Raccoon Wars, NFL Scammers & Past Crimes - Matt McCusker
CChris Williamson
ParentingSmall Business/StartupsWeight Loss/NutritionMental Health
Transcript
00:00:00People of the UK and Ireland, if you've listened to Modern Wisdom for a while,
00:00:02but haven't seen me live, it isn't just a podcast on stage where you can finally see my legs. It's
00:00:07a show that I've spent over a year building specifically for a live audience. There are
00:00:11stories I've never told before, ideas I've deliberately saved for the stage, audience
00:00:14confessions, and a Q&A where I try to solve your biggest problems. Dublin has already sold out and
00:00:20all of the other cities aren't far behind. So if you want to see me live, head to chriswilliamson.live.
00:00:25That's chriswilliamson.live. I'm in a battle with raccoons at the moment.
00:00:31Where?
00:00:32My backyard is just me versus raccoons at the moment.
00:00:35Do they go on your roof?
00:00:37I've got this nice couch thing. It's comfy, you can lie in it. And they've just wrecked that.
00:00:43Every single night they come in and they wreck that. They decided they were going to tear up
00:00:46one croc. I had like two crocs, a pair of crocs left outside. I mean, they might've done me a
00:00:51like fashion fucking favor. I always feel bad. I almost, I had, I like fought the urge to wear
00:00:57crocs here today. You're a crocs guy? I'm off crocs.
00:00:59Unreal. But anyway, I'm a, I'm actually at war with these fucking raccoons. It feels very
00:01:05demoralizing, like losing a war of wits with an animal that survives exclusively on garbage.
00:01:10Yeah. Like, oh, that, that's what's defeated me, but I haven't been able to get rid of them.
00:01:14So yeah, you got to trap them. You trap, but then what do you do? Get a professional?
00:01:18Get rid of them. Yeah. Go send them somewhere. Or have a professional can trap them. They'll
00:01:22just release them somewhere else. Right. But, okay.
00:01:24You don't have to like drown them, right? You can. I kind of love raccoons, but they've,
00:01:29they've, I was growing watermelon. Raccoons just destroyed my watermelons.
00:01:33When were you growing watermelon?
00:01:34This summer. I had one, I had one big watermelon forming and I came, I woke up one morning and
00:01:40the raccoon had just torn it to shreds. And I was like, that was like my crock. Yeah.
00:01:44Except I hadn't had to grow it, I guess. But yeah. Fuck.
00:01:47No, I was pissed, but I, I do kind of love raccoons. I was like, all right, well.
00:01:50I can't believe that Austin allows you to grow watermelon. I don't know where I thought
00:01:53watermelons grew, but I assumed that the, the climate had to be way more exotic.
00:01:59No, you can grow watermelon. No, you can grow watermelon here. It's like a short season.
00:02:02You got to start early. Otherwise they get burned out in the sun.
00:02:04Otherwise the raccoons come and get it. Yeah. I got to put it behind the fence this time.
00:02:07Yeah. I keep imagining what it would be like to be in a fight with those raccoons. You
00:02:10know, they've got claws. So I'd look like a lunatic. I've got one crock on now because
00:02:16my, the other crock that they've taken away, like a broomstick for self-defense. He's like,
00:02:20be like, be one of those guys in world war one. That's got like a bugle and a sandwich.
00:02:23And like, that's what he's sent over the top with.
00:02:26Dude, my, my neighbor used to have raccoons for pets. He had two raccoons in a cage.
00:02:30And remember Urkel cereal? I don't know if you were here.
00:02:32Yeah. It's like, uh, family matters to show Carl Winslow. Remember Urkel, the black nerd.
00:02:38Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He had his own line of cereal for a while. And my neighbor
00:02:42who lived behind me would feed them Urkel cereal. He had his own cereal and they fed him Urkel cereal
00:02:46for like a while in a cage. And it's illegal to keep them as pets. Apparently.
00:02:50The American like desire to turn anything into a legitimate commercial opportunity.
00:02:55Yeah. Yeah. Like you were just, I'm telling you, I've never seen Urkelos.
00:03:01Yeah. Help Urkel find Laura.
00:03:05What year was this? Back in 1991, Steve Urkel got his own cereal. Urkelos was basically strawberry
00:03:12and banana flavored Fruit Loops. Yeah. I just remember seeing Urkel cereal next
00:03:17to a raccoon cage and being like, damn, my neighbor's raccoons eat Urkel cereal.
00:03:22Well, that's pretty, I remember that was like a real little boy and I was just like,
00:03:25I just stored that fact away in my head. It's I break it out. Anytime raccoons come up,
00:03:29I'm like, well, they actually love Urkel cereal. That's my go-to raccoon fact is Urkel cereal.
00:03:36Yeah. I mean, imagine you're already entrapped. Your life is in a cage. And now the next thing
00:03:42that happens is you have to eat Urkel cereal for the rest of your life. Like banana flavored cereal
00:03:46sounds horrible. It's like fake banana is awful. It's the worst thing.
00:03:50Fake banana is polarizing. I remember banana runts where I love banana runts.
00:03:55What's runts? You're going to have, we're doing this America, British.
00:03:58It's going to be tough. Well, the runts are just a hard candy that are like,
00:04:01they're shaped like real fruit, but it's just a hard candy. Okay.
00:04:04So there was one, there was the banana run. When I was growing up, everyone would be like,
00:04:07dude, get those away from me. And I actually liked the banana run,
00:04:10so I would trade up all the time and just end up with a ton of banana runs.
00:04:16I have a story for everything. You want to talk about banana flavoring? We can talk banana flavoring.
00:04:20The idea of you trading up. Nobody wanted them. Because you get them in a variety pack.
00:04:26Yep. Every little fruit comes and everyone's like, oh, these banana ones. I'm like, bro, let's go.
00:04:30Hit me. Yeah, hit me up. If I can take the watermelon and take the strawberry.
00:04:34Unbelievable. Here's a cherry.
00:04:36Yeah. I do want to teach you about some British stuff. Do you know who Francis Bourgeois is?
00:04:42Mm-mm.
00:04:42Okay. The Grand Tour, which is that thing Jeremy Clarkson did on Amazon. It was about cars and
00:04:49stuff. It was this big car show and then they kind of moved and did this other thing on Amazon. He's
00:04:53a new guy that's taken that, but he's a train spotting dude. Oh, here we go. Just watch this video.
00:05:02Yeah. I'm about to see the largest steam locomotive in the world. I've waited my whole life to see
00:05:104-0-1-4 big boy in action. So today is a very important day. With crowds lining the tracks,
00:05:19an unexpected arrival before the main event. That's 21. Oh no. Brutal angle. He does it on every video.
00:05:32Here it comes. Oh no. Oh no. It's big boy.
00:05:40At such an important moment, my phone dies and I have to reach for Amy's phone,
00:05:44which is fortunately- You can't even have a camera on your fucking head.
00:05:52Big boy. A dream come true, but 2102 is about to- Wait, this was in Pennsylvania, wasn't it?
00:06:04I think so, yeah. Dude, so this was really hot that day and a lot of those guys passed out.
00:06:10That were working? Bunch of fat-legged autistic guys who went down.
00:06:15I'm telling that day, my friends were telling me about this. They were, a bunch of people were
00:06:18standing in the field and they passed out while waiting for big boy to come.
00:06:22Well, I mean- He was one among many.
00:06:24Meanwhile, Francis Bourgeois, he managed to-
00:06:27He had to live the dream. I was telling my friend, I was like,
00:06:30if I was there with my kid and they passed out awaiting a train,
00:06:34I would step over him and just walk away. I would just step right over and be like,
00:06:37I'm out of here, man. I'm not doing this.
00:06:42Train spotting's an odd, but I mean- It's very weird.
00:06:44That particular archetype of person, there's like a type of white that only exists in America,
00:06:52but there's also a type of white that only exists in England.
00:06:54Yeah.
00:06:55And that is a category of white that I don't think that you get in America in the same way.
00:06:59Oh, we have them, man. We have train spotters.
00:07:00Right, yeah, yeah, I suppose so. But they present in a different way.
00:07:04Oh yeah, for sure. Our American train spotters are probably a little more quiet.
00:07:09Mm-hmm.
00:07:09Kind of stand there and just watch. That guy, he was pretty talkative.
00:07:13Yeah. I have no fear that Francis Bourgeois is going to become a future school shooter.
00:07:20You said you have no fear? You don't think you will?
00:07:21No, I have no fear at all for him.
00:07:22Yeah.
00:07:23But if I was to make him like Frank Bougie, which would be the American equivalent-
00:07:29That makes sense.
00:07:30Watch him.
00:07:31Yeah, you'd want to keep an eye on the internet history for sure.
00:07:36I can't believe that people passed out.
00:07:38Yeah, people passed. When I heard it, I laughed for like 10 straight minutes.
00:07:42That a field full of children just fell out waiting for a train.
00:07:46It was the kids that did it.
00:07:47Yeah, it was like, yeah. It just got hot in some of the...
00:07:49Well, I suppose...
00:07:51Not all of them, but enough went down. It was a bit of a problem.
00:07:54Some of them missed Big Boy. Big Boy was coming and they just went down.
00:07:58If your kid passes out, it's kind of easy because you know they're not going to move.
00:08:02So you think, well, they're going to stay there.
00:08:04Yeah.
00:08:04They're just going to stay in that location.
00:08:06For sure.
00:08:06You put a little cool pack on them and then you can go and see Big Boy and then come back.
00:08:11Yeah. I mean, you're there. They were all waiting and they went down and Big Boy just went right by and they came back like, well, what happened?
00:08:18They just teleported beyond Big Boy.
00:08:20Yeah. And he had to just be like, yeah, you saw it, man.
00:08:22It was great.
00:08:22You saw it.
00:08:22It was great.
00:08:23I promise. I promise you. Like child memory was working.
00:08:26Yeah.
00:08:26But yeah, there's basically two, I think, categories of stereotypical British person.
00:08:33And one is Francis Bourgeois and then the other one, I don't know that you've seen British people
00:08:38going "bosh" on the internet. So this is a guy called Big John and he does like takeaway reviews.
00:08:46And this is, oh, right. Okay. This is him. This is the guy.
00:08:49Could I have two pie, one match twice, please?
00:08:53So he's like kind of a food reviewer, I guess. And he's getting pies. And Matt, don't say that.
00:09:02Don't do that. Don't do that. There's two, there's two colors on that plate.
00:09:06Do you want him with eels?
00:09:08No, no eels today. No eels today. The eels can save more.
00:09:11Oh, he's being asked if he wants eels.
00:09:13Oh, thank you.
00:09:14What do you think about that?
00:09:23What do you think about that?
00:09:25Chili vinegar. Chili's in there.
00:09:29All over the pies. All over the liquor. All over the mash.
00:09:32That's your salt.
00:09:35Apparently a dash of salt.
00:09:37I love the idea of eating with just a spoon and a fork. The knife is totally irrelevant.
00:09:48It is funny. I have a friend who's English and he'll send me the pictures of the classic British
00:09:53breakfast and I'm like, ew.
00:09:54What don't you like about it?
00:09:56The sausage and tomatoes and beans. It's like bacon, potatoes, eggs. No beans. You don't want tomatoes and beans. It's not really appetizing when I see it.
00:10:07I will stand on business with the beans. I will stand on business with the beans. Like hard. I'm sorry.
00:10:11First thing in the morning?
00:10:13Yeah.
00:10:14You're farting all day.
00:10:16That's a power move.
00:10:16True.
00:10:18The remainder of the day is...
00:10:22You're just destroying a room at 10 a.m.
00:10:24Yeah, you've loaded the magazine for the remainder of the day.
00:10:26You're ready all day. True. That's not bad. Then they're out by the time you go to bed and you're not farting.
00:10:30Yeah, that's not bad.
00:10:31Correct.
00:10:31I'm more of a...
00:10:32If you invert it.
00:10:33I'm more of a raccoon when it comes to farting. I'm nocturnal.
00:10:35You work at night?
00:10:36All night, dude. I'm farting all night.
00:10:38It's terrible. It's actually kind of... I'm concerned. It's been like...
00:10:40Usually, you'll get it one day out of the week. I've been on like a four-day stretch where I'm like,
00:10:43I need to change something. I need to change something now.
00:10:47There's machine like apps for sleep tracking that record when you make noises or move.
00:10:53I'd fucking love to hear what yours would be because yours would be broken by either like
00:10:58snoring or rustling or something or just straight ripping farts.
00:11:01Could be.
00:11:03That's pretty crazy. They actually track the noises?
00:11:05Yeah. So when it's silent or ambient noise or whatever, and then it just turns on the recorder
00:11:10when it's to work out whether you're snoring or not or talking in your sleep.
00:11:15I might have to get that.
00:11:16That'd be sick. And then you could make a compilation of all of your favorite farts.
00:11:19Oh, what would you make? Not the nighttime ones would be awesome.
00:11:25Yeah. You know what missing your own fart while you're asleep is like? It's like being a child
00:11:29that passes out whilst watching Big Boy. You're like, I missed it.
00:11:32True.
00:11:32This was the entire reason for me eating those beans at night.
00:11:35Yeah. All to waste.
00:11:36And I wasn't even there for it. My mom got to see it or whatever. The wife got to see it. She was a part of it.
00:11:45Have you ever woken a woman out of sleep because you farted in bed? Yeah.
