want that, you know, to see that person, you know,
00:06:07that I'm anticipating seeing somebody that I'm falling in love with. That's dopamine talking right
00:06:12there. And the same thing is true when you, when you anticipate a beautiful vacation that you've
00:06:17planned and when you savor it in advance, what you're doing is giving yourself a little spritzes
00:06:21of dopamine onto your nucleus accumbens. Thing is going to be so fun. I'm going to like it. It's
00:06:27going to be so great. And that adds to your happiness in the, in, in, in the run-up to the
00:06:31vacation, which net, net is good for you. Good for your wellbeing. That's great. Use this science
00:06:37to your advantage by setting up your vacation agenda in advance and studying it, studying it,
00:06:43your destination, learning more about actually what you're going to see. Number three, manage
00:06:48your expectations. That kind of picks up on the last point that I just made in the following way.
00:06:52Time away might raise your perceived wellbeing, but it doesn't last super long.
00:07:00I'd like to tell you that the perfect vacation will make you permanently happy or at least happy for the
00:07:05rest of the year. But it doesn't because that's not the way that your limbic system works. Your limbic
00:07:09system, this console of tissue inside your brain between two and 40 million years old, which is
00:07:14basically the, the, the, the factory of your emotions. It's there to give you signals about
00:07:20things around you, whether they're threats or opportunities. It's not there to give you a
00:07:24permanently nice day. If you did something like had a good vacation or ate a, ate a, you know,
00:07:28a delicious Snickers bar and it gave you permanently better mood, that would distract you from things you
00:07:33need to be paying attention to potential threats. That would be dangerous. The result is that, yeah,
00:07:38you can, you can get higher, a higher affective state. You can improve your mood. You can get more
00:07:44positive emotionality by having a really great vacation, but it's not going to be a permanent
00:07:49state of affairs. And it's important that you manage your expectations about that. Not thinking,
00:07:54it's going to be great forever because it isn't, it tends to wear off. And, and in some cases kind
00:07:59of quickly, there's a 2010 Dutch study of vacationers and it, it found that for sure, um, while they were
00:08:05on holiday, that's what they call it, people, uh, on vacation were healthier than when they weren't on
00:08:12vacation, less stressed, more energetic, more satisfied and better spirits for sure. In general,
00:08:16they were, those effects largely disappeared at the end of the first week back at work.
00:08:22They got a glow of a few days. That's what it came down to. Now there's some studies that fight
00:08:25us find a slightly longer lasting effect, even up to weeks at a time, but none of them say that
00:08:32they're going to be permanent or even really, really long-term. So manage your expectations
00:08:36that this is a good thing to do. What you're trying to do is to make some really nice memories
00:08:40with people that you love doing something you really enjoy. You're going to be really
00:08:44significantly happier and healthier while you're doing it. And you get a lot of savoring beforehand,
00:08:48but don't think that six months from now that this is, this is the game changer because it probably
00:08:53isn't. Okay. Now one way to make it last a little bit longer, however, is lesson number four,
00:08:59the strategy number four, break your trip or break your vacation into vacationettes,
00:09:05into little vacations. Don't take one month in Borneo, take 15 long weekends to the Jersey shore
00:09:12or wherever your thing is, what it comes down to. Now, this is a great way to get an afterglow that
00:09:20goes on longer because it's more frequent. It's more frequent dosage. Number five. Okay. Here's
00:09:25a counterintuitive one. Take fewer pictures. I know, I know you want to take pictures so that you can
00:09:31remember this, but think about this. It's such a funny thing. Human beings are just time travelers.
00:09:36This amazing prefrontal cortex behind our foreheads, the supercomputer of our brains,
00:09:41allows us to live in two or three time zones simultaneously, the past, the present, and the
00:09:46future. We're retrospective. We're mindful sometimes, and we're prospective, which is to
00:09:51say that we're thinking about things to come. The trouble is that we're better at retrospection
00:09:57and prospection, the past and the future, than we are at being here now. That's why, you know,
00:10:03the great Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, The Miracle of Mindfulness. That starts off by
00:10:08saying, when you're washing the dishes, you need to be fully present while you're washing the dishes,
00:10:12because if you don't, you're missing your life. You're literally thinking about a time that's not
00:10:19now. And in so doing, by the time that now is over, well, it's gone because you weren't fully
00:10:28present. You were probably thinking about the future. The future, when, you know, at that particular time,
00:10:34when it comes, the things that you were thinking about will already be in the past. People live this
00:10:38way, and I live this way. And that's a problem, isn't it? That's what taking pictures on vacation
00:10:44kind of is. It's like, I'm going to take a picture of something so that, and I'm thinking about the
00:10:49future while I'm taking the picture, imagining myself in the future, remembering what is currently
00:10:54present, but at which point it will be the past. Number six is an adjunct to number five. Don't post
00:11:01about your vacation. That one is really clear. That gets back to the prestige motive. You know,
00:11:07why am I taking my vacation? Because I want to be fancy. Well, what's the best way these days to be
00:11:12fancy on your vacation and get the benefit of showing what a fancy person you are with your
00:11:18vacation of Fiji or something? You put it online. And so other people can say, oh man, she's living,
00:11:25man. She's obviously making a lot of money and having a great time. And she's with, you know,
00:11:30some really, really handsome guy and the whole thing. But the truth is you're ruining your own
00:11:35experience when you're doing that because you're living your vacation for somebody else. You're trying
00:11:41to elicit envy, for example. Now, evolution is what's making you do this. This is not your fault.