00:11:50Yeah. It's not a good feeling. There's a level of shame and pride. It's equal parts shame and pride.
00:12:00Well, it's so funny. But you're also like, yeah, that's a horrible way to wake up.
00:12:04I'm going to apologize. I'm so sorry.
00:12:07Yeah, I've done it. I've done it before.
00:12:09Yeah, the old fart alarm.
00:12:10Yeah. We're not even, I'm saying not audio. I'm talking wake by smell. I've woken by smell before.
00:12:16And that's when you're like-
00:12:17Wake by smell is crazy.
00:12:18Wake by smell is pretty, it's pretty devastating. And she was in such deep sleep. It's just my life.
00:12:23She was in such deep sleep. She forgot. So I had a good like four days where I was like,
00:12:27oh my God, you didn't even mention that.
00:12:28I got off scut-free.
00:12:29And then the memory came back. Did you tell her?
00:12:31I brought, eventually I brought it. And she was like, holy fuck, I forgot about that.
00:12:34And I was like, yeah.
00:12:34You told her about the fart alarm? The wake by smell fart alarm?
00:12:37I was like, you have to remember that. I can't believe you don't remember this.
00:12:40And then she was like, ew, I do remember that. That was gross. And I was like, yeah, my bad.
00:12:44Dude, you admitted to the crime.
00:12:45I had, dude, I had to know. I'm like, how did you just chant that?
00:12:53It was like, kind of bothered me. I kind of, actually, I wanted my penance. That's what it was.
00:12:57I was like, I can't get away with that. I wanted to atone, but I needed her to remember.
00:13:02Right. It's a combination of like, I want you to recognize just the power in case in future,
00:13:07I need to like, hold it over you. And you think, well, I turned myself in. It was like a guy who
00:13:11kills somebody and just can't live with it. I was like, I got away with it. And I was like,
00:13:14I got to go to the authorities. I got to report. I got to, I got to turn myself in.
00:13:18What is the wake up of someone who's woken by a, a smell that's so noxious?
00:13:22It's, it's like, eyes are still closed. I saw the whole thing. Eyes are still closed and you go,
00:13:27oh, it's just like a groan. It's like groaning into consciousness. And then you go, oh,
00:13:34and then going back under. And I was like, oh my God, that was the craziest thing I've ever seen.
00:13:43It's like coming into hell. And then you just go back under. It was really upsetting. Honestly,
00:13:49I saw that and I was like, holy shit.
00:13:51I'm in so much trouble when I wake up. And then you got up scot-free and then put yourself through.
00:13:56Two days went by and I was like telling everyone I knew about it. And finally, I was just like,
00:14:01I was like, I got to tell her. I can't, I can't. I have to like, let her know that that happened.
00:14:05The idea of like telling it in pride behind the scenes as well, like to guess what I managed to
00:14:11achieve last night. Fucking sick. Yeah. It was hopefully one-on-one. That was the only time.
00:14:17No, I thought you meant by sound because you can rip a rip on this loud enough where it's like,
00:14:21yeah, you can get that. Yeah. But it's the slow. I wonder how many breaths it takes. It's going to
00:14:26take like the first one's going to hit and, but you're going to hope that the body's going to hope
00:14:30that when it gets exhaled, it's not going to get hit again. And then the crescendo, I think it's
00:14:35probably a two breath, a two breath bottle. Yeah. There's one that's kind of like, but apparently I
00:14:41think I could be wrong, but I think your amygdala is like really close to where smells come. So they're linked.
00:14:47So she like, that was a threat immediately. That's like really linked to a threat. I think smells.
00:14:51Swear to God. Wake by far. She was, she was, it was, she was terrified. Fuck me.
00:14:58That is true. That is, that is very true. I went to, um, I went to the PBR. I saw Shane at the,
00:15:05the bull riding thing, which is weird because again, talking about very British things and also very
00:15:10American things. It's like close to about as American as you can get, but it is, uh,
00:15:16arena of people hoping that somebody gets injured by an animal that weighs like a few thousand pounds.
00:15:25It's very strange sport to watch and, um, not a massive amount of racial diversity in the audience.
00:15:33Yeah. Uh, and then Nelly played. Yeah. So he kind of offset it toward the end. Uh, but yeah,
00:15:39PBR was crazy. That was like, that was a very interesting experience. Yeah. Yeah. That, uh, I,
00:15:45I only ever watched it on TV, but bull riding, I like bull riding compared to bull fighting.
00:15:50Bull fighting seems like one of the mean, it's, it's so mean. Yeah. I just learned they pre-stabbed
00:15:55them. The bulls are pre-stabbed before they even, you fight the bull. Like that scene in gladiator.
00:16:00Yeah. Like shiv him before he goes out. That's all of the bulls. Exactly. Like they just
00:16:05poke him up a couple of times. I got to get out. So then weaker. Yeah. I found out that the reason
00:16:10that the capes, what's that called? Oh, I don't know. The red rag to old thing. The reason that
00:16:16it's red isn't because bulls see red and get angry. It's to hide the blood as the bulls run past.
00:16:23Because otherwise if you had a white sheet or something. It would look horrible. Yeah. It would
00:16:27just be like marked with loads of old blood. Yeah. That's, I didn't even know that. That's why.
00:16:32That's why it's to hide the blood. And that makes sense because they've been pre-stabbed.
00:16:37Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. I thought my whole life, I thought like if I was wearing,
00:16:42I like been around bulls a couple of times and I'd always scan like, bro,
00:16:44I hope I'm not wearing any red. They're going to fucking charge me.
00:16:48I had a bull actually that also lived behind me. We had a bull that just was.
00:16:53Why the fuck did you live? I lived on a, so my dad and his brother
00:16:57bought a piece of property out in like the suburbs of Philadelphia. But it was like,
00:17:01when we moved out there, it was like really rural. Like there was nobody out there. There's no
00:17:05sidewalks, but they bought this like plot of land. And so they each had a house and they,
00:17:11you know, they had like a spread. We were right. I was right next door to my cousins. And then behind
00:17:14us was this like other house up there. So they just rented it out to this guy. And he had like,
00:17:19that was a guy who had the raccoons in the cages. So he had, he had like animals. He had like a
00:17:23weird kind of, he had like a barn. There was horses, you know, great cereal collection.
00:17:27Yeah. Great cereal. And he had, um, he had a bull for a while and we had, it was a old apple orchard,
00:17:32but the apples trees like dried up. So they'd only make crab apples. So me and my cousins would sit
00:17:36up in the trees and just shoot this bull with a, with a, uh, you know, a little slingshot with crab
00:17:41apples all the time. And it got so aggressive and like, so nuts. We had to get, they had to get rid of
00:17:46it because we would just sit up there and torment it all. I was like nine years old. We would just sit
00:17:50there and go boom and hit it with like, and it would just shake. And it became, they were like,
00:17:53we got to get rid of that thing. You got PTSD from being hit by these like little crab apples.
00:17:57All day long. Could you imagine if you were a bull and you didn't understand how physics and gravity
00:18:01works and you're like, that tree is throwing apples at me. Like that tree is my mortal enemy.
00:18:09It keeps on pinging me with crab apples all day. And there were those, like, I don't know if you
00:18:13had those like real nice slingshots. They would like hold, they were like, you'd pull them back,
00:18:17but they had like almost a wrist brace. So you could really rip those things back. You were hitting it
00:18:21with high velocity crab apples. Yeah. Very hard. Explosion on, upon impact. And then bulls got,
00:18:25you know, when you shoot someone in paintball and it's just got lots of marks all over its back.
00:18:29Yeah. We were, and again, it's like that, that thing started getting nasty and like,
00:18:31we had to get rid of it. Got to cantankers. So now I'm like, maybe they just got rid of it,
00:18:35but I'm pretty sure we fired that thing up. Cause it was, we were just like taunt it and
00:18:39fuck with it all the time. It was really nice natured until maybe that would be a good,
00:18:42because the owner, CEO guy of the PBR was in the area that we were. And obviously I have no
00:18:49idea what's going on. I don't know how the scoring system works. I don't know anything.
00:18:52And he loves bull riding. Absolutely loves bull riding. And he wrote the rules. So I'm like,
00:18:58just harassing him autistically about any, like, how does this happen? And what's it? And how do they
00:19:03train the bulls and stuff like that? But I didn't realize that the people that own the bulls,
00:19:08they have so much pride and like, no one's ever ridden, like this element have got a bull and it's
00:19:15called ride in salty. So you can just name it whatever you want. It's awesome. Yeah.
00:19:19Ride in salty. And no one's ever ridden it or some shit like that. It's like, oh, this is,
00:19:23it's the best rider in the world versus the hardest bull in the world. And there's kind of these match
00:19:27offs. They pair them up and then there's coaches on the teams of the riders who know what way the
00:19:33bull turns. And they put a guy that's like really good in the clockwise position or whatever. It's like
00:19:39matching fighters up against other fighters or like, I don't know, a sport where you go,
00:19:43well, the guy that's on the left wing, he's a little bit slow when he cuts in. So if you put
00:19:46a guy that's right footed on that and there's, it's squads and there's training and they've got
00:19:50tactics and I was like, I just see a guy holding onto a bull. That's what I thought. I didn't know
00:19:54they have teams too. They have a bunch of teams. Yeah. Like each city's got a different team and then
00:19:58the city that you're in gets to be the final one. And there's walkout music and like each one,
00:20:03each, each guy comes out to different walkout music and stuff. It was sick.
00:20:06Yeah. It sounds awesome. It was really good. A quick aside. You've probably heard
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00:20:57description below. They're heading to drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom. That's drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom.
00:21:07Yeah, we, I did, I don't, I haven't done much super like, um, Texas stuff. I did the two-step
00:21:12dance lessons. Do you, have you seen that before? I've seen it. The broken wheel.
00:21:16What's that? You can do, you can go in there and take lessons for two-step and it's this old lady
00:21:21runs it. And I, I honestly was like, it takes a lot to kind of astonish me when people are like doing
00:21:26certain things. Dude, she apparently can just grab ladies' asses and like, so she was given,
00:21:31I shouldn't say this, but we were in there and she would, she'd be like, come out here and dance
00:21:35with me young lady. And she'd be like, God, your ass is flatter than cardboard. And just smack,
00:21:38like it was insane. She was just grabbing and smacking ladies' asses and just, I mean, you know,
00:21:45any kind of racial thing, she would throw that in there too, just to like flavor it up.
00:21:49Dude, there is like-
00:21:50She was, I, I was sitting there like, bro, this is insane. And she, and everyone's like,
00:21:53yeah, this is cute, I guess. I've been transported back to the 1950s. There's a
00:21:58level of bigotry that you just, that when people get beyond a certain age, they just get a pass for
00:22:02it all. Yeah. You have to let this lady cook. It was really good. Cause it was, it was a lot of,
00:22:07it was a good amount of like Asian tourists came and she was having a field day with them.
00:22:11It was wild. There's nothing there for me to grab. Yeah. No ass on you. Look at where are you from?
00:22:19Vietnam? Get out of the way. And I was like, God. She thinks, she thinks the war's still going.
00:22:24But it was, it was fun. It was fun to see. It also was nice. It brings everyone down. It's like,
00:22:29yeah, let her, let her do her thing. It brings everyone down to like a, you know,
00:22:32That's what being British is like actually. It's that, that level of like insulting of everyone.
00:22:37Were you any good? Is it hard? I've never, I've never tried to. No, I wasn't very,
00:22:40I was all right. It's not, it's pretty easy, honestly. Right. But it's all about, you have to
00:22:44kind of like, well, it's like easy to do, but once you have like 30 people on the dance floor,
00:22:48everyone, you don't know which way anyone's going. So it's, it's a, and then there's people who are
00:22:51like actually really, really good at it. And you're like, I'm in the way now. Do I? You're in the way.
00:22:56Yeah. You're just in their way. They're like whipping people around and throwing them. And
00:22:58it's also very important that you have to lead your partner. And it's like, I'm horrible at dancing.
00:23:04So I'm kind of like trying to, I'm stepping on her feet the whole time and I'm like, actually,
00:23:08I'm in charge. Be quiet. Don't move. And it's like, she said, the lady who's grabbing ass and said,
00:23:13I'm in charge. And it was, uh, yeah, I didn't, I started to be over there with the Asians. I'm
00:23:18not going to make you sit down on the fucking substitutes bench. Yeah. So it was fun. I would
00:23:23definitely go back. It's def it's a, it's a fun night. You go there, especially if you roll their stag.
00:23:28I mean, dude, ratio is in your favor. It's mostly people are going on their own. There's a couple,
00:23:34there's a lot of women actually go, but they're going as girly group. Yeah. But you need a male
00:23:38partner. Hard, hard to peel off a chick from a group of chicks though. But in the, in a dance,
00:23:43in a formal, in a formalized dance setting, easy as possible. It's like as easy as it gets. Of
00:23:47course, because they've got legitimacy to leave the friends at least for a bit.
00:23:50Yeah. But there's that, there's that like inner feminine kind of rivalry where it's like now,
00:23:55whoever you ask to dance, it's like, Oh, because of not them. Yeah. Because of the ratio.
00:23:59Yeah. Because of the ratio. Yeah. It puts them, it really throws them into like an upside
00:24:03down world where you, now you're the commodity. You get to be like, I'm a lady.
00:24:08I was peeping all this with my wife. I was like, this is great.
00:24:10Yeah. Watching the, watching the dynamic go on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You stepping on her feet.
00:24:14It is going to be hard though. If you're not good at dancing and you're like, okay,
00:24:18I need to do this thing. I need to lead them. You said you need to navigate the traffic of the
00:24:21rest of the room as well. Yeah. Yeah.
00:24:23And you're trying to like lay down some game at the same time. Plus get the phone out. Yeah.
00:24:27Like, you know, can you do the thing, do the nudgy thing? Like take your number before I'm going.
00:24:31Yeah. Spinning around and stuff. Yeah. I mean, you have to go a couple of times. There's a lot
00:24:35of old men that go there and they just like, they're like experts at it and they just kind of twirl
00:24:39young chicks around for like two hours at a time. And then also the instructor kind of feeds them.
00:24:44Like, no, if you see Dale, he'll spin you around till you're dizzy. Go, don't be shy. And she kind
00:24:48of like feeds him over. It's pretty wild. Uh, yeah. Like this does begin, like, sounds like it's
00:24:55going to be a Netflix documentary. It's like one of those ashrams where like some yogi that developed
00:25:01a new type of yoga, but all of his disciples were the ones that were feeding in the new followers.
00:25:06Yeah. Yeah. They thought, yeah. Like the NXIVM cult. Yeah. That's what's that one. What's that?
00:25:11That was the, uh, God, who was that guy? He was, he was like branding chicks. He was getting
00:25:15chicks. Yeah. He was just, yeah. Keith Veneer. He had the NXIVM cult here in America where I don't
00:25:21even know what he did really. It was just, he said this cult. And then the thing he did that was
00:25:25genius, obviously he's a cult leader. He's having sex with all the women in the cult. There's married
00:25:29couples. So he instituted a rule where everybody has to kiss on the lips when they greet each other.
00:25:33So that way he could just kiss every girl on the lips and no one, they wouldn't know that he was
00:25:38fucking all of them. It was pretty kind of an ingenious move. Yeah. There's, well, I mean,
00:25:41what's interesting is that he decided to brand the women in the cult as opposed to just using crab
00:25:47apples in a slingshot. He could have just got them from way further away. True. He could have like,
00:25:53that could have came from anywhere. If he got really good with, he could have written something
00:25:56on the side of him. True. That would have been really good. Yeah. No, he, uh, yeah, he was branded.
00:26:00Apparently at all, you get in trouble. He got in trouble for sex trafficking. So whenever you move
00:26:05a lady across state lines to have sex with her, that's when it's like, isn't that crazy? Yeah.
00:26:10That was the thing. Who was it? Under false pretenses. That's the key term.
00:26:13Who is it that got fully diddled for that across state lines, trafficking women across state lines
00:26:19thing recently? There was some big case and that was the main, like tons and tons and tons and tons.
00:26:25No, Epstein. Epstein or Diddy. It was Diddy. Diddy. Correct.
00:26:30You said diddle too. It was just funny. Yeah. It was, it was, uh, it was Diddy. They get you,
00:26:34I don't know if he actually got charged for sex trafficking, but that was the one they were
00:26:38trying to cross state lines. Yeah. But under false pretenses. But what, what's the issue
00:26:43with the state lines thing? Why is that? I don't know. So under false pretenses within the state
00:26:47is fine. I think so. So I get into a motel that's just across. Yeah. Yeah. If you can trick a woman,
00:26:52if you're in Texas, you can trick Texas women. If you trick a woman in Oklahoma,
00:26:56you're going to jail and it's, it's all false. It's a very vague thing. Uh, that's what I, that's,
00:27:01yeah, that's what people get in trouble for. Cause it's like, if you lure someone here saying,
00:27:05Hey, I have a job for you and they travel. And then I don't know what you brand them and
00:27:10keep them like your slave in the base. Then you get in super big trouble for
00:27:12making them go across trouble. Yeah. Yeah. And worst of all, he made them go to Oklahoma.
00:27:18Yeah. And then it's like, Oh my God, we must take him to jail. The guy's a monster.
00:27:22Yeah. It's a very weird rule. I've always thought about it. So it's a, it's a, it's a,
00:27:25it's one of those things that it's like, it's really weird.
00:27:27Can you, can you, uh, chat GPT? Why, why is it, why is across state lines for, what is it?
00:27:34Sex trafficking. Sex. Well, it's like trying to work out why sex trafficking is so bad dot dot dot
00:27:41across state lines. Yeah. Just seems like, well, it's, you know, within state lines, it's not great.
00:27:46Yeah. It's just one of those extra charts. It's like an enhancement. They toss on you.
00:27:49It's like an upgrade. Do you want to go super large on the, on the happy meal to supersize it?
00:27:53Yeah. I don't, I don't know. It's, it's a, but it's one of those things I think that's very
00:27:56important in these cases where that they, if they can get you on that, that's how they kind of get
00:27:59you. Oh, here we go. Crossing state lines isn't inherently considered more evil than committing
00:28:05state sex trafficking within one state. The reason it's treated more seriously in US law,
00:28:10it's largely about jurisdiction and federal authority, not greater moral blame.
00:28:17Oh, because it's like, we do get higher penalties. That's what they're saying.
00:28:21Someone can be prosecuted, prosecuted for sex trafficking, even if every act occurred within
00:28:26a single state, as long as the conduct has the required connection to interstate commerce.
00:28:31So if it doesn't, if you manage to find a locally owned motel and you don't use a payment processor
00:28:51that like routes it through fucking Delaware or something, you pay in cash, like sex trafficking
00:28:56is just free. That seems like a loophole that needs to be closed.
00:28:58Yeah. They get you for tax evasion then. Oh, okay. Yeah. Where did that cash come from?
00:29:05Have you seen this day, John love thing? This case that's everywhere.
00:29:08Who was it? Was that the guy? Who was that?
00:29:10The fake football player from the 49ers.
00:29:12Yes. Yeah. Yeah. He was been going around saying I, I caught that. I was like, I was actually doing
00:29:17a podcast. I went to the bathroom and I was like checking my phone. I saw someone I know is like
00:29:22one of the influencers I follow was just kind of like, oh man, I almost thank God I didn't pay
00:29:26this guy. And I didn't even know he wasn't a player. I'm like, damn, why was he asking that
00:29:29guy for 200,000 bucks? And I came back and I was like, yeah, that was just-
00:29:32It was a dude that said this? Oh yeah.
00:29:35Let's say he was trying to dental men and women, especially women.
00:29:38Yeah. I think he was really going for the women's money. But yeah, there was a guy
00:29:41influencer I know who was like a health guy and he got like, they tried to go for him.
00:29:45Yeah. So he was, he went for 200,000. He's like, give me 200 K and I'll like promote your,
00:29:51you know, electrolytes or whatever. I think he didn't have that many followers on,
00:29:55it wasn't a huge. So yeah, for the people that don't know, this guy pretended to be a 49ers player.
00:30:00Yeah. Yeah. And he was
00:30:01starting wide receiver. Oh, here we go. Uh, 35 year old day John love who federal authorities say
00:30:07faked an entire NFL career as a 49ers wide receiver to scam. Others has been arrested and
00:30:12charged with defrauding over 26 women out of more than $1.3 million. Love allegedly met women through
00:30:18dating apps, convinced many they were in a legitimate romantic relationships with him,
00:30:22portrayed himself as either a wealthy NFL player or a successful real estate investor.
00:30:28Uh, fake 49ers, fake Instagram theme presence, fake banks and investment. I think he had like,
00:30:34uh, an 18 year old that he would put on, um, FaceTime and was like, oh, this is my investment
00:30:39advisor. And it's just like one of his friends who was 18 years old. And, uh, yeah, he won,
00:30:44one woman lost around 87,000 and helped him get a McLaren to qualify for the McLaren. He made her a
00:30:50fake pay stub saying she earned about 50K a month. Another woman gave him seven grand for an apartment
00:30:54he never got for her. Another gave him around 30 grand for a Mercedes. After a while, you just think
00:30:59like these people kind of deserve it. Yeah. The, the, the, the romance scams are really,
00:31:06really messed up. Also working, him working out on the beach is hilarious. Just a football helmet on
00:31:10the beach is like, that's one that I'd even catch. Like, hold on a second. I don't remember. You don't
00:31:14see me. I don't remember Tom Brady. Yeah.
00:31:22Just in swim shorts. Yeah. It's like a regular football. It's a, it's a, it's a memorabilia
00:31:31helmet. Yeah. Presumably. Is there not one of him? I swear he's got his helmet like in the car
00:31:37at some point. Have a look on here. Keep going. Yeah. That one's hilarious. Go back.
00:31:44It's him like explaining that you got to go to have the helmet. I'm just popping the helmet in
00:31:48the passenger seat. Why is it not in your bag? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know this. Uh,
00:31:56you know what this is? This is, uh, karma from the bad men of the world for the Lindsey Clancy case.
00:32:03This is the, them trying to come back around. This is like some dude. Yeah. Like comically going like,
00:32:08there's something that women are getting complained about at the moment that I'm going to, I'll leave
00:32:13in the stakes and I'll give us something that men can be complained about. Just so I'm sure Clancy is
00:32:16the lady who everyone's trying to like get her out of jail right now. Yeah. Protesters, dude.
00:32:20It's a mistrial. That's a rough look. It's a, it is a mistrial. It's a mistrial.
00:32:24One guy, one supposedly, allegedly, one male juror held out for six days. It was 11-1 and
00:32:34the one juror was like, no, no murder. Not doing it. Mistrial. So just, she's like free at the moment.
00:32:43What? Or is she on bail? Would she be on bail?
00:32:47Well, is she, has she, can you work out if she's got bail or not? But mistrial. So they've got to do,
00:32:51they've got to run it back. Do it again. They've got this whole thing has got to happen again,
00:32:56at least again, or maybe go up to some bigger court. Well, dude, it's I, so I was actually reading
00:33:01about this, uh, last night. I didn't realize, first of all, it happened like three years ago,
00:33:05three or four years ago. The husband's already, he's remarried. But the weird thing is it's been,
00:33:09three years is quite a long time. Yeah. It's not a long time to get over something traumatic,
00:33:13but for everyone that I didn't, I'd never heard Lindsey Clancy's name until three weeks ago. Yeah.
00:33:18And for him, this is not part of, I think about where you were three years ago, three and a half
00:33:22years ago. You're like, that was quite a long time ago. It was a while, but it's like, yeah. But I think,
00:33:26I think he's just like, I could be wrong. I think he just like works in an office.
00:33:28It sounds like an office job. Yeah. It sounds like an office job. That would be,
00:33:32that'd be insane. I had a psychiatrist, uh, earlier on this week and he worked in the ward
00:33:38where she was discharged from. He knows the doctors that prescribed her all of the medications,
00:33:44the people that looked after her care, everything. And there's a little bit, I think, especially a lot
00:33:49of guys sort of defaulted to, she killed her kids. Yeah. Uh, and then there was a little bit of me,
00:33:55it was an hour of him just explaining the deep neuroscience of what happened with the pharmacology
00:34:00and, and, and, um, what happens with the psychosis and how all encompassing and, and like totally
00:34:06compelling it is. And basically your agency is taken away from you to use the example of talking of
00:34:11like farting and shedding. You use the example of, you know, when you go to the bathroom and you take
00:34:15a dump and you're like one, huh, one wipe wasn't enough. Like I need to go again. And you don't
00:34:20even think about it. You just do it. So that's kind of what psychosis is like. You don't even think
00:34:24about it. You kind of just get compelled. So he's an hour of him explaining it to me.
00:34:27And as he was doing it, there was a little bit of me that was thinking,
00:34:32this is, I thought I had my position and now you have decided to like
00:34:38just pull the pin on this grenade. And now I, now I'm all conflicted again. And now, I mean,
00:34:43I'm now I'm with everyone else. He's like, I don't know what the, how do we deal with this as a
00:34:46society? Here's the thing to me. It's, it's like, yeah, it is, it sucks. It's like the whole situation
00:34:51sucks. The poor, I like really felt bad for the dad. I was reading about him last night. I'm like,
00:34:55damn, this guy's actually just started his life over. I'm like, that sounds sad. And then you have
00:34:59the lady who it's like, yeah, she, you know, strangled her children to death. And you know,
00:35:04maybe she was in psychosis. The thing too, is like, if she had been a meth addict and got high
00:35:09on meth and then killed her kids, everybody got to throw the book at her. Since I guess she's
00:35:12trying to get, you know, help or whatever, it's slightly different. My, my only problem is when
00:35:17like, cause you get, you have people now who even like neuroscience types who were like,
00:35:21free will is an illusion. We don't have free will. It's just all, it's all expression of genetics.
00:35:25And it's like, okay, well, if that's the case and somebody does this, if they're just
00:35:30essentially like a lump of meat, just why not just discard them? You know what I mean?
00:35:34Cause if we have, there's no free will and people are just going to do this kind of thing,
00:35:38which I don't think is her case really. Cause it was like the medication and psychosis, but
00:35:43I don't know. I think you got to park, I think you just got to park those people forever. It's like,
00:35:47look, this isn't fair. This sucks. The thing is she is going to be parked forever. It's,
00:35:52is she going to be parked with culpability or is she going to be parked with, uh, an excuse or reason?