00:11:47You're not a terrible person. You're not venal and weak. Evolution says that you live in a hierarchy
00:11:54and you want to rise in the hierarchy. Evolution doesn't care about your happiness at all. This is
00:11:59not something that's been, you know, that natural selection or sexual selection is based on happiness.
00:12:04It's based on fitness, on biological fitness. And that's exhibited in all sorts of different ways.
00:12:11Including the extent to which we can afford a fancy vacation. So the reason that you want to put this
00:12:17stuff online is to show how fit you are. To show that you're somebody who has high status is the way
00:12:23that that works. That's the prestige motive. And that, my friends, will lead you to enjoy your vacation
00:12:29less and to be less happy. Number seven, a lot of people talk about taking a working vacation
00:12:34or just doing a little work when they're on vacation. Bad idea. Generally speaking, that's a bad idea.
00:12:40Vacation is super hard on workaholics because they're thinking about their work the whole time
00:12:46and they're stressed out because they're not doing their work and because their work is actually
00:12:50piling up. And so one way to cope for a lot of workaholics, trust me, I know, is to take
00:12:56along a little work. Like this way, look, my emails won't pile up and I'll have something
00:13:01to do after the kids go to sleep. Don't do it. This strategy won't just lower your satisfaction
00:13:07during the trip. It'll also give you a worse vacation hangover when you come back. Here's
00:13:12a really interesting finding from the Journal of Stress and Health. Researchers find that
00:13:16engaging in work-related activities lowers the positive effects of vacation 1, 3, and 10 days
00:13:23after returning from work. In other words, the glow that you get, which is not permanent,
00:13:27not even super long-term, you won't get it if you work while you're on vacation. Plus my friends,
00:13:32you'll have a spouse who's annoyed with you and you'll have kids who are like, "Dad, dad,
00:13:37dad, dad, dad." Sounds an awful lot like I know that soundtrack. If you want to busy yourself
00:13:45with something, pick up a book and learn something that you're not getting paid to learn.
00:13:50Number eight, come home early. Now, I don't mean cut your vacation in half, get into a screaming
00:13:56argument with your spouse and leave. That's not what I'm talking about at all. I don't want
00:14:00that to happen. But what I am saying is come home a little bit earlier from your vacation
00:14:05than you have to so that you don't have to immediately jump right back into work. Researchers find that
00:14:11easing back into your work routine is better than traveling up to the very last second for enjoyment
00:14:15and for happiness. And it actually gives you something to look forward to, kind of like a
00:14:19second mini vacation. And so you finish your vacation and you get three days at home before you have to go
00:14:24back to work. You're actually going to really enjoy those days at home, it turns out. It's going to be
00:14:28kind of relaxing for you. You'll be able to do some things that you want to do that are not just your
00:14:34vacation. You should come home before the weekend rather than returning on Sunday night with a full
00:14:40work week ahead, for example. Come back on Friday and give yourself a vacation from the vacation and
00:14:45you're going to actually like that better. Okay, number nine. We got one more to go. Brace yourself
00:14:51when you return and manage your feelings. And the reason for that is that one of the great benefits
00:14:57of vacation is the contrast with work, with the contrast with the day-to-day grind, the things that
00:15:01you don't like that you're actually able to get away from. That's really good. But there's contrast when
00:15:05you come back as well, which you're going back to the things that you're actually getting a break from.
00:15:09Now, again, if you're a super workaholic and vacation is just, oh, the worst, then you'll be looking...
00:15:15If you're a thank God it's Monday kind of person, then who knows? Maybe you'll get the warm glow from
00:15:20actually having the thing that's over. You know, when you go back from work, how was vacation? You're like,
00:15:24I got through it. Like you're just coming back from Vietnam or something. This is not for you.
00:15:28For most people who really do like their vacations, you got to brace yourself and manage your feelings.
00:15:34Because if all goes well and you're successful at having a really good vacation, you'll have increased
00:15:40enjoyment and life satisfaction, which is good news. The bad news is that ordinary life might be,
00:15:46the contrast might be disappointing or frustrating to you. Like, you know, eating a carrot after a piece of
00:15:51candy. It's not that great is the way that that works. But the more that you know, the better off
00:15:56you're actually going to be. Don't be surprised by that. It's completely normal. I have a policy of
00:16:03paying attention to this and thinking about how I'm going to use my work when I come back in the most
00:16:08generative possible way. I also have a policy of not making significant life changes in the first week
00:16:13that I come back to work because I'm not really in the right frame of mind to do so. So think about it.
00:16:18And once again, once you know what's actually happening inside your brain and inside your heart,
00:16:24then you won't be surprised. And not being surprised is the essence of managing yourself
00:16:29so that your feelings don't manage you.