00:35:58Right. It's like, she's going to be, well, if she gets the psychosis, I think she's a mandatory
00:36:04like psych psychiatric asylum for a per year at a time with her case to be reviewed every year.
00:36:11So there's a world. Yeah. I think she'll only be held for a year. I could be wrong,
00:36:14but I think she'll only be held for a year before she gets reviewed and gets reassessed and they
00:36:18could keep her forever. They could reassess her every year. She could get out.
00:36:21So it's one of those things where it's like, even, even if it's pure psychosis,
00:36:26if someone can fall into that level of psychosis and obviously it's on record, it's like, yo,
00:36:30yo, you kind of got to be, she's a distinctive looking lady as well. It's going to be very hard
00:36:34to come out even in five years time and not, not be. Well, she's paralyzed too, right?
00:36:41That as well. Yeah. But all of that.
00:36:42Dude, it's, it's, it's, I think the saddest thing that's ever, it's like not the saddest.
00:36:47It is really fucking sad, but it's as close to as sad as it gets.
00:36:50I mean, dead kids, suicide attempt, paralysis, like postpartum depression, public scrutiny,
00:37:00loads of women wearing pink. It's, it's OJ Simpson for white women. That's what it is.
00:37:04Yeah, that's exactly what it is. It really is.
00:37:08It's also, again, it's one of those things where it's like,
00:37:11I'd love to ask the protesting ladies, like, where do you want to see happen in this?
00:37:15Do you want to have her to live with you? Like, what are we talking about? Are you going to take
00:37:21care of this lady? You know, cause she's like, the state failed her, put her in the hands of state
00:37:25mental care. It's like, maybe not if the state failed so badly, cause that's where she's going
00:37:30back to. You got to park her. You got to give her the Bain treatment, dude. And it's like sad.
00:37:34Bottom of a well.
00:37:35Yeah. You got to just be chained. Yeah. Or yeah.
00:37:39Bulk her up, feed her pizza for a while.
00:37:43Dude, it's so fucked up. And I did the same thing. I heard about that. I'm like,
00:37:46fuck that lady, dude. And then you read about it. You're like, God, that's so fucking sad. But it's
00:37:49also like, she's a sick ticket, dude. It's like, once you strangle your children in the basement,
00:37:55it's like, all bets are off in my book. It's like, it's just, it's sad. It's fucked up. There's
00:38:00complexity to it, but it's like,
00:38:01You know what else is interesting? I think, uh, you look at the gender split of support for
00:38:06and against it's almost exclusively women who are in support, but not necessarily only men that are
00:38:15against because mothers kind of get split into two groups because some of the mothers, especially the
00:38:21ones that have been through postpartum go, wow, that was fucking rough. That was really hard. And
00:38:26maybe I think Dr. K gave me the stats. He says about three in 10,000 get postpartum psychosis
00:38:34and of the psychosis sufferers, 5% get homicidal ideation thought. So it's like a chunk of a chunk of
00:38:42a chunk like it, but because there's 60,000 births a day in the US, the law of large numbers means it's
00:38:48like one person, every one lady every day, who's maybe going to have this homicidal thoughts with
00:38:53the psychosis and all the rest of this stuff. He's like, you know, explaining it to me and going
00:38:57through all of this. But what that means is there's some women who will see the beauty and the delicate
00:39:04nature of their children and just get the total tiger mom, mother bear. Like, I can't believe that
00:39:10this would happen aggression. And then there's another group of ladies who are going to think I was close
00:39:17to feeling down and bad. I wasn't myself. So even that is kind of split into two different groups.
00:39:24It is stuff like this. I mean, do you ever think when situations like this occur, Netflix,
00:39:30all of the executives must just be going like, yes, come on. Here's six more hours of content.
00:39:37Exactly. They've got this is season two. Netflix just renewed season two of a documentary. They
00:39:41haven't finished filming what they must have done because they're going to run the trial.
00:39:45They're thinking to themselves, they're like, well, there's episode five. Yeah. And then,
00:39:50fuck, they're doing it again. Cool. Right. Okay. We finish it on five episodes. We'll run it back
00:39:53for season two. This is like making a murderer. You're like, hey, keep the case going. Yeah. Come
00:39:58on. Keep it. Yeah. This is another. This is the third season. Tell me if this sounds familiar. You
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00:41:00Oh, dude. Yeah. It's, uh, it's fucked up, man. But it's really, I, what I think though,
00:41:06is that like, I would say, especially women are not supposed to be by themselves after they have
00:41:12babies. Like, that's the thing that like, that's how people live now. It's not what you're supposed
00:41:17to do. Like they really should be like, as soon as you have a kid, you should be with other mom,
00:41:22ladies and other ladies. And just like, you should have a lot of people around you at all times.
00:41:26It's, I think it's a relatively pretty new thing of like, just have a kid and sit in a
00:41:30fucking house for a year by yourself. As a lady, I think especially it's like really fucked up.
00:41:35I asked, uh, literally an expert who wrote a book called Dad Brain. So there's Mum Brain,
00:41:39which you lose about 3% of your gray matter. It's like executive function. You forget where the keys
00:41:44are. But what is interesting is you actually become better at knowing about stuff to do with the kid.
00:41:49You're just really bad at knowing about some other stuff, managing your calendar or doing finances or
00:41:54whatever. And dads have kind of the same sort of a thing. I was talking to her and she thinks the
00:41:58same thing. She thinks that it's almost exclusively mediated by, is there support? Do you feel like
00:42:03you're well contained and held by the local community? There used to be this time, Louise
00:42:09Perry taught me about this. There was this time called laying in. You ever heard of this? So laying
00:42:14in was a month long period in the middle ages where a woman that had just given birth, all that she did
00:42:22was lie in the living room or whatever. And everybody had to do stuff for her, like be nice to her. Like
00:42:30bring her food, help her go to the bathroom, help her get washed. Like, what do you want? Do you need
00:42:35a shoulder rub? Like we'll look after the baby. Like it's just, everybody was as kind of probably an
00:42:40infuriating amount of attention. Like actually, if you were a bit of an introvert, you're like, okay,
00:42:44this has been nice, but I would like you to leave. And, um, that was it. And now you think no mandatory
00:42:50maternity leave and people are back in the fucking solo cubicle office within like, we still haven't
00:42:56even physically recovered. Oh yeah. And now you're at work going like, I make, you know,
00:43:02I have to make more than basically, um, daycare basically. If I don't make as much as daycare,
00:43:06then I'm at home. You're running on a treadmill. It's you versus daycare. And if you don't run fast
00:43:10enough, you get kicked off the back of it. Dude. It's yeah, it's brutal. And especially when you have a
00:43:15kid at first, like two weeks or so, everyone's like, Hey, everyone's stopping by. And then it's just like,
00:43:18that's over. And it's just you. And you're like, you know, if you're, you're just sitting there,
00:43:22you're nursing it all the time. That's like constantly releasing hormones when they're
00:43:25feeding from you that you don't produce enough milk to produce. It's, it's kind of a nightmare,
00:43:29dude. It really is, uh, should be revisited as to like how people go about doing that kind
00:43:34of stuff. Cause it's, it's not, it's not good at all. I think we got the 90 day maternity leave
00:43:38from, uh, there was just like a therapist back. I think it was an English guy who was just like
00:43:42Winnicott. He was just like, yo, you got to give these, you got to give these people like
00:43:46at least a couple of months. Yeah. He, he determined he was like 90 days is the bare minimum.
00:43:51You have to give them nine months mandatory. Is it really? Yeah. I don't think we do that here.
00:43:55I think we got like, I think people can turn and burn. Yeah. Yeah. He's got to get it,
00:43:58got to get you back into the meat ground. There's some emails that need sending. Come on.
00:44:02It's nine. You said it's nine months, nine months. You can pick when as well. So if you want to do
00:44:06from a month before and then have eight months after my business partner's wife was like, like
00:44:12trying to take it up to the fucking limit, like absolutely. Like she went to a spice girls concert
00:44:18the day she was due and then went the day after, like we gave birth the day after. And they were
00:44:23like, look, if we give birth while Jerry Halliwell's on stage doing like what I want, what I really,
00:44:28really want. It's fine. That's fine. Like what, that's kind of a cool story, but they had floor
00:44:32tickets. That's how Spice Girls were made. They had floor tickets.
00:44:39That's insane, dude. Floor tickets. Floor tickets in the middle of a stadium for Spice Girls as a
00:44:44concert. It was seated. Right. But like, bro, that's big, crazy, massive, like on a Swiss ball
00:44:49this morning, Spice Girls tonight. Oh, just imagine like I was at the Spice Girls concert and then like
00:44:56some lady's water broke next to me and it was fucking wild. Yeah, it does. It definitely,
00:45:02when you're like with a woman who goes through the whole process of like being pregnant and giving
00:45:07birth, it really does like flip a switch in your head where you're like, wow, you guys can do cool
00:45:12stuff. Not in a bad way. I know that sounds passionizing, but I got, I got that. I just like,
00:45:17you just got in the way of my farting. It really, I should say that's a horrible way to put it,
00:45:22but it really does give you a deeper appreciation where you're kind of like, damn, that's because they,
00:45:25they fucking champ. Childbirth is terrifying. Yeah. And you watch them go through it and you're like,
00:45:31where the fuck was this fucking stoicism? Where was this shit? I've known you for three years.
00:45:39I've seen belly aches take you out. Now you're just, dude, literally like if I pass out, grab me.
00:45:44I'm like, okay. Like what the fuck? Like, like battle vets. It's like Jocker Willink
00:45:48stepping into your wife's body. He comes in in camo fatigues with a fucking rifle. It's like kind of
00:45:54intense. It's like terrifying. You see it. They're just, it's unbelievable. But yeah, that, that is,
00:45:59that is a thing that kind of completes the whole picture where you're like, oh, okay. All right.
00:46:04This is now I can see the full kind of spectrum here. The lady Navy, Navy seal transition is crazy.
00:46:10I wonder, uh, how, what, what changes, what changed with you? Like, how did you change?
00:46:14Well, what having kids are saying? Yeah. Um, well the, the main one is, it's kind of funny. The main
00:46:21one is like kind of painfully obvious. It's like, you don't realize, and not even like in a bad way,
00:46:27I don't know if it's like a necessarily bad way. Cause I think everyone does this just how self-absorbed,
00:46:32how all of your thoughts are just like bong, bong, bong, like all day long. And it's like natural,
00:46:35it's very natural. Then you have like a kid and you're like, it literally just plants almost like
00:46:40another self in your brain that you're always thinking about this person. You're still thinking
00:46:43about yourself. And then like, it's, it's very weird how that works. Cause it is because you
00:46:48notice like, you know, you're like, all right, it's time. I'm going to do this. And you're like,
00:46:51you have to do something with a kid and you're like, all right, I'll get to that later. And then
00:46:55you start being like, I'll never get to that other thing. It's just not happening. Like,
00:46:59I'm never going to do it. And you kind of go through this weird kind of like, uh,
00:47:02inner transformation over time where you're like just letting certain things die off and you,
00:47:07but it's, it's nice. Cause you know, you feel good. Like no one really enjoys an insane level
00:47:13of selfishness. I think too much attention on yourself. I saw this tweet the other week that
00:47:18said something like, um, you're not autistic. You're just spending too much time in the house
00:47:21on your own and it's making you weird. I also don't think you, you should like,
00:47:28I don't think your brain's designed to think about yourself for more than like 30 something years.
00:47:33Because I had a kid when I was like in my thirties and I remember being like,
00:47:37I've played all the hits of like, why don't I do this? I'm going to do this. And I'm like,
00:47:41I remember thinking like just getting kind of fucking old. I'm like circling all these tracks.
00:47:44And you have a kid and you're like, all right, thank God I can just think about you now.
00:47:47Yeah. Jimmy Carr talks about saying it's, um, uh, having a child is, um,
00:47:53uh, it's a surgical procedure where your own heart now lives outside of your own body.
00:47:57Yeah. Like you just, okay. Now this is the thing that's the most important, but yeah. I mean,
00:48:04I definitely believe a lot of the malaise and like business pursuits and like weird habits and like
00:48:14obsessions that guys have are just surrogate families. They haven't got around to yet.
00:48:18You think so much of this would be fixed if you just had a, had a baby that you were looking after,
00:48:23because it would clean out all the barnacles off the bottom of the ship, or maybe it would just
00:48:28completely torpedo your life. Cause you can't afford it. I don't know.
00:48:30That too. But also there is something where it's like, um, like I've tried a lot of stuff for the
00:48:35kids. I'd be like, all right, I'm going to do this. I'm gonna do that. And you do things and you're
00:48:38like, man, I guess it's kind of cool. When you have a kid, it's like, it like clicks in a very obvious
00:48:42set groove in your brain. You're like, yes, this makes sense why I'm doing this now. Cause I would
00:48:46do things. I'm like, why am I even doing this? And you're just like, okay, this all makes sense.
00:48:50Yeah. It's like, it's like a baked in kind of purpose. It's just, and it's funny too. Cause like
00:48:54when you examine it from like, you know, like advantages and all this stuff, it's like just
00:48:58more so disadvantages. Like I get hit in the nuts constantly. I get woken up early.
00:49:03Dude, kids just hit you in the nuts, right? As soon as they're like, they're like,
00:49:07they'll let go to like hit you, they're just nut height. And they just go and they'll,
00:49:11they'll jump on your nuts. They just, they're just like, oh, they don't have any concept of like
00:49:14nuts. So they just jump. They just jump. Like I'm about to land on my dad. Boom. Right in the nuts,
00:49:19punch. You ride the nuts. You're getting, your nuts are just getting obliterated. Never endingly.
00:49:24You're waking up all the time. You never get sleep. You're every day. You're like, you know,
00:49:27making meals, doing stuff. And it's like, you, it's just, you're happy to do it. It's weird.
00:49:31It's like a very, uh, I don't know. It's like a very funny thing about like the deals laid out,
00:49:36like, all right, what am I getting out of this? And it's like, you'll get repaid with like,
00:49:39like last night I was about to go to bed and I did, I saw they had, we have like an inflatable
00:49:44alien thing in our house. They won from like Chuck E cheese and they had dressed it up in a princess
00:49:48peach dress. So I'm going, I'd look up the steps. There's just an alien in a princess peach dress.
00:49:53And you just laugh for like five minutes. Like what the fuck? And it's like, that's,
00:49:56you get like a little rewards from just like complete nonsense. Just random shit. Well,
00:50:00I wonder if you could market, this is my showing how much I've spent time in America that if you're on a TV
00:50:05show, you can commercialize yourself into a cereal that given that dad's getting hit in the nuts a
00:50:10lot, maybe you could make a special cup that's designed just for dads. That wouldn't be bad.
00:50:14The dad cup. Yeah. It wouldn't be bad. Just wear it for a couple of, actually not a bad idea.
00:50:19Even if it wasn't full, the sports cups can be a little rigid, but even just a little bit of padding.
00:50:24This needs to dampen it a bit. Yeah. Just a little bit. Cause you get, it's it,
00:50:27you react in the moment as if some just random guy came up and punched you in the dick.
00:50:32You're like, Oh, what the fuck? And they're like, Oh, you're like, Oh, I'm sorry guys. I'm fine.
00:50:37You're like instantly like, Oh, we're about to fight. And you have to be like, Oh,
00:50:40sorry guys. I'm fine. It just really hurts me when you do that.
00:50:44You've got to try and explain it. Like, does it hurt?
00:50:46Child language. Yeah. Like, does it hurt now? I'm like, no,
00:50:49it's going to hurt. Hold on. 10 seconds. Like, yeah, here it comes. But yeah,
00:50:54but it, it, it really does though. It helps me for me. It really put into perspective, like,
00:50:59okay. I love my kids a lot. That other human beings, somebody's kid. I should try to be as
00:51:05nice as I can to them. If I, you know, if I can help it, cause somebody's kid in the past as well.
00:51:09Well, now you have like, you have, um, I don't know what you would call it, but it's like,
00:51:13now you have something people can be like, I hate, cause if someone's like, I hate you,
00:51:16I'm like, whatever. I'll give a fuck. Someone's like, I hate your kids. I'd be like,
00:51:19fuck you, dude. So you're like, I can't be, cause if someone were that mean to my children,
00:51:24it's more so like doing to others as to yourself, but like your kids are like 10 times, you know,
00:51:29that goes back to your thing about at what age do we say? Okay. This person's
00:51:34culpable. Like this is, this is your, you, you're responsible for it. Yeah.
00:51:40Sam Harris has this great thought experiment. You know, Uday Hussein is Saddam Hussein's son.
00:51:45Okay. Have you ever read about what he did? No, he's a bad guy.
00:51:49He makes his, he actually makes his father look like a lovely man. Like a very, very nice man.
00:51:54He's like mini Cooper. Crazy how ruthless he was. He would like turn up at weddings,
00:52:01kill everybody, except the husband, then assault the wife in front of the husband,
00:52:06then kill the husband, then kill the wife. Jesus.
00:52:08Just cause he could. Like it was why I once had a guy on the podcast who had to look after him
00:52:14as he flew to Vegas and like get him cocaine and all of this stuff. And he was just going around
00:52:19Vegas, trying to be this warlord from the Middle East. But anyway, Sam, Sam Harris has this example.
00:52:25It's kind of like maybe one of the most evil guys that's ever lived. Yeah.
00:52:29And you say, uh, at what point does Uday Hussein become culpable for his actions? You say, okay,
00:52:36so he's two years, he's got the genetics of his, a warlord father, right? Um, and he's three years
00:52:42old and he's pushing the other kids in nursery or whatever he had. And you go, well, you know,
00:52:48he's three, like kind of not really. And you go, okay, roll the clock forward. He's six
00:52:52and he's pulling the wings off of flies. Uh, and he's grown up in this honor culture,
00:52:57this sort of father, the genetics, but then this reinforcement of dad is,
00:53:01he lets him do, everyone lets dad do whatever he wants. And you go, okay, well, you know, he's six,
00:53:05like, and then you go, okay, like just roll the clock forward, like at what point? And it's really
00:53:11difficult. I'm not saying that people that are adults aren't responsible or kids aren't
00:53:14responsible for what they do, but it's kind of, it's fucks you up as a question. Cause you go,
00:53:18I don't know. You do look at a kid and think, well, no. And we also even have that reflected
00:53:23in the legal system where there's juvie, right? Oh, they're an equivalent.
00:53:26I mean, why, why a, where that Johnny Chang guy went young, young offenders or whatever it's
00:53:31called young adult thing. Uh, yeah. Yeah. What point does this horrible guy, like maybe one of the
00:53:38worst people that's ever lived. Do you point the finger and go, yeah, you're now you're responsible
00:53:43for what you did. And the same thing with, well, he was someone's son at some point.
00:53:46Yeah. And, but some people are assholes and you're allowed to say you hate them.
00:53:49Yeah. Well, it's also like, yeah, again, he was Saddam Hussein's son. So I think most people are
00:53:53like, fuck both of those guys, but it's like, it is, it just kind of colors your thinking. You know what
00:53:57I mean? Where you're kind of like, ah, you know, let me like more for just like strangers would like
00:54:01do stuff. Usually, you know, you're driving around and you're like, oh, that guy like offended me
00:54:05somehow. I'm just going to go nuts. And you start to kind of be like, ah, maybe that guy's
00:54:08out. You know, small stuff like that. But I feel like once somebody does irreparable harm to another
00:54:13person, you're able to be like, it's sad. That is someone's child. But you know, we got 8 billion
00:54:17of us here. We got to, that guy's, we got enough. Sorry. Yeah. Put them away. Yeah. You lost your
00:54:22chance. Yeah, exactly. I feel like it comes to a point where it's like, you know, it's not ideal,
00:54:26but you're like, bro, get out of here. Yeah. It'd be nice to be like, oh, let's just like put you
00:54:30away in like one of those Norwegian jails where you get to learn drums or whatever. And it's like,
00:54:34I don't know. Some people just got to be tossed away. They have to the jail in Norway is kind of sick.
00:54:45I'm pretty sure there's a quiz on the internet, which is,
00:54:49is it a Norwegian jail or a British university halls of residence? And it's essentially impossible
00:54:57to work out which one it is. And like the halls of residence, a lot of the time were old jails that
00:55:02were just near a university and then they cleared people out. That was the case in Newcastle where
00:55:06I went. One of the halls of residence used to be like a correctional facility. Really? Yeah. And
00:55:11they just like, that's a big building. We can probably put students in there. That'll be fine.
00:55:15You just want to change your painting. Yeah. Yeah. Put some paintings up, you know,
00:55:19like change the color, get rid of the bars and we'll be fine. That's crazy. I used to have,
00:55:23I was, well, I used it as an office, but I had an apartment that was in an old insane asylum.
00:55:27It was pretty cool. It was, when you had to get in, there was just like, kind of like labyrinth
00:55:31under to get kind of like, you know, the basement level. It was fucking terrifying looking. Are you
00:55:36not worried about ghosts and shit like that? I didn't sleep there. If I had slept there,
00:55:40I'd have been terrified. I was just there. Oh, you had an office. It was like my apartment,
00:55:42office apartment. So I would go there and work during the day, but I never slept there.
00:55:46I would be so scared of crazy ghosts for sure.
00:55:50No, thank you. Baby stranglers.
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00:56:48I know that you're into writing and stuff. Have you ever read Leo Tolstoy's diary entries?
00:56:54Have you ever seen any of these? I've read some of his short stories.
00:56:57Might be some of the best diary entries ever.
00:57:00What was he on about? September 19th, 1858, decided that one must love and work and that's it.
00:57:07September 20th, tired, didn't work and didn't love.
00:57:12Just the best. March 31st, 1852, woke up at six o'clock, woke everyone up. I did not get up
00:57:22and slept until nine. That's it. That's his whole time. January 25th, 1851, I've fallen in love or
00:57:30imagined that I have, went to a party and lost my head, bought a horse, which I don't need at all.
00:57:36The guy sounds fucking awesome. Yeah, he does, man. Tolstoy was another one of those Russian guys,
00:57:41right? The Russian writers are unbelievable. Built different. Yeah, 100%, dude. They'd be living in
00:57:47the insane asylum. Yeah. We'd love that. They're wild dudes. I'm reading a Dostoevsky book right now,
00:57:52or however you say his name, and it's, dude, those guys are, that time, I don't know when Tolstoy was
00:57:56live, but that like 1890s Russia time period, since I was, it's insane. Because like, you know,
00:58:02obviously there's no cell phones or whatever, but like, you're just in a town full of people and like,
00:58:07they would obviously have their beefs and quarrels and stuff, but like, you couldn't, like, you know,
00:58:10you can text someone out, like, "Hey, what do you want to do?" And if they don't get back to you,
00:58:13you're like, "I don't think they want to hang out." You'd have to go to someone's house and they'd be like,
00:58:16"Go away." And you'd be like, "What the fuck's your problem?" And he'd be like, "I don't like you."
00:58:20And he'd be like, "Okay, fuck." Do you think this is unique to Russia?
00:58:23Well, it's just that time period. In general. But it was just like, you know,
00:58:26just the way they talk to each other is so funny. I think in general, probably the whole area is like-
00:58:29The way that beef unfolded before cell phone, before being able to make phone calls is,
00:58:34well, everything's face to face. And it was also that like old time kind of like vocal
00:58:38register where they'd be like, "Your presence offends me. Get out." Because you would do,
00:58:42it's like, they do it in the book where like, you got to find matches. So if you don't know
00:58:46where your matches are, they were like your cell phone. Because like, if it was nighttime,
00:58:50you had to light matches, light a candle, people would just come into your house and be like,
00:58:54"Hey, I need, my wife's giving birth. I need, or I need..." So you're just sleeping. He's like,
00:58:58"Who's there?" And he'd be like, "Oh, it's me." He'd be like, "Get out. I don't like you." And he's
00:59:02like, "Hey, I need to talk to you now." And he'd be like, "Be gone, fool." And he'd be like,
00:59:06"Where are my matches?" And you'd be fumbling around in the dark and you'd light a match and be like,
00:59:09"Oh, fuck, it's some other guy." Dude, it was like, it was crazy to think about.
00:59:16And they'd be like, "Well, very well. I shout and come back and I'll leave you here, you wretched
00:59:19beast." And he'd be like, "You're a fool." And it was just like, "All right." Then you just go to bed.
00:59:23You're like, "Fuck that guy." The idea that your entire existence is
00:59:26reliant on whether or not you can find your matches. And you've got beefs that play out in
00:59:30France. I mean, it's crazy. Those Russian guys are wild, man. I think it was Tolstoy actually.
00:59:42He had a story about a guy and maybe it was like an old folktale that he just wrote down.
00:59:46But there was this guy who had a farm and he was like, "Damn, this farm's cool. I need a bigger
00:59:49farm." He got an even bigger farm. And he just got greedy for more and more land. Eventually,
00:59:53he went to these like, I don't know what they would have been, like indigenous Russian kind
00:59:57of like Inuit types. And he went and found those guys and they're like, "Dude, if you can have all
01:00:02the land you want." He traded them for something for it. And he's like, "But you got to walk it off.
01:00:06And as far as you walk from sunup to sundown, if you make a circle or a square and connect the dot,
01:00:11we'll give you all that land." He's like, "Right on." He walked so far. He ended up just dying,
01:00:15basically, because he kept walking, trying to get there, ran and just dies. And there's like,
01:00:19"All right, bury him." It's like, what a fucked up story.
01:00:22It's the most Russian story. I read, it's called A Swim in a Pond in the Rain.
01:00:27And it's basically nine short stories, Russian short stories. And after every page, the guy that
01:00:35actually wrote the book explains how to read it. Yeah. Who was that by Sander? Maybe, I forget.
01:00:40It's kind of famous. Yeah. I'll be like,
01:00:44this one's boring. Yeah. This one just sucks.
01:00:48Those guys, I don't know what it is. You know what it is? It's so stark. And you're reading it,
01:00:53you're like, Jesus Christ. Life sucks. It doesn't make me feel good.
01:00:57It was actually, we were talking about this before. Some things, some experiences that you go through,
01:01:02you can do NAD, which is this IV thing that's supposed to make you healthy. And it's awful. The
01:01:07whole time it's awful. And then once you've finished, it doesn't feel awful anymore. And you go,
01:01:12oh, maybe I'm better. Maybe it improved my health. Or maybe I just don't feel awful anymore.
01:01:15Yeah.
01:01:15And it's kind of like reading anything about Russian literature or about that period. You're like,
01:01:20maybe it's taught me something about my life. Or maybe I just don't feel awful anymore because
01:01:24that sucked. Yeah.
01:01:25Like this is, it's so mean, everyone's mean and everything's gray and there's not enough food and
01:01:30the horse just died and the wheel of the carriage broke and someone's son just got like, you know,
01:01:36leukemia and no one even knows what leukemia is. And I was about to die of dysentery, but I,
01:01:40oh, you know, and then you go, oh, that's over. And now I feel better about my life by contrast.
01:01:46Yeah. It gives you like 30 seconds. Then you're right back to being like, I'm bored.
01:01:53This coffee's too hot. Yeah. I don't like this. This beans over roasted hit in the nuts.
01:01:58Yeah. I just got fucking whacked. Yeah. It's that stuff is nice. I do like to kind of
01:02:04think about that stuff a lot or just like, I really, really, really challenge myself to not
01:02:11sink into, and I can do this easily of just like, whatever that mindset is of me being like,
01:02:17this is bad and just getting like shitty and nasty. It's like there it's for me,
01:02:23it's just like, it's so inexcusable, dude. It's like, you don't, what are you doing? That should
01:02:27be the first for me that I'm talking to myself, the number one focus of the day. Usually I'm like,
01:02:32I gotta get this and I gotta do this. I'm like, I need to not be just whining, whining and just kind
01:02:37of like, well, if I said that to you, shut the fuck up. It's just to me personally. I'm like,
01:02:43shut up, man. Why are you doing this? So I really try to like every day I like wake up and I'm like,
01:02:49give me one, let me try to get it perfect one day. Defeat the voice that complains about stuff.
01:02:53Just bullshit, dude. It is interesting. The more that somebody complains,
01:02:59the less accurate their view of reality is, because usually you're complaining about
01:03:03reality not meeting your expectations, but that's not reality's fault. Like it's your fault. It's your
01:03:09fault that reality didn't meet your expectations. Obviously stuff can happen in the world that's unfair
01:03:13and that sucks or whatever you should point it out. But the complaining bit to yourself is like,
01:03:19why is there all this traffic on the way to work? You go, well, because there's traffic and you didn't
01:03:22anticipate there being traffic, but it's not the traffic's fault. And let's not forget as well
01:03:26that you are traffic. You're fucking contributing to this in the middle of it. And yeah, reality's
01:03:35a thousand and O undefeated. It's total knockout. Reality is completely undefeated with regards to this.
01:03:41And the more that someone complains you or, you know, if you've got a friend who's always complaining,
01:03:45like, I, I don't think you understand how the world works. You can't, you straight up can't
01:03:50understand how the world works because if you did, you, your expectation would be closer to it. And
01:03:56therefore you wouldn't be complaining as much. Yeah. No. Yeah. It's a hundred percent true. Or for me,
01:04:00it's like raising, if things are good, I'll find trivial annoyances and I'll just put them to 10 and be like,
01:04:07this is fucking bullshit. And I'll just focus on that for like four hours, but this is fucking
01:04:12bullshit. And you're like, it's not even a real problem. Like that's in comparison to problems
01:04:17you've had before. That's like, you can just ignore that.
01:04:19And it's strange. Cause when you've got loads of big problems, you think, oh my God, all of these
01:04:24problems are big. And sometimes you actually have ones where, you know, this is a justifiable
01:04:28issue that I need to deal with in life. And then other times when there are no problems,
01:04:31it's like the demand for problems is fixed and the supply needs to be brought up to meet that.
01:04:40It's like, I have a waterline of problems that I need to have in my life. And I will lower the
01:04:46threshold for what constitutes a problem until I'm able to like make the things that are happening.
01:04:51It's like this fucking, I should've got it blended. I should've got it. I got it on the rocks and I
01:04:56should've got it fucking blended. And I know I should've got it blended. Morgan Housel's got this
01:04:59fucking awesome story where he kind of talks about this. He, um, planned for a long time to go away
01:05:05to this holiday with his wife. And they would done the research about, it was the first one, I think,
01:05:11where they were taking both of their kids. It was going to be this big deal. And it was the first time
01:05:14the kids were going to go abroad and they were all excited. And, you know, they've had the kids for
01:05:17a while. So they haven't really been able to go away and they've saved up the money. And then
01:05:20they even looked at the restaurant that they were going to go to in this big resort in Mexico or
01:05:26something. And they knew even the menu in advance and the table, they knew the table they wanted to
01:05:30sit. It's got apparently on the reviews, it's got the best view of the sunset. And this is the cocktail
01:05:34I'm going to get. I'm going to get it blended instead of whatever. And then they finally get there
01:05:37and they've got the kids and it's a fucking nightmare and they arrive and they've dumped all of their
01:05:40stuff and it's the first night and the kids are at the nursery thing that looks after them for a
01:05:44little bit. And I've got this first time to sit down away from the kids in another country since
01:05:48they've had the kids, all the rest of it. And the first thing that he thought was, well, it is nice,
01:05:54but like there's some sand between my toes and the sand is, that's distracting me. And I should have
01:05:59got it blended rather than on that. And the sun, the sunset, look, the sunset is nice, but I actually
01:06:05think it would have been, I don't think the reviews are quite right. And I think that that table there
01:06:09would have been better to see. And I didn't bring my glasses and now the sun's so low, it's sort of
01:06:14hitting me in the face and that's kind of a bit uncomfortable. And he's like, what the
01:06:17fuck am I doing? Like, what am I doing? I've dreamed about this thing and the experience is so close,
01:06:24but I just, the human like curse is to, for everything to kind of be not quite as nice as
01:06:30he thought it was going to be. And then for you to focus on all the ways in which it's not as nice.
01:06:35Yeah. I think about it a lot. Like I remember, I can like clearly remember, you know, when I like
01:06:41was like kind of living and dying by like, I'd have a job or I fucking hated that job. And I was like,
01:06:46one day it'll come together and I'll make a living doing a thing I like. And then
01:06:50I remember when that started to become something of a reality and it's like really unsettling. I remember
01:06:56being like, so I had all these problems I could rely on, be like, fucking my boss is a dickhead. I hate
01:07:00this. I don't have money. And then that stuff started to go away. And I was like, I felt like
01:07:05weird. I was like, Oh, this doesn't really feel good to not have all that stuff. Kind of like,
01:07:09it's always like problems. It's like comfortable in a way where like, at least I like am familiar
01:07:13with this. And then you get out of that and you're like, yeah, I kind of did it. Then it's just like,
01:07:17you're flooded with just different problems that you're just, when you look at them, because you get
01:07:20so used to what life becomes. And then you, you're like, I remember being like, I would never fall
01:07:25into that kind of stuff. And it happens and you're like, ah, fuck doing exactly what I said,
01:07:29I wouldn't do. I'm a piece of shit. But yeah, it's, you know, just, it really does for me,
01:07:34it's just like learning how to just slow myself down and not be such a fucking spaz every day.
01:07:41Like if I, like if God forbid, if I don't get something done or, you know, just one day,
01:07:45if I don't get this or that done, it's like just learning how to like chill and like, I don't know,
01:07:50man, just like really hash out my priorities rather than being like, you know, just doing the things you
01:07:56think you're supposed to do. You have to perfectly dominate the day. And if you don't,
01:08:00then you go to bed a loser. That's not fair. Because again, with the,
01:08:04uh, your ability to like dream a world, there's always going to outstrip reality's ability to
01:08:10deliver that to you. You're literally fantasizing about what this cocktail could have tasted like,
01:08:16or how the sunset was, or the lack of sand between your toes. And you think, well, if you set this almost
01:08:23impossibly perfect standard for every single day, you're kind of guaranteeing yourself to be
01:08:27miserable. And, um, it's interesting on the, the, you get escape velocity, freedom from this thing
01:08:36when all of the problems and your boss is a dick and you don't like it and you get out of that.
01:08:40And then you almost have to grieve this weird life that you lost. Connor, one of my friends who was on
01:08:45the show this week, he talks about how, when he had his, when his wife was pregnant with his first
01:08:51kid and he'd lived in his car and wrote a motorcycle with like spikes glued onto the helmet,
01:08:58like all of the things, red flags and your future son-in-law, like all of the shit that you don't
01:09:02want somebody to do. And his life could have gone in such a horrible direction, like smoking weed and
01:09:08selling weed and drinking booze and getting in fights and doing all this stuff. Wasn't a good productive
01:09:12member of society. And then he remembered when he was married with a house and a wife who was pregnant
01:09:19and he had this moment of like, I made it out. I made it. I made, I finally gotten free of what
01:09:28could have happened in my past life. Yeah. And now I'm blown away by what, where I am. But he said it
01:09:35made him, he didn't even know what it, what the emotion was. It was very confusing of like, fuck,
01:09:41that could have gone so wrong. And now I'm in this new place and
01:09:46I don't think that I have to worry about those problems anymore. I don't have to worry about
01:09:50those things that were like my driving for my motivation, my ambition, all of that was driven
01:09:55out of like, I just don't want to be that guy that I was when I lived in my car in a Walmart parking lot.
01:09:59I just don't want to be that guy anymore. Yeah. That's, that's the, that's the funny thing. I was
01:10:02like possessed to escape like the nine to five job. That was like when I was younger, I would have,
01:10:09you know, would have done anything to just get the five. Like I can't do this. But in an office,
01:10:14I did that for like, you know, I would do it for like three weeks and quit. I remember I was like more,
01:10:18I still am. I think about it every now and again. I'm like, dude, that like terrified me to such a level
01:10:22where I was taking like insane risks just to get out of that, you know? And it's like,
01:10:27who knows? I could always go back at any time, but it's like, dude, I remember I was thinking
01:10:31about that driving the other day. I was like, dude, when I was my, my whole, my twenties were
01:10:35like just fucking insane. Like I could have died like for sure. A couple of times. It wouldn't have
01:10:42been that crazy. What was the, what was the close or what were one of the closest times that you came to
01:10:45debt? Uh, I've had guns pulled on. I used to sell weed too. So I would have guns pulled on me, uh,
01:10:50twice. So that was like any other day, the guy could have been like, yeah, I'm just going to shoot,
01:10:55actually shoot this guy rather than not do it. I thought about it and I was like,
01:10:58holy fuck, man, that was crazy. Came really close. Yeah. So you think about it and you're like,
01:11:02holy shit. Like that would have not have been that crazy. Like debts and stuff like that.
01:11:08Robbery. They're robbing me. I wasn't, I was not a robber. I was the robbie. So I would get robbed.
01:11:13I would get robbed constantly. I would just be like, whatever. Fuck it. You sound like the worst
01:11:18drug dealer ever. Well, here's the thing. I would, well, hold on. I was, it was these other guys that
01:11:22were the worst drug dealers. I was doing my job. I was on time. I was punctual. I was quality control,
01:11:26very quality control forward. Uh, you know, I was, I was never trying to rip people off,
01:11:30but for me, I was always, for me, money was always to buy kind of freedom. So I never,
01:11:34I didn't care about like nice stuff. I never like wasted. I would just save all my money and be like,
01:11:38yes, I don't have to work for like six months. This is awesome. Then I would get robbed and I would just be like,
01:11:42like, all right, I'll make it again. Come on guys, let's go. But like, you just, you think about it.
01:11:46And it's like, for me, it's like, yeah, it's cool. You know, the blah, blah, blah to get out of it.
01:11:51And like risk taking, I think that's all good stuff. But then it's like, dude, I could have just like
01:11:56chilled out something internally too. Like I didn't have to go that crazy. You know, I could have,
01:12:00I could have slowly, but surely figured things out and blah, blah, blah. And it's like,
01:12:05yeah, I'm just, it's, it is a relief. You're like, never have to worry about that. Like,
01:12:08I've got pulled over by cops recently. I'm just kind of like, Hey, what's up guys? Before I would
01:12:12have been like, my life's over. I'm dead. This is terrible. I'm going to jail for it. Now. I'm just
01:12:16kind of like, what's up guys? Hello. How are you doing, brother? Yeah. It's, it's, it's so nice.
01:12:20You sound like a very standup drug dealer. I was a nice season. Dude, I got that. It was one
01:12:25compliment I always get. They're like, dude, you're, you're actually on time or this or that. I was very
01:12:29good. I didn't, I never ripped people off or anything like that. Isn't it a shame that there aren't
01:12:31Trustpilot reviews for drug dealers. Wouldn't that be good? You'd have had, you'd have had a great rating.
01:12:36I think that's like the dark web now. So I think you kind of, you're like a lot of them
01:12:39just operate on the dark web and it's like, you can just forego all of the drama and crazy stuff.
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01:13:39But the thing is, if you're a drug dealer, a supplier, I guess, on the dark web, the game is
01:13:46completely different because it's not about who you know. You're essentially running a Shopify store.
01:13:51You are.
01:13:51Like, how good are you at product photos and writing headlines and stuff?
01:13:57There's just guys in one-bedroom apartments now just quietly raking in millions of dollars a year,
01:14:02really quiet, unassuming life. You do it for a couple of years, you get out and you're like,
01:14:04all right, peace. You have to watch your Bitcoin.
01:14:06I watched this Netflix documentary once about a guy that ran a similar service to the Silk Road
01:14:13from his bedroom and he was young. And as a part of the documentary, they recreated the bedroom
01:14:19perfectly. The old computer he had, the exact desk he had, the full-on dimensions,
01:14:25put it into a soundstage. And after he'd got out of jail, sort of put him back into it and
01:14:30seamlessly cut from archive footage of what was going on to like reenactment by the guy in the same
01:14:39size, same shape, same color, same lighting, same computer bedroom.
01:14:43It was so immersive. It was really cool.
01:14:44Yeah, that's crazy.
01:14:45But yeah, the fact that being a drug dealer now means that you can basically just be an online
01:14:52marketer. It's like, how good are your Facebook ads, dude? It's a very different world to the one
01:14:56that you lived in.
01:14:57Yeah, it is. I remember hearing about the dark web when I was younger and I know guys who used to do
01:15:04that stuff, but I was like, I'm terrible with computers. I was like, I'm going to click yes and
01:15:09get arrested. So I'm like, let me just do what I know and just drive around here in my beat up car.
01:15:14But yeah, it was a, you know, it was just, I like, I think about it now because it is,
01:15:20it was just such a weird thing. Cause I, I was like, it was like a decade. Like I did it for a
01:15:24long time. So I had like a very, very long time doing it to where I, I think I like fried my
01:15:30nervous system. My hair is, I mean, my family does kind of go gray early, but I like went hyper gray
01:15:35really fast because you're adrenalized every day. And it's like, so if you're in an office,
01:15:40you're bored and that's a problem. So I escaped that. And I was just like constantly flooded with
01:15:44adrenaline just for like 12 years. What are you worried about being caught,
01:15:48being arrested pretty much. It's more, it's mostly being arrested. Any other problems,
01:15:51interestingly not being killed. I didn't, I was like, they're not going to kill me. I went,
01:15:54there was one guy who pulled a gun on me and then I went back to them later. Cause I was like,
01:15:58you have to front me stuff from now on. So I figured in my head, like if I didn't have any
01:16:01leverage, there'd be no reason to try to rob me. I guess if that makes sense. So I remember I went
01:16:06back like a battered wife and was just like, all right, I'll hang out with you again, but don't do
01:16:10that. All right. I was really fucked up. He had thought I had robbed him. That was his whole thing.
01:16:15Cause I had given him money to go get something and he would go get it and come back. And he came
01:16:19back like, Hey, they took all your money. Why the fuck did you, I'm like, why would I rob you to
01:16:23take my own money back? And he was just like, I don't know what's going on. He cocked a gun,
01:16:26was holding at me. My roommate at the time came out and was just like, and he ran outside.
01:16:30Then he ran out there and I was just like, Oh shit.
01:16:32Hang on. Your roommate was the one that got chased.
01:16:35Poor roommate. No, I did. He just came out like, Hey, what's up?
01:16:38Yeah. But he was the one that got chased.
01:16:39Well, he was just like, go get him. And I was like, I was just frozen. I was like,
01:16:42and then he ran out just kind of like, I'm out of here too. But he like ran out right after him.
01:16:46And I was just like, fuck.
01:16:48Was your roommate not involved in anything?
01:16:50Not at all. He was mortified.
01:16:51You are the worst roommate.
01:16:53Horrible. I am. I think I was the worst roommate. I was cool though. I would, I would cover,
01:16:58you know, extra stuff. But at that time, because you're selling drugs.
01:17:02Come on. It's the one thing that you can provide is drugs and cash. That's literally it.
01:17:08But I, it was funny too. Cause I did have a, uh, I had a real serious conscience about it. Cause I
01:17:13remember like weed is like, you can really conscious free. Like, you know, I wouldn't sell
01:17:17it to like high school or something like that. So it was like, I didn't feel bad about it.
01:17:20The ethical drug dealer is crazy, dude. I remember I dabbled in trying to sell Coke,
01:17:24which I've never done by the, I've never done Coke. I tried selling Coke for a while. And I remember
01:17:28this guy would come get it off me all the time. And I remember stopping people and being like, dude,
01:17:33you're doing this stuff too much. You have to chill. And they'd be like, shut the fuck up.
01:17:36And actually an ethical drug dealer is a horrible drug. You're, you're the worst.
01:17:40That was bad. That was bad.
01:17:41Yeah. I can't believe you had a decade career and something that you're bad at.
01:17:45Well, it was also though, the, the weed was my strong suit. Cause that was like,
01:17:48you're dealing with kind of like-minded people for the most part, you know, and it's pretty chill,
01:17:52all things considered. But once you scale up and you get into like bigger money, that's when like a
01:17:57real criminal element enters. And that's when people, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I know someone who got just
01:18:02shot in the face point blank. They try to set up like a, you know, 50, 60 pound deal. Someone flew out
01:18:09cross country to meet them is right in the head. That was it. Yeah. It's, it's like,
01:18:14it gets gnarly, but you start off just like slinging ace to like your boys and it's just all
01:18:18very chill. Yeah. He slowly gets like scarier and scarier. Work your way up. You were saying before
01:18:23about, uh, you know, you walk up the stairs. I mean, I guess your old roommate would have maybe
01:18:29seen something crazy at the top of the stairs, but it wouldn't have been an inflatable alien with a
01:18:34princess peach. He just replaced one like slightly intimidated, very worried roommate with two
01:18:42small sort of insane. These kids are kind of always on drugs. Yeah. They kind of behave in
01:18:47the manner of a, like a child is essentially a drunk adult. Yeah. In tiny form. For sure.
01:18:52You're like, what are you doing? You're like headstands. You're like, why? Like, I don't know.
01:18:55Yeah. It's rules. Yeah. It's sick. It's sick. Comes up and punches you in the stomach. What the
01:19:00fuck is that about? I don't know. I've got my, I've got my dad cup on. Fuck you. Uh,
01:19:04but the difference is my housemate's away in Montenegro at the moment. And there is something
01:19:10really like kind of despondent about coming home and nothing's moved. Like nothing's changed,
01:19:17but that cup is in the exact same place as when I left it this morning. And I just want someone to come
01:19:23and like, even if they mess my stuff up a bit, just vandalize it slightly, just a little bit,
01:19:27like move the cup. No, I just want new mess. Yeah. Or different mess or something like,
01:19:32yeah, no, it's, but it's really like, oh, it's the same. It's the same as it was before.
01:19:36Yeah. There it is. It's dude. It's a, yeah, that's when I travel for standup,
01:19:41all like my hotel rooms, it's the same. I walk into that silence and I'm like,
01:19:45yeah, just kind of people like, that must be great. Right. I'm like, no, I don't. I really,
01:19:49I really dislike it. But, but yeah, that was kind of like my,
01:19:53my whole, my, I guess the thing that I've like learned like horribly in the wrong,
01:19:56like the hard way is that like, if at my early twenties, because the problem was, is like,
01:20:02at least I think in school, it's geared towards like achieve for yourself and yourself alone,
01:20:06get into the best school, make the best, make the most money. But then you're like set on this track
01:20:11that you're like, like, I remember being like in college being like, I don't really care about that,
01:20:15but I also want to do well. And I want to have a nice life. And it was like,
01:20:18had this big conflict where I was like, if I were to talk to like a 20 year old now,
01:20:22I'd be like, find something you like to do that maybe benefits other people. And that will actually
01:20:28give you enough meaning to like, endure the horrible time in your early career where you're
01:20:32eating shit and everyone, you know, it sucks. Cause I try to like lightning jump ahead of that. And
01:20:37it just was like a fucking disaster for like 15 years. It was one disaster after another,
01:20:42just to get out of like, I was such a pussy about having a job and being like, I deserve more than
01:20:47this. And it's like, I almost died. I deserve to have a gun pointed out.
01:20:51Yeah. I almost literally died because I could have just like found something I was interested in.
01:20:54Because I couldn't drink coffee and sit in a cubic.
01:20:56Yeah, I know.
01:20:58Dude, for real, I like see office guys hanging out at like lunchtime, like 10 people at lunch.
01:21:03And we'll get to the point where I would be like envious of them. I'm like, dude,
01:21:06that actually looks nice. It looks nice. Everyone's kind of chilling.
01:21:10Don't need to take your work home with you. You're not worried about someone breaking your
01:21:13door down. Your housemate doesn't hate you.
01:21:15Yeah. You're just, you're just, it's so, it's like, and I remember like almost craving
01:21:19boredom at a point where I was like, I wish I fucking was bored. That'd be awesome.
01:21:23Not to worry about like 90 million different things. And you know, it's like.
01:21:26People really sort of shit talk university, going to college or whatever. And then
01:21:31they do the same thing about having a nine to five and it's cool to be being able to do
01:21:36your own thing or build your thing or work on someone's thing that's smaller and you've got
01:21:40more ownership over all that shit's great, but it's not, it's not necessarily better.
01:21:46And that I don't have to take my work home with me. I get my weekends off when I want.
01:21:50I don't have to worry about like making pay for the people that work for me and like all of that
01:21:55shit. A lot of people think are working for myself means that I get to choose when I work.
01:22:01But what it results in is you just working all the time and you go, do you want that?
01:22:07Is that kind of what your dream is? And you're right as well to say that
01:22:13you're going to have to endure a bunch of, you're going to have to eat some shit.
01:22:16It's like, what flavor shit can you eat?
01:22:18Yeah.
01:22:19Because some people can eat the cubicle coffee lunch break
01:22:22shit super easy and other people can eat the, I'm never going to get a day off
01:22:28shit super easy. It's like, which, what pain do you want in your life?
01:22:31Because there's that line about like, do what feels like play to you, but looks like
01:22:38work to everyone else. But that kind of ignores the fact that even the most existentially aligned
01:22:44thing that you do in your life is regularly going to feel like work. It's regularly going
01:22:48to feel like shit. So what shit do you want?
01:22:50Yeah.
01:22:50Like not what fun and play do you want? It's like even writing your books and stuff, you turn up and
01:22:56you've managed to have the perfect morning and you've seen sunrise and the kids are off and you've
01:23:00trained and you've got the right amount of caffeination and you sit down and you go,
01:23:05oh fuck. Yeah.
01:23:06Just a blinking curse. You versus a blinking curse.
01:23:08Or you're just, you're tweaking a sentence for the 30th time. And you're just like, you're like,
01:23:12dude, I feel like I'm going to pass out. I'm like, I'm sitting in a chair. I have no blood going to
01:23:16my brain. And I'm like, uh, is that a perfect claw? And yeah, it's just anything. And I love,
01:23:20I love writing and it's like even then you're like, fuck, but that that's with anything. It's
01:23:25like, you're not even like what it's like, just why just if like, just figuring out like, why are
01:23:30you doing this outside of your own personal gain? Cause that'll fizzle out even if you get it. It's
01:23:34like, is there a compelling reason to do a thing? Is it for other people? Is it for just like,
01:23:38you know, creating something new of yourself, whatever the fuck it is. But that, that was the
01:23:41one thing like I completely missed and I got older and I was just kind of like, oh, there it is.
01:23:47Yeah. Fuck. I could have, there should be a name for when you disregard cliches
01:23:52and then in future realize that the cliche was right. Yeah. You know? I know. Yeah.
01:23:58Yeah. It's, it's that thing that everybody says, but because everybody says it, it feels trite,
01:24:02which means that it can't be true. So I'm not going to do it. Cause that's fucking gay. Yeah. And then
01:24:07you realize like, oh God, I already had it. I literally had it and I got rid of it. And it was
01:24:13some shit my mom said to me when I was 13. Yeah. That was, uh, I've been reading, you know,
01:24:17Chesterton Williams, uh, another Englishman. GK Chesterton. Yeah.
01:24:21GK Chesterton. That's his name. He, uh, I love reading his essays and he, he's has this book I'm
01:24:27reading right now called Orthodoxy where he started out being like, I'm about to come up there. Someone
01:24:32was like, well, he did a book that kind of criticized a lot of other philosophical systems
01:24:36of his time. Someone was like, what's your philosophical system? He's like, all right,
01:24:39get this lays it out. And then he goes, fuck, this is Christianity.
01:24:45Fuck. I just explained Christianity. He, he starts his book with a, the story of a sailor
01:24:50who's off one degree. So he thinks he's going to South Africa and he ends up just rediscovering
01:24:54England. He just goes in a circle and lands back in England. Like I've discovered England guys,
01:24:57check it out. And everyone's like, yeah, dude, it's been here forever. And it's just such a funny idea.
01:25:02He was like a real like witty, you know, he's obviously a really sharp witty guy. And he was
01:25:06like, I'm about to blow their minds with, he's like, this is the, this is, and he just put it
01:25:09together and he was like, fuck, it's just Orthodox Christianity. Yeah. He said he, uh, yeah,
01:25:16he was like, you know, he thought he was only, he was like, I felt like I was like 10 minutes
01:25:20ahead of like the pulse of everything. Turned out I'm like 1800 years behind.
01:25:27You do, you get older and you're all fucking sparks and fireworks. You're like, dude, I'm,
01:25:30and then you get old and you're just like, yeah, I'm just another old guy being like,
01:25:34Hey, be careful before you make decisions, man. Try to think about, I'm doing this my way. Okay.
01:25:40Advice is lame. Try to think about others. Like, yeah, thanks. Thanks, dickhead.
01:25:44Yeah. Yeah. And then you find out it's true. The, um, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
01:25:49Uh, I, that was like the first book I read. I went so long without reading a book. So I was in uni
01:25:54and I hated academia, even though I was okay at it, but I just got so disenchanted within three
01:25:59weeks of being in university. It's like, why am I learning about Henry Ford's principles of
01:26:04scientific management? Like why this is, I'm never going to need this. So I just immediately started
01:26:08running parties. Um, was like, oh, that's sick. And that actually also teaches me business kind of,
01:26:13but I became very, uh, like flippant and dismissive of any stuff, even if it was probably useful,
01:26:18like, no, it's like stupid. Cause I've learned it from a lecturer who has never run a business,
01:26:22right? Which is the interesting thing about typical business courses. Everyone goes to think I'm going to learn
01:26:27how to run a business, being taught by people who don't run businesses, which is the business
01:26:32theory guys. I went to school for business as well. And I was kind of like, so you're a doctor in
01:26:37business. Why are you not in business? Should you not be like, that would be like finding out that
01:26:42you're learning from a doctor, a surgeon or something.
01:26:45Or like a research doctor. It's like getting surgery by a research doctor. You're kind of like,
01:26:49all right, dude, like, yeah, those guys, that, that was a, so yeah, that's sorry. That made me laugh.
01:26:55Cause I had a similar experience being like, what the fuck are you here?
01:26:57Yeah. Uh, but anyway, so I, I, I go through university and I'm like, oh, this doesn't really,
01:27:03I don't really understand what it is that I'm learning. And then I get out on the other side and I
01:27:08haven't read a book in, in for like Harry Potter was like the last book I read when I was 14 or something.
01:27:13Yeah. And then, um, I go to do Love Island, that reality TV thing, and you have a week of media
01:27:20lockdown where they need to release to the press who's going on the show, but they don't want any
01:27:27of the people that are going on the show to know the other people that are going on the show. So they
01:27:31basically have a guy that supervises you and lives with you for a week. And you go and do all of your
01:27:38interviews with the TV and the radio and the press people. And then he watches you at all
01:27:43times and you're living in, it was Palma, Mallorca, so the south coast of Mallorca.
01:27:47And you have a little geographic area that you're allowed to move in with your chaperone. And he
01:27:53follows you 24 hours a day. And then all of the other people that are on the show have got different
01:27:58territories and they go to different gyms at different times to make sure that there's no
01:28:02chance that you would overlap each other. It's really crazy. It's fucking wild. It's like a military
01:28:06operation. And, um, while I was there, they're taking your phone off you and you're not allowed to
01:28:10access the internet. You can't even go to newsagents. You're not allowed to go into a newsagents on your
01:28:14own in cases, you know, there's an English newspaper that's about to say the new series of this thing.
01:28:19And there's the people that are there or whatever. And, um, so I was like, I've got nothing to do.
01:28:23And all I've done is message people on WhatsApp. Like, Hey mate, are you coming out tonight for a decade?
01:28:28All I've done is that you're probably not too dissimilar to your career. And then, uh, as I've
01:28:32got this book, my mom gave me this book. She said, you should read this while you're away. So read it.
01:28:36And, uh, have you read the alchemist?
01:28:38I have. I read it a while ago.
01:28:40Fucking psychedelic trip to read it. Anyway, all of that, all of that long diatribe is to say
01:28:47the lesson from that book is, um, going on a journey and ending up at the same place that you started is
01:28:52not the same as having never left. And I think that that's kind of cool because it can suck to
01:28:57realize, damn, I wasted a long time trying to re-learn a thing that I already knew or traveling
01:29:06the seas to come back and go England again. And, uh, that it, that made me feel less like I wasted my
01:29:16time. So you kind of learned that a bunch of experiments that you thought might be right were
01:29:21wrong and now, okay, like, yeah, you're back at the place that you started, but at least you've gotten
01:29:26rid of all of the things that you thought that might've sucked. That might be good for you.
01:29:30That's also just like, there's no emphasis. I would say on people's interior whatsoever.
01:29:36It's like, you know, it's like work, get a thing, get a job, do this, but there's at least in American
01:29:41school, there's no class. There's nothing being like, Hey, you know, if you feel this way all the time,
01:29:47maybe think about this, like it's, it's, I would say, cause if in the day I put probably, you know,
01:29:5295% of my day into like getting stuff done, blah, blah, blah. Usually it was like a hundred percent
01:29:58and zero percent of like stopping, not even meditating to be like, I fucking meditated today,
01:30:02but like, just go for a walk, chill, try to like calm myself, just focus on like what's going on inside
01:30:07of myself. And it's like, dude, it's just, I would say it's, I mean, it's not as important. Cause like,
01:30:13if you just like, you could meditate yourself to do stuff, you need to do stuff. I'm not being one
01:30:17of those guys where you don't have to do anything, but I really think you need like 10% of your day
01:30:22of being like, even if it's like 10 minutes every day of like, slow down, maybe like write your
01:30:27thoughts out, do anything to like, try to figure out why you're doing what you're doing that day.
01:30:32And like, what are you feeling like that day? Why are you feeling that, you know, what, what's the
01:30:36plan here? And I, I've never done that. I don't know many other people who really do it at all.
01:30:41Well, they're trying to fix the problem by just, I'll just throw enough shit at the wall and maybe
01:30:46some of it will like get through me. We did this fucking, it's really been so funny to have put Matt
01:30:51on the episodes with Joe, Dr. K and Connor. So we had three master coaches, like one was a monk in an
01:30:58ashram. Another has gone to Tibet and done the gi fucking Ayurvedic medicine. Another one's coached
01:31:04tens of thousands of guys with Jungian psychoanalytical theory and shadow work and all of this
01:31:11stuff. We had them around this table and they basically came to that, which was like, you,
01:31:15you should spend some time being aware of why you're doing the things that you're doing.
01:31:19And if you're not, you're kind of just like in the dark, trying to find stuff in a bedroom,
01:31:24like picking up something. It's like, okay, this isn't it. And you don't even know what you want.
01:31:27You don't know where you're going. So it is kind of, it does kind of come back around that way.
01:31:31But the reason I said about the university thing is like, people give so much shit to going to uni
01:31:35or having a nine to five. Like university for me ruled, even if I hated the actual course that I did
01:31:42and didn't learn anything from these lecturers. And then the times that I've had nine to fives,
01:31:46I knew it wasn't going to be forever. But I was like, that also was like kind of nice. I don't know,
01:31:52being disparaging and saying, oh, you need to Lone Ranger, make your own way in the world.
01:31:57It's kind of embarrassing. Oh, let me give you this. This was so embarrassing. So I went to Bali
01:32:03and did the show at the back end of the Australia tour at the start of this year.
01:32:08Met up with a friend that used to work for me in nightlife and she was out there
01:32:14doing nutrition coaching, you know, hormone optimization, and this is how to work with your
01:32:19body and stuff. And she'd done some courses online. I used to work in finance in London. She said,
01:32:22do you know what it is? I earn like five grand a month and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
01:32:28And I used to live in London and have all of these things and whatever. And I was like, okay,
01:32:31tell me how your business works. She says, oh, well, I coach people over WhatsApp one-on-one.
01:32:35I was like, and how much do you charge? She said, however much it is. I was like, that's stupid.
01:32:39What you need is you need to have a big website. You need to have a funnel and you need to have a
01:32:42low level deal. And the low level deal is your squeeze page. And once you've got them in,
01:32:45say $5 or $10 or whatever. So you need to make a lead magnet to get the email addresses. Once you've got the
01:32:49email, then you'll upsell them to the small course. And then you've got your mid-level course and your
01:32:52mid-level course, you don't need to look after. And that's sort of where most of the people are
01:32:55going to be. But then you've got your one-on-one and your one-on-one is going to be an upsell,
01:32:58but that's going to be like, you know, a grand or a couple of grand. So you need to have a sales
01:33:01call for that. That means you're probably going to need to learn sales. And then you need to meet,
01:33:04you know, if you scale up a bit more, you're going to need to get people to do sales. You'll need to
01:33:06do paid. So you need to learn how Facebook ads work. And I was watching myself going like,
01:33:10I stopped. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? She's literally just told
01:33:13you she's the happiest that she's ever been. And you're like, hey, let me curse you with the same
01:33:18problem that every person in history has said not to do. It was so insane. I watched myself go like,
01:33:25and I paused and I was like, actually just disregard everything that I just said. Like,
01:33:28you should just, whatever you've done, like you've already done it. And here's me going like,
01:33:32that's stupid. Like, this is what you need to do. So dumb.
01:33:35Yeah. It's like, you need to scale this out to the biggest thing ever. Although I say some of that
01:33:38too, is like, if I do have any level of expertise in anything, I'm so happy to dump that on, like,
01:33:45especially, you know, I don't know what your relationship, if she's kind of a babe, I'd be
01:33:48like, let me tell you about something I know. But no, it's the same thing. Like, here's what you
01:33:52got to do. You got to do it. And it's like, I'm good, man. Like, I'm, I just told you I'm good.
01:33:56I'm chilling.
01:33:57Yeah. No, I, I, I, I suffer from a similar thing where I'll just completely dump stuff on people.
01:34:01What's this private investigator thing? Was that like a part of your history?
01:34:05I was a PI very briefly, right? I was a PI. Yeah. The, well, it was, so I,
01:34:10hang on. So you went from, it was wild being a person on one side of the law to being somebody,
01:34:16presumably that kind of assists. Well, yeah, it's, it's, uh, more insurance companies, honestly.
01:34:22Okay. So what's the process of becoming a licensed private investigator?
01:34:26That was actually kind of a sweet, so I knew somebody who was, so they kind of just like,
01:34:30let me do it. And they kind of give you a little thing. Like, you know, if cops come up and bother
01:34:33you, just show them this thing. So nothing you're telling me, basically.
01:34:35Yeah. I mean, you could get your real thing, but I didn't have like a real license. I was just doing
01:34:39kind of like PI grunt work. So they give you like a little fake, you know, here, here, do this.
01:34:45And like show, if someone comes up to bother you, be like, Hey, I'm working with these guys.
01:34:47So you have like something to flash the cops. Okay.
01:34:50Cause they'll call the cops on you. They'll be like, why is this person sitting in my driveway?
01:34:53Um, I thought it'd be a lot more exciting than it was. It was very boring. I did it for two days.
01:34:57And I stopped. I had to sit outside like a fucking like warehouse. And like, they're like,
01:35:02here's a grainy photo of a guy. I had to just sit there and I like, you know, I, um, I had to like
01:35:07wait for the shift to see if it was like the guy came out, but it was like, I, I, it was just hard
01:35:13to even distinguish. I had like the grainy photo of a black guy. And then like 12 black guys came
01:35:17out of the building and I was just like, fuck, it was winter time. Everyone's wearing hats and
01:35:23scarves and shit. I was like, bro, I can't, I gotta get like, I need to get like up to face to face to
01:35:27even have a shot. So I just sat there and read books for like two days. Then I told my buddy,
01:35:31I was like, bro, I can't, I'm not, this isn't for me. Take your badge back.
01:35:34Dude. He was showing me like fucking spy watches and shit. When I went in there,
01:35:37I'm thinking I'm going to be in a bar, like recording conversations. I was in my car just for like
01:35:4212 hours, just reading, reading books. And then when I come up and like, oh shit,
01:35:46they did a shift change. I was, I was a terrible private eye. It was one of my, yeah,
01:35:52it was one of my many jobs. That was, that was two days. And I, I would have jobs too during my whole
01:35:57career of, I would say mainly selling weed. It was like, I would have good time. I have booms and
01:36:02busts within that. So then during the bust, I'd go get a job. So I would kind of like constantly be
01:36:07doing like multiple things. Sell drugs, make money, get robbed, take job. Yep. Save money,
01:36:13buy drugs. If I can't get them front or if I can't get them fronted, I'd have to save up money again.
01:36:17And then yeah, start over again. And then I would get the job. When I knew I had enough money from
01:36:21weed, I would start trying to find weed customers at my job. And then I would quit the job.
01:36:28And then I would leave. The princess peach alien sounds like heaven compared to that.
01:36:32It's the best dude. It's, it's like, yes, that's, that was the big thing. When I had kids,
01:36:36I remember cause I had such a, like a weird anxiety and fixation over like, what's my job. And I,
01:36:41once I had kids, I remember the guy came in to change, like I was in like the hospital room
01:36:45and, uh, the guy came in and changed the paper towels out of the dispenser. And I was like,
01:36:49oh dude, I could, I could do that for all I give a fuck. Yeah. I don't care. It's like,
01:36:53it all made sense to me where I'm like, yeah, you just get a job, dude. So you have money to do all
01:36:56this other important stuff rather than being like blinded by like my job is my entire world.
01:37:01Or fighting raccoons and hoping that you're going to fucking scare them away. I just can't,
01:37:07I can't do it. I can't do it. Dude, dude, thank you, man. Appreciate you. Uh, what have you got
01:37:12coming up? Where should people go? Oh, um, uh, I have a bunch of shows coming up, mattmccusker.com.
01:37:17Uh, let me see. I have a, I have one. There's one, Newark is a one I got to really move some
01:37:22tickets to, but either way, just go to mattmccusker.com for stand up, uh, Matt and
01:37:26Shane's Secret Podcast, the whole, the whole shebang. Sick. Appreciate you, man. Thank you,
01:37:29man. All right. Goodbye, my beauties. Dude, fucking awesome. Yeah, it was fun.
01:37:33Congratulations. You made it to the end of a podcast episode without dying.
01:37:37Now here's another one. Go on, watch it.
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